She hung her head as she bit her lip waiting for the large oak door to swing open. She had had a lot of difficult goodbyes in her life. This was by far one of the hardest; her own surrogate family. Two people who she had watch fall in love and fight to keep that love alive. Even in her own despair at times, they gave her hope. Haley had once been a complete stranger. Now, well, she simply couldn't imagine her life without her by her side. And Nathan? She's not sure she would ever be able to put their relationship into words. They didn't talk every day. They certainly weren't the closest in the group. But, they had a link to each other that no one else quiet had. She would always feel comfortable with Nathan in ways that sometimes she didn't even with Peyton. They came from the same background, the same inner circle, and in many ways the same heart. She found herself bite harder on her lip as she thought about Jamie. How would she be able to live without that little boy in her life?
She was distracted from all of these thoughts as the door opened to reveal Nathan who offered a sad smile. He moved over for her to come in before digging his hands into his pockets and leaning against the now closed door.
"They're taking it pretty hard that you're leaving." He said gently and she knew his words weren't accusatory, but rather sincere. And all she could do was nod as her heart felt so heavy that it may fall out of her chest.
"Me too you know."
"I know." She couldn't muster anything more. It was like each word he spoke was a dagger to her fragile emotions.
"I know what it's like to be scared, Brooke. I've felt it. It's scary as hell being in love, but it's scarier knowing that you might never have that love again. I wanted to hate Haley when she left on tour. Sometimes, I even convinced myself that I did. But, I hated the thought of how my world might be without her in it. That scared me so much more. Running scared might seem okay at the time, but you can't run forever. And what I can't figure out is if you're running toward what you want or running away from what you're scared to want."
"Nate…"
"Aunt Brooke!" Her head spun to see her godson and Haley walk into their entryway. Jamie ran over to her reaching for her hand and she kneeled in front of him ruffling his hair.
"Are you leaving today?"
As she took in every small feature of him, she almost wanted to look away. They had all made jokes about it from the time he was little, but now it certainly didn't feel so funny. He looked like Lucas. God, he looked like Lucas. She could almost hear her heart beat as she felt herself staring at the exact imagine that she had dreamed of so long ago; a child with the man she loved. Why was her mind playing such cruel tricks on her?
"Yeah, buddy." Her voice seemed to be raspier than usual. "Julian has to do some work, but you know what? It doesn't mean that I can't come visit, and you can come visit me. And we can see each other whenever you want on your mom and dad's computer." She knew none of this made up for her absence, and she was not foolish enough to think that it would make up for it in Jamie's eyes either.
"Who's going to go on fun play dates with me?" He sniffled a little and under any other circumstance she would have laughed at just how cute it was.
"I happen to know that your mom and dad can be pretty darn fun, and your Aunt Peyton, and Uncle Lucas." Her voice cracked at his name, and she could feel Haley's eyes bore into her at this. "I know I won't be here, bud, but I'll never be too far away. You know I will always be here for you, right? Any time. Any place. You name it, and I'll be there." She tickled his sides and he did his best attempt at a smile which failed miserably.
"I know, I just am really, really going to miss you." He stared down pulling at the bottom of his shirt, something she realized he had done when he was trying to not cry.
"I'm going to miss you even more." At this, a tear slid down her cheek and she pulled the little boy into a hug holding on tightly to the little boy before kissing his forehead quickly and standing up to look her best friend in the eye.
Haley was shaking her head with tears glistening in her eyes.
"I promised I wouldn't cry." Haley laughed in spite of herself, and she couldn't help but to softly laugh herself.
"Come here, Tigger." Before she knew it, the two of them were hugging as if neither would let go. It amazed her everyday how much of a staple Haley had become in her life.
"I love ya, Haley James Scott." She whispered into their hug.
"I don't know what I'm going to do without you."
As they pulled apart, Haley continued to hold her forearms in her hands.
"How about I walk you out?" Experience had taught her exactly what this had meant. Haley wanted to send her off with a one on one best friend moment.
"Okay."
Picking up her handbag, she turned around to see Nathan with his arms crossed standing by the door with a solemn expression on his face and a clenched jaw.
"You're going to remember what I said, right Davis?"
She nodded her head almost robotically. Everything felt so systematic. She was waiting for it to feel more… natural… less difficult. She kept telling herself that once she was on the plane it would all feel better. This remained to be seen.
