Chapter Eight

Faith stood outside her room, the one at the very end of the Gateway Motel. She lit a cigarette and looked out over the tree line behind the motel to look up at the stars in the clear night sky. It had taken them closer to five hours to get there and crossing the boarder had been difficult, even with the connections they had with some of the old members of the Council conveniently working the tolls that night. They caught a lucky break, but there was no telling how long that sliver of luck would hold out for them.

Faith was the only one who had a room to herself and she was fine with that. It'd give her some space that she desperately needed, especially after having to spend the last five hours in the truck with Buffy doing nothing but complaining about the radio and the lack of good songs the stations were playing. Every time she opened her mouth, it grated on Faith's nerves and her hands were sore, not just from the broken blisters, but from gripping the wheel so tight for most of the drive to keep herself from reaching over and smacking Buffy to shut her up.

"Hey," Willow said as she came out of the room next to hers, the room she was sharing with Wood. "You all right, Faith?"

"When is everyone gonna stop asking me that?"

"I was just making sure. You haven't said a word since we left the lake house."

"I'm just so fucking tired, Wil."

"I know."

"When are we headed out?"

"Late in the afternoon."

Faith nodded and took a long drag of her cigarette as Willow handed her a local map with an area circled just west of a town called Crystal Lake. There was no address written down, just a location circled. Faith didn't even recognize the area and she knew it could've have been one of the places that Giles had bought years before in anticipation of having more than just one house to escape to if it came down to it.

She figured it had to be one of Giles' old friends, from back even before his Ripper days. There were only a few that were still alive, as far as she knew. They had scattered themselves all over the world, living a life of seclusion. Faith folded the map and placed it in the inner pocket of her jacket, nestled in there with her lucky stake.

"His name is Nelson Bedford, the man who owns the property. I just talked to Robin and he said that he will be expecting us."

"Nelly?" Faith said and Willow looked at her in confusion. "If he's the same Nelson Bedford, I've met him before. Likes to be called Nelly. He's known Giles since they were kids."

"When did you meet him?"

"Few years back when I first got to Cleveland. He'd come down to visit Giles and man, I've never seen two guys put back a whole bottle of Scotch like that in my life. Thought for sure they'd pass out and never wake up with the amount that they drank that night," Faith said and she couldn't help but laugh at that small little memory, like hundreds of others buried in the back of her mind.

"Sounds like an interesting guy."

"Sure is, from what I remember of him. Most of the stuff the two of them talked about that night was ramblings of drunken men, old friends catching up after not having seen or spoken to each other in over twenty years."

Willow laughed and shook her head. "There's so much none of us even knew about Giles. I think you knew him better than any of us did, Faith."

"Spent a lot of time with him," she replied with a shrug. "He told me a lot of things about himself, stuff he'd gone through during his Ripper days that really made me see him in a whole different light. He'd lost his way for a while, like I did. You'd never known it, but he had some dark demons he was still fighting right until the day he died."

"I-we knew a little bit of his Ripper days, but he hated to talk about anything in his past. I guess he thought it was better if we didn't know."

"Probably thought none of you would understand," Faith shrugged. "Guess he thought I would cos when it comes to people with a dark history like we had, there's far more than what meets the eye."

"You know something, Faith?" Willow said, smiling softly as Faith tossed her cigarette to the ground. "This is the most you've talked about Giles in a long time. Ever really."

"I know."

"It's good," Willow continued. "We need to remember him, even the little things. If we don't, it's easy to forget over time."

"I know. It's still hard just to say his name, you know?" Faith said and Willow nodded in understanding. "Don't think that pain, that emptiness is ever gonna go away. If I didn't have you or Angel in my life, hell if I didn't have Wood too, I don't know what I'd do."

It was Willow who threw her arms around Faith and hugged her tight. Faith couldn't help but laugh. In six months since Willow had been there, she'd gone and turned her into someone who actually liked hugs, liked being touchy-feely if the moment called for it. Just thinking about how she'd changed because of Willow made her hug her right back, just as tight.

