Gemma was going to either kill me or kiss me, and I was desperately hoping that Brooke wouldn't walk in. I'd scattered red roses all over her floor and bed, and even bought her favorite chocolates. She should be arriving home from Lennie's house any second now, like she always does on Monday nights. I took a seat on the bed and tried to calm down. I had a feeling that tonight might actually be my last chance to get Gemma back.
She hadn't contacted me once over Christmas, and I didn't push it. She wanted space, and considering the circumstances, it was probably best I complied. Fishing out the extra key Gemma had given me two months ago from my pocket, for nights like these. When Brooke would be working late, and Gemma felt lonely. When I think back to the nights we spent snuggled up on her bed, watching old movies and talking about the future; I can't help but hate myself for messing everything up.
The door handle turned, and in walked Gemma. I couldn't help but smile. All 5'9 of her was dressed in a plain white tee, with denim jeans. Her long hair was pulled up half way, and the waves were spilling over her shoulders. Sometimes I forgot just how stunning she was. She wasn't your 'classic' beauty, or at least, the classic beauty you find in the south. Her hair wasn't bleach blonde, or teased higher than the flag pole at school, she didn't cake her face with makeup. No, Gemma was natural, and clean kind of beautiful. Sort of like freshly washed linen sheets. Her hair was naturally long, and dark, no extensions or dyes. Her lips were perfect, and hardly ever covered in anything more than that strawberry flavored lip balm she always wore. Same goes for her eyelashes. She was tan from the hours she'd spent on the soccer field, not from lying in tanning bed. However, my favorite thing about her was her eyes. The navy blue color, the shape, and the way they'd light up when she'd laugh. The fact that they held so much sadness, but would never dim, because that's who Gemma was. She wouldn't let you know she's sad, she wanted everyone happy all the time.
"Hi," I breathed, not taking my eyes off her.
"Does my mom know you're here?" She asked, putting down her purse, and shutting the door. I shook my head and smiled, "I snuck in about half an hour ago."
She didn't smile back. Running a hand through her chocolate brown hair, she pursed her lips and looked away. I wanted to know what she was thinking, what she was feeling. I wanted to reach out and hug her, and apologize over, and over again. "Talk to me, Gem. Please."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you want me to say?" She almost yelled, "Hi, Mather, thanks for sneaking into my room and laying roses all over my bed. All is forgiven?" She threw her hands up, and took a seat on the edge of the bed. Making sure to keep a considerable amount of distance between us.
"You said you would tell me your decision when you got back, it's been a week." I pressed, turning towards her. "I miss you."
"I can't give you an answer right now. God, Mather, it's almost eleven."
"So I'll stay the night, you can tell me in the morning." I reached out to touch her neck, but she jerked away.
"No!" Her eyes began to water, "you can't do that anymore, you can't just touch me, or tell me things, and pretend it's all going to be ok."
"It is going to be ok, Gemma. As long as we work through this."
"Nothing about us is ok!" Gemma yelled, "you slept with someone else! Did I hold off for too long? Is that why you slept with her?"
"Gemma none of that was your fault!"
"Well it had to be!" She cried, "Because no matter how bad things got between us Mather, I'd never cheat on you, I wouldn't want to be with anyone but you." She wrung out her hands and looked me in the eyes.
"I hate you." She sniffled. "I hate you because I love you so damn much, that I can't hate you. I can't stop missing you, needing you. Every time I see you my heart stops and I just want to scream, because you're not supposed to feel that way about the people that hurt you most. Because chances are, they might just turn around and hurt you again."
I gaped at her. "I know there's nothing I can say or do that can assure you I'll never cheat again, but if you just try to trust me again, give me one more chance. I swear to you Gemma, I'll love you my whole life. You and only you."
"How can you know that?" She said quietly, "We're only 17."
"I've had my fair share of girlfriends," I gulped when I noticed her give me a hard look. "But, nothing has ever felt like this before, and I'm positive nothing else will. I love you, that's all I can say." I pushed myself up off the bed, and grabbed my car keys. Just then, Gemma caught my hand.
"Stay." She whispered. "Stay the night."
"Are you sure?"
"No," she said, looking down. "I'm not sure what this means for us, but all I know is I need you beside me tonight."