Everything Is Different Now
Chapter 6
February 11, 2013
Dr. Laura Frederick
Recording data of visit with patient Jacob Black at my facility in Boulder, Colorado
Earlier today Mr. Black and I had a lengthy conversation. Of the many topics
discussed, the most significant, in my opinion, concerns the fact that Mr. Black
still firmly believes that he is capable of turning into a wolf and that this ability is
hereditary and was triggered by the presence in his immediate area of vampires.
He related some of his Tribal legends to me explaining how some of his earliest
ancestors were faced with attacks from what they called Cold Ones. These beings
were vampires. He further explained that these ancestors learned how to access
their spirits and travel outside of their bodies. I questioned the vulnerability of
the vacated bodies and he confirmed this was a problem. The original Spirit
Warrior, according to Mr. Black's account, lost the occupancy of his body to an
enemy spirit and subsequently persuaded an actual wolf to allow his spirit to share
the wolf's body. The ancestor was then able to communicate with his Tribe to
blow the whistle, so to speak, on the enemy spirit occupying his body.
Mr. Black says he has been turning into a wolf since he was sixteen years old. He
says the initial phase, which is the word he uses to refer to the actual
transformation, is extremely painful and involuntary. He says that once the
subject grows accustomed to the change it is no longer as painful and is done on a
voluntary basis. He can change into a wolf at will. He says the Reservation, La
Push, on which he was born and grew up, contained a 'Pack' with 10 members. He
doesn't know how many there are now, since he has been gone from that location
for a number of years and has been out of touch with his 'Pack brothers and sister',
adding that they have one female wolf.
He maintains that his ex-girlfriend is now a vampire and her current husband is
also a vampire. The husband and his vampire family moved to Forks, Washington
and this is what triggered the creation of the current Pack of wolves. There are
specific bloodlines that lead back to that original wolf warrior and his Pack and
the descendants with those bloodlines have a gene that is activated by the
presence of vampires. All of this information is based on the Quileute Tribal
legends of their history and it is highly significant that Mr. Black maintains that
the legends are all true and not just bedtime stories or scary stories for the
campfire.
Mr. Black stated that he has not become a wolf since last year when he says he hid
in the bathroom at the Portland facility and phased without being observed. He
claims that the wolf is larger than a normal, or natural, wolf and that it was
difficult in the small bathroom but that he wanted to see if he could still phase.
Apparently the ability can be lost or made difficult from disuse or lack of practice.
He also related the story behind his disappearances from his home in the months
leading up to his being brought to a hospital and subsequently being committed to
the mental facility in Portland. He says that when he is a wolf, human emotions
are either absent or easier to handle or even ignore. Mr. Black said that he was in
such emotional pain and turmoil over the situation with the ex-girlfriend, her
husband and their daughter, that he couldn't think of any alternative for handling
the trauma. He says this is the reason he has been to Canada without a passport,
that he ran across the border on four paws somewhere in the forests of the Rocky
Mountains.
I asked Mr. Black if he still felt that he was able to phase into a wolf. He
responded that he didn't know for certain but that he did feel that it would be
possible but that it would likely be physically painful. He has agreed to inform me
if he decides to attempt it and will report to me what success, if any, he has. He
refused for the time being to allow me to witness any attempt, mainly, it would
appear, from a sense of modesty. He reports that if he phases while wearing
clothing that it will be shredded and rendered unusable and therefore it would be
prudent to be naked before he phases. I agreed to give him all the privacy he
would require for any attempt in exchange for a full recounting of the experience.
On a personal note, Mr. Black, who has requested that he be called Jacob by me
and all staff, appears to appreciate my willingness to accept his beliefs as truth, at
least as possibilities. He has expressed his gratitude for his rescue from the
Portland facility, his gratitude for his treatment since his arrival here, and
particularly his gratitude for treating him like a guest and a friend as opposed to a
patient or inmate. I firmly believe that this is a more positive way to treat anyone
and most certainly someone who needs my help. I am perfectly open to any ideas
he deems me worthy to hear. I think the foundation of mutual trust will take us a
long way toward his ultimate health and happiness.
