Chapter Twelve

Faith sat on Willow's bed, munching on a bag of Doritos while she listened to Willow tell her about her little confrontation she'd had with Buffy while she'd been out driving around in her truck with Andrew. Faith knew when she'd come back that something was up, especially when she didn't find Willow in the dining room researching with the others.

"So, let me get this straight," Faith said, wiping her hands on her jeans, staining the faded blue jeans an orange from the Doritos build-up on her fingers. "She was upset over this whole thing? Boy, she really can lay it on thick when she wants to."

"Yeah," Willow shrugged. "I guess so."

"You don't think she was acting, do ya?"

"It doesn't matter, Faith. Right now we have to deal with Azri'el and we have to do that spell to locate the orb and have it here with us so we can fix this whole thing. Once we do that-"

"We can find him and kick his ass?"

"Right."

"Can it be that easy?"

"We can only hope," Willow replied with a smile. "Nelly and I were looking into a way to block Azri'el from using what magic is left. There's no real way to do it, but Nelly has a few ideas. They're far fetched, but we have nothing else to go by right now and it's worth giving it a shot. We need to try something because without magic, he cannot protect himself and that can give you guys a window, one that'll be open just long enough to kill him."

Faith knew what Willow was doing and it was working. Talking about Azri'el was taking her mind off of Buffy, but not for very long. Sighing, she got up from the bed and paced around Willow's room. It was similar to hers in size, the bed and dresser roughly positioned in the same spot, but the walls were a shade of pink with peeling wallpaper boarder of roses near the ceiling. It was brighter, even at night. It just had a completely different feel that the room she'd chosen to stay in while they were there.

She glanced down at her hands, her knuckles still bruised and bloody from when she'd punched the wall the night before. They were sore, but she'd hardly noticed it most of the day, everything felt so numb since she was just being consumed by all her emotions all at once.

Andrew had a lot to say to her during their drive around the property, most of which she had pretended to ignore since she hadn't been in any mood to talk to anyone, much less him. Yet, Andrew, being as overly observant as he always was, had a few good points, especially when it came to the small changes in her personality. He had said that a lot of her had depended on the slayer, it was what gave her more than just physical strength, it had given her emotional strength. It made a lot of sense to her because of how she'd been feeling ever since. She never told him he was right though, but what he left her with had got her thinking. He had told her she was stronger than she thought she was without the slayer inside her, she just had to figure out how to bring that up to the surface.

Faith found it funny how, even though Andrew was pretty much loyal to Buffy and had been right from the start, he still had a little faith in her, still believed in her that she could be a better person and that she could be stronger without being a slayer. As annoying as she found him, she knew he was a good guy underneath that annoying personality of his and he was smart and had helped Buffy and plenty of others out of a couple of nasty jams in the past, herself and Angel included.

She thought back to what Willow had just told her about Buffy and it set off a whole new slew of questions that fired off one by one, over and over again. Buffy had feelings for her and she sure had a strange way of showing it. They both had what seemed like mutual feelings, be it because of their lingering slayer connection or not. A relationship was pretty much out of the question and she knew it would take far too much work for it to actually work out. After all was said and done, once they had defeated Azri'el and restored the slayer essence to all those who had it before, they would go back to their normal lives, living on the opposite sides of the country. There was no way any kind of a relationship would work between them, not even a friendship since it was apparent that not even a friendship could last between Buffy and Willow when they weren't living in the same city as each other.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Willow asked her, smiling when Faith looked over at her.

"Gonna cost ya more than a penny for these thoughts, Wil."

"What are we talking about here? Ten, twenty dollars?"

Faith chuckled and wiggled her eyebrows. "Can't put a price on these thoughts of mine."

"Faith..." Willow whined and Faith reached behind her and threw the pillow at her, narrowly missing her face. "You're such an ass."

"Do ya think we'll be back home for Christmas?" Faith asked her.

"I don't know. I hope so."

"Yeah, me too. If not, you'll have to forgive me if I end up finding your gifts in this house and you can't say they're really crappy cos it's not like I can leave to get ya something good for Christmas and before you say it, yeah I know you don't celebrate it. Doesn't meant I can't get ya a little something."

