Everything Is Different Now

Chapter 5

February 11, 2013

"Good morning, Jacob."

"Good morning, Willikins. How are you?"

"Quite well, Sir, thank you for asking. Did you sleep well?"

"Very well, thanks, and watch that 'Sir' stuff. It's just me. Jacob."

"Yes S...Jacob. Sorry, I'll grow accustomed to that soon I'm certain."

"S'okay. Tell me Willikins, how long have you known Dr. Frederick?"

"Virtually all of her life. I was with her parents for almost 30 years before they adopted her and she was only 1 month old when she came to us."

"Wow, so you really have known her from the start, haven't you?"

"Yes I have. She's a wonderful lady. She was the sweetest child."

"Do you know what happened to her biological parents?"

"Not really. I don't know if I should be discussing this with you Jacob, but I think she was, believe it or not, found on the doorstep of a church. She was wrapped in a blanket and in a basket, just like in a fairytale. I don't think anything else is known really."

"Amazing. Well, I guess we're all glad somebody cared enough to put her on the church's doorstep and somebody else was smart enough to get her to the Fredericks, huh?"

"Oh absolutely, Sir, oops, sorry."

"Don't worry 'bout it. By the way, can I ask you something else?"

"Of course."

"Where did these clothes come from? And why do they fit so perfectly?"

"Oh, that one's easy. The Doctor provided them for you. She said all you had was a set of hospital scrubs and they were old and dirty and that was completely unacceptable. They fit so well because, um, she had your measurements taken in Portland."

"What?! How did she do that?"

"Well, it's really quite sophisticated. They had monitors, cameras trained on you all the time, no matter where you were in the facility, and there's a software program that can measure you based on known sizes of objects around you. Like, if you're in bed sleeping, they know how long and wide the bed is, so they can get a pretty accurate idea of how tall you are, how long your arms and legs are. I'm ashamed to tell you that it was rather easy because they had you strapped down so often. With your limbs spread-eagle like that, the measurements proved to be quite accurate."

"Boy, that would be the only thing good that came from those damn straps."

"Yes Sir, I have no doubt of it."

"Well, thanks for the chat and the info Willikins. I guess I better get down to the breakfast table before I miss out on Marie's magic, huh?"

"You're most welcome Jacob and don't worry about missing out. Marie lives here and is essentially on-call 24/7. We all are actually. This is our home. We hope that you will make it yours as well."

"I'd like that very much, Willikins. Do you think the Doc would like that too?"

"I think perhaps she might be amenable to that idea and if you repeat that I shall deny it categorically."

"Hah! Okay, Willikins, you've got a deal. Talk to ya later."

"Have a good day, Jacob."

"Thanks, you too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~EIDN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good morning pretty Doctor lady."

"Good morning Jacob. You must need a favor."

"What? I can't compliment my favorite psychologist?"

"How many other psychologists do you know?"

"Uhm, none?"

"Thought so. Have a seat, you flatterer. Juice? Coffee? Tea?"

"Maybe just coffee today. Have you eaten?"

"In a way, I rarely eat a full breakfast. I had an orange and some oatmeal. Some vitamins and carbs just to get me cranked up. I'm a tea freak too. Always tea."

"I gotcha. My friend back in Forks liked tea too."

"Which one?"

"Uhm, Bella."

"Ah, the ex-girlfriend."

"Yeah, she drank tea all the time. And she didn't eat much either. She was kinda on the skinny side."

"Sounds like you noticed that about her right up front."

"Well yeah, I guess. We knew each other when we were kids and she was a skinny kid, but when she moved back to Forks she was a teenager. Most girls start to fill out a bit, but she never really did much. She had a boyish figure I guess you'd say."

"Must've been something about that you liked though."

"Maybe. Never thought about it much. I think I liked her for what was on the inside mostly, and I've been wondering lately if maybe I was in love with the idea of her, ya know?"

"The idea of her?"

"Yeah, let me think how to put this, the idea of a girlfriend and the idea of someone who knew me well, someone who knew me from way back when and accepted me for who I was, didn't want me to be someone I wasn't. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, quite a lot actually. It's human nature to want to feel close to another human and it's also in our nature to want to be close to those who know our background. The familiarity is comforting."

