FLOYNTERxxx - we shall see :)
351 Toms POV
I climbed into our minivan for the fourth time that day to be told that we were going home to get changed before we went onto another film premier. Perfect. I just wanted to go home and stay home now, I was tired of being around people, being looked at, being judged, and having to pretend that I was happily in love and not in so much pain I just wanted to scream. All day, Danny, Harry and Dougie had tried to talk to me, tried to lie to me about what had happened the other night, but I wouldn't let them. I didn't want to hear the lies, and fall for it all over again, only to fall even harder when I caught them again.
Tommy had managed to talk to me, but I didn't believe his story either, that Danny had gone round because he had wanted to self harm again, and had just cuddled in their bed all night. I would never believe that, it was clear that they had done more than cuddle, only Dougie had a shirt on, which was Dannys. Danny and Harry clearly hadn't been wearing anything, Danny had looked sweaty and worn out, like he used to after we had slept together, and Harry had had scratch marks on his shoulders. Of course they had done more than cuddle! No way was I believing they had been cuddling.
Even on the way home, Danny was trying desperately to get my attention, but it wasn't working, I was not going to talk to him, maybe in a few months, after I got over the initial pain. But not now, not while my heart was still being ripped out, and my arms and legs screamed for sharp objects. Thankfully, I managed to get out of the car and run into my house before the minivan had even parked, so no-one could ask me for anything. Danny had been trying to get me to agree to him coming round so he could get some of his clothes, but I refused, he would corner me and make me listen to him, if I heard him talk to me about that night, I would honestly scream. It was the only thing I saw in my mind, all the time. My 'lovers' hands on my 'friends' bare bodies, head pillowed on bare chest, their words to each other. Saying that they loved each other, as their bodies entangled more, looking the trio I had managed to convince myself they weren't.
"hey, good day?" Carrie broke my mental image with her smile. "yeah, we, er, have another film premier to go to though." I sighed, keeping pressed against the door. "oh, alright. What is it?" Carrie asked, pulling me from the door. "dunno." I shrugged, taking my hand from hers. I didn't want to be touched anymore than I already had been. My skin felt like it was crawling, craving the touch of my exboyfriend. I wanted to go and hide away in my music room to draw and write and cut until I felt better. "alright, well, go get ready, I'm going to make us some dinner. Burgers and chips okay?" Carrie didn't notice me taking my hand back, just carried on like normal. She didn't want to hold your hand. She thinks you're dirty and pathetic.
"yeah, sounds good." I mumbled and stumbled up the stairs, praying she wouldn't come up for another chat. I needed some time to myself, to hide my face, get out some of my emotions before I started crying. All I had wanted all day was to cry, cry in a corner in a dark room where no-one would find me. I still couldn't believe that I had been cheated on by the only man I had ever loved, couldn't blame him though, I was a mess, an attention seeking, ugly mess. I was only kept around because mine and Dannys 'relationship' hid away the threesome going on between Danny, Harry and Dougie, I was a convenience, who could also write songs and made the others look good. You were never wanted here. You haven't deserved any part of this band. You shouldn't be here, you don't belong here. Yeah, I didn't belong here. I never belonged anywhere. No-one ever wanted me, I just hung about in places, convincing myself that I belonged. Maybe I should have escaped again a long time ago, I was right to run away, I needed to run away again. It wasn't like I was wanted, or like I deserved to live in this house, I didn't really live in it anyway, I kept my stuff here and slept here sometimes too. That was it, I just wanted to run away now, get away from all of this, pretend I had never come back.
Without realising it, I suddenly was in the bathroom, razor blade pressing into my arm, tears rolling down my face uncontrollably. Sobs were shaking my whole body, the feeling of worthlessness over taking me completely. I wanted to disappear, or at least wanted these feelings to disappear, I wanted to forget that Danny was cheating on me, I wanted to feel alright again.