"It's called online shopping," Willow said, coughing as she motioned to her laptop. "The connection is a hit and miss here, but sometimes it works."

Faith laughed and reached for the other pillow only to find the first one flying back at her and hitting her square in the face. It warmed her heart to know she had someone like Willow in her life, someone who cared and who she could be herself with, even now where they were, the situation they were in, it made everything feel like no matter what did happen between then and the time they finally got to go home, they'd get through it together.

"...and we're expecting at least thirty-seven additional centimeters of snow by tomorrow morning. Expect massive delays during morning rush hour..."

"How many inches is that?" Dawn asked, sounding bored out of her mind as they all sat around the den, the fire crackling and the only thing keeping the house just a little bit warmer than freezing.

It had started snowing hard early in the evening and it wasn't long before the power was knocked out by the high winds whipping and roaring outside. It meant one thing since the only room in the house with a wood burning fireplace was in the den, that they'd all be stuck in there together throughout the night. Faith wasn't happy and she'd dragged one of the armchairs over to the furthest corner of the room just to put some distance between her and Buffy.

"We've already got about twenty," Colin said as he peered out the window. "If we get what they just said on the storm radio, we'll have-in inches-twenty-one inches of snow by the morning."

"That's a lot of snow!" Andrew exclaimed and he jumped off the couch and joined Colin at the window. "What if we're snowed in for days? What if we don't have any power? The food! We're going to run out of food because it'll spoil without power!"

"Relax," Colin laughed. "Nelly and I are always prepared. The fridge can be hooked up to propane and we got a few cylinders in the cellar that are full and ready to go. We have plenty of supplies and food to get us through at least a week, but here? We're used to heavy snowfalls and it won't be more than a day before the power is back on. Trust me, Andy."

Faith laughed quietly to herself and pulled the wool blanket she'd grabbed from the dresser in her room tighter around her. Since she was further from the fireplace, it was cooler and she couldn't stop shivering. She kept cursing that this had happened in winter and she remembered what Jamie had said back at the lake house how she wished that it had happened during the summer. Faith was starting to wish that same thing too. Despite growing up in Boston, she'd never get used to the cold, just like she could never get used to the hot, humid summers in Cleveland either.

Faith looked over at Buffy. She was sitting on the couch next to Dawn and Xander. Willow was sitting next to her on the other side and they were talking quietly, occasionally laughing at something that one of them said. Nelly was in his chair closest to the fire, already snoring and perfectly comfortable despite this sudden snowstorm that kind of threw them all for a loop. Wood was resting on one of the half a dozen cots that Colin had brought in earlier and beside him Angel sat on another, a candle burning near him and his full attention on a book, an old novel Faith was pretty sure she'd seen him read a hundred times before back in London.

She hadn't seen or talked to Angel much in a couple of days. He seemed to be keeping to himself and that was something she was so used to it hadn't even registered in her mind that in the midst of everything, the one person that meant a lot to her was noticeably absent. Yet, he seemed unnerved about it, too engrossed in his book to bother with what was happening around him. Faith had always admired him for that, his ability to just shut out the rest of the world and be at one with himself, whether if it was with a book or a nice blend of warm blood in his favorite mug. She did keep thinking about whether Angel knew what had happened between her and Buffy and what he thought if he did know. Was he avoiding her purposely? Or was he just doing what he always does and still completely oblivious to what had happened over the last couple of days? She was almost afraid to know the answer to that question.

Her attention spanned over to Colin and Andrew, both still standing at the window and watching the storm roaring outside. It didn't take a genius to know there was something going on between them and over the past month, the signs were all there. The subtle flirting, the looks exchanged between the two, the casual yet sneaky touches they exchanged when they were close. Faith had her suspicions about Andrew for a long time, they all did, but after getting to know Colin a little bit, she was surprised when it came to him. Especially in his taste of men. Apparently he preferred his men smaller than average, geeky beyond belief with a tendency to talk way too much about anything and everything.

Everyone deserves love, one way or another, however it comes.