"I don't mean to interrupt, but," Xander said as he approached them. "Is there something going on between you two I should be aware of?"

"Not that I know of, Harris," Faith replied, letting Willow go.

"We're just having a moment," Willow said with a small smile.

"Yeah?" Xander said, his tone softening as he shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. "Guess I'm not privileged enough anymore to be in the know."

"Xander-"

"I'm just happy to see you're happy, Wil. It's been a long time."

"Two years."

"Wish when you called you would've talked to me."

"You were never home whenever I called Dawn," Willow replied with a frown. "And things have just been so complicated. A mess really. Besides," she sighed heavily. "Everyone kind of had their own lives worked out after a while. People change and friendships fade."

"But new ones are formed," he said, nodding in Faith's direction. "Not that I'm judging here, no judgement from my end, but you and Faith? Last two I'd ever thought would be close friends after all this time."

"Life is full of surprises," Willow laughed.

"You're telling me."

Faith smiled at the fact that the two were talking. She knew how much Willow missed them all, especially Xander even though she never said it, she just knew. Faith knew that things needed to go back to the way they were before, where they had each other. She wasn't sure where that left her, but she did know that Willow would never just abandon her because her old friends wanted her back in their lives. Willow was a part of Faith's life, just as Faith was a part of hers and it wasn't going to change, at least Faith hoped it wouldn't.

"Any new women in your life, Wil?" Xander asked and she shook her head no. "No? I find that hard to believe. You deserve to have a wonderful woman in your life."

"I haven't really dated much. And what about you and Dawn? Still going strong?"

"It's work," he replied and shrugged. "It's hard to say where we are. Some days we're good, other days she won't so much as look at me or talk to me. With everything that's been going on with Azri'el and the slayers, she's been focused on trying to find out everything she can. She spends a lot of time with Andrew."

"You ain't worried he's gonna swoop your girl off her feet?" Faith asked him and the three exchanged a look before they burst out laughing. "Right. Like Andy is a threat. What was I thinking?"

"I think he has a boyfriend, but he keeps it on the down-low," Xander said in an exaggerated whisper. "And what about you, Faith?"

"What about me?"

"You seeing anyone?"

Faith chuckled, shaking her head no. "Nah, dated a few guys on and off, never really found the one that did it for me."

"No more get some and get gone?"

"Only when the mood strikes. Hope you're not interested in another go, cos I got to tell you, I ain't in the mood for both Summers' chicks to come after me with a few helluva good reasons to kick my ass."

Xander held up his hands and the three of them shared another laugh. Faith felt this lightness in her heart, something she hadn't felt in a long time, if ever. It was different when she was around Xander. If things had been different in Sunnydale, if she hadn't used him and tossed him out then tried to sucker him into another go which ended up with her trying to strangle him, things between them could've been a lot different. She'd made her amends with Xander years ago though and she knew he had forgiven her for all the things she'd done to him and the others.

After the three of them said their goodnights, Faith headed into her room and locked the door behind her. After stripping out of her clothes and changing into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, she climbed into the bed and closed her eyes the second her head hit the pillow. As exhausted as she was, sleep wasn't easy to come by. Her mind was racing and she couldn't shut out the hundreds of thoughts racing through her mind. They still had a long road ahead of them and it wasn't going to be easy. Far from it. But nothing in her life was ever easy and she knew she'd been stupid enough to think that things were finally getting better before the one thing that had defined her, that made her who she was, was taken from her in an instant.

Faith had to hold on to what little hope she had left. She'd come too far to let it all go now.

Faith followed Wood down the quiet road, keeping close as the night grew darker. At least this time the ride wasn't a few hours and after they had made a wrong turn, they were only twenty minutes behind schedule. And she wasn't stuck with Buffy riding with them this time, which she was grateful for. It was just her, Willow and Angel in the truck and there had been nothing but comfortable silence since they'd left the motel.