"hey, everythings ready! Where are yo-" Carrie called, walking in on me. I didn't even have the sense to pretend like I hadn't done anything, just fell onto my side, continuing to cry. "oh Tom, come here." Carrie sighed, pulling my body upwards as she sat down, wrapping me into her arms. And I let her, wanted so badly to have someone comfort me, stop all this pain and all these thoughts going through my head and make me feel better.
352 Harrys POV
"Toms not coming tonight." Tommy suddenly announced in the car, after getting off the phone. "what? Why not?" Danny asked straight away, going from just worried to looking like he wanted to run to find Tom as soon as he could. "he's not up to it. He'll be alright tomorrow, but according to Carrie, Tom needs tonight to rest." Tommy explained, he wasn't telling the truth. "Tommy, whats really going on?" I leant forward, he was hiding something. "I don't know, Carrie wouldn't say. I could hear Tom crying in the background, but Carrie said to not go round, that she could handle it." Tommy sighed, Danny and Dougies hearts visibly broke in front of my eyes as mine shattered too.
"he-he's crying?" Danny whimpered, visibly straining to keep in his seat. "yeah, I think so. Look, just, leave him to calm down, until you can talk about things calmly I think its best to leave them to it. Thinking you've been cheated on is probably the worst feeling in the world, just wait until you can talk calmly then sort it out. Now, are we still going to this premier?" Tommy asked, giving us a sympathetic look. "I don't want to go without Tom." Danny sighed, looking down at his lap. "we're not going if Dannys not." I spoke up for me and Dougie, I knew he wasn't bothered about this film, he had only really cared for Pirates Of The Caribbean, because it was about pirates, this time he didn't care if he went or not.
"alright, well, go home guys. Get some rest so you're ready for tomorrow. We've only got a few interviews and photoshoot to do." Tommy sighed, getting out of the car with us. "alright, I hope he's okay. Toms so fragile, I want him to be okay." Danny tried looking into Toms windows from the driveway, luckily we could see him. Tom and Carrie were sitting on the floor, Carries arms wrapped tightly around Toms shaking body as he sobbed into her shoulder, he looked like he was in so much pain, it was horrible. "f*ck, I caused that." Danny swore, his legs going weak, I had to grab him quick before he collapsed again.
"you didn't cause it Dan. It just happened." I pulled him upright again, keeping him in my arms. "but, I left the house, left him on his own...its my fault. Its all my fault!" Danny whimpered, yanking at his hair. "its not your fault Danny. You needed someone that night would wouldn't freak out when you said you needed help. Tom would have panicked or something, we wouldn't do that, you did the right thing. You came to the people who could help you the most." I pulled his hands from his head, hugging him close, trying to make him feel better. "I-I should have stayed. I wish I stayed." Danny looked close to tears, gripping onto my hands. "shhh Dan, we can't change it now, there's no point in working yourself up." I tried, trying to get him to calm down, or just stay put and not run off into Toms house. "its all my fault, and it f*cking hurts! I should have stayed, one cut wouldn't have been so bad, as long as I kept our relationship with Tom!" Danny started crying, hiding his face in his shaking hands. "right, come on, lets get you home, you're just torturing yourself by standing here." I gave up, managing to lead Danny back to his own house.
"I-I love him so much! Its all my fault that we're not together! Its all my fault that Toms crying so much!" Danny cried, hugging me close, obviously needing someone to cling to in the place of his now exboyfriend. "oh Dan, its not your fault! You came over for some comfort, nothing more, nothing less! Its just happens that Tom came over too and saw us, and got the wrong end of the stick! We will sort this out, I swear, we will sort this out." I tried to comfort him, feeling Dougie manage to work his way into our hold.
"we need to sort this out! This hurts so much! I just want him back! Toms in so much pain because of me. I need to make him better." Danny whimpered, his whole body twitching and almost twisting with his tears. My heart broke for him, I couldn't imagine how bad he was feeling. Seeing Tom cry like that had been torture, god knows what it had done to Danny who loved him with everything. And thinking that he caused this had to be even worse, no wonder he was in so much pain.