FLOYNTERxxx - we'll have to wait and see! :P

372 Toms POV

Danny was looking at me weirdly all through lunch, like he was trying to figure something out, or trying to find a way to say something. It was freaking me out a little, I was paranoid over what he was thinking. He's thinking about how much he hates you, and how he's going to survive holding you for a while longer. I shuddered, not wanting to think about it.

Before I knew it, we were back in the studio, more staring and evidence of you, oh what great joy! Everyone is going to REALLY enjoy this! The sarcastic voice laughed, I shuddered again. "cold Tom?" Danny asked, rubbing my back. "no, I'm fine." I realised I was shaking again, I shoved my hands in my pockets before anyone noticed. "right, can I have Harry first?" Misha called, Harry gently kissed Dougies forehead gently and ran over. His shoot was quite quick, because he got into the swing of things quite quickly, leaning up against the wall in a cool way. Dougie was looking at him lovingly, grinning like a silly teenager all over again. It was quite sweet really, how he was still so in love with Harry that he still looked at him like that, I wished Danny would look at me like that. Dougie looks like that because he loves Harry, because he does love him, and he loves Danny too. And you don't have anyone.

Dannys arm suddenly came around my waist, tracing patterns over my hip. I leapt feet, keeping in a scream, trying desperately to not run away now. Run before he realises that you're shaking! Run before he realises that you're disgusting! But, I couldn't run... I had to stay, had to let him touch me, let them stare at me and take my picture again. "its okay Tom, it'll be over soon." Danny whispered, taking advantage of my inability to move properly by kissing my cheek. It burnt, but felt so good at the same time, I wanted so badly to feel loved by that movement. But, I couldn't, I wasn't in a relationship... I wasn't loved.

Stay in his arms, you have to, but don't think you're loved, don't you even dare! "thanks Harry, Dougie next?" Misha called, Harry and Dougie swapped places, high fiving on the way. Dougies went just as quickly, and Dannys did too, leaving mine, I was glared at the second I stepped onto the studio. "now, think we can smile this time around?" Misha gave me such a filthy look, my shakes increased even more.

"y-yeah...sorry." I whimpered, not even knowing how to stand. I didn't know how to stand, where to look, what to do. Being completely on my own I didn't know what to do, I was exposed, for everyone to take a good look at me, I could feel everyones eyes on me. They're judging you, looking at you, seeing how ugly you are. "look this way Tom, you can't look at your feet. We need to see your face." Misha warned, I forced myself to look up. "smile too! We need you to smile its no good you looking like you want to cry!" Misha looked annoyed already, great joy, you've already annoyed him. Just wait until the end of this.

I wanted to runaway and hide somewhere, somewhere I couldn't be seen, couldn't be heard. I didn't like being here, in front of so many people, my legs felt like jelly, the rest of my body crawling and crying out for sharp things to ease the panic. I needed to ease this panic and fear of being told I was useless and ugly, that I was wasting everyones time here, and when the magazine came out for more people to tear me to bits. They will anyway, you can't stop them. Just smile, but not too much, so that dimple isn't noticeable. You look stupid with it. I tried my best to smile, without revealing the dimple too much, but the whole time, my head was screaming at me, telling me that I couldn't smile without looking like a freak! But Misha didn't stop taking pictures, giving me glares every time I looked away, or my smile dropped. So I had to carry on looking like a freak! I didn't want to look like a freak! I just wanted to crawl into a hole and make everyone forget I existed, so they didn't have to even think about my hideous face.

Finally, the shoot finished, and I ran off to the toilet, managing to make an excuse before cutting more lines into my thighs, feeling some sort of release from it. I hadn't listened to anyones praise, knowing they were just trying to keep me here, so they weren't found out, I knew I had completely failed that shoot. My photos were unusable, I had looked terrible in each and every one of them. And it was all my fault, for being like I was, for being pathetic and ugly, I just wished I wasn't so pathetic and ugly, was that too much to ask?

373 Dannys POV

I was so worried when Tom ran off, he had looked so upset, like he was about to start crying, I hoped he didn't start crying. I would have hated it if it turned out that Tom was crying and I did nothing to stop it from happening, because I would have probably made it worse. "he'll be fine Danny, just let Tom have a bit of a breather by himself, collect himself together again. He's not used to being on his own in front of a camera, its probably just nerves." Harry rubbed my shoulder gently, leading the three of us that were left into the dressing room. "I know, I'm just worried, like always." I sighed, fiddling with my fingers.

I wished I had managed to talk to Tom properly yesterday, instead of freaking him out until he passed out. If we had talked properly, then maybe I could have held him and made him feel better, instead of having him run away like he did, looking so scared, so upset, so desperate to get away. The poor guy needed someone to love him, tell him he was beautiful and that all the thoughts he had about himself were wrong. I was usually that person, but I couldn't now, because we weren't together, which was the worst feeling in the world.

"you're always worried Dan, but it'll be okay, trust me. Let Tom take a few minutes to himself, to collect himself together again." Dougie smiled a little nervously, like he didn't know if that was actually a good thing to say or not. He always doubted his ability to cheer people up, he was actually very good at it. "yeah, I know." I sighed, pulling off my jacket and shirt, changing into my tshirt and hoodie again, hiding my arm. I hadn't done anything recently, was still on my 9th clean week, I just didn't like seeing my arms, or leaving them open for other people to see.

We waited for a while for Tom, he eventually came back, changing silently in his own dressing room, wandering out to the car with us. He was literally silent, not making a single sound, shying away from being touched by any of us. "Tom, are you alright?" I asked, managing to put a hand on his shoulder. "yeah, fine." Tom nodded, shaking his hair down, hiding his face. A clear sign that he had been crying, the poor guy, I felt so sorry for him. "you sure? You can talk to me, I'll understand." I whispered, reaching down and holding his hand. "I can't, leave me alone." Tom took his hand out of mine and climbed into the front seat of the minivan, turning away from us all, shutting us out like usual. From what I could see of his face, he still looked so upset, I needed to at least cheer him up somehow.

"Tommy, put this on for us please." I handed Tommy my ipod, for him to plug into the stereo, soon hearing the Wicked soundtrack start to play. That usually cheered Tom up a bit, he loved the musical almost more than life itself, knew it word for word, and almost backwards too. Maybe this could work, if I couldn't try and talk to him...could this work instead? It certainly calmed him a little, I saw Tom visibly relax as Dancing Through Life played out through the car speakers. I breathed out a sigh of relief, at least I managed to get him a little more relaxed, which was something.