"You sure he knows where he's going?" Faith asked, breaking the silence in the truck over the radio that was playing quietly. "Thought Nelly's place was in the middle of nowhere? That's the way he painted it. All I'm seeing is house after house down this road."

"Wood talked to him again before we left and he gave him detailed directions," Willow reminded her. "He knows where he's going."

"Sure about that?" Faith asked, groaning as she slowed down when Wood did. "He did get us lost few miles back, took us in circles."

Willow frowned, but didn't say anything as they came to a stop. Wood got out of his Escalade and Faith hopped out of the truck, meeting him halfway at the side of the road.

"This is the place," he said as he pointed to the gravel driveway with a rusted chain link fence acting as a gate.

"Ya sure about that? Road looks abandoned and that gate is rusted shut I bet."

Wood walked over to it and lifted the latch. The metal creaked and groaned, but it opened after he kicked it a few times. "House is about a quarter mile from the road. Nelly said it was a tough drive, so stay close but keep some distance as well."

"Got it."

"And Faith? Shut the gate once you're in."

Faith nodded and walked back to the truck and hopped in. "We're here, looks like."

"Are you sure?" Willow asked her. "It looks like nobody has used this road in years."

"Wood is. Guess we follow him and find out, yeah?"

Willow nodded and Faith looked over at Angel, but he looked like he was anywhere but there. She had picked up a few bags of blood before they'd left yesterday and she knew he was hungry yet fighting that urge to drink for as long as he could stand. Faith was worried about him. He'd been healing fine, but it was the fact he had to drink human blood to accelerate the healing process that worried her. She couldn't have him slipping, unable to control the addiction of human blood, not now of all times.

The ride down the gravel road felt like it took forever. Faith stayed close to Wood, but left a few car lengths between her truck and his SUV. It was no joke that the road was in rough shape. At times it was almost too narrow to make it through, low hanging branches hitting the windshield and breaking if she didn't turn quick enough.

After they made the last turn, a large house came into view just up ahead. It was bigger than Faith imagined the place would be and it was old, almost looking inhabitable if it weren't for the lights that lit almost every room and the three satellite dishes perched on the west side of the roof.

"Ah, where is she?" Nelly yelled out as he came out of the front door and stumbled over the porch that ran the entire length of the front of the house. "She here with you lot, isn't she?"

"Who are you talking about?" Wood asked him just as Faith got out of the truck.

"Faith!" Nelly laughed loudly and he motioned for her to come to him. "It's been a while, hasn't it, girl?"

"Few years."

"Look at ya," Nelly chuckled, slapping her on the back before he took a step back to look at her. "Grown into a fine young woman, haven't ya? Rupe would've been proud to call ya that daughter he never had."

"Thanks," Faith laughed nervously and she cast a glance back at the others as they made their way over to the front steps. "Uh, thanks for taking us in, Nelly."

"It was all a part of the greater plan, of course I had to take you lot in. Now come on, get in and out of the cold, will ya? Got a nice fire going in the den and plenty of drinks to go 'round."

"He sure is something else," Willow whispered to Faith as they followed Nelly into the house. "Oh wow."

"Damn," Faith said in awe as they walked into the foyer. The house was in two words, beyond amazing and so not what she was expecting from the looks of things on the outside. "Nice digs, Nelly."

"It's home," he said nonchalantly and waved an arm at them to follow him down the hallway. "Got too much space here. Would've sold, but Rupert and I had an agreement. I'm a man of my word as was he."

They followed him into the den, which was only lit by the roaring fire in the huge fireplace that was on the back wall, flanked by floor to ceiling windows that looked like they hadn't been cleaned in years. While everyone found a seat, Faith lingered by the edge of the fireplace, watching the flames as they licked the wood.

"Lively bunch, you lot are," Nelly laughed once everyone had settled down. "What's your poison, girl?" He asked Dawn, who was closest to where he sat in a well-worn leather arm chair.

"Uh-"

"Tea?" Xander offered and Nelly slapped his thigh, laughing heartedly.

