Everything Is Different Now
Chapter 2
February 3, 2013
Dr. Laura Frederick recording data of new patient: John Doe.
Patient is believed to be Native American. Patient is male, 6' 7" tall, weight 205 lbs., black hair, brown eyes. Patient's identity
is unknown. Next of kin contact attempts have been unsuccessful. He has been comatose at times and has been unable or
unwilling to divulge information to assist in notifying his family, if any. Patient is a ward of the state of Oregon at this time. Custody
will transfer to me as primary physician as of February 4, 2013.
Patient has been institutionalized since November 2006, exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia and extreme depression as well as at
least partial amnesia. At times patient has been delusional with some psychotic episodes, also was in a catatonic state for 13 months
during 2006 and 2007. Patient is currently under no pharmaceutical regimen. He has shown remarkable resistance to all drugs
administered and/or tested. Patient has been alert and somewhat cooperative for the past 6 months resulting in transfer of his care to
this physician for ongoing therapy and clinical trials.
My first meeting with the patient occurred on January 14, 2013 at the Oregon State Regional Mental Hospital in Portland, Oregon. He was
severely restrained, strapped to his bed in his room, arms, legs, torso and head immobilized. He initially was hostile and belligerent but
gradually calmed during our conversation. I seated myself out of his line of sight for the first hour of the session and then approached him
to assess his demeanor with closer contact. He seemed to make a concerted effort to remain calm after that point and I was encouraged
that his improvement might be continued. After speaking with him for approximately 1 hour, I directed that all restraints be removed,
continuing the session for another 2 hours and after consulting with the Hospital Administrator, I made arrangements for him to be transferred
to a residential facility annexed to my office in Boulder, Colorado. I made the determination that a more normal atmosphere and home-like
environment would be conducive to helping him make progress toward his mental health goals.
There has been one setback episode between that initial meeting and the date of this data entry. On January 23, 2013, when the patient was
informed that he would be moved to the Colorado facility, a psychotic break occurred and the patient had to be physically restrained after
becoming agitated and violent. Since the patient is resistant to all medications, and could not be calmed, strap restraints were utilized to secure
him to his bed in an attempt to prevent physical injury to himself and others. I was called in to consult and spoke with Mr. Doe at length. He was
calm and lucid and when I discussed the location and nature of the facility which I had proposed for his transfer, he acquiesced and I ordered him
released from the restraints.
Mr. Doe arrived at the Colorado facility on February 1, 2013. Since his arrival, he has expressed his pleasure and happiness at the surroundings
and his new circumstances. I have had 2 sessions with the patient, both of which were initial data collection and personality profile. Most significantly
since his arrival, the patient has given me a name other than John Doe. I have agreed to keep this new information confidential. The patient says that
his name is Jacob Black and his home is on the west coast of the state of Washington.
Specifics:
Patient initially became severely depressed over the loss of a girlfriend to a rival in July of 2006. He left his home and contacted no family for approximately
5 weeks, his whereabouts were unknown. He returned to his home area in August of that year and continued to exhibit symptoms of depression,
culminating in a psychotic episode in September, after which he once again disappeared without any evidence of his status or location. According to the
patient, during an attempt to return to his home, he was involved in an automobile accident and initially hospitalized with numerous physical injuries
ranging from cuts and contusions to broken bones and some internal bleeding. He left that hospital less than 24 hours after being admitted and again
attempted to return to his home, on foot. He was discovered some hours later, re-injured and unconscious with no identification. Once he regained
consciousness, patient refused to disclose the origin or cause of his injuries, insisting he did not know what happened or who he was. He was housed
as a general patient in a regional medical center but was subsequently moved to a mental facility following further psychotic episodes and bouts of
escalating violence followed by deep depression. Earlier physician reports indicate the delusional behavior seemingly resulted from the depression and
increased with the breaks, which became persistent when the patient attempted to assert his identity in an effort to be released from the facility.
Patient has claimed that the rival to whom the girlfriend was lost is a vampire and that the former girlfriend is now also a vampire. He also claims the
girlfriend and her now husband are the parents of a hybrid vampire/human child, a female, who he says is his soulmate and that he is destined to be
forced to spend the rest of his life loving and protecting her.