Journal of Jacob Black, Boulder, Colorado, February 11, 2013
Dr. Frederick is sneaky. She gets you to talk about stuff you might not have
intended to talk about and makes you think it is okay and that it was even your
idea to discuss it. She's good. Guess that's why she's got the letters after her
name. I told her quite a bit about being a wolf today and she took it all in
stride. Not once did she give me any indication that she thought I was nuts or
making this shit up or just pulling her leg for the hell of it. She's really
perceptive too. She zeroed in right away about the bodies of our ancestors
being vulnerable when they were Spirit-walking. She's a pretty straightforward
gal and I really appreciate that. I guess I wasn't supposed to tell her all of that
stuff but since I'm not really part of the Pack any more, what can they do to
me? If they can find me, they might try to disown me or something, but since I
left the Pack and the rez on my own anyway, I guess I sort of disowned them
already. Take that, fuckers. If I do try to phase, I'll have to be careful and
extremely quiet. I'll have to think about that long and hard before I do it.
I also want to make note how much I appreciate Dr. F not being judgmental
about anything, and I do mean anything. She didn't bat an eye about the
vampire stuff or any of the Tribal legends. She really is just gathering
information and she promises it's just for her own use. I believe her. Besides,
if she were to publish any of this she'd have several problems right off the bat.
First, she'd have one very pissed off werewolf on her hands. Second, she'd
have a home that's overrun with other psychologists, news media people and
photographers. I don't think she's in the market for that kind of attention.
Apart from all that though, I don't think she'd share any of my secrets because
she's my friend. At least I think she is. Hope so. She said she'd keep it all to
herself and I trust her.
(I think Laura is very interested in seeing my wolf. Since she's my imprint,
it's a done deal that someday, I'll show her the phase from start to finish.
I'm just not sure when that'll happen. We've only known each other for a
month and we're still in the getting-acquainted phase. Ha ha, phase. Yeah, I
said it. Or, I wrote it. It's kinda exciting to be honest. I think I'm getting
off on the idea of stripping in front of her and throwing the wolf out there.
I can't wait to see the expression on her beautiful face. I hope she doesn't
get scared or too tripped out to handle it. I guess I better find out soon if I
still can phase without spraining my body or my brain. I've discovered that I
can't get out of this wing of the building. The door to the outside is sealed
and the door that leads to the rest of the house is locked up at night, from
the outside. She doesn't want me wandering around, I suppose. That's okay I
guess, but I'm gonna ask her about it, cause I'll need to go outside to phase if
I want to do it without breaking a lamp or something. Not to mention the
fact that I would really love to go for a midnight run and stretch everything
out for the first time since last year. That would feel awesome. The only way
anyone back in La Push could get to me would be if I were to phase and
somebody in the Pack mind heard me or realized it was me. Also, I don't know
if the Pack mind will reach this far. I will definitely have to be vigilant and
tread lightly, literally. I'm not sure why I have a fear deep in my soul of
being discovered by someone in La Push. I can't put my finger on the cause,
it's just a feeling. If I were to phase and someone in Washington were to be
able to sense me, they would certainly want to track me down and bring me
home. Home. Makes my blood run cold. My home is here now. Laura is my
home. What would I do if anyone tried to haul my ass back to La Push? What
if someone tried to lay a major guilt trip on me and force me to come back
involuntarily? It wouldn't be voluntary I can tell you that. But am I turning my
back on responsibilities? If I am, why? Am I scared? Hell yeah! Why? I
don't know. Sometimes I'm so confused about how I feel about all of that
shit that's in my past. I'm not sure if I want it to stay in the past. I'm not
sure if I've changed so much that I can never go back to the way I was, to
the life I had.)