A/N-Well hello again, children. Sorry it took so long for me to get this one out, but unfortunately I'm back at my creativity killing job for the summer.

It's kind of cramping my style, as it were.

Anyway, finally got some time and energy together and wrote this!

Oh, and thanks for all the great reviews, glad you all like the storyline!

PS-Sorry, not too big of a chance for anything too scientific in this thing; science is not my specialty, I'm afraid.

PPS-My two Betas are both wrapped up in wedding stuff right now, so they're kinda preoccupied with that. So if anyone wants to edit this story for me, jump up and down and scream "Pick me!" And then, since I can't see you do that, send me a PM.
Also, I apologize for some offensive language in this fic, but hey; it's Leah. She's a very angry elf.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy looked around the empty hotel room where house was staying in anger and growing worry. She'd been convinced that her cantankerous employee had flown the coop to avoid the speech he was supposed to be giving…well, right now, but as she surveyed the deserted room she noticed that while House's cane was gone, his jacket, wallet and cell phone were still sitting on the desk by the TV cabinet.

She was relatively sure that while House would deliberately leave his cell phone behind to avoid calls from her or his team back in New Jersey, unless strip clubs and bars in Seattle were in the habit of giving out services on credit, House wouldn't have gone very far without his wallet. And if he'd left his jacket here…Cuddy looked outside at the grey drizzle coming down from the sky on what was very much a cold fall day in the Pacific Northwest.

House treated his body like an amusement park, disregarded his personal appearance and wore vintage t-shirts to work at a hospital, but he never risked his heath gratuitously, in a such as wondering around in a cold rain storm sans protection; he even wore a helmet when he rode his motorcycle.

With her worry winning out against her anger, Cuddy picked up the phone on the nightstand and dialed the front desk,

When a cheerful sounding clerk answered it, the hospital administrator demanded,

"Have you seen a man leave the hotel recently, scruffy looking and walking with a cane?"

"Ma'm?"

"He'd be in his early fifties, graying brown hair, have you seen anyone like that leave the hotel? He's a…friend of mine. I checked his room and he wasn't there."

"Uh…ma'm we're not allowed to give out that kind of information, unless you can prove direct relation to…"

Cuddy cursed and slammed down the phone before pulling her cell out of hr purse and hitting the speed dial button for Dr. Wilson's office phone,

Wilson answered in the second ring, and instead of say "hello", he asked

"Oh god, what did he do?"

Despite herself, Cuddy almost laughed, but instead demanded,

"Have you talked to him?"

"Not since you left…no, he hasn't called to tell me anything." Wilson said, sounding as unconvincing as he always did when he was trying to cover something up.

"Don't bullshit me, Wilson. It looks like House's missing, he's gone from his hotel room and all of his things are still here. If this is just another one of his little mind games and I find out you're in on it, you're both going to regret it."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line, and then;

"What do you mean he's missing?"

"He's gone, Wilson. It looked like eh was skipping out on his lecture, but unless he's decided to hide in the cleaning supply closest with his IPod…" cuddy glanced down and saw that House's MP3 player and PSP were till sitting next to the bed, "Which I don't think he has, it looks like something might be wrong."

Wilson sighed,

"You know House. This could just be him showing his vindictive streak."

Cuddy found herself nodding in agreement, even though Wilson was over a thousand miles away, "Maybe. It seems a bit juvenile even for him though. I'm going o go check the hotel; you go talk to his team." Cuddy hit the end button and stormed out of House's room, wondering, in the back of her head, why Wilson had seemed evasive at first.

On eth other side of the country, Wilson slowly hung up his phone and looked up at a massive stack of card board boxes in front of his desk.

"Cuddy thinks house might have gone missing." he said, tonelessly, before looking up at the five people in the room.

"We can only hope." Dr. Chase said, running a hand through his long blond hair and shaking his head.

Dr. Taub nodded, the expression on his face showing a mix of anger, desperation and disbelief.

Dr. Foreman and Thirteen sat on the floor, sifting through one of the cardboard boxes. They were pulling out bags filled with gray, green, tan, and blue toy soldiers,

"He's lost it." Foreman ground out,

"Yep. He has." Thirteen agreed.

Leaning against the doorframe, Dr. Cameron read the letter that had come with the boxes,

In Houses sprawling handwriting, it said;

To Chase, Foreman, Cameron, Taub Thirteen and Wilson;

Use the contents of these boxes to turn Cuddy's office into a model of the Normandy Invasion, or I will tell EVERYONE you know about all of those dirty secrets you've been keeping…especially Thirteen and Taub. You thought you could hide something from ME?

Pathetic.

Hugs and Kisses,

House

"This is insane." Wilson muttered, and then he sat bolt upright,

"Whose credit cards did he use to pay for all of these?"

The assembled doctors all looked up in terror, before darting off to check their bank statements, leaving Wilson by himself to ponder the stack of boxes.

Sighing in defeat, he picked up the first box and started the walk down to Cuddy's office. Any worries he might have had about his seemingly missing friend were canceled out by Houses' bizarre demand.