Furthermore, Mr. Black claims that legends of his people that state that they are descended from wolves are true and that he, himself is a shape-shifter
who can turn into a large wolf. The patient runs a constant body temperature of 108.9 degrees approximately, and claims this is due to his status as a
shape-shifter wolf and is also the cause of his resistance to all medications. Patient has exhibited remarkably fast healing capabilities from injuries
sustained during violent episodes as well as those he sustained before his entry into the mental health system.
(See medical records and accompanying x-rays)
Initial Impressions:
Mr. Black seems to be settling in well in his new surroundings. He says he likes Colorado, particularly the mountains and forests. He has reported some
disturbing dreams that have interrupted his sleep but seems to think that these will decrease with time. He further reports that chest pains and other
severe body aches that he experienced when he first left his home, and that continued unabated until January of this year have all but ceased without
the benefit of any medication. One notable circumstance, Mr. Black claims that he is no longer the soulmate of the daughter of the former girlfriend and
the rival. He reports that he has been "released" from that so-called obligation as of January of this year. He has expressed his pleasure at this development.
I feel that with continued therapy Mr. Black will make significant progress in resolving his remaining emotional issues. It is possible that a reasonably
complete recovery can be achieved with patience and his cooperation. I have requested that Mr. Black keep a journal of his thoughts and opinions of his
treatment with particular emphasis on his perceived progress as well as any noteworthy dream sequences he may experience.
Journal of Jacob Black, Boulder, Colorado, February 2013
I want to start out by saying that I am extremely happy with where I'm living now. I also want to backtrack a little bit, to before I came here, and
record some thoughts about that time.
When Bella first left me to marry the leech, I mean Edward; I was so upset I took off and didn't contact my Dad or anyone else for several weeks. I
came back the day of their wedding and when I found out about their honeymoon 'plans', since I knew that Bella would probably be killed if she
engaged in sexual activities with the bloodsucker, I lost it again and took off. I returned in September and they were back from their trip and I
went to see Bells. I'll wrap this up as quick and neat as I can, which will be unique cause nothing about any of this has been quick or neat yet.
Bella had a baby a couple weeks later, she 'died' and I was tied for eternity to the baby because I imprinted on it. I lost my shit again and took
off intending to stay wolf in the woods as long as I possibly could, forever if I could do it. The physical and emotional pain that hit me when I
tried to run away from my imprint was more than I could endure and I tried to return to La Push. I totaled my Rabbit and was banged up pretty
bad. I wound up in a hospital in Oregon with some pretty severe injuries. I left the hospital in the middle of the night and tried to wolf it back
home. I had no car, no money, no clothing and no choice, in anything. While I was running, I talked to Embry for a bit and told him about the
imprint. He promised to keep it to himself as long as he could. Just after he phased out, I was pounded out of my head by a wall of mud and
water and I woke up in another hospital with everyone asking me who I was. I decided for the time being, I'd pretend I had amnesia and I kept
quiet. I had a lot of time to lay there and fume about the whole fucked up situation and a blanket of anger fell over me and just stayed there.
I couldn't figure out how to make anyone understand or believe what had happened to me so I just gave up and shut down. Finally I ended up
in a mental hospital in Portland. For several years, I was kept there, prevented from seeing anyone. This included my family since I was still
refusing to identify myself. The main problem was the distance I'd put between myself and that imprint which caused horrible chest pains and
body spasms, nightmares and sweats, and no drugs could even make a dent in any of the agony. The pain overwhelmed me and I couldn't control
myself. I was angry and violent and the strain of not phasing was killing me. I spent a lot of time on lockdown. The caring staff would tie me to
my bed and leave me in the dark for a few hours. They thought it worked because I'd get so tired and just give up fighting. I'd let myself drown
in the pain, let the sorrow overtake me. That more or less took all the fight out of me and I'd be quiet and docile for them. They'd unstrap me
and things would be quiet until something else reminded me of the past and the situation I was in now and I'd get pissed off again. I spent a lot
of time up close and personal with those straps.