"I hope so." Before she could respond, he embraced her in a tight hug. "It sure as hell won't be the same around here without you." He whispered softly.
As he released her she followed Haley out the door, but was stopped briefly as she felt tiny arms wrapped around her legs.
"Aunt Brooke! I don't want you to go!"
This was the straw that broke the camel's back. His tiny voice left an imprint in her heart larger than she could ever put into words. Her composure had been broken.
"Me neither. I love ya, bud. I'll see you soon." She leaned down kissing his head, but feeling herself being pulled out by the arm of her best friend. As they stood outside of her BMW, she ran her hands through the stands of her hair.
"Brooke, is this what you want? Take Lucas out of this. Is this what you want?"
"Hales, I can't keep having this back and forth over something that I'm not even sure is. What is all of this really? It's some hypothetical that ended six years ago. That's what it really is."
"Sure. Yeah, okay, let's go with that. Let's say it's a hypothetical. Hypothetical or not it still has you going back and forth, doesn't it? Why?"
She opened her mouth to say something, but quickly realized she didn't really have an answer.
"You're my best friend. I'll be on Team Brooke wherever you go. I just want you to keep Team Brooke in mind too. Be happy. That's all I'm asking of you."
And what I can't figure out is if you're running toward what you want or running away from what you're scared to want
XXXX
10:42.
Her iPhone flashed with this time as she rested her head against the headrest of her BMW. Their flight wasn't scheduled to leave until 3:00. Julian had some last minute running around to do to finalize the shipping of their belongings and cars, so he wouldn't be there until 1:30. She didn't know what to do with herself in the meantime. Glancing down to the passenger side floor she saw what she had spent the better part of last night tossing and turning over; Lucas' original manuscript of his book.
10:44.
Tearing her eyes away from it, she tried to conjure up reasons why she shouldn't read it. These reasons came without a problem, but it was the one lingering question of what words were trapped underneath the cover that seemed to overshadow everything else.
10:47.
Well, she did have some time to kill. So, she did the one thing that despite her best efforts felt compelled to do. She turned to the first page of the aged stack of papers and began to read.
XXXX
I kicked the sand in frustration as I buried my hands deeper into my pockets. Tonight was not at all how I had expected it to turn out. As the waves crashed against the beach in the distance, questions were swirling through my mind. And then I saw her. She looked so small sitting against the immensity of the beach. And I was drawn to here like a mosquito to the light.
"Is this beach taken?"
"There's plenty to go around."
Her bubbly demeanor was replaced by a somber undertone. As I sat down next to her staring out into the distance, I couldn't shake the insatiable desire to want to return her perfect smile to her face.
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna ask if you're okay."
"Thanks."
"Know any good jokes?"
She seems to mull this over for a brief moment. I felt a slight pang in my chest as I just took in her features waiting for her to answer. It was a sensation that had been happening for a long time now; maybe around the time after she had told me she may be pregnant. It was like my heart would skip a beat just being around her. And when she left it was replaced by emptiness.
"You're looking at one. Why does everybody lie? You know, the bad guys lie to get into your bed and the good guys lie to get in your heart. And I'm the idiot that falls for it every time."
Sure, in part, her response was a call out to me. I had been the one to break her heart. I had been the one to make her cry. If only she knew that there wasn't a single day that past where I didn't want to take it all back for many, many reasons.
"Hey, Brooke, you are not an idiot. Not even close. You know who you are. Most people don't, you know. I mean, that's why they lie. They're afraid people might find out who they are before they figure it out themselves."
She was only eighteen but she knew exactly who she was. She carried an air of unapologetic confidence in who she was. I needed her to know that she wasn't an idiot. To me, she was someone to be looked up to. I was the real idiot.
"Let me take you home."
"I can get home without a guy. Thanks."
We fell silent just staring back and forth between each other. I tried my best not to show my disappointment. Since our breakup, we hadn't had much, if any, interaction. I missed her. I missed the way she rambled on and on about stories that if anyone else had told me I wouldn't pay much attention to. When she did, though, I couldn't seem to pull my attentions away from her. I missed her laugh. I missed the way her eyes would sparkle in wonder when she would convince me to do something that no one else in the world would be able to entice me to do.
"Okay."
I stood up in defeat starting to walk away into the darkness of the night.
