LeilaTheGalaxyDefender - thanks!
FLOYNTERxxx - well we'll have to see if he warms up to him again or not, but at least he does still have Carrie!
358 Toms POV
I sighed as I heard the front door close, relieved that everyone had gone home now, so I could walk around my house without having to worry I would see the trio I called my band mates. I had seen them earlier, cuddled up on the sofa together, Danny laying across Harry and Dougies laps, all their arms around each other. It stung to see that, to know that they weren't even going to bother hiding from me. I guess they had the right to show their love in some way, because of me they had been hiding it away for what could have been years.
"Tom, I think its time we had some dinner now. You haven't had much today, you'll feel better after a meal." Carrie got out from under my duvet, pulling on my hand. "I'm not hungry." I was almost pleading whatever higher power there was to not make me go through another food argument. I was not going to eat, I was not hungry, so there was no point in it. Carrie couldn't make me eat, I didn't want anything. You're not worth it anyway, no point in even trying. Exactly, I wasn't worth it anyway, so there was no point in trying. "alright, well, I think its time for bed then. You've had another long, emotional day, its probably best if you have some sleep now." Carrie managed to pull me to my bedroom, making me lay down in bed, turning on the TV.
"night Tom, call me if you need anything." Carrie smiled, and wandered out, closing the door. I waited a few seconds, then sat back up again, not wanting to go to sleep yet. I wasn't tired, and I couldn't sleep in this bed, Danny had slept in this bed so many times, the sheets still smelt like him. It made me feel sick and like I was going to cry again, thinking that Danny should be in bed too, curling up with me even though he knew full well that I never actually slept in bed anymore. All I could see in my mind was him, laying in this bed, then Harry and Dougie getting in too, hugging him, kissing him, telling each other that they loved each other. I hated it, I just wanted it out of my head, for it to leave me alone, but every time I saw a bed, it was all I could think about. And when I saw them, all they were doing was touching each other in some way or other, reminding me that they were together now, and I wasn't in this picture anymore.
I crawled back out of bed again, bringing my knees to my chest to keep warm, feeling so cold, so lonely. I wanted someone to come in and hug me, but I knew that wouldn't happen, no-one wanted to hug me anymore, Carrie was the only one who tried, and she wasn't going to sleep on the floor all night, just because I was. You need to get out of here, get away from everyone, no-one wants you here. But I couldn't leave, I told Danny I wouldn't! Like he told you he loved you? Yes, but, I couldn't go! I was keeping my promise, I didn't want Danny to have to face coming out for a second time, this time with Harry and Dougie. It was painful enough the first time, it couldn't happen again for a second time within a few weeks.
But he broke your heart, he needs some sort of revenge put on him. Don't be pathetic all your life, stand up to him and break a promise. See how he likes it. But how could I do that? I didn't want to break promises anymore, I didn't want to lie, I just wanted to be good! You can't be good, you lie all the time and break promises. And Danny does it even more than you do, so get moving. The suitcase is packed, go and leave, go on, leave. I gave in, like usual. I knew I couldn't take being here anymore, I wanted to run and hide away somewhere far away, where I didn't see all this cuddling around me. I didn't want to see all these thoughts in my mind anymore, I didn't want the memories anymore! If I went, maybe they would go away, maybe they would leave!
So, I waited until I heard Carrie go to her own room, knowing she would put in her headphones for a while so she wouldn't hear me. Then grabbed my suitcase, racing downstairs as fast and as quietly as I could, trying to get the door open. But it wouldn't budge! And the keys weren't here either! Why was this happening again?! They don't trust you, you're like an animal, an animal trapped in a cage. I didn't want to be an animal! I wanted to be a human who was allowed to go out and be free!
"let me out, I don't want to be here, please, let me out." I whimpered to the air, sliding down the door, just wishing I was allowed to leave so I could get away from these thoughts and memories, so I could forget about everything. I just wanted to forget, thats all, just forget. Was that too much to ask?
359 Dannys POV
The next morning, I found I was laying on my sofa, with Brucie laying with me, resting under my arm. Ralphie was on the floor, unable to fit on the sofa with me too. "morning sleepyhead!" someone made me jump a bit, waking up the poor dogs. "huh? Go away its too early and I don't care!" I groaned, my face hiding in my cushion. I didn't want to face another day without Tom, it felt like he had run away again, only his ghost was around to haunt me...actually, it was like when he first came back, when he couldn't even talk to me, or be in the same room. At least I could talk to him now though, even if most of it was arguing and trying to calm the poor guy down before he burst into tears.
"come on, you have to get up! Before Tom comes round." Dougie smiled, shaking me a little, still holding his lizard toy in his hand. "ugh, fine, how long before he comes round?" I asked, sitting up and rubbing my face. "I don't know, but get up anyway. Harrys making breakfast!" Dougie grinned, running over to his husband, who was making a fry up. So, I gave in, wandering over to them, trying to wake myself up. "ah he arises from the sofa!" Harry joked, turning over the sausages. "shut it, see you've decided to raid my cupboards then?" I quipped back, sitting on the counter, not really caring that I wasn't even dressed yet.
"yeah, we did. But you're getting a fry up out of it, so do you really mind?" Dougie smiled, nuzzling into Harrys shoulder blade, hugging him round his middle. So Dougie was in an overly cuddly mood today, this could work to our advantage. I wonder if Tom would let him cuddle up to him, no-one could resist Dougie cuddles, no matter how angry they were, right? I hoped so, Tom did have a soft spot for Dougie, maybe that was still there, somewhere inside his head.
Together, the three of us ate breakfast and waited for Tom to turn up. I wondered if he would even show, considering how much he hated being around us right now. Or if he had run away again last night! What if he had?! His bags had been packed, he could have easily run...but Carrie had locked all the doors and windows, right? She had done that, right? So he couldn't get out? She had to have locked all the doors and windows! But, what if Tom had tried to run away last night and Carrie didn't trust him to come round now?! Or he didn't want to leave the house?! What if? What if? What if? A million situations ran through my mind, each one more worrying than the last.
"Dan, don't worry, Tom will come round, and if he doesn't, Carrie will phone! Don't worry about it!" Harry didn't quite break my thoughts, they still flew through my mind, making me imagine the most horrible thoughts. Tom not wanting to come over, him never coming over again, saying he hated us, hated me. "b-but what if he doesn't want to come over ever again?" I whimpered, I didn't want Tom to never come back over again, I missed him so much already. My house was empty without him here, just his presence was enough to keep me happy, I wanted him here now, so we could be together, not alone like this.