guest - none taken at all! i'm sorry you find that its dragging, i hope it soon picks up for you! :)
xxPUDDxx - thank you! and they were as brilliant as always! there was also so much Flones, Pudd, Pones and Junes, and they were all being so funny and they played Not Alone, which i have been dying to hear live for 5 years! it was so worth all the aching pain i'm in today! :D
414 Dannys POV
The first thing I felt was my head exploding, making me whine loudly. I attempted to turn over, but there were things tugging on me, I whined again, it hurt! "Danny, are you waking up?" a voice whispered, the world seemed dark, muffled. "Danny? Come on, wake up, please! We need you!" a higher pitched voice whispered, touching my shoulder. "careful Dougs, careful. Remember Tom last time." The deeper voice mumbled, I think. Everything was so muffled, I could only barely hear it.
"okay...Danny, are you awake?" the higher pitched voice said, it sounded scared, so, so scared. I tried to make a sound, only getting a low moan. "don't push it Dan, its okay. We're here." The deeper voice encouraged, a hand held onto my own, linking our fingers together. I moaned again, feeling pain shoot up my arm, making my head pound even harder. "its happening again! Oh god." The higher pitched voice whimpered, a choked sound being heard too. "Doug, it'll get better, just stay here a few minutes, alright? I'll get the doctor." Footsteps ran off, bouncing painfully inside my head. I cried out, hands whipping to my ears, things pulling on my arms, tugging on my skin.
I cried out again, my head exploded so loudly that I almost wanted to scream. "shh Danny, shhh. Its alright, don't cry, don't scream please! Please be okay, you've got to be okay!" the higher voice pleaded, a weight fell onto the bed next to me, something going over my waist, "please be okay Danny, please, we love you so much, we need you! We need you to find Tom, he's so alone!" wait...Tom...he sounded familiar. My heart constricted hearing these sentences, I whimpered again. "T-T-Tooom." I pushed out, the image in my head of a beautiful blonde boy becoming clearer and clearer.
"ah, I see he's making words already. Danny, do me a favour and open your eyes for me?" a new voice asked, putting his hands on my face, trying to move my eyelids open. I whined again and blindly pushed his hands away, I didn't want to open my eyes, it would hurt! "Danny please, open your eyes. Its going to take a minute, thats all, then you can sleep again." The first voice who spoke sighed, taking hold of my hands, pulling them away from the arm I was pushing. "I just need to do a few tests, then you can go back to resting." The voice forced me to open my eyes, the light burnt so much, I almost cried now, it hurt so much.
"calm down Danny, please, stay calm. It won't take long. Its going to be alright." A voice soothed, that belonged to a muscular brunette, Harry. He was also holding onto his short blonde husband, Dougie...with a curly blonde haired girl next to them, who looked so much like the boy inside my head. A light shone into my eyes then, a brighter one, my eyes being forced to stay open. It stung so much! I didn't even know how loud the sound I made was, writhing about to move my head, or something at least! But I couldn't, every time I moved, something pulled on my skin, yanking it apart. "shh, Danny, it'll go away soon. It'll be okay in a little while, you're doing so well Danny, just a few more minutes." Harry rubbed my shoulder gently, making me stay still until the light went away.
The doctor made me do a few more tests, before going away again, I relaxed again, closing my eyes. I felt so drained right now, like I could sleep for another few hours. "Danny...do you know where Tom is?" Dougie whispered, shaking my shoulder gently. "Tooom." I moaned, where was he? I wanted to see him, my gut was twisting over and over at the thought of where Tom was. Why wasn't he here? Surely he was here, right? He said he loved me...or did I imagine that? I was sure he said he loved me before blackness took over... he loved me, right?
415 Toms POV
I scrubbed wildly on the floor, fighting the tears running down my face, I had to make this clean, had to make it clean! It had to be clean! I couldn't just leave this for someone else to do, I had to clean up this blood, had to make everything better, even just a little bit. You stupid boy! You stupid stupid boy! Clean it up now! You have to clean it up now! I was trying! There was just so much! The bath and sink hadn't been too bad, but the floor was a nightmare, complete nightmare! There was so much blood, so much, it was getting all over me too, mixing with the old stuff and my own. My arms and thighs were stinging so much, they were burning so badly, it hurt.
It should hurt! It should be hurting! You have caused so much pain now! You almost killed someone! You stupid, worthless, pathetic boy! You'll never make this better, ever! "I-I'm sorry, I-I'm so sorry." I cried, I couldn't help it, I didn't have anyone else to talk to, just the voice screaming inside my head, constantly telling me that it was all my fault! I knew it was all my fault, I was trying to correct it, but it wasn't working! I couldn't make it better! I was just trying to make things easier for everyone. I could make it a little better, right? Of course you can't!
