I should be sleeping. Alright, small warning but there will be some foul language later in chapter. Not too much, just thought I'd give you all a heads up.
READ ON MY READING HUMANS!
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The pale pink hospital room was quiet with inactivity, the only source of noise being the repeated drip within the IV bag. Spinelli and T.J. lay still and silent within the grasps of the white sheets, his arm wrapped atop her waist. It had been a couple of hours since T.J. had laid the baby to slumber, resting the wrapped bundle into the clear crib at the end of the bed. Though the two parents were deep in sleep, the baby had slowly awoken, feeling empty in the pit of its stomach. He was much too young to know what he was feeling, but what he did know was that he didn't like it, and so began to cry out.
The both jumped with a start, unfamiliar with such a noise so late at night. They both sprung up and looked around the room in a stupor, not yet quite awake or aware of what the sound even was. When Spinellis eyes finally reached the clear crib at the end of the bed, she let out a sigh, reality of parenthood hitting her like a good uppercut up the chin. T.J. caught sight of the crib and slumped. They may have been half asleep, but they knew they were going to have to get used to this rude awakening for some time. As Spinelli motioned to pull back the sheets to grab the crying bundle, T.J. raised a hand to stop her and pulled himself out.
"I'll get him." He murmured. As T.J. reached the crying child, Spinelli rubbed at her eyes and looked to the digital clock in the corner of the room. 4:37 AM. She groaned. The baby's cries lessened when T.J. lifted him out of the crib, but they kept on. He sat back down beside the slumped Spinelli and handed her the crying child. As she held him in her arms, the two looked down at the squirming form, not yet sure why he was in distress.
"Maybe he's hungry?" Spinelli mumbled out, not yet finding her voice in such an early hour.
T.J. simply nodded and lifted himself off the bed towards a small fridge in the far corner hidden under the sink counter. He squat down and pulled out a bottle of formula milk. Due to the stress and rush of birthing the child, Spinelli didn't have much time to learn the basics of breast feeding, and with her friends and family keeping her company after the birth, she refused to learn with them present. So, as a replacement for the time being, the hospital had supplied her with a batch of formula milk until it was time she learned.
T.J. brought the bottle back and handed it to Spinelli. She leaned the bottle at an angle and let the squirming child relax in her grip as his petite mouth found grasp of the nipple and began to suck on its white liquid. T.J. and Spinelli sat in silence as they watched the now calm baby drink contently at its own pace.
"Crazy, huh?" T.J. said in a low voice, then let his lip curl into a small smile.
"We're parents." He spoke again.
She smiled.
"Do you think this is weird?" She forced out, her voice still weak.
He frowned slightly then looked up to her. "What is?"
"This. Us being parents." She looked back to him. "Do you think it's, I dunno, just, weird I guess?"
He looked down in thought.
"I'm definitely still getting used to the idea. But yea, it's kinda just all… surreal."
She nodded in understanding then looked back down at the blue bundle.
Though it was only some hours ago she gave birth, held the baby, and showed him off to her loved ones, it still hadn't set in that she was, in fact, a parent. It was an odd, yet weirdly gratifying feeling that this small boy in her arms was in her womb just 24 hours ago. For months, they had planned, argued, stressed, regretted, questioned, wondered, and decided about the future of this child. And now, here he was, wrapped tightly in a pale blue blanket as he lay in her arms. So, why hadn't it kicked in that she was a parent? Was she tired? Stressed? Maybe she needed more time. She wasn't sure as to what she was feeling at the moment, but she now knew that no matter what, she was going to do anything for this little boy in her arms. At first, she feared having to give up her early adult years for him, but now, she would sacrifice anything and everything as long as he was happy and well, no matter what her age was.
She motioned her mouth to speak and turned to the form beside her, but stopped abruptly. Though still slightly propped up by the headboard, T.J. lay still with eyes closed, his head still turned to the baby's direction. She smiled, eyeing at his facial features. She then looked to her newborn baby, eyeing his own features, and though small and still under developed, the baby had definitely taken more features from his father. With a slightly rounded nose turning up a smidge at the tip, light blue eyes that could match with a summer sky, and thin lips that looked to curl into smirks all on their own, she had no doubt in her mind that this child was going to grow up looking like the younger version of his dad. She smiled at the thought, though it faltered. She may have loved the little guy, and is willing to do all she could to give him a good life, somewhere within the dip of her stomach, she still felt a fear of the unknown.
The unknown that is parenthood.
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9 months and 1 week ago
It had been a week since T.J. and Spinelli had shared their love for one another, and the two decided to keep the news within their circle of best friends. Spinelli had attempted to hide that she even took part of an act, but when Gretchen had witnessed that her feisty best friend didn't threaten a naïve freshmen for calling her by her first name, the girl genius knew something must have happened for her to be in such a great mood. As for T.J., he couldn't wipe away the smile that played at his lips, even when his cheeks began to grow sore. When Vince took note of his best friends lighter, more charismatic mood, he too noticed something must have happened, leading the smiling teen to share the news with his male comrades. Their friends had sworn secrecy, and since then things seemed to be going great.
Though the rest of the school was still under assumption that the two were still "virgins", the teasing has since then stopped. Majority of the schools focus was now on the news that a junior girl who had become knocked up was currently beginning to show, though the six paid no attention. T.J. and Spinelli tried to remain casual as to not raise eyebrows, but the two had grown closer. They have yet to take part in the act again after the first time due to their parents schedule, exams, school work, and lack of privacy, but the two didn't mind. They were happy. Everything seemed to be going great…
Until one morning.
The sun was just beginning to rise, coloring the sky in light blues and pale oranges. A small stream of light crept in through a window pane on the second floor, though it went unnoticed. Suddenly, Spinelli awoke ahead of the ringing of her alarm one morning before school. She felt a sensation, though she couldn't pinpoint it yet. She looked to her digital alarm, the bright red numbers displaying 6:42AM. She lay still, frowning that she even woke up in such a manner. Until suddenly, the unfamiliar sensation hit her again. She sat up quickly, her hand instinctively going to her stomach. Her eyes searched the bed, lit up by the creeping sun, as she tried to recognize where she felt this odd feeling before. Until suddenly, the sensation deep within her stomach had grown stronger. Finally recognizing just what was occurring, Spinelli rushed out of her bed and ran to the bathroom adjoined to her room.
Intuitively, Spinelli crouched before the white toilet bowl and began to let out the contents of the previous night's spaghetti dinner. Her throat began to burn with each heave, forcing her eyes to sting with unwanted tears. She regurgitated before the bowl for the next couple of minutes, until soon she felt she had cleared her stomach of any food she may have eaten in her life. She leaned back and began to breath hard, blinking back the tears of discomfort. Not wanting to look into the bowl in fear of a ghastly sight, Spinelli turned her head away as she pulled on the chrome lever, letting the contents spin into its drainage with a loud flush.
Rubbing at her mouth, she stood up and walked over to the sink. She turned on the faucet and with cupped hands she brought some of the falling water into her mouth, wanting to rid of any after taste her vomit might have left, then splashed her face with the cool liquid. She shut the tap off then looked over her shoulder to the digital clock, noting that her alarm would be going off in a matter of minutes. Sighing, she turned back to the sink, deciding it was pointless to crawl back into bed, and began her morning routine.
After she finished getting ready, she grumpily descended the steps of her town story home, not yet over having lost precious minutes of sleep. In the kitchen, her mother stood with a frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other, as she leaned over the table serving buttermilk pancakes on each of the laid out plates. Her father sat on one side of the table, his robe open revealing his heart patterned boxers and small gut snugged under a stained white shirt, his eyes on the den T.V. He caught sight of the unhappy teen, and he shared his own happy smile.
"Heya pookie!" He greeted, shoving a forkful of pancakes into his mouth. Her mother laid the now empty pan on the granite counter and looked to the teen taking a seat at the table, her own smiled plastered on her face, until a motherly instinct kicked in. Taking note of her daughters' irritable expression and palish color, her smile dropped and she looked to the unhappy teen.
"Oh pookie, you don't look so well." She spoke.
Spinelli merely shrugged and began to douse her pancakes in maple syrup.
"Ain't feelin' too hot." She mumbled, her voice still slightly weak from the looming burn in her throat.
"Oh pookie! Are you okay?" Her mother asked in concern, leaning forward and pressing a hand on the teen's forehead.
"I'm alright ma! Just threw up this mornin' is all." Spinelli argued, pulling away from the touch. Her mother frowned.
"Threw up? Oh honey are you sure you're okay?" She asked once more, her concern growing.
"Yea ma, I guess I just had a bit too much spaghetti last night." Spinelli argued, her annoyance growing. She shoved the last large piece of pancake into her mouth before springing out the chair and bounding towards the front door, her arm rubbing away any syrup on her lips.
"I'll see ya guys later!" She called out, pulling her backpack off the ground then rushing out the door.
Her mother stood in place, her hand on her hip and her eyebrow arched. She simply shrugged, then began to clean up her daughters mess, not worrying too much over the case.
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Spinelli sat in her advanced English class, her teacher lecturing on about the symbolism in the book of Mice and Men. Though she tries her best to hide it, Spinelli actually enjoys literature. She had learned of her interest towards the narratives back since elementary, most particularly in the fourth grade. Though she would scoff it off or make remarks about how "boring" reading was, she thoroughly enjoyed it, and she even grew closer to her fourth grade teacher Miss. Grotke by having "secret powwows," discussing analogies and metaphors she used in her usual book reports (though she might have grown a bit too close by accidently calling said teacher mama at one point in her life.) It was a surprise to her group of friends that she was part of the advanced English class, but she waved it off and blamed it on her parents wanting her to grow stronger "educationally," not daring to share her true feelings towards literature.
Being one to enjoy the subject, Spinelli would always pay attention to the class, finding, dare she say it, fascination as her teacher spoke of the subject. But on this day, Spinelli couldn't bring herself to focus to her instructor's lesson. She felt more tired than usual, feeling almost lethargic. She sat slumped in the chair, and she found difficulty in even staying awake. She knew she had awoken just a tad bit earlier than usual that morning, but she didn't think just a couple minutes of lost sleep could force her to feel so fatigued.
Her only other friend to take part of an advanced course, Gretchen Grundler, sat in the desk beside her and tried to remain focused on the lesson, but her green eyes kept taking sideways glances to the raven haired teen struggling to stay awake beside her. Though she wouldn't say it, she knew of Spinellis interest of the English subject, as hard as her best friend tried to hide it. She had taken notice to the undivided attention she gave the teacher each class, and it always brought her amusement that this feisty teen could be so intrigued. But today, she noticed a difference in attitude with her best friend. As the teacher turned to write on the white board, Gretchen leaned close and whispered to the limp teen beside her.
"Are you feeling well Spinelli?"
Spinelli broke from her reverie and looked to Gretchen with a raised eyebrow.
"Yea, why?"
"Well, you just seem disinterested in today's lesson is all. You look as if you're going to fall asleep at any moment."
Spinelli shrugged weakly.
"Just tired I guess." She mumbled. Not wanting to push further, Gretchen simply nodded and straightened in her seat, though her mind ran through every theory as to Spinellis behavior today.
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The rest of the day had been quite slow for the tired girl, but she trudged on well until night when she fell asleep considerably early at 9:30. It was now 6:53AM, and the rising sun had once again found its way through her parted curtains. Much like the previous mornings, she suddenly awoke from her deep slumber from an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She lay still, her eyes staring up at the ceiling, not daring to take a look at the time. Suddenly, her queasy feeling had grown intense, and she rushed out of her bed to her personal bathroom, where she fell to her knees and had once again heaved out the contents of her three meals from the day before.
She sat before the toilet a couple of minutes longer than the morning before, forcing her throat to feel much worse at the end of it all. She sat on the tiled ground for some time in silence, waiting for any sensation that more might come out. When she felt satisfied that she had once again cleared her stomach, she stood up as she flushed the toilet, letting out a sigh with a slight burn.
"Musta been some bad pasta…" she reasoned as she walked over to the sink. She gurgled some of the tap water before looking to her digital clock, noticing that in one minute it would go off with repetitive beeps. She let out another sigh, then with growing frustration she once again had a head start on her morning duties.
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The six friends sat at a table during the lunch hour, the muscular blonde deep in a story. As four listened intently, Spinelli sat silent, her fork playing at the school lunch. She didn't feel all too hungry, and she feared even taking a bite to keep from getting hungry later. She had felt as lethargic as she did the day before, and she worried that she'd spew out if she even bit one small piece of the undercooked fry.