"Tea is hardly poison," he bellowed. "But if it's tea you want, the kitchen is down the hall to the left. Can't miss it. Don't mind the mess. Fired my housekeeper just last week. Thieving whore she was. Tea'll be in the cupboard by the stove if I recall correctly."

Dawn and Xander nearly ran from the den, leaving the rest of them there with Nelly. Faith already knew him and knew what to expect. He was loud and boisterous despite his small stature, his bald head and a mouth of missing teeth. He was a straight-forward, say it how it is kind of man and she had learned during that visit she'd first met him, that he pretty much didn't have any kind of censor. Whatever crossed his mind, past his lips without a second thought.

Andrew was the one who told Nelly the story of what had been happening, since Wood hadn't told him too much over the phone. The room was silent aside from Andrew speaking and Nelly seemed to be hooked on every word. Even when Andrew over-exaggerated a few minor details, Nelly would sit forward in his chair, a glint in his eye that bordered on intrigued and amused.

Faith hadn't moved from where she stood by the fireplace, but she did make a point in looking around at the others as Andrew spoke. Willow and Buffy sat on the smaller couch, Kennedy sitting on the arm to Buffy's right. Angel was on the other couch, seated beside Andrew who was completely into telling Nelly every last detail that they knew about Azri'el and all the events that had happened the day before. Faith couldn't read Buffy that well, but she looked positively bored out of her mind. Willow on the other hand was becoming as engrossed in Andrew as he spoke as Nelly was, leaning forward during the crucial details as if it was the first time she was hearing it.

When Andrew started to repeat himself, too engrossed in his own storytelling, she slipped out of the den and headed down to the kitchen. Dawn and Xander were still in there, Xander poking through the hundreds of cupboards in the large kitchen while Dawn made up a tray with tea cups, the teapot and a plate of cookies.

"There's something about him that doesn't rub me right," Dawn said, mostly to Xander since she hadn't noticed Faith had walked in. "How Giles was ever friends with a man like him is beyond me."

"Known each other since they were kids," Faith said and she snatched a cookie off the plate. "He's a little out there, sure, but right now he's someone we can trust and this place is safe."

"For how long?" Dawn asked. "We thought the lake house was safe."

"Would've been if Buffy hadn't-"

"Stop it, Faith," Xander interrupted, placing himself between Dawn and Faith. "It was a mistake. Granted, a huge one, but a mistake nonetheless. It's over and done with."

"Over and done with?" Faith laughed bitterly. "Two girls lost their lives because of this mistake, Xander. So no, it's not over and done with. You might be willing to forget what happened yesterday, but I can't and I won't. Those girls? You didn't know them, but I did. I won't stand down and let you act like their lives meant nothing."

"I didn't mean-"

"Next time you open your mouth and talk about those girls like they were nobody and nothing, think before you speak. Their lives had meaning. The might not have been notable slayers who saved the world a lot, but they held their own when it came down to it."

"Sorry," Xander muttered under his breath, but despite the half-hearted apology, he looked sorry. "Didn't mean anything by it. I was just saying that Buffy made a mistake-"

"You're always defending her and taking her side. Don't you ever get tired of it? Don't you ever get tired of being her little lap-dog?" Faith asked, the bitterness clear in her voice and it made Xander take a few steps back.

"You're just jealous that she has someone who will be there for her when she makes these mistakes, unlike you who had nobody and you went and turned all evil and started killing people!" Dawn yelled at her and Xander clamped a hand over her mouth which she promptly shoved away. "Don't! I'm just saying exactly what you're thinking, Xander!"

"This is ridiculous," Faith laughed, throwing her hands up in the air. "I didn't come here to listen to this. Clearly you people still haven't grasped the concept of leaving the past behind and moving forward, so fuck this and fuck you."

Faith didn't give either of them a chance to say another word. She walked out of the kitchen and headed down the long hallway to the front door. She walked out into the night, slamming the door shut behind her. She was shaking and finding it harder and harder to keep her emotions in check and her anger under control.