"Yeah, that's it. I loved her because we'd known each other for so long. We knew each other's secrets."

"What were your secrets?"

"My secrets? Oh, I don't know, stuff like favorite foods, favorite color, dreams, desires, you know... secrets."

"Can I get you to tell those to me?"

"Maybe, depends on how nice you ask."

"Pretty please?"

"Yeah, that'll do. You already know the food thing, lasagna, although I'll tell you another secret about that. I love lasagna because it was Bella's specialty and she was a really good cook. I think I might have other favorites that could replace it at the top of my list. Favorite color is sky blue, the one you get on a fall afternoon when the air is just so. It's hard to find. My dreams and desires, hmm, to love and be loved, to find a successful career, to go to school, college, stuff that may never happen."

"What kind of career strikes your fancy?"

"Well, I've always loved working with my hands. Maybe I could be an artist, a sculptor or something like that. I love to carve wood. My father taught me to do that. Don't know if that could be a career though. I'm good with anything mechanical. I used to work on cars all the time. I guess I could work in a garage. Not sure that qualifies as a career, either."

"What would you take if you went to college?"

"Hmm, I think maybe engineering or architecture would be fun and useful at the same time."

"Sounds like you've thought about this before."

"Yeah, I have. But I never thought I'd have the chance cause I had to take care of my Dad and then I knew it'd never happen after I pha..."

"After you what?"

"Umm, can I ask you something?"

"Okay."

"Are we just chatting over the breakfast table or is this a, what is it you call 'em, a session?"

"Honestly, it's both. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. There's nobody else around is there?"

"Marie's in the kitchen waiting for your order. Would it matter if she overheard our conversation?"

"I don't know. Isn't all this supposed to be confidential or something?"

"To a certain extent, yes, but since we are isolated up here, and you are a guest as well as my only patient, and my staff is privy to everything that goes on here and are all sworn to uphold the confidentiality notion, it's guaranteed that anything you say, whether to me or anyone else here, will go no further than the boundaries of the estate. And my files are not part of any medical records system, they are mine alone. Since I work for myself, only I use the information contained in them."

"How did I get so lucky to be found by someone like you?"

"I'm not sure lucky would describe it. You were at a bit of a dead end in the formal mental healthcare system. They didn't know what to do with you, Jacob. They had made no progress in helping you recover from your problems, they couldn't figure out how to control you without resorting to physical restraint, they hadn't figured out how to deal with you without making you angry and violent, sedatives weren't an option, you hadn't broken any laws so incarceration wasn't on the table. I guess, you could say you're my prisoner. I have no idea if I can help you. I plan to try. I have high hopes. The rest is yet to be determined and may even be left to chance. I know that's a bit of a convoluted answer but it's all I've got right now."

"I think lucky might be the exact word to describe where I am now."

"I'm glad you feel that way. Now, can we get back to what you were about say a few minutes ago? Your sidetracking ability is formidable, but I have a photographic memory so you probably shouldn't try that too often."

"I see. Okay, so, no sleight of hand or mis-directions, huh?"

"Best if you don't. Waste of time. Now, your point about something that would prevent you from going to school along with taking care of your father?"

"Okay. Here goes. You asked for it. When I began phasing into a wolf, I was tied for life to the rez as a Protector and could never leave for any length of time."

"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Depends. Do you believe me?"

"Depends. Do YOU believe it?

"This could go on all day."

"Yep, it could. Here's the thing, Jacob. If you believe something to be true without proof, that's called faith. If you have proof, it becomes fact. Do you have proof that you are a wolf?"

"Well, if I do and I tell you I do, but I ask you to believe it without sharing the proof with you, can you have faith in me that I'm telling you the truth?"

"Good question. I'll make you a deal. I'll give you my trust, I'll have faith in your belief and in return you promise to share your proof with me sometime in the future. Is that something you can live with?"

"Absolutely. You got a deal."

"Okay, let's talk about that then. You can turn into a wolf."