"Wait… I really don't want to walk."
Hope.
I turned around donning a smile on my face as I reached out to help her to her feet. As her hand touched mine, a jolt ran through my body and I was left with one resounding realization that if I had been honest with myself was in the back of my mind for months.
I still loved Brooke Davis.
XXXXX
"There's nothing wrong with my heart, Nate."
Bullshit. I knew that. And truthfully, it had a lot more to do with how I felt than my HCM ever would. Basketball had been my entire world. It was somehow apart of my DNA. The prospect of not having that anymore scared me in ways I couldn't describe. But there was something else.
"Yeah? That's what you said after your car accident. You told me you didn't want to be afraid to live your life."
"That's right."
But, I had. I had been tiptoeing through the better part of the last year. I told Nathan I didn't want to be afraid, but I was the biggest offender of that very sentiment. I was afraid. And it wasn't just because I could lose basketball, or whatever other consequences that HCM posed that I wasn't quite ready to come to terms with.
"Well, I don't buy it, Luke. I think there's something in your heart you're running from."
And he saw right through it.
"What are you? Psychic?"
"You can make jokes about it all you want, but you know there's a girl you have feelings for."
There it was. The words that were always alive in my heart, but I was always afraid to verbalize, were now on the table. Of course, there was a girl I had feelings for. I had known this since I had left for Charleston. Now that I was back, it was a lot more difficult to hide from everything I was running from.
"Nathan…"
"Look me in the eye. Tell me I'm wrong. See? Now you can be mad at me all you want. You can say your heart's fine, but until you tell this girl how you feel, your heart's gonna be flawed. You need to talk to her, Luke."
As I left my brother that night, I knew I had to see one person and that person just so happened to live behind the grandeur of a red door.
XXXX
It felt so great to finally be home. When Keith passed away, getting out of Tree Hill felt like the only way to find some healing and closure. Once I was away though, I realized just how wrong that notion had been. Because by not being in Tree Hill, I wasn't with Brooke. And that made everything so much worse. She was light when everything else was dark, and without her everything just felt empty.
I was excited to put on the mock of Nathan and Haley's love story, but I was also ready for it to be over. I just wanted to be with her; alone and telling her just how much I missed her. In the meantime, these small scenes with her would do. Just being near her was enough for me.
"I decided to go for a run, and I ended up here. Boy, is it raining out."
"I'm mad at you, Nathan Scott."
"Haley, please listen to me. I know I'm a porn freak."
As the audience erupted in laughter, my mind was set on the next set of dialogue.
"Nathan it's okay. I like my porn, too, and I Haley myself from time to time. But, I still need to know that you love me."
"Someday, I'm going to marry you, Haley James. Someday."
The script was written. I just had to recite them. Nothing more. Nothing less. But, those particular words had a much deeper meaning to me. Standing here looking deeply into her eyes, I knew that those words carried over into how I felt about Brooke. I was looking right into what I wanted for the rest of my life. I wanted her tonight, and tomorrow, and forever. As we kissed, I felt like there was nothing in this world that could sever our relationship.
XXXX
I rubbed my eyes tiredly. Each and every part of my body felt heavy. The entire day had weighed heavily on me mentally. But, I knew that that would only get worse if I didn't see her. If I didn't get to hold her, well, however I was feeling now would only multiply. Entering the tent, I saw her. She was talking to Mouth as he stood behind the DJ booth and I felt my once heavy feet walking as if they were on water. I just had to get to her.
Mouth patted me softly on the shoulder as he walked away. And then it was just the two of us. She looked up at my shyly.
"I guess we never finished that conversation."
She looked down seemingly have made a decision within herself. Standing up before me, she extended a hand my way.
"Dance with me."
I looked down at her hand as I laced my fingers through hers allowing her to lead me out to the dance floor. I watched her every movement; the way her hips swayed and her lips fell into a slight frown. It was as if she was holding on. Why did she ever think I might go?
She spun into me resting head against my chest and I laid my cheek against her head. I could have stayed like this forever; music softly playing in the background just holding Brooke in my arms. Forever wouldn't even be long enough. I ran my hand over her soft shoulder feeling as much of her as I could. She pulled away looking up into my eyes.
