Everything Is Different Now
Chapter 4
February 10, 2013
Dr. Laura Frederick
Recording data of visit with patient Jacob Black at my facility in Boulder, Colorado.
Patient arrived early on the 7th of Feb. and was settled and made comfortable in his room in the west
wing. He has been provided with some articles of new clothing since he had none at the facility in
Oregon and said the hospital scrubs he wore while there, were the only clothing he owned. I have
sent a letter to the Oregon State Board of Mental Facilities Oversight lodging an official complaint on
behalf of Mr. Black as well as pointing out that apparently this is an ongoing and everyday problem at
the facility in Portland where Mr. Black was housed. I have filed reports with the proper law
enforcement agencies as well that patients are being denied basic necessities, especially clothing,
and that a pattern of personal items being purloined was apparent and that this is widespread. Mr.
Black supplied me with many names of patients who have been robbed as well as physically abused
in a way similar to the way that he was treated.
The west wing security measures are in place and activated at the present time. I do not feel that
they will be required for any great amount of time. Mr. Black seems content with his surroundings
and my initial sense is that an unscheduled departure is not imminent. He has full access to any of
the rooms in that wing but the outer exits and the entrances connecting the west wing to the rest of
the house are secured. This is for his own safety as well as others on the staff. Until he has had the
opportunity to learn his way around I feel it would be ill advised to allow him complete access.
Mr. Black's first day here was kept simple. He was served 3 meals and given a tour of the immediate
grounds. We engaged in a 'getting to know you' conversation while I introduced him to the staff,
showed him around and shared some recreational activities. Mr. Black expressed his enjoyment of
the tour and a horseback ride. He also expressed an interest in meeting all of the animals on the
estate, particularly the dogs and cat. I believe this will help him assimilate. He does not yet seem
completely at ease or comfortable with the area. This is likely due to multiple factors. He has never
lived outside of Washington State and has only visited portions of Oregon where his injuries were
received and parts of Canada that are just across the border from Washington. For some reason,
Mr. Black claims that he does not now, nor has he ever had a passport. This fact may seem
inconsequential on the surface, but I will pursue it at a later date.
To this point, Mr. Black has seemed relaxed but only partially. He demonstrates a muscle tension
similar to a wild animal or a soldier in combat. One gets the sense that he is ready for something to
happen. Or he is ready for anything that might happen. He exhibits similar physical characteristics
and movements of a paranoid schizophrenic, but not all of the time. There are moments where he
appears utterly relaxed and happy. In these moments, he shows a keen curiosity in his
surroundings, the staff and me. He asks many questions that border on a personal nature but stop
just short of being impertinent. This is completely inconsistent to the reports that I have seen of his
behavior in the Portland facility. This reinforces my opinion that bringing him to this facility will prove
to be beneficial to him. While in the Portland location Mr. Black spent a large amount of time shut
down and not interacting with anyone around him, either staff or residents. He was often hostile,
often violent and never forthcoming with helpful information concerning his physical problems. He
would only report that he was in pain and then would proceed to refuse any medication and become
angered at repeated attempts to administer pain killers, maintaining that they would not be
successful in alleviating his discomfort.
I believe Mr. Black has suffered from repeated abuse but also from emotional turmoil that has never
been addressed by any professional. This will change immediately.
The next contact will be more focused. I have Mr. Black scheduled for several intense interviews to
attempt to open the way to understanding the initial cause of his maladies; mental, emotional and
physical. We will begin meeting in my home office on Monday the 11th of February and will continue
these sessions through that week. I plan to try to make Mr. Black understand that this is not a resort
and he is not on vacation. He is here to heal and reach a point where he can resume his normal
place in mainstream society.
Journal of Jacob Black, Boulder, Colorado, February 10, 2013
This place is a slice of Heaven. Dr. Frederick is like a guardian angel. I never want to leave. I
feel like I am home. I feel like this is where I was always meant to be. Getting back on my feet
and getting my head on straight seem within my reach. Getting my heart back to a functional
status has never seemed closer or more possible.
The people who work here are miracles in their own right. There are no orderlies or interns or
nurses with sadistic streaks. There are no thieves. I feel as if I will never again be told a lie,
at least not by anyone here. The rest of the world, I'm not so sure. People lie. That's simply
a fact of life, except here. The peace that is settling over me must surely be visible. I feel
more comfortable here than I have ever felt anywhere, even back on the rez or in the forest.
