Everything Is Different Now
Chapter 8
February 22, 2013
Dr. Laura Frederick
Recording data of visit with patient Jacob Black at my facility in Boulder, Colorado
My most recent session with the patient yielded some interesting information. The patient reports
that he still occasionally has disturbing or frightening dreams but that they have recently changed
somewhat. In years past he has had night terrors that caused him to wake screaming, unaware of his
actual surroundings, afraid of any human who approached him and frequently hostile or violent
toward himself and others. He claims that he recently had a dream that started years ago and was a
recurring nightmare involving his ex-girlfriend and her husband, who are now vampires, and their
daughter, who was once Mr. Black's alleged soulmate.
Mr. Black reports that at some point during the most recent occurrence of this particular dream, the
scene changed and the people involved in the dream changed. Apparently the original participants,
other than Mr. Black himself, disappeared and the other person in the dream became his therapist,
i.e., me. The patient claims that once the dream changed its participants, it also changed its
character and became a sexually oriented fantasy involving his physician. Since Mr. Black's therapist
is a female, it is not unusual for him to fixate on that person as a type of savior that then translates
into a sexual partner. This is a common dynamic between patient and physician or therapist. Mr.
Black feels gratitude to me for removing him from the Portland facility, for taking him into my home
and most particularly, I feel, for treating him more decently than he has been treated in many years.
As previously stated, the transfer of feelings of affection is a common occurrence and normally abates
after a short period of infatuation or attraction. I do not anticipate any difficulties with the
patient/physician relationship between myself and Mr. Black. He and I are still getting to know one
another and still have some distance to cover before we are completely comfortable with each other
although our interactions have so far been quite cordial.
Mr. Black's health has improved markedly as has his physical stamina and vigor. He says he feels the
improvements are attributable to better food, better living conditions, better treatment, etc. He has
requested permission to exercise outside on the grounds. Perhaps the running course will be helpful
to him.
On a side note, one of the estate dogs recently had puppies, and in introducing Mr. Black to the
mother and her charges a very interesting and intriguing thing took place. After allowing the mother
to sniff his hand briefly, Mr. Black then held one of the newborn puppies for a short time. When he
placed the pup back down with its mother, the mother dog looked up at Mr. Black and pushed the
pup toward him with her nose. It appeared to me that the mother was gifting or entrusting the pup
into Mr. Black's care. I asked him if he would be interested in actually keeping the puppy and raising
and caring for it. Mr. Black reported that he had never owned a pet at any time in his life and that he
thought he would enjoy raising the pup as his own. We made a plan to work with the mother and pup
until she is weaned and to begin training her so she can actually live in the west wing with Mr. Black
as a companion.
The phenomena of the mother dog not rejecting her offspring, but offering her pup to Mr. Black was
most surprising and something I have never before encountered. I questioned my veterinarian and
he says in 37 years of practice he has never seen a mother animal of any species offer a newborn to a
human as if it was a gift and not an outright rejection. I plan to pursue this further with Mr. Black
and investigate a theory that if he does indeed possess a perceived connection to a wolf he believes
lives within his body, might it be possible that the mother dog has some measure of trust in a brother
species that would assure her that her offspring would be well cared for by the human animal. The
connection between canine and lupine is quite close, as is well documented, and I believe this bears
further study in consideration of the claims of Mr. Black of the relationship he has with an inner
wolf. An alter ego that is more animal than human may manifest itself in such a way that might
entice other animals to trust or gravitate toward that being.
One troubling notation I feel I must make is Mr. Black's expressed fear that I would force him to
leave this facility because of the dream he had involving me in a sexual scenario. I feel that I must
continue to work to assuage his fears that he would be forced to leave this facility for any reason short
of actual hostile violence toward a member of staff or myself. I will state here for the permanent
record that unless Mr. Black actually perpetrates an unprovoked attack upon anyone in this facility,
he will never be requested nor forced to leave this premises and I have strong doubts that he would
ever act in such a manner. I do not now, nor have I ever felt Mr. Black was capable of random
violence.
Journal of Jacob Black, Frederick Estate, Boulder, Colorado, February 22, 2013
Today was a good day. It was very interesting too. I slept okay last night except for one half
of anightmare. Dr. Frederick asked me to explain about the nightmare that turned into a good
dream and I eventually had to tell her it was actually a nightmare that turned into an almost
wet dream. Itwas so strange. And it was really awkward talking about it.
It started out like others I've had in years past, with me begging Bella to stay human and
choose meinstead of Edward. Of course, she chooses him, becomes a vampire, has the hybrid
spawn baby that Iimprint on and my life is completely ruined from that day on. The dreams
used to go on from thatpoint until the spawn grew into a full grown vampire and it would throw
me down one day and biteme trying to kill me either by sucking out all my blood or poisoning me
with its venom. Those are theones I used to have all the time in Portland that made me wake
up screaming bloody murder notknowing where I was or who the people around me were. I
could FEEL that thing's teeth cutting intomy throat and even after I woke up it would still hurt
for a long time. Those were the times I usuallygot strapped down to my bed and left for a few
hours. I think they were all scared of me and that wasall they could think of to do, since
sedatives never worked on me. Being held down like that while Iwas still suffering the after-
effects of the nightmare was pretty tough. That was some of the worstpain I ever had in my
whole life right up there with the weeks leading up to my first phase, the firstphase itself, the
broken heart, the chest pain from being separated from the first imprint and then thepain
when Dr. Frederick left me in Portland to come make preparations for me in Colorado. God, am
I glad that shit's over.