"Hey Spin, you okay?"
Looking up from her food, she noticed that all of her friends eyes were on her, T.J. looking the most concerned. She looked from one to the other, then shrugged.
"Yea, why?"
"Ya just seem quiet is all…" Gus spoke for the group. She looked to each of her friend again, not sure she wanted them to know of her sick episodes. Then, with a forced smile she waved them off.
"Well, ya know, I guess I'm just not over Bone Crusher losing to The Stone on wrestling last night. I was really rootin' for the guy." She lied. She's not really sure why she did, but she just felt that it was best they didn't know of her ill feelings. Mikey and Gus shrugged to each other, content with the reason, as Vince resumed eating his hamburger. As for Gretchen and T.J., they weren't thoroughly convinced, but chose to stay quiet, assuming that if something was wrong, she clearly didn't want the others to know. But the two would figure it out somehow.
Gretchen had secretly been taking note of Spinellis behavior, documenting it well into the back of her mind, and though various theories had been thought up, she still needed more information to narrow down her findings. She especially took note as to when the changes had begun to occur, but at the moment that was of least importance for her. As for T.J., he didn't have much of an idea on her sudden change in behavior, though in the back of his own mind he worried that it may have something to do with them and their recent step in the relationship. He knew it was ridiculous to think it, especially that for the past week they grew closer, but he still couldn't help but worry.
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For the next couple of mornings, Spinelli had awoken to the same sickening sensation, followed by the usual rush to the toilet to rid herself of these feelings. She had decided that this was much more than a pastas dinner doing, and since then decided she might have just had some sort of morning flu. After having cleansed out her stomach once again, Spinelli swished water in her mouth and turned off the alarm the moment it began to ring. She stretched out her arms as she walked over to the wrestling themed calendar hanging off her wall. She marked a large black X on the current day, and as she began to turn to resume her routine, something caught her eye.
Turning back to the calendar, her eye quickly scanned for a red X she usually marked, signifying that her period had started, but the current month only had black X's for each day that passed. Confused, she grabbed hold of the top piece of paper and slowly lowered it, revealing the previous month's layout. She saw a bright red X marked within the second week of the month, and then she raised the calendar to its current month. She looked to the second week row, noticing that only black X's ran along the row. Frowning, her eye darted to the last black X scribbled in, and noticed she was already halfway into the third week. She stiffened, once again looking back to the previous month to make sure she had read write. Her frown deepened, then as a precaution she decided to look at the month before previous, then the month before that, then the month before that. All seemed to have the same red X marked within the second row, and she let go of the calendar, letting it fall to the current month, a thought creeping into her mind.
Before it could have a chance to paranoid her thoughts, she shook it away. No, it was much too ridiculous. She chuckled at how silly it seemed. Her? No way. Impossible. She turned away from the calendar, reassuring that she was simply late because of how sick she felt. Then she stopped. How long ago had she started throwing up? No. She shook her head again. No, it was too crazy. She was just stressed is all. Her hormones are all out of whack. They must be for her to think such ridiculous thoughts. Yea. Ridiculous. Pushing the absurd thought deep into the back of her mind, she resumed with her morning routine, though it would at times creep back up.
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Spinelli and T.J. walked to school in silence, his hands deep into the pockets of his green hoodie as hers was stuffed into her own thin black jacket. It was usually this time during the day that the two talked and laughed the most with one another, recalling events from the previous day or referencing the significant moments that occurred on television the previous night, but this morning had been quiet. Much like it had been quiet the previous couple of mornings. T.J. knew something was wrong, but he didn't want to press it. He figured that Spinelli would confide with him on her own, but this was taking much longer than he had anticipated.
Spinelli was deep into her own thoughts, recalling the mornings finding with the calendar. She felt foolish even thinking such paranoid, crazy thoughts, yet they kept creeping back into her mind. Surely she wasn't…? No. No, of course not. She's just a teen. She's only done it once. Of course she isn't preg-
"Spin, are you sure you're okay?" The boy spoke up beside her, forcing her from her thoughts.
She looked up to him.
"Yea, I'm fine. Why does everybody keep askin' me?"
He shrugged. "You've just haven't really been yourself is all. You always seem tired, you're barely eating. Heck, you're barely even talking!"
"Look Teej, I'm fine! Really. I've just been tired is all I guess." She shrugged.
He curled the corner of his lip.
"It's just…" he started, then stopped.
"Just what?" She urged him to continue. His eyes searched the ground as they walked, trying to find the right words.
"It's just, you've been acting different since we… well, ya know…" He avoided eye contact. She frowned up at him, her mind thinking back to how far ago she actually became "different", or sick really. Then the paranoid thought crept back in.
"You don't regret it, right?" He spoke up again. She swallowed.
Of course she didn't regret it. She'd never regret! At least, she didn't think she'd ever regret it, not unless she's… She shook her head.
"No, 'course not." She smiled up at him, trying her best to push back those same foolish thoughts. He looked to her and returned his smile, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as they kept walking. After some seconds of silence, T.J. spoke up again.
"There's a horror marathon this Friday, wanna come over to my place to watch it? We can watch it in my basement. We can have all the lights turned off too so we can really scare the crap out of ourselves." He asked. She looked back up to him and smiled a real smile.
"Hell yea."
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Some more mornings had passed, and since the morning of her little discovery with the missing red X, she hadn't woken up to a sick sensation anymore. She slowly began to feel better, enjoying the extra minutes of sleep. She was still confused as to why she was late in relation to her period, but having stopped throwing up, she knew it wasn't because she's… well, she's not even going to think it. It was stupid to think it really.
It was now Wednesday morning, and she sat in her advanced English class besides Gretchen, each giving undivided attention to the professor. He was going on animatedly about the metaphors used in one of many Shakespeare's play until suddenly, it hit her. Her hand instinctively went to her stomach, and she straightened in her seat. She knew very well what this feeling was, and she scolded her body for betraying her in such a way, especially during class time. She tried to cloud her mind with other thoughts, hoping that if she took her mind off of it, the queasy feeling will go away, but it was no use. Gretchen noticed Spinellis odd movements, and leaned close to the nervous girl.
"Spinelli, are you okay?"