That seems like an awfully big thing to say, but as I think it over, it's true. I no longer feel any
ties to the rez itself. I still feel a connection and love even, to the people in my family and my
pack. But the place, the territory in Washington known as La Push, doesn't tug at me
anymore. That's something I never expected, but it's not bothersome. I have to admit
though, I'm a little surprised. I mean, I was born there. I didn't expect to find another place
that felt more like home, more like I'm supposed to be here. But here I am in Colorado. I
wonder if I can get Dr. F to talk about this too. Maybe I was a Colorado native in a previous
life. Who knows? Stranger things have happened, especially to me. I'm actually looking
forward to sitting down and talking with Dr. F cause I think she really may be able to help me.
She seems to have a sixth sense about how people work, or at least how they're supposed to
work. She has some deep feelings I think. It feels that way inside, in my head, in my heart.
(My first day here with Laura was fantastic. She is so beautiful. She is tall and slender, but
curvy in the right places. She has beautiful, shiny hair that I can barely describe. The color is
a combination of sandy blonde, lighter blonde, strawberry blonde, and it shines in the sun like
spun gold. I don't really know how long it is, she's always got it put up some way or other, kind
of a twisty thing on the back of her head. Her eyes are like the ocean, turquoise blue with
flecks of sea green. Her skin is creamy, a little golden, and a little rosy. She has a sprinkle of
pale freckles across her nose and the tops of her cheeks. Her smile is amazing. Her lips are
plump, sorta, rosy, a lot, and her teeth are perfect and white. Her smile gives off its own light
and that comes from her eyes too. Her laugh is a hoot. It's low and throaty at first, but grows
to a giggle that's higher. If you really get her tickled, it turns into a yuck-fest that you can't
help but laugh along with yourself. I just know eventually she's going to let loose with a loud
snort. I can't wait. Her voice is smooth and soothing. I bet she'd be a champ at bedtime
stories. It's a shame she doesn't have any children. Maybe someday I can fix that. Later
Jake, much later. The day was a lot of fun and really relaxing. The food is unbelievable, Marie
is something else. Willikins is a trip, so proper, but something under the surface that makes me
think he won't take any shit. That's fine with me. That's the kind of people Laura needs around
her anyway. Barney is good too. He strikes me as a grandpa type who might have lived in the
gold-mining towns of this area a long time ago, but he and Willikins both have accents telling me
they're not American. I'll figure that out later. The horses were a blast, those names she gave
them were too much. The koi pond her dad built was pretty impressive. She seems to miss her
parents and her husband too, but she's handling it real well, she's real practical about it. I
guess that comes from being a psychologist. She's smart as a whip too. That should make me
nervous around her, but it doesn't. She's such a down to earth, normal person. Even if she
weren't my imprint, I'd think she was pretty special. I still haven't decided to tell her about
the imprint. If I did that, I'd have to prove to her that I'm a wolf and tell her all the legends.
That might be too much for someone who has such a firm grip on the world around her. I don't
want to blow her idea of reality completely out of the water. That would mess her up big time,
not to mention mess up my chances with her, and I can't let that happen. I would die without
her. She's so interesting, so beautiful. I feel so complete when I'm close to her. I wish my
room wasn't so far on the other side of her home from where she sleeps. But then again, if I
knew which room was hers, and if I could get out of here, {don't know why but I'm locked in} I'd
surely be skulking around the corridors trying to sniff her out so I could spy on her. And then
I'd get all turned on and horny and I'd never be able to be quiet and I wouldn't be able to keep
my hands off of her more than likely. I suppose I'm gonna have to tell her everything. The
whole truth about me. I gotta figure out how and when to tell her about this imprint thing. I
hope the opportunity will present itself soon. My wolf is growling at me again. Of course that
fucker wants to jump her right now and claim and mark and mate with her. I'm glad he's been
under wraps for a long while. He's kinda gotten moldy around the edges or I'd never be able to
hold him off.
I'm not sure exactly what's gonna happen here. I'm safe and protected here. I'm still
incognito. Nobody knows where I am. I have time now. I hope Laura can understand what I
need. God knows, I don't. All I know right now is she is the center of my world and I'm never
going to be able to function right without her.)
I hate to tell you this, but I'm very, very happy.
Now I know that's not what you'd expect from me at all.
I'm not the kind to smile and bow out gracefully.
I always wanted to take it to the wall.
But I found somebody with a heart as big as Texas.
I found an angel with the golden wings.
She saw me down here in the dark somehow
And everything is different now...
Everything Is Different Now
Words and music by Don Henley, Timothy Drury and Scott Crago.