Staying on the love train of thought, Faith thought about Dawn and Xander. They weren't overly affectionate, barely if that. She had a feeling that things had been hard between them and it had been that way for quite some time. The two barely spend time together, especially alone, and when they were together, they didn't act like a couple and they barely even looked at each other. Faith had a feeling in her gut that something wasn't right in their relationship and a part of her felt a bit sad about that. Those fake memories that still felt so very real when it came to Dawn, she still felt that Dawn deserved that piece of happiness, to know the love of someone who truly, deeply, madly loved her. Maybe Xander did once, but whatever they had had years ago, whatever magic that had sparked between them, it was long gone and it had been for a long time.

And when it came to Kennedy, the way she would look at Willow sometimes wasn't lost on her. Not at all. She could see the longing, the hurt, the guilt-she could see everything just in a split second when her eyes would linger on Willow. She missed her, but was holding herself back. Willow had been the one that broke up with her and even after nearly two years, she was still hurting from that, still reeling from the loss. Kennedy was feeling her own sense of loss as well, the loss of her slayer essence and there was no doubt in Faith's mind that she was now just understanding what Willow had gone through after the Seed had been destroyed and likely understanding, finally, why Willow had broken up with her and left San Francisco.

When it came to Wood, she knew he was hurting over the loss of three slayers under his care. He had grown to love those girls, those three out of the many that came and went from under his care and in his home. Faith could see that hurt every time she looked at him and it was disheartening to see him so broken. There wasn't anything she could do about it either. They were on good terms, but only to a point. Wood was a friend in a sense to her, but they didn't talk about anything other than slayer related business. Their tried and failed relationship was long gone, one for the history books of relationships if one could call it that. Even through everything the two had been through, Faith just couldn't write him off because it didn't work out. He wasn't the one, he wasn't close to being the one, but he had shown her kindness when nobody else had, he had shown her tenderness and what it was like to slow down and really live in the moment even if it didn't matter in the end.

The sound of Buffy's laughter brought her back down and away from the many thoughts that consumed her. Her eyes fell upon Buffy and she couldn't look at away. Just looking at her brought her back to the first time that Buffy kissed her and to how things had gotten so out of hand. It felt like it had happened a million years ago even though it had just been the day before. Every moment was burned in her mind, front, back and center and she couldn't shake the feeling of how Buffy's lips had felt against her own, how good it felt with Buffy so close to her, so close she could feel her inside and out and everything in between.

"Couple shots of whisky for your thoughts?" Willow asked as she stood in front of Faith holding a bottle in one hand and two shot glasses in the other. "What do you say?"

"I say...you won't make it past three before you're praying to the porcelain gods all night long, Wil," Faith chuckled and she shook her head. Willow just wasn't going to leave it alone until she told her something, anything that was on her mind. "Besides, it's gonna cost ya a whole lot more than some primo whisky to get these thoughts outta my head."

"If you're doing shots, I'm in," Kennedy said as she sauntered over to them and she placed an empty shot glass on the arm of the chair Faith was sitting in. "Pour it up, Faith."

Laughing, Faith took the two shot glasses from Willow and lined them up beside the one Kennedy placed on the arm of her chair. It was Willow who poured the whisky into each glass, careful not to spill a drop. Faith raised the glass she picked up and waited for Willow and Kennedy to join her in a silent toast before the three of them downed the shot of whisky, it going down hard for all of them.

"If that's my Glenfarclas bottle, you best be sharing it with everyone," Nelly grunted from his chair, his eyes barely open. "That right there? Cost about two grand for a bottle like that these days."

"Shit," Faith groaned as she grabbed the bottle from Willow. "Where'd you get this expensive hooch from, Nelly?"

"Collected over the years. Got a cellar full. If we're gonna drink the best of the best, it's best everyone gets a taste."

"Should I not have grabbed this one?" Willow asked as she grabbed the bottle back from Faith. "Can we pay him back for this?"

"No need, girl," Nelly laughed as he rose from his chair. "Been saving that for a rainy day. Snow, rain, what's the difference now, eh?"

"We need to pay him back," Willow said in an exaggerated whisper. "It feels wrong."