Spinelli looked to the thin girl sitting beside her and opened her mouth to speak, but she felt the sensation begin to creep up her throat, and she quickly closed her mouth shut. She looked over to her teacher writing on the board and her hand shot up.
"Sir." She struggled out.
The middle aged man turned on the spot and smiled.
"Yes Miss. Spinelli?"
She swallowed down the best she could, and with difficulty she spoke back.
"Sir, I gotta go to the bathroom."
His grinned remained, and he placed a hand on his hip.
"Now Spinelli, you know you can't take bathroom breaks. Last time I let you out, you were caught having a nice date in the janitor's closet with Mr. Detweiler. Now, back to the less-"
"But sir, it's an emerg-"
"No buts Spinelli! Now, when Mr. Shakespeare stated 'Thou that art now the world's fres-'"
Not being able to hold it down anymore, Spinelli sprung from her seat and ran out the class, hand clasped tightly over her mouth. Gretchen sat speechless, her eyes wide as she watched the class door swing close. Those around her began to murmur, all already coming up with ridiculous rumors to go with her best friend's action. The teacher sighed, and with fingers rubbing at the bridge of his nose, he looked to the shocked best friend.
"Grundler, go check to see if she's okay." He groaned. Nodding quickly, Gretchen jumped out of her seat and ran out to the closest restroom.
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Gretchen slowly pushed open the woman's bathroom door and peeked her head in.
"Spinelli?" She called out. It didn't take long for her to be confirmed of her friend's presence, for soon she heard the echoing sound of retching out of one of the stalls. Sighing, she took a step in and slowly closed the door behind her, waiting for a moment of silence. She looked to the bottom of the stalls, and immediately took notice of an occupied one, a pair of knees on the green tiled ground. Once the repeated heaving has finally come to an end, the only source of noise was that of the sick girl's hard breathing. She watched as the knees rose off the ground, followed by the resounding sound of a flush. Soon after, the stall door was pulled open, and the raven haired teen walked out, her arm wiping at her mouth. She avoided looking to Gretchen as she approached one of the sinks, pulling up on the stained faucet and bringing cupped water to her face.
"How long have you been throwing up like this." Gretchen asked quietly. Spinelli ignored the question as she flushed more water onto her face before pushing the faucet to a close.
"Has this been occurring during the morning times only?" Gretchen tried again. Spinelli remained quiet, and walked past the tall girl to the paper towel distributer, pulling out two sheets and immediately wiping her face dry.
Sighing, Gretchen looked down to her fiddling hands and took a step closer to the annoyed teen before her.
"Has this been occurring since you and Teej…" she couldn't bring herself to finish.
The motion of the paper towels stopped. Spinelli finally looked to the thin woman teen beside her and then turned away, throwing the moist brown sheets into the trash bin.
"Spinelli." Gretchen scolded.
"It was just bad pasta Gretch." Spinelli weakly argued.
"Spinelli, you are as very aware as I am that this wasn't a result of 'bad pasta'."
Spinelli rolled her eyes, and began towards the door.
"Your period hasn't even occurred this month, has it?" Gretchen interrogated.
Spinelli stopped in her tracks, then slowly turned to the girl standing behind her, her eyebrows beginning to lower as she did so.
"If my calculations are correct, you're approximately a week and 2 days late."
Spinelli straightened, her frown lowering.
"How did you-"
"Based on my past observations, your chance of a small break out raises about 35% person, more particularly around your jaw line. You begin to show signs of mood swings 3 days before bleeding, and on the first day of menstruation, your mood is at its worst, often with you threatening others at least 4 times that day. You also often forget your supply on pain reduction, so you always ask me. During the second day, your consumption of food rises a staggering 64%, almost 1/3rd of the consumption being that of chocolate."
Spinelli stood still, both impressed and uncomfortable that Gretchen even took notice of the subtle things, but she was in no mood for a sarcastic retort. She turned away from the knowledgeable girl before her and shoved her hands in her pockets, not wanting to let her mind slip into the paranoia.
"Spinelli, you know why you've been ill. No amount of self-denial will change that." Gretchen reasoned.
"Gretchen, I don't know what you're talkin' about." Spinelli attempted to lie, more to herself rather than to her friend.
"Yes, you do Spinelli! You musn't push this away any farther. You must get tested. The sooner you know, the better."
"No! I ain't gettin' tested, I ain't wastin' money on some stupid pee stick, I ain't going through that shit!" Spinelli tried again, though the more she tried, the less she convinced herself.
"But you must Spinelli! Not only is your health at risk, but so is the ba-"
"No Gretchen! Don't you even say it! I ain't doing it! I can't do it! I'm just a teenager, this doesn't happen to teenagers! I only did it once Gretch! I only did it once!" Spinelli cried out.
She began to breathe hard, her dark eyes searching the light ones, searching for any hint of hope or second thought that she wasn't crazy, that she didn't screw up her life, that she didn't ruin her own life creating another. She was just a teenager. But the longer she stared into Gretchen's green eyes, the deeper she fell into the truth. She may have been just a teenager, but she was a teenager who had unprotected sex. Something that since day one of junior high, teachers had repeatedly lectured on not to have. They had berated to always use protection, or to always wait. But after years of power points, of school wide auditorium lectures, of cheesy 1950's projected videos, she disregarded those warnings and had it anyway. And looking into the green eyes of the girl genius, who with science, observation, and hypothesizing, she had come to the theory that Spinelli was what she feared she was.
"I'm just a teen. I'm too young. I can't be. I just can't be pre-"She stopped, and sighed. She couldn't bring herself to say the word. To speak the subject that plagued her mind. To come to acceptance of what may be the truth. She just couldn't.
"Not matter how much you attempt to convince yourself, it doesn't stop it from being true."
They stood still, her dark eyes looking to the ground as Gretchen observed her conflicted friend. She observed her shorter friend fall deep into her mind, trying so desperately to grasp onto the slightest hint of hope that maybe, the two were crazy, that this was all just a series of unfortunate events, and that she really had just fallen ill. Ever since she noticed the odd pattern in Spinellis behavior, she had come up with several hypothesis, though none seemed to add up. One of her stronger theories was that her good friend had become fermented, but she wasn't too sure, mostly due to the lack of evidence that her shorter friend had been falling ill in the mornings. But having caught her finally, she had no doubt in her mind that friend had become, as teens these days say, "knocked up."