Faith stormed down the front steps and headed to her truck, stopping to kick a small, nearly dead bush at the side of the gravel driveway. She didn't stop until the bush was trampled and broken and even then she gave it one last kick, still feeling that anger boiling in her blood.

"What did that bush ever do to you?"

Faith spun around at the sound of a man's voice she didn't recognize. Less than ten feet away a man who couldn't have been much older than thirty, cautiously approached her.

"Who are you?"

"Colin. Nelly's nephew. You must be Faith."

"How'd you guess?" Faith asked, narrowing her eyes at him as he came closer.

"Beautiful, dark hair, dangerously aggressive with hefty trust issues. Ring any bells?"

"Not the words I'd use to describe myself, but sure."

"Uncle Nelly talked about you a lot after her came back from his trip to visit Rupert in Cleveland. If I didn't know any better I would've thought the old man had a crush on you," Colin laughed and it was almost the same kind of laugh that Nelly had, but not as loud and boisterous and minus the heavy English accent. "Didn't mean to startle you. Was just coming back from a walk and saw you and your friends had arrived. Thought before I headed to my cabin, I'd stop in and introduce myself."

Faith narrowed her eyes at him again as he reached out for her hand. She didn't return the gesture. She wasn't sure she trusted this man and how could she after Azri'el had passed himself off as Buffy's latest beef-stick for months before she ended up being the one that found him out.

"I'm guessing my uncle was right about you," Colin said easily, backing up a little and he smiled a friendly smile, trying to break Faith away from behind her wall she'd put up between herself and him. "I'm sure there'll be other opportunities for us to have a proper conversation. I should go on my way and let you continue beating that poor defenseless bush."

"Hey," Faith said once he started to walk away. "Look, I ain't trying to be rude here, but we're knee deep in a pretty serious situation and the last place any of us thought we'd end up was here."

"You mean in Canada," Colin quipped. "Typical Americans. Different country, sure, but pretty much all around the same. Just a tip?" He said with a boyish smile that made him look far younger than he likely was. "We're quite a bit friendlier up around these parts. Anyone who comes through town is considered a neighbor, a friend, no matter what your real story is."

Faith couldn't help but laugh. All the anger she'd been feeling just moments ago pretty much disappeared. She reached out for Colin's hand and gave him a firm handshake. She could read people well and even in the darkness of the night, she could tell that Colin was not a threat and that he was not Azri'el or even a demon for that matter.

"Sorry," she said as she let go of his hand. "Like I said, we're all in a pretty deep sitch and I'm kind of on an edge these days."

Colin just smiled at her. Even in the darkness and the only light coming from the house, she could tell he was a handsome man, a little rough around the edges sure, but handsome regardless. And there was just something about the way he smiled, it reminded her almost of the same way that Giles would smile when they used to joke around and he was just being polite and going along with it.

"How many of you are staying?" Colin asked her as she pulled out her pack of cigarettes. She offered him one which he took.

"There's nine of us."

"But there had been more?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry for your loss," Colin said with a frown. "That couldn't have been easy. Death never is. Whatever it is you are all running from, hopefully it is safe here for you."

"Hope so too."

After they said goodnight, Colin headed down the narrow path that went through the trees on the east side of the house and Faith busied herself bringing the bags from her truck and the Escalade to the front door. It seemed to have taken her forever and she opened the front door, kicking most of the bags inside since she didn't seem to have the energy to do anything else.

She eventually joined the others in the den and the uncertainty in the air that had been there before was gone. Everyone was laughing at a story that Nelly was telling them about his school days with Giles and to Faith it felt like she'd walked into a different time, a different place. Even Angel looked happy as he laughed with the others, something that was so very rare in him especially when it came to talking about Giles.

"Faith!" Nelly laughed and he stumbled over towards her, the smell of Scotch now heavily wafting off him. He handed her a small glass, whisky on the rocks. "Thought you could use a drink, girl. Where have you been? Never mind that. Come, drink and be merry if only for one night."