"Yes, I can."

"Tell me about it. How did you come to be like this? How does it happen? I know nothing about people who turn into wolves. Tell me everything. Talk to me like I'm a complete outsider, because, I am."

"Well, it started with the beginnings of my Tribe. In ancient times, our warriors acquired the ability to release their Spirits from their bodies and travel about in that form, leaving their bodies behind."

"That sounds a bit risky. Wouldn't their bodies be vulnerable to attack?"

"Yes, they were. That proved a big problem at one point with a warrior and an enemy who was dead. The enemy's spirit entered the warrior's body while it was empty and everyone thought it was the warrior when it was really the enemy."

"I see the inherent danger."

"The Spirit of the warrior persuaded a wolf to share his body with the warrior and he was able to physically go to the village and try to communicate with his people and let them know that the person they thought was this warrior really wasn't."

"Ah, that's where the wolf came into the picture."

"Yeah. Without telling the entire history of our people, eventually, our warriors became able to access their Spirit Warriors and physically take the form of wolves to be the Protectors of the Tribe."

"Hmm, okay. How does the transformation take place? Why did you transform? Tell me about you as a wolf."

"Well, the warriors that transform have a gene that controls the ability. There are several bloodlines in the Tribe that are direct descendants of the original Warriors, and those are the ones who phase."

"Phase?"

"That's what we call the transformation."

"Can anyone with that gene, those bloodlines, phase?"

"No, they can't. The presence of Cold Ones triggers the activation of the gene."

"Cold Ones?"

"The old name for vampires. Our people were attacked way back when and the Spirit Warriors are specially equipped to defeat them."

"Are there a lot of vampires in Washington? I'm not trying to be a smart aleck. I want to know."

"As a matter of fact, Washington seems to have more than its fair share of vampires. When they are in the area, young people on the rez phase into wolves. It's sort of involuntary. If you're from that bloodline, you have the gene, you're gonna be a wolf. Tough shit if you had other plans for your life."

"I see why it would present a problem for future plans. How many wolves are there on the rez?"

"Not sure. I haven't been there in a while. When I left, there were 10. Then there were nine."

"What happened to you when you left home the last time? Where did you go?"

"Well, anger causes the phase in one sense. I was angry over Bella and that situation, and despair over the connection with the baby and all that played a part in it. I decided I had to leave as a human because my wolf would want to stay with his soulmate, the...baby. I left my home in my car, as a human. I wrecked my car and was injured and ended up in a hospital. I had to get out of there and I initially phased into a wolf and took off running. Then the bad luck fairy came down and hit me with her wand."

"What happened?"

"I was swept away in a flash flood of mud and water while trying to return home as a wolf. I woke up in another hospital with a hospital I. D. bracelet that said 'John Doe' and that's when I took the opportunity to escape once and for all. Unfortunately, I ended up in the institution in Portland. I guess that was as much my fault as anything."

"Why do you think that?"

"Well, this may sound strange, but I saw that hospital bracelet that said 'John Doe' and I realized it was a chance to start over maybe. I didn't have to tell anyone who I was, I didn't have to be responsible for anything I left behind, I could pretend to not remember, I could start over. At least that's what I thought at the time."

"It didn't work out that way did it?"

"No, it definitely didn't. The pain and mental and emotional anguish I was experiencing at the time was so horrible, I couldn't handle it. I guess I'd have to admit that I couldn't behave myself because it hurt so badly."

"Why didn't you run away as a wolf that first time?"

"I'm not sure. Mainly because I didn't want anyone to know what was going on. I didn't want anyone to try talking me out of running. And I was afraid the wolf would fight me, want to stay with his soulmate. And I was right. He fought me the whole time. He nearly killed me from the inside out."

"And that was when you gave up and turned back? Did that satisfy the wolf?"

"I suppose. I didn't really have time to reflect on his opinion of my decision before I threw myself and my car into a ravine about a hundred feet deep."

"Ah, I see. And that's when you ditched the hospital in the middle of the night. You did that as a wolf if I recall."