"If you prefer, I could drive you to the convenience store just outside of town, and you could purchase a test."
Spinelli looked up at her friend, her hands still deep into her pockets. She swallowed down the rising feeling of anxiety, and nodded her head quickly.
Nodding back, Gretchen began towards the door, and holding it open as Spinelli walked out behind her.
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A white Prius drove up to the front of a corner pharmacy, parking in one of the few spaces just alongside the road, and Spinelli came out the passenger side. As she motioned to close the door, Gretchen leaned over the middle barrier between the drive and passenger seat and look up to the nervous teen.
"Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you inside?"
Spinelli shook her head.
"No. Just stay here, I'll be quick."
Nodding, Gretchen leaned back into her seat and Spinelli closed the door.
The two girls were an hour away from their little town, reason being that the two didn't want to run into anyone they may know, specifically Spinelli. Sliding a pair of dark sunglasses over her eyes and shoving her hands deep into her pockets, the black haired beauty walked into the small store. She scanned the space once inside, taking note of a darkly tanned man watching her over his magazine from the check out, then she continued down the aisles. She waved through about 3 rows before finally coming to a stop towards the back. Her eyes scanned the assorted feminine colored boxes, each packaging similar items though each displayed a different brand name. She thought of going for the cheapest, but knew that if she wanted to get true results, she had to go for a brand that she's at least heard of. Finally settling on small box with heavy pink design, she snatched it up off the shelf and hastily made her way to the counter. As she handed off the item, through the dark lens of the glasses she watched the man behind the counter shoot a judgmental stare.
"Keep starin' at me like that I'm probably gonna have to shove that pee stick up your ass." She growled.
Surprised by the outburst, he quickly looked away and began to scan her items, making sure to avoid any eye contact as she watched with an impatiently tapping foot.
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A little less than an hour later, the white Prius pulled up to Spinelli's two story home, the sun just beginning to set off beyond the horizon, giving the skies a pink and orange hue. Gretchen shut off the engine then turned to the silent teen besides her. The dark haired girl sat still, her hands holding on to the pink box as her eyes remained fixated on it.
"Would you like for me to stay?" Gretchen offered quietly. Spinelli shook her head then looked to the taller teen beside her.
"Nah. Kinda just wanna lone wolf this."
Nodding understandingly, Gretchen clicked to unlock the doors, and with a heavy sigh Spinelli pulled herself out. Before slamming the door closed, she bent down to look into the open passenger store and looked to Gretchen.
"Hey, uh, thanks. I appreciate it."
Gretchen nodded once more.
"Of course Spinelli. If you require any more assistance, just let me know."
Nodding with a grateful smile, Spinelli straightened as she slammed the door shut. She watched from the sidewalk as Gretchen began to drive away, then with one last look to the pink box, she shoved it deep into the pocket of her hoodie and began towards her home, her heart feeling heavier with each step as she brings herself closer to the ultimate truth.
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Spinelli sat on the edge of her bed with a mixture of anxiety and impatience, her right leg bobbing up and down in quick beat. She looked into the open doorway of her personal bathroom, where the dreaded test sat idly on the edge of sink counter. After repeatedly reading the instructions along the side of the box, she knew she had to wait at least 5 minutes for the results, and so far it's only been three. She looked over her shoulder to the digital alarm standing on her bedside table, watching with eager eyes as the final digit of 5:12 switched to 5:13. One more minute.
Needing a distraction, she pulled herself up from the bed and began to pace the room, her fingers fiddling with one another in nervous habit. She looked to the clock again. 5:13. Sighing, she returned to her pace as her eyes searched the carpeted ground. Surely it had been a minute already. She looked up once again to the bright red numbers. Nope, still 5:13. How was it that the final minute always seemed to drag out? Most particularly when one was so desperate for time to rush by? She looked up and out her window to the house just a few doors down. Through the dark silhouettes of the lit window, she vaguely saw T.J. laying on his bed, currently shooting a small ball towards the hoop propped up against the back of his bedroom door, an action he only does when he's deep in thought, or thinking of a way to get himself or others out of a stump. She frowned, her mind beginning to take the train of thought about what he could possibly be thinking about, until reality had struck her and she once again looked to the black clock.
5:14.
She stiffened, her heart quickening its pace. She swallowed hard, and took a deep breath. Slowly turning on her heel, she took slow steps onto the tiled ground of her bathroom, her eye cautiously staring at the white plastic that lay on her slightly toothpaste stained counter. With one last large gulp, she slowly reached her hand down and with a slight shaking grip, she brought the test closer up to her face. Once it was close enough, her eyes looked to the instructed set of lines besides the screen, reading which amount of lines meant what just one last time. One line, negative. Two, positive. When she confirmed what she had read, her eyes slowly made their way to the small grey screen, and immediately her heart dropped. With bright lines standing out from the gray color, two red lines ran vertically down the screen. She felt her breathing stop, and her mind coming to a standstill. It was as if the whole world grew silent with her, the one source of noise being that of a quickly beating heart.
She let the test fall from her hand as her eyes looked into the distance before her. No. It couldn't be. She was just a teenager. Teenagers like her, this type of thing shouldn't happen. This was wrong. It had to be wrong. But with a pained chest and a rise of panic, she knew very well that it was far from wrong. She backed up into the frame of the bathroom door way, her hand gripping at the roots of her hairs as her eyes began to search for an answer, any answer, on how to get out of this. She slowly let her body slide down the frame, her hand still tight within the bushel of her black hair. She sat against the frame, her head heavy with dreaded thoughts. Thoughts of how she could possibly let this happens. Thoughts of what she could possibly do. Thoughts of her parents, her friends, T.J, knowing. Thoughts of wondering on how each would react to such news. News that Ashley Funicello Spinelli…
…Was pregnant.
She let her hand fall from its grip, and her head slammed to the frame behind her. She felt like crying, but she didn't. In all honesty, so many feelings were colliding within her that she didn't know what to feel. She felt anxiety clash at fear, as worry slammed into sadness. Anger fell upon nervousness, and shock reigned above all like a king. She sat silently for some minutes, letting her emotions fight within her, too shocked to move or let out her frustrations with violence. She was pregnant, and the once proud and strong girl felt at a loss.
"What am I going to do?" She barely whispered, remaining still for the next couple of hours, not daring to get up and return to reality.