Faith took her shot first, the burn feeling good as the whisky slid down her throat. Kennedy took her shot easily, but Willow coughed, sputtered and shakily put the glass down on the arm of the chair and handed the bottle to Faith. While she poured them each a second shot, she could feel the eyes of the others in the room on them. Sure it was irresponsible to be drinking, but they were snowed in and tired of endless days of researching. They needed a little bit of fun in their lives even if it was with a bottle of very ridiculously expensive whisky.

They slowed things down after that, already feeling that delicious buzz off two shots. Faith kind of missed being a slayer. It'd always meant it took her just a little bit more to feel that buzz. But she wasn't a lightweight, never had been and even though it wasn't something she was proud of, she knew she could still keep her head together with a few drinks in her if it came down to it.

The three of them ended up sitting on the floor by the chair, talking quietly, mostly casual talk about what they'd all been up to over the last couple of years and slaying related talk ensued between Faith and Kennedy. There were a few laughs, a few awkward moments of silence when Kennedy asked Willow if she'd been dating anyone. The whole time they were talking, Faith kept looking across the room at Buffy, unable to stop herself each and every time she did. She wasn't the only one doing it, Buffy would look at her too, coincidentally almost at the exact moment her eyes wandered over the room and just so happened to land on her as she sat on the couch with Dawn, Xander having moved over to the cots and was now engaged in a conversation with Wood and Angel.

One by one, they started to fall asleep as the night drew on until it was only Faith and Buffy still awake, their eyes lingering on one another for mere moments at a time before one or the other would look away like nothing had happened. The whisky, just a few shots of it, had dulled Faith's mind and she was grateful for that, but it didn't dim that buzz she knew she felt because Buffy was there in the room with her.

When she felt that familiar tug of sleep, she didn't move from where she sat in the chair. Moving meant she'd be closer to where Buffy was and she already felt she was close enough as it was. The last things she thought of before she fell asleep was how much easier it'd be if nothing had happened between them, if she hadn't told Willow what she felt about Buffy and if, when it came down to it all, that she just didn't feel the way she did.

But she couldn't help it. There was just something about her that once she got in under your skin and in your heart and soul, you just couldn't shake it. At least now Faith could handle it better than she could years ago when it had driven and literally pushed her over the edge the more she had fought it.

Faith woke up early in the morning, far too early. The fire was still going strong and she suspected one of them had been keeping it burning all night long to keep the warmth in the room. She wrapped her blanket around her and grabbed the flashlight by her chair. Quietly, she made her way out of the den and headed upstairs to the bathroom.

Faith didn't make it close to the bathroom. Buffy stood there by the door, her own blanket wrapped around her and she was without a flashlight. Careful not to shine the light into Buffy's face, Faith could see that she'd been crying, her eyes red and her cheeks stained with tears. Lowering her light, she took a hesitant step forward.

"B? You okay?"

"No," she whispered. "I am not okay."

"What ya doing up here?"

"I had to use the bathroom," she replied and she scoffed, shaking her head as Faith turned to walk back towards the stairs. "So you're still purposely avoiding me?"

"Pretty much," Faith replied as she came to a standstill. She turned around to look back at Buffy. "What you crying for?"

"Like you care."

"Try me."

Buffy shook her head no and tried to walk past Faith. With a huff, Faith grabbed her and stopped her from walking away. Faith let go of her arm and stood there, staring at her, her hand that held the flashlight shaking-mostly from it being so cold up there and too because she wasn't sure what the hell was going on between them right now.

"What's got you all worked up and upset?" Faith tried again.

"How could I have been so stupid?" Buffy said, not as a question but more of a statement. Faith shrugged and was getting the feeling that this wasn't about what had happened between them. "How could I have not known who he was? When I met him, I was still a slayer and I should've been able to see that he was different, that something wasn't right, that he wasn't human, but boy did he ever look and feel human to me."

"It's just a mistake, Buffy. These things happen."

"To me! These things happen to me! You were barely at the lake house for a few hours and you figured out who he really was. He was in my life for months and I didn't even know!"

"Buffy-"

"No, don't touch me, don't tell me that people make mistakes and that it's okay. I made the biggest mistake allowing him into my life and now three girls are dead and god knows how many others he's killed before them or since."