"We're just about to claim rooms," Willow said as Faith took a seat next to her on the couch. "I heard the rooms near the bathrooms are the ones to stay away from," she said in low voice and Nelly erupted in laughter.

"The pipes bang, especially at night," he chuckled. "Old house, what have you."

"Thanks for the tip."

Faith wasn't sure what had happened in the half an hour she'd been gone, but whatever it was, whatever had lifted the unsureness and the tension in that room, it made her feel if not just a little bit relieved. Leave it to Nelly, a man who was virtually a stranger to all of them, to make them feel at home in his home, to make them feel like the outside world was a different reality just beyond reach, where there in that house there was nothing to threaten them, nothing after them, and nothing to bring them down any further than they already were.

Faith sat on the double bed in the room she'd ended up with. She hadn't joined the others when they headed upstairs to find a room to call their own while they were there. She had waited, let them take claim and would settle for whatever was left. It was past midnight and the house was quiet. Everyone had called it a night not even an hour before and she had retreated to her room, only saying goodnight to Nelly and a very drunk Willow with no Angel in sight.

A soft knock on her door pulled her away from her thoughts and she rose from the bed, slowly approaching the door to unlock it. She expected Willow to be on the other side, unable to sleep because she'd had a few too many drinks to handle. She even expected maybe Angel, but she definitely didn't expect to see Buffy standing there in the hallway holding two cups of what she could see was hot chocolate.

"What's up, B?"

"I couldn't sleep and I thought maybe we could talk."

"This gonna end up with us fighting and screaming at each other? Cos I'm not so sure that's gonna go over so well with everyone else that's trying to sleep right now."

Buffy didn't say a word as she handed Faith a mug and stepped past her and into the bedroom. Since Faith had been sitting in the dark, Buffy flipped on the switch, the light on the ceiling fizzling a few times before staying on in a dim glow. Faith could only shut the door behind her and she felt like she was frozen where she stood by the door. She watched Buffy as she wandered around the surprisingly spacious bedroom before she settled down on the edge of the bed near the headboard and let out an exaggerated sigh.

Faith took a sip of her hot chocolate, but it was far too sweet and too thick for her liking. Barely managing to swallow that first sip, she placed the mug on the dresser and crossed her arms over her chest.

"We never get off on the right foot, do we?" Buffy started and that made Faith laugh a little. "Most times we see each other after a period of being apart, it's one or the other greeting with a hard right hook."

"Guess some things never change."

"Faith, please don't start," Buffy frowned and she took a sip of her hot chocolate and pulled a face. "Wow, that's either way too sweet or it's stale beyond belief."

Faith stifled her laughter as Buffy placed her mug on the bedside table. She also stayed quiet since it was Buffy who had came to her to talk and she was going to let her say whatever it is she needed to say to her and hopefully she wouldn't lash out and say something stupid right back to her that sent them hurling about a hundred feet backwards from where they already were.

"I already tried to apologize once and I didn't come here to apologize again," Buffy stated and Faith crossed her arms over her chest, her face falling into an expressionless void. "I made the wrong choice. Several in fact and I'll admit that. I can't take those choices back now. It's cost a few lives already and I never wanted it to get to that point. I never thought it'd get to that point. I know how much those girls meant to you, Faith. I can't even begin to know what you felt or what you thought when you saw them after what Azri'el had done to them."

Buffy shook her head and stood up and began to pace the floor near the bed. Faith didn't move from the spot she was rooted to. She wanted to, but she couldn't seem to. She could only just stare at Buffy, watching her as she paced the floor and looked everywhere but right at her.

"I know we all have made choices and mistakes that we regret. Nobody is perfect. Not you, not even me. The last time I saw you, I felt so many things, but you know what I felt the most?"

"Jealousy?"

"I was envious," Buffy said and she frowned as she stopped pacing to stare at Faith. "I also hated that you had become Giles' slayer and that he had stopped caring about me long before he died."

"Not true," Faith said in a hushed whisper. "Never stopped caring about you, B. Might've never shown it, but he didn't stop."