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The group of six sat in their lunch table the next day, deep in conversation as they ate. Spinelli remained still and quiet, her hand playing at the fries on her Styrofoam tray. She felt a hand land on her shoulder, and she jumped at the sudden interaction. Looking next to her, T.J. stared with concerned eyes and lip curled downward.
"Spinelli?" Behind him, the remaining four were still deep in topic.
She pulled her shoulder away from his touch and looked back down at her unbitten food, her free hand absent mindedly rubbing at her stomach as she avoided eye contact with the unbeknownst soon to be father. She wasn't ready to tell him of the news. She herself wasn't even ready to accept the news just yet.
A pang of hurt struck within his chest, and he slowly lowered his arm away from her, his own emotions diving into that of sadness as he looked down into his own barely touched food. Watching from the opposite corner, Gretchen's eyes looked sadly at the two, then looked to the motion of Spinellis hand against her stomach. The tall girls shoulder went limp as she quickly figured out the result Spinelli may have gotten just the day earlier.
"Whoa guys, look." The three sad figures heard Gus whisper. Wanting to distract themselves from their plummeting feeling, the three looked up to where Gus referenced, and watched as a junior girl wobbled in through the cafeteria doors, her tight purple polo hugging at her protruding belly as her hand lay atop of it.
"Is that the girl that everyone's been talking about?" Mikey asked in a hush voice, to which the others nodded solemnly as his own light eyes followed the young girls' movement.
"How can anyone let themselves get pregnant?" Vince asked, more to himself than the others.
"I heard this was her second time getting pregnant. The first one she ended up getting it aborted." Gus hushed back.
"Well, rumor is Lawson is the real dad, except he's just denyin' it so he wouldn't have to take care of it." Vince whispered back, raising a stale fry into his mouth as his own attention was on her.
"Way to chicken out." Gus scoffed, shaking his head in disapproval.
T.J. leaned in and shook his head, contributing to the spreading word.
"Well, as wrong as it is he's doing it, I'd be scared too. I'd hate to be some teenage father."
Suddenly, a loud slam scared the boys from their stares. They looked to the end of the table, and saw Spinelli standing, her hand gripping onto the plastic tray carrying her food. Without another word, she haughtily pulled the tray off the table and began towards the double doors, carelessly shoving the entire tray into the trash bin as she pushed her way through the exit.
Confused and stunned, the boys watched her retreating form, and as T.J. stood up from his seat to chase after her, Gretchen stoop up as well and laid a friendly hand on his.
"Teej, I think I should handle this." She spoke softly. He frowned slightly, but remained quiet. Pulling her own tray off the table, she quickly walked over to the doors, emptying the contents of the tray then putting it atop the bin before exiting.
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Gretchen walked quickly down the hall, her eyes searching the empty space for the distressed girl. She walked by an adjoining hallway to her left, and noticed Spinellis short form walk down the corridor. Rounding the corner, Gretchen watched with worried eyes as her upset friend suddenly cried out, slamming a fist into a nearby locker, leaving a small but noticeable dent in the center. Gretchen slowed her pace, and took a deep breath.
"It was positive, wasn't it?" She asked silently. Spinelli slowed her pace, her wound fists deep into the pockets of her jacket. She stood still for some seconds before turning to the taller girl. She felt her eyes become glossy, but she blinked them back as quick as she could. She's limited on the dignity she had at this point, and she wasn't going to lose the last bit of it over some tears. Gretchen pursed her lips as she slowly made her way to the aggravated raven haired teen.
"You know Spinelli, it'll all be okay."
Spinelli shook her head and scoffed, not believing Gretchen's words.
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is." Gretchen tried again.
Spinellis lips tightened, her eyes searching the tiled ground.
"How could I let this happen…" She whispered. Gretchen stopped her slow movements, standing some feet before Spinelli, her green eyes watching with concern. Spinelli looked up to the taller figure, feeling her anger beginning to rise as her fists tightened again.
"How could I let this happen?" She yelled out again.
"I'm just some teenager! This shouldn't happen to people like me! I'm just 16! All I should be worryin' about is history exams and tryin' not to get caught at parties! Not worryin' about what I eat or what god damn crib to buy! I'm in school, I've got a future to worry about! I have to go to college in two years! How the hell am I supposed to take care of myself if I gotta take care of this thing!? Why? Why did I let this happen?! How did I let this happen!? It was only one time! Just one! How could I have been so fucking stupid!"
"Spinelli, you have options!" Gretchen attempted to comfort.
"Yea! What good that'll do! It's either I kill off the fucking thing, give it up 9 months from now after I've probably grown close, or keep it and possibly fuck over my future! No matter what, I gotta do something and it ain't gonna be okay! And it probably won't ever be okay! Ever!"
She shook her head again, her eyes darting back to the ground as she began to pace with hands on her hips.
"You have us, we'll all be here for you." Gretchen tried again.
"Yea, that's great and all, but ya guys aren't going to go through this! I am! I'm gonna be the one wobblin' around like some damn penguin! I'm the one everyone is gonna be starin' at! I'm gonna be the one that people gossip about, spreading some bullshit rumors! Worst part is Teej ain't gonna get the same attention I will. If he walks down the road, people see him and think he's just some normal teen. If I walk down the road, people'll see me and see some trashy teen, too stupid to use protection! They'll fucking point at me and start talkin' smack, and they won't even know me! And ya heard Teej! He'd hate to be some teenage father! And leave it to my dumb ass to let just that happen!"
"That's because he doesn't know yet."
"Should I even bother tellin' him? Why drag him down with me! He's got the chance to run. I don't!"
"Spinelli!" Gretchen scolded.
Meanwhile down the corridor, T.J. Detweiler rushed out the double doors of the cafeteria, his sole purpose on looking for his distressed girlfriend. He quickly walked down the hall and was about to round the corner of the adjoining hall until he quickly caught notice of his two female friends deep in argument. He stopped his quick walk and quickly dove behind the corner, unsure whether he should interfere or watch from afar. He's had the feeling that his girlfriend had been in distressed, different, and bothered. He'd ask her several times whether she felt well, but she'd always lie. He'd hoped she'd open up to him, but after some weeks of her odd behavior he began to grow impatient. He felt guilty for watching, but he knew if he interfered at the moment, Spinelli would probably falsely deny her upset behavior, and pretend everything was rainbows and sunshine's in her life. Deep within himself, he feared that her strange behavior stemmed from their one night together, hence why she kept avoiding the subject with him. He felt her grow distant from him, leaving a looming pain in his chest. He knew she wouldn't tell him straight up, so now was the perfect time to listen in and to learn what really has been bothering her these past weeks, hoping that it wasn't what he thought.