"Did you miss me while you were away?" Her raspy voice sounded raspier than usual, and I knew it took so much out of her to even ask the question. I clenched my jaw as I looked down shaking my head. It was all I could do to hold back from asking her how she could ever think that. Didn't she know how much I loved her? Didn't she realize that being away from her for that short time somehow, as crazy as it may have sounded, hurt just as much as losing Keith? Did she know that I spent hours crying about how I wanted to go home just to be with her?
I guess that she didn't, though.
"Everyday. I was just angry, and upset, about Keith and I just needed to be alone, but that doesn't mean that I didn't miss you, Brooke. Because I did."
I did. God, if only she knew. In the aftermath of Keith's death, there wasn't much that I felt like I knew to be absolute. After all, I had thought that Keith would be around to see me get married, have kids, maybe even write my first novel. But the one thing I knew to be certain was that Brooke Davis was the only thing I needed in this world.
"I needed to hear your voice. There's just so much stuff going on with me, and…"
"What kind of stuff?"
She's fighting to not let herself look into my eyes. I know that we're dancing around the nature of whatever is going on with her, and I search her eyes begging to know. She looks back up at me looking as if she's made a decision. And as I delve deeper into her hazel orbs hoping to better understand exactly what she's thinking, she leans up and kisses me. And it's not just a kiss. It was as if we were one for just a moment.
As we finally pulled apart, she found solace against my chest and I fell into her softly cradling her into me. There was a lot we needed to talk about, and a lot we needed to work through, but I knew that I wanted to do just that. I was just 18 years old, but in this moment, I knew what I wanted. I wanted Brooke Davis, and I wanted her now, and tomorrow, and always.
XXXX
"I love you, Lucas, and I probably always will… but we go days without having a meaningful conversation, and I used to miss you so much when that happened… but it never seemed like you missed me. And I guess because of it I stopped missing you. I mean look at today…"
She continued to talk, but I couldn't hear her. Everything had faded around me. What was she getting at? Were we about to end? This couldn't be happening.
I guess I should have said something, anything. I mean for a guy who wants to be a writer, it suddenly seemed like no words had ever been written, but when someone tells you that they somehow stopped missing you, you're pretty much screwed no matter what you say. Did she really mean that? Had she stopped missing me? The prospect of that could have cut my heart right in two.
"It shouldn't be like this, Luke."
"Brooke…"
"I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."
See, but there had to be something, right? Something that no one had ever said in the history of the world, something that could change this. Why couldn't I just scream exactly what I wanted to say? What was stopping me from taking her in my arms and telling her that this was the furthest thing from what I wanted? Because the idea of losing Brooke Davis seemed like a world that I never wanted to be a part of. I loved her with each and every fiber of my being. When I closed my eyes to see my future, her face was at the forefront of it all. I knew that. My heart knew that. But my mouth fell silent against everything that I was feeling. I was terrified that whatever I said wouldn't be enough.
She leaned in kissing me on the cheek and as she turned to walk away I panicked. My extremities felt paralyzed and my throat ran dry. My mouth was proving to be my worst enemy.
"Brooke, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too."
That wasn't it.
And as she left, what she didn't see was the never ending flow of tears that seemed to refuse to stop falling from my eyes, or the multiple times that night that I threw up at just how sick I was over the whole situation. Brooke Davis had just walked out of my life, and for the first time in a very long time, nothing felt like it would be okay.
XXXX
I couldn't keep going on like this. I stood atop the large wrap around deck of Rachel's home overlooking a mass crowd of teenagers promulgated around the pool. There was laughter and chatter and the sounds of people playing flip cup in the corner. None of that interested me though. I spotted one person and one person only among it all.
She was standing there huddled around by a group of guys. That thought alone made me want to lose my mind. I walked toward her with meaningful steps as I stopped just behind her praying that what I was about to do might evoke a response out of her.
"You got a second?"
"This kind of feels like déjà vu."
It did. The last time we were in this situation was so momentous. I had finally made a declaration of sorts by telling her that I was the guy for her. I had meant every word, and to this day I felt very much, if not more, the exact same. But, something felt different this time.
"Not really. You told me to fight for you and I did. But you never fought for me."
"And I'm not going to."
It was like a swift kick to the chest. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Blow after blow and I was starting to realize that maybe this was really over. Maybe she had stopped missing me.
"Okay, then I guess I was wrong. I'm not the guy for you, Brooke Davis."