"Yeah, it's easier to be stealthy and the wolf is a lot faster than a set of human legs. And, no wheels so, run furry."

"But you didn't get far did you?"

"Hah, no I didn't. I guess I'm not a very efficient traveler, am I? The flash flood hit me pretty soon after I got into the countryside."

"You said you had brief contact with someone back home in Washington just before that."

"Yeah, I connected with one of my Pack brothers."

"Connected?"

"Okay, here's the next point you have to take on faith. When we are in wolf form, we can communicate with each other telepathically. We can send pictures or words back and forth, we can see through each other's eyes."

"I will definitely need faith for that one. That's pretty fantastical."

"I don't know exactly how I could prove it to you either. Not without one of my brothers to help."

"Doesn't matter. I told you I'd have faith. I'm not reneging on that promise."

"I appreciate that more than you know."

"Not a problem. Now, let's get back to something else I want to explore. The wolf was in total disagreement with you about running, but you indicated you suffer less from other worries when you're a wolf. I don't understand that distinction."

"The wolf doesn't really experience human emotions. He fought with me about running because the instinct to be with his soulmate was so strong. He felt no fear or revulsion like I did as a human. He doesn't see all the circumstances, he just sees his destiny. I saw all the problems that would crop up, like being tied to a vampire family when we are enemies. As a wolf, it's easier to deal with, or actually ignore the pain from a life back home that's gone to shit. It's an escape but it's also a cop-out. I'm not proud of running away. I just didn't know what else to do."

"You don't have to justify any of your actions to me, Jacob. Just think of me as being on a fact-finding mission. I'm making no judgments. I'm just gathering information, for my own knowledge. Tell me about the turning itself."

"Ooh, please don't call it turning."

"Why, what's wrong with turning?"

"That's what vampires call it when they make a new vampire, turning them."

"I see. Okay, that's a whole other conversation. What shall I call it then? Tell me about the phase."

"Now you're gettin' it. Well, the very first time is really, incredibly painful. For several weeks before the first time, your body gets hotter, that temperature thing, your body grows bigger. It happens fast too. I went from about 5' 10" to 6' 2" in a couple of days. Now you see why it hurts so much. You're achy all over all the time. Then, say something happens that makes you really mad and the anger finally triggers the phase. Your bones break and reform, fur sprouts, your face lengthens into a muzzle, huge, pointy teeth grow out and just when you think you're going insane or you're going to die, you're a wolf, four paws, snarling, dripping fangs, big fluffy tail, the whole shooting match."

"That sounds...impressive and painful and scary and a whole lot of other things."

"It really is. And we're a lot bigger than a natural wolf. We're bigger than a horse. I'm about the size of Snowball."

"Are you white, too?"

"Nah, kind of a rusty brown. Call it russet I guess."

"How long have you been phasing?"

"Since I was 16, but..."

"What?"

"I haven't done it in a long time and I think it's a case of use it or lose it, ya know?"

"How long since you did it?"

"About a year."

"Really? So that means you phased in the facility in Portland?"

"Yeah, I wanted to see if I still could and what it would feel like and I just sorta felt like I had to."

"Why?"

"Don't know how to explain that. Claustrophobia, maybe? I'm not sure."

"What did you do? Nobody saw you?"

"Not that I know of. I did it in the bathroom."

"The bathroom!"

"Yeah, and let me tell you, it was a bit cramped. Bathrooms in places like that aren't meant for big wolves."

"I don't wonder. So you haven't been a wolf since last year?"

"Nope."

"Do you think you've lost the ability to phase now?"

"I doubt it. I still feel like I could do it, but it would probably hurt like a mother."

"Maybe you could try it and let me know what happens."

"Maybe. I'd want to do it in private."

"Of course. But...any reason why I couldn't watch?"

"Hah! Well, um, I need to be naked first, well, I don't have to be, but if I phase while I'm wearing clothes, they shred and there's nothing but a pile of useless scraps left."

"Okay, I understand. Well, you do what feels comfortable. You don't have to try it. But if you do let me know, okay?"

"I'll be happy to oblige. Now, where is Marie? My stomach is gonna start feeding on itself soon."