Sorry it took me so long to get this fic out, kiddies. Long story short, between the mass amount of classes, EMT training and work I've got myself into, things are not going so well. Oh, and My G/F and I broke up; wasn't messy or anything, but it definitely didn't help, also, she's proofreading this, so that just brings us to a whole new level of awkward, huh?

But, it's come to point where it's just like f*%k it, lets write. So I've got my death metal cranked, a good stiff drink in hand, and keyboard in front of me.

Strap in children.

Dr. Gregory House rapped Leah with his cane as he limped past the young werewolf,

"We have a dangerous mythological predator to save from unknown afflictions! Well, maybe I should say we have another kind of dangerous mythological predator to save from unknown afflictions. Christ, I hope this doesn't mean ghosts are real too..."

Leah stared after House incredulously as he continued his one man narration all the way down the upstairs hallway in the Cullen's mansion to the wide, spiraling staircase.

Bella emerged from her room behind House, and Leah fixed her with a hard stare,

"What were you doing in there?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders, "Don't ask me, I just live here." she murmured, before following in Houses wake. She didn't get far before Leah ran to catch up to her fresh imprint's side.

"Is everything all right now, Greg?" she asked house, as the cantankerous M.D. carefully navigated the stairs down to the Cullen's massive living room.

House froze, and slowly turned his head until he pinned Leah under his blue eyed glare,

"Never call me Greg."

Leah froze at the sudden anger in Houses voice, but before she could say anything to apologize, House clumped down the stairs into the living room, where he found the annoying whigger vampire locked in a debate with the equally annoying do-gooder vampire.

"How can it not be an option? If something in her brain dislodged itself and ground into something else, it might have cut off some kind of brain function…"

"Son, how would that have happened? Our bodies are frozen solid. Motionless."

"'Fraid that's not the case, actually."

The two Vampires turned to look at House as walked over to the vampires. He casually snatched the black sharpie out of Carlisle's hand.

"Rule number one, you must have a pulse to use the white board." House took the marker and scrawled Ischemic Stroke next to the list of symptoms.

"Stroke?" Carlisle demanded.

House shrugged, "Full body strokes are a bit rare, but not rare enough to justify that tone of voice."

"Ignoring the fact that Alice's body has been frozen into what amounts to stone, how do explain a stroke of that magnitude at her age?"

"She's what? A hundred twenty something?"

"She can't age!"

House rolled his eyes, "David's looked about the same since Michelangelo took his last chisel stroke. That doesn't mean he is the same. Its gotten weathered, the molecules have broken down, some German tourist has knocked off a bit to take home as a souvenir."

"Your point?"

"My point is that not even a statue stays the same, vampire. Everything changes over time." House pointed to Emmet, "Marshal has a point, much as I hate to admit it. Some old clot that had been forming in her brain before she went Lucy Westenra might have broken loose…"

"Uh…who's Lucy Westenra?" Leah asked, interrupting House.

The assembled vampires turned to look incredulously at Leah. "What?" the werewolf demanded, angrily.

House continued on, ignoring her. "Something might have worked loose, causing a clot, causing a stroke…"

"Causing a coma which has lasted three days?" Carlisle demanded.

"You know, I really think we need to go over our assignments again. You're the one who's supposed to be agreeing with me all the time, remember? Anyway, it's possible it's caused a coma, or maybe it just dug up into the brain and fried some neuron processes. In any case, it doesn't matter because however semi-okay sounding the theory is, we can't test it. No Cat scan, no MRI, no way to check the brain and see if there's anything wrong." House limped around the room, slowly circling his ad hoc "team" and gazing around the room. His baleful blue eyes fell on the austere, white furnishings, the brand new flat screen TV and the half vampire demon child who was watching him intently from the entrance to the disused looking kitchen area.

House muttered something under his breath about things that could never be unseen and gross violations of his psychic privacy; and then his blue eyes widened and he spun on his heel, regarding the Cullen's like a lion eyeing its prey.

"So, vampires. Demon Spawn over there can do show and tell with her memory, huh?"

Bella let out a deep growl from the back of her throat. "Her name…is Renesmee"

House shrugged. "Demon Spawn is easier to pronounce. She shares memories. Sulky reads minds, and Living Dead Girl can see the future, or so you think." House ran his gaze along the vampires, lingering on each one. "What can the rest of you lunatics do?"

***

Meanwhile, back in Seattle, Dr. Cuddy was trying desperately to convince two very dubious police officers that House was missing.

"So, you say this guy has gone missing because he dodged a conference?" one of them asked.

"No I'm saying he's gone missing because he left his PSP and wallet here."

The cops exchanged a look, and then turned back to Cuddy. "Ma'm are you sure you don't have any…stronger evidence?"

"I thought that was your job!" Cuddy snapped back.

"Uh-huh. I tell you what Doctor, we'll go ahead and file a report, but we really can't classify him as missing until he's been gone for twenty-four hours."

"But…"Cuddy began, but one of the cops interrupted her.

"He'll probably turn up later. Maybe he just met some bimbo in the bar or something. He could just be ducking you or something."

"Though I can't imagine why…" the other cop muttered, as both the police officers turned and walked out of the room, leaving Cuddy to fume in their wake.

***

Back in the Cullen's mansion, House was flipping through a pad of tallow note book paper filled with a precise accounting of the Cullen's and their various abilities.

Smiling happily, he looked up at up at Edward who was standing by the wall House was using as a dry erase board.

Edward glowered back and began to write on the wall, trying to ignore the low hiss his mother let out.

First he wrote Carlisle-Medical guru/annoying, then Jasper-closest to human eater/mood altering cheater/possible defibulator, and the list went on until all of the Cullen's and the two present werewolves names were scrawled on the wall, each with a list of what house deemed as their skills and an analogy for a piece of medical equipment.

When the list was done, House turned to his audience and managed very smug smile; especially for someone who was receiving some very menacing glances from a large coven of vampires.

"So," he flipped his cane up unto his shoulder, "Any questions?"