Of course, I hadn't meant the words. I needed to reel her in with words that might evoke any emotion from her. I needed to read her eyes. They were always like a roadmap to exactly what she was feeling. If I could just crack her façade, then maybe, just maybe, I would be able to put an end to all of this nonsense. I could make her see that I loved her, and she loved me too.
Instead, she simply nodded not cracking for even a second. I could feel like chin quiver softly, and I fought to not show what I was feeling inside: excruciating heartbreak.
XXXX
"Lucas, don't hate me, okay? I think this was a mistake."
There it was. The very sentence that I was afraid of all night. Truth be told, when Brooke had asked me to be her date I had an inflated hope. It was the first time in weeks that I had been able to regain even some of the shell of the boy I was when I was with Brooke. I found myself smiling more. I was happy… less broody. And then in the span of just one sentence, that was gone… again.
"So, do I."
I found the words escaping my lips before I could even process it. It was like my words were some defense mechanism to the reality that Brooke really was moving past us. And the only way I could even find any consolation with it all was continuing to lie to myself. Because when I pretended that we weren't absolutely meant for each other, it was the only way that I could find any way to get through my days.
"You do?"
"I missed you so much when you broke up with me, Brooke. I mean I spent every day hoping that we'd get back together. But, listening to Whitey describe his life with Camilla I just realized…"
What exactly did I realize? Well, it wasn't what I was standing here proclaiming to Brooke. Yes, I realized that the love we had wasn't like Whitey and Camilla's. It wasn't like Nathan and Haley or my mom and Keith for that matter. What we had was unlike anything else. Each and every love story was different, but it didn't take away from the love that was there. Our love was its own love story.
"He wasn't describing us."
"Do you think that even exists anymore?"
"What?"
"A love so strong that no person can come between it."
Sure, there is. Us. That was us, and I here I was continuing to allow it to elude me. I couldn't stop marveling at her eyes that seemed to twinkle.
"I sure hope so."
"Yeah. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."
I felt like waiting was all I had left.
"So, where does this leave us?"
"Friends?"
"Friends."
Her smile sparkled and melted into each other in a hug. I buried my head against hers holding her hair in between my fingers. Closing my eyes, I tried to take in each and every fiber of her. I inhaled the smell of her hair; warm vanilla. My pillow and clothes that she would wear used to smell like this. As the weeks wore on, they started to lose the smell of her. It was all I could do to pull away and lose that smell; to lose her. I swallowed past the lump in my throat as I walked down the steps.
'I guess we'll just have to wait and see.' The words kept replaying in my mind. Truth be told, I would wait a lifetime for Brooke Davis.
XXXX
"This is a dream come true. So who do you want standing next to you?"
Suddenly it was as if the roar of the crowd, the echo of the final buzzers, the cheers of my teammates were all sounding from 1,000 miles away, and what remained in that bizarre, muffled silence was only Peyton. The girl whose art, passion, and beauty had changed my life. In that moment, my triumph was not a state championship, but simple clarity. The realization that we had always been meant for each other and every instinct to the contrary had simply been a denial of the following truth - I was now and would always be in love with Peyton Sawyer.
At least, that's what should have been going on in my mind. I turned briefly to look at the girl who had once encompassed my every thought. Her blonde hair and elusive persona had captivated me once upon a time. And instead of some epiphany stating exactly that, my vision was pulled back to her.
Brooke Davis.
And there, in her eyes, was my epiphany. I knew exactly who I wanted standing next to me when my dreams came true. I wanted her next to me for the rest of my triumphs and my defeats and everything in between. And it just so happened that she had been. This realization resounded in my heart.
"Go. It's okay. Go."
Go?
I remained rooted in place staring intensely at her. As I scanned her features, I could see that her dimples hadn't quite reached her eyes. I was holding on all the while she was telling me to let go. It was the never ending revolving door that seemed to perpetually land on the concept that Peyton Sawyer was my soul mate. Brooke believed it. She needed to believe that Peyton and I were soul mates. My eyes danced around hers, and I wanted to shout this all: 'You're wrong. For once, I just might know better than you, Brooke Davis. I love you, and there's not one part of me that doesn't know this to be true.' As she stared back at me, it almost seemed like she was begging me to go. She needed me to walk toward Peyton. Maybe she needed to see what would become of it. Maybe so did I.