Faith took a few deep breaths and wrapped her arms around Buffy, ignoring the chill in the air as her blanket fell from around her. She held Buffy close, feeling her entire body shudder as she started crying. She had no idea why she was doing this, why she was holding Buffy instead of letting her deal with this on her own. But there was something about the way she had looked at her when she spoke, the fear and guilt so heavy in her voice. Faith gingerly kissed the side of her head, something she didn't realize she was doing until she pulled away.

"Faith? What-"

"Look, Azri'el probably had a spell working in his favor, making sure you didn't and couldn't figure out who he really was that whole time. It's all a part of this messed up game he's playing with us, all right? It's not your fault-well, maybe it is a little cos you never gave any of us a heads up when your powers were taken from ya, but still, it's not entirely your fault, B," Faith whispered and she continued to hold on to Buffy tight, keeping her close to her. "We're gonna figure this out. Gonna promise ya that when it's all over, things will be right as rain again."

"When this is all over," Buffy said and she looked right into Faith's eyes. Even in the dim light coming from the flashlight still in Faith's hand, she could see the intensity that shone in Buffy's eyes and it was drawing her in. "When this is all over, I want to figure out how to fix all the things that went wrong over the years. I want to fix things with Willow, but most importantly, I want to figure out whatever it is that's going on between us."

"Buffy-"

"I know this is crazy, but it's there and it's real and I can't deny it anymore, Faith. I don't want to and the things I felt during that spell, everything I felt coming from you, it woke something up inside of me. It's driving me crazy because all I want is for you to stop fighting this, stop fighting me and whatever it is you're afraid of."

Buffy gently cupped Faith's face and pulled her in for a soft lingering kiss. Faith felt it then, she knew she did, because it was warm and real and it was pulling her in. She could feel the intensity of Buffy's feelings, all of them all at once and it made her reel back. She pulled back from Buffy's lips and dropped the flashlight to the floor.

Giving in meant she would give up the fight she'd been fighting, the fight to keep herself from falling in love with Buffy. She knew she already loved her, those feelings were there and burning stronger than ever, but to fall in love with Buffy was the one thing that really scared her. It was new and something she had zero experience with. And it was Buffy, someone she'd never thought in a million lifetimes would ever even entertain the notion of being with someone like her.

If Willow and Nelly had never tried that spell, they wouldn't even be in this situation, fighting and yet clinging to what they felt between them and what was left of their connection. Faith knew that if that spell had never happened, that connection she could feel with Buffy wouldn't be as open as it was for them now, especially with them clinging to each other.

"We can take things slow," Buffy whispered and she frowned when Faith turned to look away from her. "We can even wait until we deal with Azri'el to figure out what's going on between us if that's what you want."

"What I want?" Faith asked. "There are a lot of things that I want."

For you to leave me alone, let me deal with this in my own way without you making things even more complicated than they already are.

For you to let me figure out what I want when it comes to you without you being right there in front of me, making it hard for me to think clearly.

For you not to love me, for you to act like I don't matter to you, like it was before.

All the things she couldn't say, repeated over and over in her mind. She wanted to go tell Buffy to leave her alone, to fuck off and all the other things she'd said to her over the past couple of days when they found themselves this close to each other, but she couldn't and she didn't understand why. Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed. How or when or why, Faith didn't know.

Maybe I'm just stuck in a dream and I'll wake up any minute now. Yep. Any minute now...

"What do you want, Faith?" Buffy asked her and she blinked, feeling a little confused, her mind elsewhere. "Name one thing that you want and it could be anything."

"I want to not be here in this sitch and feeling weak and helpless, for starters," she replied and when Buffy rolled her eyes, she dropped her arms from around her and took a step back. She bent down and picked up her blanket, wrapping it around her before reaching for the flashlight. "I want things to go back to the way they were where the only thing I had to deal with was trying to figure out how to hunt down the vamps since things had gotten pretty slow lately. Damn, we even thought we were finally winning the good fight and bam, this shit happens."

"We were winning, we still are."

"Whatever, the point is there are a lot of things that I want and I know better than to be stupid thinking that I'll get any of it. Thing is? I haven't had it all that easy in life and me getting what I want? It doesn't always work out the way I always hope it will."