"Tom? Are you here? I've been looking everywhere!" a voice called, Carries voice, the door closing. Footsteps came towards the bathroom, I jumped as the door opened, scrambling to face Carrie, keeping my face looking at her Doc Martins. "I-I'm sorry! I'll only be a little while, I-I'll be gone soon!" I cried, not wanting to hear her screaming at me too. She'll scream just you wait, she hates you now, because of your mistake. "what do you mean Tom? What are you doing, how long have you been here?" Carrie dropped to her knees in front of me. "I-I'm cleaning up my mess...because I have to, then I'll go, I'll leave you alone and won't come back unless you need me. I'll come back even if you want to scream at me, I'll come back if you want to scream at me, if that will make you feel better. Just let me finish cleaning, then I'll clean up Brucie too, cause he's rolled in all of this, and burn the songs so no-one has to look at them ever again." I whispered, cradling my arm a little, it hurt so much, it was stinging from all this movement I was doing, after cutting so many times into it.
"oh Tom, you don't have to, we can do this later, when Dannys better. Now how long have you been here, doing this?" Carrie came a little closer, holding onto my glove covered fingers... I couldn't wash off the blood, I just couldn't do it. I don't know why, but I couldn't wash it off. "a-a while." I whispered, two hours, and you've got a lot more to do still. "have you been here since yesterday?" Carrie asked, framing my face with her hands, I pulled my face away. "no." I whispered, I hadn't, honestly! I had gone to the bridge I had hidden under for a while, and then come back here, realising I had to try and make things better first. But not change your clothes, you must not change your clothes. All you deserve is your blood covered things you're in now. You must keep these on.
I wasn't going to take them off, I wasn't getting changed, I wasn't washing either, I didn't want to get rid of anything on me. It felt wrong to get it off, having all this blood covering my hands, face, clothes, matting my hair, it was a reminder of what I had done. I couldn't wash that off, it would be wrong, I would forget my mistake. I must never forget my mistake, not until I knew I was forgiven, and I was never going to be forgiven. I knew I was never going to be forgiven. It was all my fault, totally my fault!
"well, I think its time you came with me, we'll get you cleaned up, and we'll go to see Danny, alright? He's asking for you, you know. All he says is your name, he wants to see you a lot." Carrie smiled, liar! He would never ask for you! You've almost killed him, he isn't asking for you! "n-no! I'm not going! I won't go!" I cried, pushing her away, getting back to cleaning again, I had to hurry up. I couldn't be here by the time Harry and Dougie came home, they would kill me for this, I couldn't take seeing their angry faces right now, I couldn't take seeing how much I had screwed up right now. "why not Tom? Its Danny, and you love him! He's asking for you, come on, we'll get you cleaned up and we'll go to see him, straight away! The hospital won't do anything to him, or you." Carrie sighed, tired of your tears already.
"I-I can't! I just can't! Its wrong!" I scrubbed harder, trying so hard to get rid of these stains, no matter how hard it was to get rid of them! "no its not, come on, it'll be fine, just come with me." Carrie smiled a little, tugging on my hand. "no! I'm not going! I can't go! They're so mad, they're so mad! A-and I can't change, I can't! Not until its okay again! Its not okay!" I shoved her off, carrying on scrubbing, my whole body shaking with so much fear and guilt. "Tom, what are you talking about?" Carrie came closer again, rubbing my back gently. "I-I can't go, I must not go! Not until its right!" I scrambled out of the way, feeling my thighs burn even more, it almost felt like they were on fire. Everything hurt, so much, especially where I cut, my thighs and arm were honestly on fire. "Tom, show me your arm a minute, what have you done to it?" Carrie whispered, bringing my arm to hers, pulling my sleeve up. "I-I tried to make it better, b-but I couldn't go deep enough, I-I tried though!" I begged Carrie to believe me, I begged her to believe that I had tried to make it better on my arms. "oh Tom, this is bad, really bad. You haven't done the same to your legs too, have you?" Carrie looked so scared, all your fault again! Can you do anything but cause unhappiness?!
"I-I'm sorry its not enough... I tried! I honestly tried!" I apologised, bringing my arm back, pulling down my sleeve. "come on, you need to come with me, right now. We need these to be seen to." Carrie tugged me none too gently away, I screamed and kicked out, hiding in the corner. "leave me alone! I'm not going anywhere!" I cried, staying pathetically in my corner, refusing to move away, because I couldn't. Stay right there, don't you dare move, you must not move! Stupid and pathetic boy!