wooo chapter 200! :D
FLOYNTERxxx - well he might get that, in one way or other ;)
394 Dougies POV
The next day, we decided to have a song writing day, in a desperate to get Tom round, if we could try to get him to at least talk to us. If we could get him on talking terms with us, we were some way to getting him back with Danny, before the both of them went mental. Well, more mental than they already were. "Danny, breathe, it won't be too bad. Remember, he's had a good cry with Carrie, and I don't think his mind is fully there yet. It could be the best chance to get him to believe us. While he's still a bit...dependant." Harry clearly didn't know how to describe Toms state. He wasn't...there, not completely. He was still quite dependant on others, thank god Carrie was living with him, or I dreaded to think what would have happened.
"but its all fresh in his mind! Like its only just happened all over again!" Danny whimpered, chewing on his fingers, his sleeves pulled as far over his hands as possible. "Danny, I'm sure it won't be too bad. And remember, we're not trying to make him believe that you love him today, we're just trying to get back onto speaking terms again." I tried to smile, offering a hug too, being accepted into Dannys arms. "I know, I just don't want this to be happening. I want him to forget again, be like he was yesterday. Or that a horrible thing to say? I'm wishing that Tom was even more ill that he is right now! How horrible is that? My god I'm a horrible person!" Danny let go, scratching his arm, chewing on his fingers at the same time.
"no you're not! You just are wishing for your boyfriend back, thats all. Now stop scratching, its not going to do you any good." Harry pulled Dannys hands away from themselves, stopping his chewing and scratching. "but I'm wishing that Toms worse than he actually is! He's already so, so ill, how can I wish he was worse?! How can I possibly wish that?!" Danny cried, distressed tears welling up in his eyes. "Danny, I'm wishing it too, we all are. Its because Toms seemingly easier to handle that way, because he's calmer, and depends on us." I jumped in, not sure what else to say.
"but its so wrong to think like that! Its so wrong, and I'm supposed to love him, and I'm not acting like I do! And thinking that is a terrible thing to think!" Danny whimpered, shaking in our arms, as we brought him into them. "it is, but, its just something we can't help but think." Harry sighed, holding the both of us in his arms.
Suddenly, the letterbox flapped up and closed again, a few bits of paper falling to the floor. "I'll get it." I pulled out of the three way embrace, going over to pick up the paper, words written all over it, in Toms handwriting. It was a song. "what is it Doug?" Danny asked, coming over with Harry, looking over my shoulder. "its a song, from Tom." I explained, handing him the lyrics and notes. "wow, it sounds good, if what I'm imagining is anything like it actually sounds like." Danny looked over the notes, explaining how the songs backing track went. I hadn't seen the lyrics yet, but I reckoned that they were incredible.
395 Harrys POV
"wait, there's a note here too... and another song." I picked up the piece of paper with a note on.
'I'm not coming over today, here's two songs I've come up with. Sorry that they're depressing, please make changes until they're good enough. Email me back with the changes. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, I know they're pretty awful. Thomas. xxx'
"d*mn." Dougie swore, picking up the lyrics to a song called 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' looking through them, his face falling slowly as he read through the lyrics. "they're beautiful." Dougie whispered, showing me the lyrics, and they were beautiful, but heart shattering at the same time. This song only just barely scratched the surface of how Tom was feeling, I could tell, he was in so much pain, he really was totally into pieces.
"can I see that one?" Danny looked over too, his face falling as he read through the lyrics, like his heart was shattering, it probably was. This was like looking inside Toms mind, how he was feeling, what he dealt with on the inside, every time he looked at us. "oh god, what have I done?" Danny cried, his knees going weak, I managed to catch him before he fell, but it didn't stop the tears. "its not your fault Dan." I sighed, holding him up, feeling him shake.
"it is! And now he feels like this! And there's another song too, it'll be the same thing again! Its all my fault!" Danny cried, dropping the paper, holding onto my hands, gripping onto them as tight as possible. "its not Dan, its not. We won't look at the other song, alright?" I turned him round, hugging him to my chest, letting him cry there, the songs lyrics going round and round in my head.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
the song is Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson