A/N: What have I done? Well, seeing as many of you (including me) enjoyed 'The Big House' short that I made, I was listening to some songs when I got this song stuck in my head. And, I thought it'd be a funny duo with Hans. I wasn't sure who to have him sing it with, but Elsa kept popping up in my head...don't ask questions and enjoy XD
Song: 'I'm Number One' from Muppets: Most Wanted
Elsa and Hans had just stolen some royals jewels. They hid in their bedroom. Being peasants wasn't easy for them, but they had been living well of of everything they had stolen.
"We did it, honey." Elsa panted.
"I'm still surprised you managed to keep up with me. I've never seen you run that fast, except when chocolate or I'm in the room." Hans smirked.
Elsa wiggled her finger. "Ah, ah, ah, dear. Manners, manner! Remember who Arendelle's worst criminal is?"
Hans frowned and muttered, "You…"
Elsa cupped her ear and leaned in. "What's that, love?"
"I said, you, my little snowflake. You're one, I'm two. I think you've mentioned that before." Hans spat.
"Oh, don't worry, love. I'll get my name written in history as the worst criminal in the world."
"You mean both our names, right?"
Elsa smiled. "Of course, dear. My name first, and then, spacebar, spacebar, spacebar, your name!"
"Sure." Hans said, dully.
I'm number one, you're number two
We're criminals at large, but I'm at larger than you
I'm number one, you're number two
Elsa leaned in and lifted Hans' chin with her finger. He slowly smiled back at her, lost in her crystal blue eyes.
I believe in equality as long as you get less than me
She gave his face a small slap, and she began to walk around the living room. Climbing out of a window, she entered an alley.
I'm one
Hans sighed. "You're one."
You're number two
"I'm number two."
You may think that you're smarter, but I'm smarter-er than you!
Hans grimaced. "Did you just say 'smarter-er'?"
He climbed out of the window after her.
I'm number one, you're number two
You're lucky to be number two, not number three!
Hans rolled his eyes and folded his arms. Elsa approached him and poked his nose with her finger.
I can see by the look in your eye
You want to get a bigger piece of the pie.
Sneaking behind him, she placed her hands on his shoulders.
One day, you'll get your chance.
Then, she shoved him forward with a smirk.
But in the meantime you've got to dance, monkey, dance!
Hans rolled his eyes and began to tap dance.
"Really? I hate dancing."
Do it, dance monkey dance!
Elsa began to dance herself. Hans sighed and sat down on the ground to watch her.
I'm number two, she's number one
I can't believe I'm working for an insane woman
I'm number two, she's number one
Elsa shouted, "I'M NUMBER ONE!"
Hans stood up and shrugged. Elsa continued dancing around him, taunting him. He ignored her and climbed inside the house, through the window.
You know life's gone to the dogs, when your boss is your wife!
Then, he imagined the house was glamorous and filled with expensive furniture. The floor was marble and a chandelier was hanging from the ceiling.
I can see it's just a matter of time
On the wall was a huge portrait of Elsa. Hans took it down and tossed it aside.
Before she's gone and I'm at the front of the line!
It won't be long 'til I'll get my chance
But in the meantime, I've got to dance monkey dance
He began tap dancing again, but even faster. He smiled proudly, as Elsa climbed back inside.
"Now, watch me!" she said.
She tap danced just as fast, causing Hans to stop. They stood next to each other, and she embraced him in her arms. They began to waltz.
I'm number one!
She's number one
You're number two
I'm number twooo
"That's it, love! There you go. Now, step aside. This ain't your show!" Elsa said, shoving him away.
I'm one!
Hans imitated her. I'm one
I'm number one
Yes, we knoooowww
I'm number oooooooooonnnneeee
She's number oooonnnnnneeeee
Elsa spun around him and fell backwards, purposely. Hans gasped and caught her in his arms.
She smirked. "That's how it's done!"