"Everything is different now, Faith."

"No shit," Faith chuckled bitterly. "I wouldn't change anything except for that bastard taking the one thing that made me me and I want to kill him for putting us through this shit right now. For all we know, he's out there killing off former slayers, one by one."

"What else do you want?"

"How about you, B?" Faith asked her. "What do you want?"

"Like you, I want a lot of things. I want things to go back to normal and no, not the way they'd been in recent years, but back to the way things had been when we were all in Sunnydale. I want my friends, all of them, back in my life and I want to go through all of the little experiences that make life interesting and I want for us to go through them all, the good and the bad, together, like it used to be."

Faith understood what she was getting at. She missed the way life had been before the end of Sunnydale, before everyone went off around the world, doing their own thing, before Scotland and the school they had there, and definitely before that whole Twilight mess. Faith missed it too, but what she missed the most was having Giles around, knowing he was there for her on her side and would have her back when she needed him the most.

"I want a lot of things, Faith. I know you don't understand that what I feel is very real. I know you're wondering if it's just because of the spell, but I can tell you one thing," she said quietly and she held her gaze with Faith. She took a deep yet shaky breath and let it out slowly. "What I feel when it comes to you, it didn't just happen because of the spell. I've always felt a lot of things when it came to you and so much of it was so confusing for me and it still is. I know this isn't ideal, I know this isn't something any of us saw coming, but what I want is for you to stop pushing me away, stop fighting this and let me in. Let me love you the way I know you want me to."

"We got some heavy history between us, Buffy. If I stop fighting this and give in, how's it gonna work? It's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard and we're gonna fight no matter what, cos fighting? That's what we do best, isn't it?" Faith asked her and she groaned and moved to sit down on the top step of the stairs. "You drive me crazy sometimes, you know that? You don't even have to be around and just thinking about you gets me all riled up."

"I'm sorry?" Buffy offered, the look on her face obvious she had no idea what else to say as she sat down next to Faith.

"When ya kissed me, it threw me cos it was completely out of nowhere, at least it was for me. Don't know what went through your head when you just up and kissed me like that."

"I don't know either, but it just felt like the right thing to do."

"Right, cos you're all about making the right decisions whenever ya get the chance," Faith scoffed and she looked over at her. "You being like this with me right now? It's kind of wigging me out."

"Why?"

"Cos it's you, B."

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"You don't get it, do you?" Faith asked her and she just stared at her, waiting for her to continue. "The funny thing is, I've always felt something for you and even when I tried to push it all down, deny and ignore it, turns out I wasn't too good at hiding it like I thought. When I told Wil the other day that I-how I-well, she already knew."

"She did?"

"She blurted it out before I even got there," Faith replied and she shrugged. "Whatever, the point is, you being like this with me right now? After kissing me and basically telling me ya want me and whatever, it's thrown me and I don't know how to deal with this."

"Because it's me."

"Right."

"Because it's so hard to believe that someone like me would ever feel the way I do about someone like you? Because we have history? Because even after we've tried to be friends since we've been here, it never quite works out? Well, forget about all of that, Faith. Sometimes people just feel the way they do, sometimes they don't know it until something inside them clicks and then everything that was confusing and frustrating and every other "ing" that it's been in the past, it suddenly all makes sense."

Faith sighed and stared down at the beam of light shining from the flashlight. What Buffy was saying to her was a lot to soak in. The thing she wondered is why Buffy was trying to pursue something with her, why now, why after years of not even bothering to keep in touch Buffy suddenly wanted something with her? Was it a relationship she was after? Or just something on a more casual basis with plenty of sex and none of that mushy, messy relationship stuff Faith wasn't even remotely experienced in?

"What do ya want from me, Buffy?" Faith asked her, suddenly feeling so tired and feeling like this was the hundredth time she'd asked her that question over the span of a couple of days.

"You know what surprises me the most about you?" Buffy asked her, ignoring her question. "The fact that you feel the way you do about me and when I throw myself at you, tell you that I want you and that I want you to stop fighting this and see where it takes us, you keep pushing me away."

