Gentleman's guide to Whiterun. Revised Edition.
Hello yet again, good sir, to this much sought after guide to the crown jewel of the north. Whiterun. To any of my previous readers, I'm sure you're wondering why I, Mikael, famous bard, extraordinary playwright, and, if I do say so myself, loved everywhere by women anywhere, feel the need to rewrite an already perfect novel.
The answer is simple of course. I made a grievous mistake when I forgot to include two very gorgeous women who deserved to be showered with praise.
Now, I know what you're thinking, "But Sir Mikael, when you wrote the first edition, they had not became world famous Dragon Slayers yet." Ah, you would be correct, but, that is no excuse not to include the gentle sweetness that is Amalia Farseer, the Dragonborn. And the savage beauty that is Lydia, the Housecarl. Both have taken up residence in the Breezehome that is in the Plains District of Whiterun.
Should you wish to learn more about them please flip the page over until you reach the section detailing their exquisite values. But then, you would miss out on all the glorious information I have to offer.
Now then, onto the introduction, the main idea of Whiterun is...
Ah, here we are. The two newest celebrities of Skyrim. Amalia Farseer and Lydia the Housecarl. As many are aware, the two are rarely seen without each other, but, in such a way that their radiant qualities can only be appreciated by a true artist. Both have taken up housing in the Breezehome, a quaint little house next to the Warmaiden's.
Amalia Farseer, the Dragonborn, is a Berton lass, short of stature with hair of fire and amber eyes. Her adorable nature and free spirit hide a warrior's heart and a magician's mind. Make no mistake, entrepreneurs, she is unmarried, and has a mighty swing with a great sword. Having slain the World Eater, a blacken beast of vile and becoming a prominent member of both the Companions, and the Mage's college, Amalia is a worthy wife for any sutor. Be quick, for this Dragonborn shall not remained unwed for long, not if I have anything to say about it!
Yet, her ever loyal companion is no simple wench, Housecarl Lydia is strong Nord women who has accompanied Amalia on her many adventures. Her hair black, and with the songs of Skyrim at her back, Lydia has been the bulwark to Amalia's gentle soul. Her heart is of steel, yet, this only hides the kind nature hidden underneath a layer of that classic nord exterior. Unmarried as well, Lydia is available to any man who catches her fancy. Other than myself of course.
Make haste, if you can, these two make their lives by roaming around Skyrim, searching for adventures evermore. But, if you're lucky, you may just find them coming into the gates of Whiterun, or perhaps on the road, with the wind at their lovely backs.
It was a few days later after the book was published that some….unsavory types showed up at the front door of Breezehome. It was a few days later that Mikael suddenly went missing for a while. Only to return a day later with a black eye, refusing to answer any questions, he went back to his room and was not seen until a few days afterwards.
Strangely, at the same time, a new, new version of A Gentleman's Guide to Whiterun was released. This time, the part containing Amalia and Lydia was omitted. Why this happened, the world may never know.
Looking up from her book, Amalia raised an eyebrow as Lydia ate, their dinner in the Bannered Mare having finally arrived.
"Lydia….you didn't do anything to Mikael now did you?" She asked.
"Of course not my Thane." Lydia responded promptly.
"Are you sure?"
"Quite."
"It's just, everytime I look at him, he shrinks away and tries not make eye contact." Amalia explained.
"Maybe he just finally learned his lesson." Lydia suggested.
"Lydia…."
"My Thane?"
"Did you, or did you not, do anything to Mikael?" Amalia questioned seriously.
"My Thane. I promise you, I did not lay one hand on Mikael." Lydia answered truthfully.
"Okay. Good. It's just…" Amalia said, tapping her fingers together, "I know you were unhappy with his new book, and all those men and women who came to our house."
"My Thane, you did not need to feed all of them as well."
"I was being nice!"
"My Thane, that only wanted them to stay more." Until they tasted her food that is. Lydia thought.
There was a reason why they either ate at the Bannered Mare or Lydia herself made most of their meals. Amalia had a lot of skills, cooking was not one of them.
"Well, anyway. I think we should go find some more words of power. I really wanna finish getting that Firebreath one. Oh, and we should probably find out who keeps sending these squid cult guys after me. Some guy named Miraak? Mirrak? Merry? Something like that."
As Amalia chatted on, a small note fell out of Lydia's napsack, it unfolded itself across the ground, and it said: Thank you for your transaction. As per your request, Bard Mikael shall be kidnapped, upon which he shall be released a few days afterwards unharmed. He shall also be "convinced" to write a new Gentleman's Guide to Whiterun. As per the bonus, we shall also make sure he makes back to Whiterun, alive.
Although, if he tries to flirt with me, I'm going to punch him in the face.
Signed, Astrid of the Dark Brotherhood.
Hello again. Short one today, I know. Not a lot to to talk about today...other then my tumblr account. Self advertising, I know. But if you have any questions about SAS (Strolling Across the Sky.) Don't be afraid to ask me there. I don't mind. The account name is Swordslinger95. Anyway, I hope you all have a great day.
Truly Wandering, Outlaw.