So, I did. I walked away as my heart seemed like it was waging a knock down drag out fight to pull me back. It hurt. It felt wrong, but in some strange way I knew it might be okay. Because, yes, Peyton Sawyer was my soul mate, but Brooke Davis… well, she was destiny.
People that are meant to be together always find their way in the end
XXXX
"Damn, I gotta stop doing this."
"Oh, God. I'm so sorry! Really!"
I didn't hear much after that. It was as if all my other senses morphed together in a synchronized dullness with the exception of a very magnified vision toward one thing: Brooke.
I was lying in bed after finally making love to Peyton for the very first time. This moment should have been euphoric. Nothing in this world should have diminished it. But, something did.
As the door our hotel room swung open, I saw Mouth, Skills, and Brooke standing there. My eyes were glued to only one, though. She stood there seemingly frozen as her jaw hung open and her eyes spoke all the words that weren't coming from her mouth. For months, I had looked for that one small moment of weakness that she so rarely gave. She didn't reserve her vulnerabilities for me anymore.
In this fleeting moment, though, I saw them. I saw everything that I had shielded myself against. This exact moment was one of the many reasons why I couldn't be friends with Brooke Davis. It was why I couldn't talk to her while we were out at parties. It was why I had to redirect my entire jogging route just so that I wouldn't have to run past her house. It was why I just couldn't be around her. Because it was in these small moments that I saw her; the real Brooke; the Brooke I fell in love with; the Brooke who I wasn't entirely sure I could ever stop loving. And it was the pain reflected in her eyes that made me wonder if she was thinking any of these same things.
These were all the questions that I hadn't allowed myself to ask in the past few months. She was gone more quickly than she had appeared and I was left alone in the room with Peyton's soft giggles in my ear.
I was lying in bed after finally making love to Peyton for the very first time. This moment should have been euphoric. Nothing in this world should have diminished it. But, something did.
Brooke.
XXXX
So, what was my story?
It started out in the same manner that many do. I was just a seventeen year old kid who saw the world in black and white. Quickly though, color came into my world. I rose from the cracked cement of the river court and emerged on the pristine hardwood of the Tree Hill Raven gym. I was the child who my father never wanted, but in the wake of his abandonment I somehow fell into family anyway. And I found love in a way I never, ever could have anticipated.
So, my story should have been clear. I was adopted as a Raven given the opportunity to do the thing I love most in the world: play basketball. I had experienced the pitfalls and sheer elation of growing up. I had experienced loss, and tragedy. I had seen more than most had at 80. My life was storybook at times, and disastrous in others. I had lived and learned. I had laughed and cried. And as graduation quickly approached and the realization that I along with my friends were about to embark on different paths, I was left to reflect on what have been the most important part of my story. It started off clear and everything I thought I knew was sent into a tailspin.
And after all was said and done, I felt that my story was something that I never could have anticipated as a seventeen year old who first sat down behind the computer screen to write. The story began as a tale of self-discovery, and of team comradery that carried us to a state title. This story was one of battle between two brothers that quickly gave way to unwavering brotherhood. It had the components of remarkable tragedy in the wake of the school shooting. But looking back, my story was one of love. I was on the fast track to college and in a new relationship of my own. In spite of that all, I couldn't help but to look back on what was the greatest story of my life.
I thought I knew what my heart wanted, and instead I found out exactly what it needed. In a world of black and white, I got to experience red. And this is all I can see as I look back. As my story comes to a close, I know that I am on a path that may keep us apart for a while. I just can't help but to believe and hope and pray that our path will converge again though.
The greatest story of my life was and always will be Brooke Davis.
XXXX
A lone tear drop fell and left an imprint on the bound set of papers. As she closed it, she stared at it feeling as if she were almost out of breath. It had knocked the wind out of her. In a wonderfully, confusing, heart wrenching, miraculous kind of way, it had left her speechless.
It was a surreal experience to be able to tangibly read and receive answers to questions you thought were long ago buried. Chapters of your life that you thought were closed long ago were in fact not. Instead, they actually were chapters sprawled across pages for you to read.
1:35.
Shit.
XXXX
She could feel her phone vibrating in her pocket, but it hadn't mattered. She could already spot him. His phone was glued to his ear as he wore a look of worry extending his other arm up so that he could read his watch. He puckered his lips together before ripping the phone from his ear hanging his head.