Down in the center of the hall, Gretchen shook her head disapprovingly as she continued her scold.
"You must tell him. He has the right to know."
T.J. perked his head.
"No, he doesn't. He doesn't need to get involved with this shit." Spinelli argued.
"Yes, he does! Spinelli, you musn't hide this from him! It is imperative he knows! You don't have to tell him today, but its best you tell him soon." Gretchen pleaded.
T.J. frowned.
"I'm the one that fucked up Gretchen." Spinelli growled through clenched teeth.
"You weren't the only one to take part of the action. You two contributed equally. He is just as responsible as you are." Gretchen replied.
T.J.'s eyebrows rose, realizing just what they were talking about. He felt his chest become tight as his grip tightened on the wall corner.
Spinelli took a deep breath, her pacing now stopped as she faced the tall teen.
"You must tell him." Gretchen repeated.
Spinelli pursed her lips.
"How the hell did I let this happen?" She scoffed, looking away.
"You two were just in the heat of the moment. It isn't uncommon for individuals to lose sight of common sense." Gretchen offered weakly.
There was a small silence between the two, T.J. watching with wide eyes and tight chest, until Spinellis next words forced his heart to fall deep into a deep darkness.
"I regret it." She whispered.
T.J.s eyes widened, and he slowly pulled himself off the wall. So, she had regret it after all. His shoulders went limp, and with heavy feet, he dragged himself back into the large room bustling with activity, leaving the two girls in another moment of silence. Deep into their own moment, they took no notice of the far off cafeteria door shutting close, and with a deep sigh Spinelli spoke up once more.
"Why didn't we just use protection?" She breathed.
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It was now a calm Friday night, and true to her word, Spinelli had still shown up on T.J.'s doorstep to watch the horror movie marathon down in his basement. The two sat at opposite ends of the couch, Spinelli curled up in a blanket while T.J. sat tense, arms crossed over his chest. Though the twos eyes watched absent mindedly at the black and white flickering screen before them, various high pitched screams emitting from the small T.V. set, the twos attentions were elsewhere.
Spinellis mind was deep into her situation, unsure of when would be best time to share the news with the unbeknownst father. Though she wished she could keep the news secret from him, she knew that as always, Gretchen had been right. The little cell growing within her was as much his as it was hers. To hide his father hood would be much too big of a secret to take to the grave, should she choose the abortion option.
At the other end, T.J. sat with a deep frown, his lip curled in annoyance. At first, he was hurt that Spinelli had regretted ever taking part of such a momentous occasion with him, but his hurt grew to sadness, then from sadness to betrayal, then from betrayal to anger. Why couldn't she tell him sooner? Why does she even regret it? Was he inadequate? Was he lacking performance? Was it because she really wasn't ready? He had no leads, but all he could do was wait and let her finally open up. Though the longer he waited, the angrier he grew. Who was she to play with his emotions? What was she even waiting for? It had almost been two weeks now. By this time, she should have at least sat him down and talked to him. Then a thought popped into his mind. What if she chose to break it off because of her regret? Sure, he may not be the most skilled, but it was his first time! She wouldn't break it off for something so petty, would she? He now began to feel his anger turn to fear.
Noticing his uncomfortable silence, Spinelli looked over to T.J., finally noticing just how aggravated he looked. Her brows lowered to a frown, and for the first time since they got downstairs, she spoke up.
"Teej? Are ya okay?"
He scoffed.
"I don't know. You tell me."
Her frown deepened.
"The hell is that supposed to mean?" She hissed.
He remained still and silent, his lip curling into a scowl. Annoyed with his treatment with her, she spoke up again.
"What the hell is up with ya?"
Pulling his attention away from the flickering screen, he looked to her with a deep glare, his arms loosening as he leaned closer to the annoyed teen.
"Ya know what Spinelli? I'll tell you what's wrong. 'Cause unlike you, I'll openly tell you what's bothering me! I heard what you told Gretchen!"
Her eyes widened as she stiffened.
"You what?" She whispered, her mind racing. How could he have possibly heard? Sure, she didn't look forward to telling him the news, but she didn't want him to find out in such a manner either.
"I heard you and her talking! The other day in the hall!" Frustrated, he jumped from his seat and began to pace before her, her dark eyes following his movements.
"Jeez Spinelli, why couldn't you just tell me earlier?!"
"Hey, I didn't learn 'till a couple'a days ago!" She shot back.
"You didn't learn until a couple of days ago? How the hell does someone learn after two weeks of it actually happening?!" T.J. asked in disbelief.
It was now Spinellis turn to jump from the seat, her fists curling as her eyes shrunk into angry slits.
"I don't fuckin' know! But I ain't liking the way you're taking this!" She spat.
"Well, when you're girlfriend knows something and deliberately hides it from her boyfriend, I think he'd be upset!" He shot back, glaring down at the smaller figure before him.
"I was gonna tell ya eventually!" She argued.
"Really? Like when? When it was too late?" She remained silent, biting the inside of her cheek as he scoffed and turned from her, returning to his pacing motion.
"Was it because I wasn't to your standards?" T.J. spat to her. Her brows curled into a confused frown.
"What?" She asked perplexed.
"Or was it 'cause I didn't satisfy you?"
Her fists loosened, her confusion growing stronger.
"Satisfy?" She questioned. He turned back to her and looked at her with hurt eyes.
"Were you even ready?" He asked in desperation.
She stared at him in bewilderment, unsure of what he was even talking about. He was talking about the heated conversation she held with Gretchen just days before, that much she knew. But maybe he didn't hear correctly.
"Teej, what exactly did ya hear?"
He stared at her, and with a deep sigh he moved to the couch and sat, hunching with his elbows laying on his knees.
"I heard how you didn't want to tell me how much you regretted it." He whispered in defeat.
She remained standing, her eyes searching before her as she tried to think hard in what part of the conversation he picked that up from. She knew it was towards the end, but maybe he didn't have a chance to hear as much as she thought.