Had he known about it, the irony of that situation might have made the currently kidnapped Dr. House run his head into a very solid looking wall; of course, at the moment he had more than enough reasons to attempt to use his head as a battering ram;

He was being pinned protectively to the wall by an incredibly strong and very angry young woman, who was snarling half coherent threats and insults at the bizarre family that had snatched him from his hotel room and brought him to their isolated house in the Washington wilderness,

"You damn leeches stay away! I don't know what you're playing at, but it ends now!" Leah yelled at the Cullen's,

"Leah, please calm down, we need to figure out what's going on here." Jacob pleaded from the doorway, trying to reason with his newly imprinted clan mate and at the same time keep the young object of his own imprinting form seeing what was going on,

"Screw you Pedo-boy!If a bunch of leeches were holding that prissy little half-breed you want to stick it to so bad, you wouldn't be so…"

Jacob roared with anger and shot forward, but Emmet slung him back out the doorway before he had a chance to phase, while Rosalie and Esme did there best to hold the now furious Edward and Bella back form the woman who'd slandered there daughter and friend so horribly,

"We need to lock this down now!" Emmet shouted, before preparing to pounce on Leah to shut her up,

"Emmet, wait!, Let me try and talk to her." Carlisle said, stepping in front of Emmet

"She's not interested in reason dad, the crazy dogs imprinted, you think you can reason with that insanity?!?" Rosalie shouted, moving to slide around her father and spring on Leah before the Quileute woman had a chance to phase; too late it seemed. Leah began to growl and shake as her body prepared to change to its wolf form.

Behind her, House drew in a deep breathe;

"What the hell is going on?!?" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

The roomful of mythical creatures froze at the human's angry shout.

"Could someone please explain? Right now, if you don't mind?" House demanded.

And then the room exploded with frantic voices again,

"...her family and ours have problems on occasion…"

"Oh that's rich, Leech Boy…"

"It's all a bit strange, but really…"

"Would someone please let me back inside?"

"…really is more trouble than it's worth…"

"Could we all just calm down, please?"
"What about Aunt Alice?"

"Focus on the medicine don't concern yourself with…"

House closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose,

"Shut up!"

The room fell dead silent again,

House looked over at Leah,

"I appreciate your concern, Miss Congeniality, but I'm here more or less…" House sent a meaningful look at Rosalie, "…of my own free will. Now, if it's not too much trouble, I want everybody but the people on my 'team' and Sulky the Life Sign Monitor out of the house."

Silence,

"Right now, dammit!"

Leah folded her arms across her chest,

"I'm not going anywhere."

House looked her up and down,

"Fine, I can make that work, but you might have to start sleeping with the big guy over there to fit in the way I'll need you to. And maybe the annoyingly dramatic girl too"

Leah nodded soberly,

"If you want me to."

House gaped at her for a moment, and then turned to look at the Cullen's again.

"I wasn't kidding when I told you to leave. Scram! And don't come back until you've worked the drama queen out your systems."

Dumbfounded, the haughty vampire clan filed out if their own house, leaving behind the small group House had chosen to assist him; except for Jasper who had remained hidden away in Alice's room, forgotten by the temperamental human doctor who had taken charge of the household from its feuding inhabitants,

House glared at the small gathering of Vampires and the single werewolf,

"I really, really have no idea what's going on here."

Leah opened her mouth to speak,

"Not a word, Miss Angry." House barked, "I don't know what's going on, and I really don't care. My only concern, and your only concern, as far as I'm concerned," House snickered slightly, "is the fact that we have a non functioning patient upstairs. Differential diagnosis, people. What do we know?" He asked, pointing at Emmet.

"Uh…Alice's in a coma and we don't know why."

House pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed,

"Never mind. Let's start with something simpler than…"

"Don't you want to know what was just happening? Why I'm here?" Leah asked, her voice hopeful as the object of her imprinting stood maddeningly out of her reach.

House sighed,

"No, but I'd bet your going to tell me at some point anyway. And what's your name, anyway?" House asked, doing his best to offend the strange woman who couldn't stop staring at him like a lost puppy into silence.

Instead of getting angry, Leah smiled and laughed,

"I'm Leah Clearwater…and uh, what's your name, anyway?" Leah asked, trying to sound coy. The Cullen's stared at her.

"Dr. House. You can call me…Dr. House."

Leah laughed again,

"Okay Doc. Let me know when you want to talk…I think we'll have a lot to chat about."

House shook his head, as if to clear it, and stared at Leah in surprise.

"The hell with it, if no one else is worried about the dying girl upstairs…"

"Just tell us what you need House." Bella nearly shouted, trying to focus everyone back unto the real problem,

"I need you to tell me where you were when your sister…seized up? Froze? Whatever you want to call it. I need someone to tell me if anyone had noticed anything odd about her behavior, and especially, and this is the most important part, I'm going to need one of you to tell me just what the hell is going on!"