For reasons I don't guess I'll ever understand, somebody called a new psychologist to come see me. Her name is Dr. Laura Frederick and she's a
miracle. The moment she came to see me in Portland for the first time I had a feeling that she would be different, that things would be different.
Her voice was amazing and calmed the wolf in a way I'd never experienced. When she finally moved to where I could see her, our eyes met and
all connection to Bella's baby was broken and all the constant pain I had endured for almost seven years stopped, instantly. The feeling of vertigo
was instantaneous and my body didn't know what was going on. The first moments that were pain-free after 7 years were confusing and miraculous
at the same time. I didn't know how to behave or how to feel. Pain is an all-encompassing thing and after so much time had gone by, the sudden
absence of it was hard to get a grip on. I was confused, but I was thankful. The chest pains and muscle spasms and the nightmares came back for
the time between my first meeting with Dr. Frederick in Portland and arriving in Colorado. Once I got here, the pain went away again. The night
terrors have slacked off too. They're not totally stopped but I have hope now.
I feel unlimited gratitude to Dr. Frederick. I feel like she has released me from prison.
I no longer care if anyone believes that Bella and her husband are vampires or that I used to be tied to their daughter. I no longer care if anyone
believes that I can turn into a wolf and that this is why I have such a high body temperature and drugs don't affect me and I can heal fast from
most any injury. I'm looking forward to continuing my sessions with Dr. Frederick and getting better and feeling happier every day. I'm tired of
living on the edge, in the dark.
(Jacob closes out his first journal entry and glances over his shoulder at the door to his suite. It is open but he hears no approaching footsteps.
He carefully flips several pages in the journal and tears out one page, making sure that the remaining edge does not show. He turns several
more pages and repeats the process until he has removed 10 pages from the journal. He writes a few lines in as small a hand as he can manage
and then places all of the loose pages under the mattress of his bed. His secondary, secret journal is begun.)
The first day back in January that Dr. Frederick came to see me in Portland had been a very bad day. It was my fucking birthday
and I couldn't imagine a worse way to spend it and I couldn't stomach the thought of another year in that hell-hole. When she got
there, I was strapped down to my bed and couldn't move at all. They had even strapped my head down and basically all I could
move was my eyes and my mouth. They did that to me a lot while I was there. I was so angry and hurting so bad there were tears
running out of my eyes and rolling back through my hair and into my ears. I couldn't even hear her good when she first came into
my room and I definitely couldn't see her. She sat down in a chair beside me but too far above my head for the first part of the visit
and I spoke to her through gritted teeth because the pain had my jaw locked in place. Her voice was sorta soothing though. After
an hour or so, I think, she got up and walked toward me and moved down closer to my face. She leaned over me to say something
and that's when it happened. I don't know how. I don't care. But my imprint on that hybrid spawn broke. I felt it release its grip
around my heart and my brain and my soul. It felt like I had been trussed up tight in a giant rubber band and somebody had just
sliced through it. It didn't fall away, it flew off of me. It shot into oblivion like a rocket. I looked into Dr. Frederick's eyes and I
understood. The imprint rearranged itself onto her. It doesn't feel like shackles, cables and chains or a giant rubber band this time.
It feels like a warm and soft blanket that has been gently wrapped around my very soul. I swear I can close my eyes and almost
feel her arms holding me and my heart close together with hers, keeping everything, keeping ME from falling apart at the seams.
She is beautiful and kind and she is my soulmate. She owns my heart. At least she's human and an adult. Thank God!
I haven't told her yet. That will have to wait.
The day they told me I was being transferred to Colorado I pitched a fit cause I didn't know it was Dr. Frederick's place. They had
to strap me down again. I didn't know where she had gone or what might have happened to her. The pain and spasms came back
while she came back to Colorado to make arrangements for me but they called her back to fix me again and as soon as she got here,
I was okay, the pains stopped again. I know now that I cannot be away from her, ever again. Even sleeping at the opposite end of
this building from where I know she is makes me antsy and uncomfortable.
But I will win her over.