Her legs felt like blocks of cement. With each step she took, she felt the immensity of what this exact moment was. Because even after talking to Lucas, and even after reading the book, she still felt more confused than ever. And then he saw her, and his beautiful smile spread over his face washing away any apprehension he had just seconds before. And for just a moment she feels like she's not crazy to have come here.
"You know how to keep a guy on his toes, Ms. Davis."
She wanted to say something, but instead her sights were redirected to a family seated outside of the boarding area for their flight. There were two adults who looked no older than their mid-30s standing as the husband, or boyfriend, or whoever, leaned down gathering a few carry-on bags before standing up again placing a hand on the small of the woman's back. She looked up at him smiling tenderly as she turned to direct three small children. And this is what caught her eye. Standing before her with looks of wonder were two boys and a girl.
So, what do you two have planned for your lives together?
We're gonna be a power couple. He's going to be a famous novelist, and I'm going to have a fabulous fashion line.
But, we're still gonna have time to have a big family.
Two boys and girl.
"Are you ready to go home, babe?"
She ripped her eyes back to Julian, and she smiled ironically realizing that in spite of everything that has happened over the past days, it was this particular moment that made her realize exactly what she wanted. And it was the words of Julian who made her realize it. He began to walk toward the boarding gate lacing his hands through hers to have her walk alongside him.
Home.
It wasn't in California. It was here; Tree Hill. She had learned that lesson the hard way once before. But this time, it was because of one boy. Home was here with Peyton, and Nathan, and Haley, and Jamie, and everyone else who had meant so much to her. But, it was home because Lucas was here. It was home because her heart would always be in Tree Hill with him.
And she wanted the vision before her with him; two boys and a girl; summers in their beach home; him coaching little league. She wanted it all. And there wasn't a single day when Lucas' face didn't accompany her visions of that life.
"Would you do it differently?"
"I'd tried to appreciate the things I took for granted. But I think we have to go through all this stuff, you know? To get to the places we want to be."
It wasn't quite a remarkable realization. After all, she knew in her heart of hearts she had never stopped loving him. It was why her relationship with Chase never stood a chance. It was why in all her time in New York she never really found anyone that lasted past a date or two. It was why she resisted Julian for so long. But, it was the first time in a very long time that she had allowed herself to knock down the walls she had built around her heart years ago to block out that very notion.
She loved him.
She realizes now that she stopped dead in her tracks as he propelled forward his hand still locked in hers.
"Did you forget something?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I think I did."
He looks away from her and squints sharply looking as if he realizes that her connotation behind that phrase had not been about some object.
"Me, you, and airports never really end well, huh?" He does his best to force a laugh.
"Julian, you know I love you."
"Brooke, it's okay." He falls silent before grabbing both of her hands in his and smiling as best as he could given the pain she knew he was feeling. "You love him just as much as I love you. How could I blame you?"
"I'm so sorry." She leans in and cries against his chest. Because even though she knows in her heart that this is right, she can't help but to feel an immense pain for what she is putting Julian through right now. She did love him. She never ever meant for him to feel this way. It was something she wouldn't wish on anyone, yet alone the man that she had promised to marry just days before.
"Hey." He whispers in her ear and fights to hold back his own tears. "Don't you ever be sorry for following your heart, okay?"
"I'm not sure how I'm walking away from you right now. You're going to make some girl so happy. I would know."
"Boarding for American Airlines flight 1682 non- stop to LAX."
The words of the flight attendant drowned out their thoughts momentarily.
"I gotta get going, huh?" He places his hands on his hips still trying his best to smile. "If you're ever in LA, or anything ever…"
"Then I'll be there." She finishes quickly, and he nods softly as he takes her in for one last moment, and a gives her a halfhearted wave before turning towards the gate.
"Julian!"
He turns around and she realizes that his eyes are red and crestfallen.
"Yeah?" His voice cracks.
"Your ring." She takes it off gesturing it towards him.
"Keep it. Remember me, alright?" He flashes the boyish smile that she would always cherish. And before she had a chance to reply he began to walk away stopping only to present his ticket to the boarding attendant. As he entered the tunnel, she stood there for a few moments watching him fade away. She would always love Julian Baker. But, she was just so in love with Lucas Scott.
She always was.