But this dream got to the birth of the spawn part and all of a sudden, Bella was gone, Edward
wasgone, the spawn was gone and I was in a paradise setting like a deserted tropical island.
But I wasn'talone. Dr. Frederick was there with me and, well, we were close, like not patient
and doctor. Wewere lovers, boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever. The island was beautiful and
peaceful and there wasnobody there but the Doc and me. We were getting to know each other
and then falling in love andthen taking it to the next level. And then the dream got really
good, I mean very sexy and hot and feltso real. It was amazing. It was maybe the best dream
I've ever had in my life. I woke up before I didsomething under my bed sheets that I would be
really ashamed to admit. I can't say that won't everhappen though. It was that good.
I didn't really feel like telling the Dr. the details of the dream, but I did tell her just the main
points. She didn't insist on details, said I could tell her if I wanted to, but she asked real nice
for at least someinformation. I told her how it started like one of my standard nightmares
and then becamesomething much better. Eventually I swallowed my embarrassment and told
her it was a sexualdream starring her and me. I was scared to death she would toss me out on
my ear because I wassuch a perv, but she totally surprised me. She said she would never make
me leave for any reason,not even that. She's about the coolest doctor I've ever met. I think
she's about the coolest womanI've ever met too. I'm amazed at how open-minded she is, about
everything. I still can't express howmuch I appreciate the Doctor and everything she's doing
for me.
She mentioned something about her college roommate that got my attention. It was a guy and
thewolf raised his head and got all huffy and aggressive about her living with another male. I
managedto slap him back down and the doc explained that they were just friends and not
THAT kind ofroommates. I have to admit, I don't care to know about other males that have
been close to hereither. I understand that she was married, but he's gone and she's been alone
for a long time. This isimportant to the wolf too. I think he and I need to have a talk about
our behavior around the Doctor.
Later in the day something even stranger happened. One of the Doctor's dogs had puppies
early thismorning and Doc took me to the barn to see them. She let me hold one of them and
it was real cuteand teeny-tiny. The strange part came when I put the little thing back down
with her mother. Themomma dog looked up at me with the strangest light and look of
understanding and recognition inher eyes. After she stared at me for a few seconds, she bent
her head down and scooted her pup backtoward me with her nose. It was like she wanted me
to pick the puppy back up and keep her. It reallyfelt like the momma was giving me her little
one to look after, to protect. I wonder if the mommacould sense my wolf and maybe trusted
him?
(That dream I had about Laura was HOT! I haven't had one of those in a while 'cause I haven't
seen any real women or thought about any real women in about 6 years. The nut house in
Portland was overrun with nurses and female inmates that were either way older than me or
really unattractive or both and of course, some of the nurses were guys. For all I know they were
putting stuff in my food to keep Jake Jr. from waking up ever again. I guess I'm lucky I got out of
there, no matter where I wound up. The fact that Laura is my imprint had to have everything to
do with why the dream was about her. I'm still not the biggest fan of imprinting, but if it's
gonna happen, I couldn't have hand-picked anyone better. I may even say that she's a better
choice for me than Bella. Is that because Bella turned me down and ripped out my heart or
because Laura's really that perfect for me? She's everything I could ask for in a woman. She's
pretty, smart, kind, funny. She's got it all and I can't think about being without her ever again.
Not interested in getting hit with all that chest and body pain again anyway. I don't know when
the time will be right to explain imprinting to her and then try to convince her that she's meant
to be my soul mate but I'll figure it out soon. She's rebuilding my mind and my heart and my soul
and it looks like my body is following close behind the group. I'm getting little sparks of the old
craving that I remember from when I first met Bella again when she came back to Forks. But this
is so much stronger. I didn't think that was possible back then. I was wrong. I'm trying not to
stare at Laura for any extended length of time unless I know for sure she won't catch me. I sneak
glances whenever I can. She's so natural and beautiful and I love the way looking at her makes
me feel. The wolf wants to get so much closer to her, but I'm holding him off, so far. He's
getting more insistent every day. I shove him into a corner and tell him to behave and he growls
at me. I laugh at him and he growls at me. I tell him I understand how he feels and he growls at
me. He's awfully grouchy, and I can't say that I blame him, but he's just got to cool his jets and
trust me. I can't just grab Laura, claim her, mark her, take her. Though that would really trip
my trigger. But this is gonna require a lot more finesse than I've ever tried before. I hope I can
step lightly enough to not scare Laura when the time comes to approach her. I hope Willikins and
Marie don't notice the way I stare at her sometimes, either. They probably wouldn't approve and
I bet they're real protective of her. They're kind of like a family for her. I feel silly using a word
like yearning, but that's what I feel for Laura and for this place and the life she and I could have
here together. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but for the first time in more than 6 years,
there's really something for me to look forward to besides living in hell forever. I see a light up
ahead. I think it's her. When I get to where I can tell her she's my imprint, I'll tell her the
theory that the Elders had that the imprint ages slowly right along with the wolf and I can let her
choose whether or not I stop phasing and give him up, or keep doing it and have an even longer
and happy life with her. I think I know which one I hope she chooses. That's if she doesn't shoot
me or throw me off a cliff or something instead.)