"You expected me to fall in line, give in without a single thought?" Faith asked, chuckling dryly as she gripped the flashlight harder. "Thing is, if something like this happened years back, if you'd came out and kissed me like that, I wouldn't have stopped, wouldn't have thought twice about getting some and having my way with you. Thing is, Buffy, I haven't been like that for a long time and that's something about myself I'm actually proud of, you know?"

"And you know what else is surprising?" Buffy asked her and she shook her head no. "This is the longest we've ever talked, ever."

"Yeah well, you're the type of chick who likes to talk about all these feelings and things like that and me? Never thought I had it in me. Guessing being friends with Wil helped me have a bit of an easier time just opening up when it comes down to it."

"She's good like that. It's a part of many things that make her an amazing friend to have."

The sadness in Buffy's voice was apparent, but even Faith knew that it wasn't just Willow's fault they'd fallen out. It was Buffy's too, for becoming so wrapped up in her own life in San Francisco after Willow left that she just didn't bother. Faith knew there had to have been a lot more to it, but Willow never told her anything more than what she already knew about. She always thought Willow would be at Buffy's side right to the end, until Willow showed up in London, until Willow disappeared for a while and showed up in Cleveland looking for a place to stay. Willow could've chosen to go back to San Francisco, go back to Buffy and the others, but for whatever reason, she'd decided to come to her, of all people.

"What happened with you guys?" Faith asked, needing to hear Buffy's side of things just so she could finally understand.

"I was angry at her for leaving, for going to London to help you and Angel. After she disappeared, that anger was still there and when she ended up in Cleveland and she called Dawn, I was still angry at her, but I couldn't even remember why. I thought she'd come back home, to us, not you."

"I'm thinking you two need to work things out."

"I know. I'm just-I don't know what to say to her."

"Could start out by apologizing for being such a bitch."

"Gee thanks, Faith, for saying it a lot nicer than she did."

Faith smirked, remembering that day Willow had talked to Buffy and called her some pretty nasty names. Even she couldn't believe Willow had been capable of saying something like that to someone who used to be her best friend.

"Everything is so different now," Buffy mused. "So much has happened, so much has changed. Not just recently, but over the years. Do you want to know why I never told anyone when I had my power stripped from me? It wasn't just because I was afraid. I was relieved. I thought maybe I could finally have a normal life, but knew that would never happen. Slayer or not, every demon and vampire out there know who I am, or will find out who I used to be and I would be forever looking behind my back, wondering if that day would be the last day of my life because I wouldn't be able to fight back if they attacked."

"You don't want to be a slayer anymore?"

"That's the thing, I thought I didn't want to be, but coming here, hiding out in this place with everyone else, I realized something. If I'm not a slayer, then who am I, really?"

Faith nodded in understanding, knowing exactly what she was getting at. She'd thought the same thing too, plenty of times, and she never got the answer she kept expecting to follow that question.

Their conversation had taken a sudden turn, but she knew it was far from over yet. Strangely, even when things had been feeling overwhelming and intense, deep down she felt comfortable talking to Buffy like that, opening up to her and just letting it out instead of trying to run away from having that conversation in the first place.

Nothing had ever gone right in her life, or if it did, she always thought something would happen that would change that. It wasn't because she thought the world was out to get her, it was just the way it was. What Buffy wanted with her, she still wasn't sure, but she was now wondering if it'd be a mistake not to give in and see where things went. Whether they ended badly or good, she wouldn't know if she didn't take that chance and she knew one way or another, she'd regret it down the line.

"I'll let you in, B," she whispered, unsure if she said it or just thought it. "I'll stop fighting this, stop pushing you away and we'll just...see what happens. But-"

"I knew there was going to be a but," Buffy frowned. "But we have to focus on this situation, resolve it before we can really figure things out between us, don't we?"

"Got it in one. Now, let's get back downstairs where it's warm and get some sleep."

Buffy reluctantly agreed and followed Faith back downstairs. They didn't say another word, barely cast another look at one another as they settled down, Buffy on the couch by herself and Faith back sitting in the armchair.

Faith had a lot on her mind, but somehow she felt like maybe everything was going to be all right in the end. She just had to let it happen. Easier said than done.