"When his will was read-"

"If this is about him leaving everything to me and how you're still pissed about it, I don't want to fucking hear it right now."

"It's not! God, Faith, I cared then that he basically had written me out of his life, but I understand now why he did what he did, why he chose you instead of me."

"And why's that? Enlighten me here, B, cos you know something? I still haven't figured it out for myself."

"Because you deserved it!" Buffy almost yelled out, but controlled herself and the volume of her voice. "You deserved it because aside from him, you had nothing, Faith, and he wanted you to have something or everything that you never had. I see that now."

Faith stood there feeling a little shell-shocked hearing those words come out of Buffy's mouth. Of all the things she could've imagined that Buffy had come there to talk about, this didn't even make the cut.

"Giles loved you," Buffy said and her voice was soft, a trickle of emotion in there that Faith had never heard from her before. "Giles loved you so much, Faith and I never understood why. I never understood why he loved you the way he did, more than he ever loved me."

"What changed?"

"It was the things that Nelly talked about tonight," Buffy replied. "The way he talked about Giles, the way he talked about you and he'd only met you once. Everyone has seen you in a different light, one way or another. I never gave you that chance because I hated you."

Faith ran a shaky hand through her hair, unable to believe the conversation they were having was actually happening. Then again, Buffy had always been unpredictable and she'd had a few drinks with the others that night, although she hadn't partaken in the half a dozen round of shots that Nelly passed around like they were nothing more than water. Even still, Faith wondered if it was the small amount of alcohol that she had drank that had made her loosen her tongue just enough to talk to her like this. They never could just talk like this even though they'd had their few very small moments over the years.

"The thing is, Faith, I never really hated you."

"Right."

"You infuriate me to no end."

"Already knew that."

"You're still an asshole, even now when I'm trying to talk to you like a normal human being."

"And you're still a self-righteous bitch who has a stake wedged so far up your-"

"Stop," Buffy said in a shaky voice. "Just stop, Faith. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of the way it always has been between us."

"Ain't been no other way. So how is it supposed to be, Buffy?"

"I...I don't know anymore."

"Look, Buffy, I'm beat so why don't we pick this up tomorrow or something?" Faith said as she reached for the doorknob.

"Can't we just start over?"

Faith had to do a double take. Was Buffy pulling one over her? Reigning her in, making her trust her again just so she can turn it all around and slap Faith square in the face and make her feel like a complete failure and a loser again? She'd done it before and Faith couldn't put it past her that she'd do it again, even in a moment of weakness.

"Don't know about that, Buffy. Ain't gonna be easy."

"Nothing ever is, is it?"

"You and me? We ain't ever gotten along. Been civilized at the best at the times we needed to be, but other than that?" Faith scoffed and shook her head. "You and me? We've never gotten along and pretty sure we're not ever meant to."

"We're not the only Chosen One's anymore, Faith. There's not just two of us that aren't supposed to exist at the same time anymore. Granted, the tables have turned for now, but it's been this way for a few years now and we still haven't-we still haven't tried to start over."

"Let me get one thing straight here," Faith said and she stayed exactly where she'd been standing since Buffy came into her room. "You want to start over. Make amends, so to speak and if it wasn't for the situation we're in, would you even want to do this?"

"Don't expect me to answer that. Not now."

Faith clamped her mouth shut, knowing now was not the time to say what was on her mind. This was what she had wanted, years ago-not now-was for Buffy to come to her, wanting to start over, have a second chance, on her terms. Faith rarely ever got what she wanted and when she did, she doubted that it was even real. If it looked or sounded too good to be real, it usually always was. It was one way of thinking that she could never shake.

And just like that, all the things she ever felt when it came to Buffy, from hate to love and back again, it all came rushing back and she was powerless to stop it.

And she remembered what Angel had told her when she'd been nursing him back from the brink of insanity: when heroes fell from their glory, from their power, they cling to the only ones who understood the pain, the loss, and they would find strength and solace and love within each other through it all.