"Is… is that all ya heard?" She question cautiously, to which he nodded weakly.
Though she felt slightly relieved he didn't hear the entire conversation, she also felt dread that now was the time he knew the truth. Sighing, she lowered herself back onto the couch, sitting close to the sad boy.
"Teej. I don't regret doing it if that's what ya mean." She comforted. Confused, T.J. looked up to her with a deep frown.
"You don't?"
She shook her head. His frown deepened.
"But, then why did you tell Gretchen you did?"
She sighed again, her heart beginning to quicken.
"I didn't tell her I regret having sex. I just told her that I regret not using protection, 'cause…" She faltered, her eyes flicking to him. He stared back at her with concern, his blue eyes looking deep into her dark ones.
"…cause…" She tried again. As his eyes penetrated her, she knew it would just be harder to reveal the truth had she looked into his eyes. She looked away, her eyes searching to the far off wall before them as they began to grow misty.
"…'cause I'm…" She gulped.
"I'm pregnant Teej." She whispered, her eyes lowering.
He felt his heart froze as he stiffened. His mouth hung, and his light eyes grew wide.
"You're what?" He asked in disbelief.
Not wanting to repeat herself, she looked away, not wanting to make any eye contact. Not wanting to see the shock and sadness in his eyes that she felt in herself just days earlier. He remained frozen, his eyes desperately searching her, hoping that he had heard wrong. Hoping that he she was just pulling a dark prank, or he was in a surrealistic nightmare. But as she looked to the ground below her, one lone tear cascading her cheek, he knew she was being very serious. He slowly faced forward in his seat, his eyes searching around the room, his mind still trying to comprehend the shocking news. He suddenly lifted himself off the couch, one hand grabbing at his red cap as his other hand clenched at his hip. He began to pace, his eyes going in every which direction as the news settled deeper and deeper into reality. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't bring himself to believe it.
Theodore Jasper Detweiler was going to be a dad at age 16, just after one night with his girlfriend.
Surely this wasn't happening. He was young, still in high school. Everyone loved him (except Gordy), he was the most popular boy in school. He was going off to a great university to learn law, with the desire to help those with justice. He had hoped to spend the rest of his life with Spinelli, hoping to wed sometime after college graduation, and eventually have her children. But not now, no, it was much too early. He hadn't even graduated from high school. He wasn't even sure he passed his last history test.
"I'm sorry." He heard a weak, broken voice speak from behind him. He quickly turned on his heel, and as if he didn't have enough emotions running through him, the new addition of hurt whirled within himself, his shoulders falling limp as he caught sight of Spinelli, tears falling down her face as she hugged herself, her eyes still on the ground.
"It was all my fault." She struggled out, her lower lip in a quiver.
"No, no no no." He breathed, quickly sitting back down beside her, one arm immediately wrapping around her shoulder as his free hand caressed at her clasped ones.
"No it isn't." He attempted to comfort.
"Yea it is." She sniffed. "If it wasn't for me, we wouldn't be…" She couldn't bring herself to finish as more tears burst out.
"Spinelli, it's my fault. I should have been prepared, I should have bought the condoms that day in the convenience store."
She shook her head.
"No, it's mine. All mine. I encouraged you to keep going. How could I have been so fucking stupid?" She sobbed out.
"We're going to be parents, and we're only 16. And it's all my fault."
"Stop saying that, it's not your fault. Look, we both did this. We both chose not to use a condom. It's no one's fault. We just made a huge mistake, okay?" He tried again. She wiped away some of her tears as she looked up to him, her glossy eyes staring into his determined ones. He let go of her shoulder and pulled her hands into his, forcing her body to turn to him.
"We might be young, but we will get through this. We have options, and I will help you in whatever option you chose. If you want to give it up for adoption, I will be there to help pick out the perfect family. If you want to keep it, I'll pick up a part time job. I'm sure my parents would be willing to help. I will do all that I can to give you and this baby a great future. And if you choose abortion…" He let out a sigh. "I'll help you pay for it. Just know that no matter what, I will always be here for you. I'm not letting you go through this alone. We will stick this out together. Sure, it might be hard at first, but I'd be there every step of the way, because I love you."
They stared at each other in silence, her sobs having ceased. She swallowed, and nodded in understanding. "I love ya too." She replied weakly. He nodded back, and as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder again, she pulled herself closer to him, letting her head rest on his shoulder, a few more tears managing to escape. He rubbed a hand up and down her forearm, as his own head took solace atop of hers.
"Are you scared?" She asked. She felt his head nod against hers, his hand gripping on her arm.
"Are you?" He asked. She sniffed, and nodded her own head below his. He pulled up his free arm and pulled her into a tight embrace.
"It's okay. We'll get through this."
The two sat still for some time, the only source of noise being that of the girlish screams from the old T.V. set, the black and white glow flashing against their skin in the darkness.
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Present Day
Spinelli sat against the headboard of the hospital bed, her attention in the far off distance as she slowly returned back to reality from her reminiscing thoughts. Realizing that she didn't feel much movement in her grasp, she looked down at the weight in her arms, noticing that the baby boy had fallen back into deep slumber, the nipple of the bottle hanging off his lips. His small mouth was slightly agape, and his arm was positioned upward all on its own. She smiled, enjoying the amusing sight. He really was a beaut, as her father repeatedly said. Slowly and carefully, she pulled herself out the bed and brought the baby back to his clear crib, slowly lowering him into it. She stood the bottle on the sink counter, and made her way back into the warmth of the white sheets, T.J. still sleeping peacefully towards one side. She slid into the bed, facing the freckled faced teen, and smiled. With mouth slightly agape and an arm upward under the pillow, she quickly took notice that her two boys slept in similar positions. Pulling the sheets up to her shoulder, she snuggled in deeper and took one last look to the sleeping teen before her.
"Teej?" She whispered.
"Hngh?" He groaned.
"Are ya scared?" She asked silently again, to which he shook his head.
"Are you?" He forced out. She remained still for some time, before her lips curled into another smile and she too shook her head.
"No."
Pulling herself closer to him, she wrapped an arm over his chest and quickly fell into a deep slumber.
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Well this chapter took a while to write. BUT IT'S DONE. Now. Not to sound like a broken record…
Wait, yes. Yes I will.
REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW MY LITTLE PEOPLE.