A/N: Dammit! Since when does anyone who would read this fic actually listen to Motorhead? Oh well, you guys win, here's the next. Oh, Twilight fans please make your friends listen to Motorhead; I would recommend listening to "Doctor Rock" at about page 85 of "Breaking Dawn". If you're an evil minded bastard (or bitch, if you prefer) you'll laugh hysterically for a good five minutes as the mental images run through your head. What can I say? Metal is my Muse. HaHa! Double entendre!

PS-Hey Kaikuduo, using the internet to find the answer is cheating. But since I didn't tell you all you couldn't do that, good job being resourceful.

PPS-Computer crashed; delays ensued, sorry.

PPPS-Also an issue, I got into 40k. Kind of hard to keep my mind on this. I'd apologize, but…do a search on "Orks".

I'll wait.

Back? Okay, now explain to me how that isn't more awesome than House OR Twilight.

If you can, I'll dance at your wedding.

Deal?

Seattle, Washington

Cuddy was desperate; for the better part of a day she'd been trying to find House after he'd made a sudden, if not uncharacteristic disappearance.

She'd made a frantic search of the area around the hotel and conference center where she and the cantankerous diagnostician had been staying; that meant hours of searching in bars, restaurants, hotel bars and liquor stores had turned up nothing.

As she reluctantly gave up her search and started to walk back to the hotel, her blackberry began to buzz. She dug it out of her pocket and brought it to her ear;

"House?" she demanded.

"No its James…you still haven't heard from him?"

"No! I checked…wait have you?"

"Yes he…ah, checked in on us, I guess you could say…"

Deciding to skip over just what that meant, Cuddy exhaled an exasperated breath and told James to state just what, precisely, had happened to him.

"He's either volunteered to save some rich guys daughter or he's been kidnapped by Vampires."

"What?"

"That's what he said…"

"Well since both those options hinge on equally preposterous concepts, I'd guess he's lying and skipping out on the conference after all."

"What do you mean 'equally preposterous' concepts?"

"Either vampires are real or House has developed a sense of compassion."

"Oh. When you put it that way, I guess I should start stockpiling garlic."

Cuddy chuckled to herself, but the laughter did not sound pleasant.

"When I get my hands on him I swear…"

"…more paratroopers in this area, I think. Also you need to put up signposts for these town names…"

Cuddy shook her head to clear it, not sure what she'd just heard. "Wilson, what was that?"

"Uh, ah…History Channel turned up too loud…anyway, if I hear from House again I'll have him call you, bye."

Cuddy stopped short as the line went dead. Has the whole world gone insane? She wondered.

Princeton, New Jersey

Wilson hastily ended his call with Cuddy and dropped his phone back in the pocket of his white lab coat. He turned and surveyed the warzone that had once been Cuddy's office. A heavy blue tarp, liberated from the maintenance department covered half the floor, placed there at the insistence of Thirteen and her bizarre attention to detail. On the tarp sat a fleet of model ships; landing craft, destroyers, freighters and a myriad array of grey plastic. The edge of the tarp closest to the desk seemed to mark the transition of "sea" to "land". It was covered with yet more landing craft and an army of tan, green and blue toy soldiers who were supported by Sherman tanks and amphibious personnel carriers. They in turn were struggling past an array of plastic fortifications towards a line of plastic bunkers, trenches and sandbags held by a rendition of the dreaded Whermacht in 25mm scale. Miniature versions of their lethal 88 cannons and MG-42 machine guns stood ready in their fortifications to help repel the invasion. Behind the lines, American and British paratroopers rained out of C-47 transports that dangled form the ceiling on fishing line. On the floor behind the desk, their comrades who had reached the ground were posed amongst vacu-formed Styrofoam French villages as they tried to hold bridges and other lines of communication against counter-attacking German troops, complete with Panzer support, while suspended from the ceilings were squadrons of three-quarter scale planes that hung in frozen combat with each other; a warzone in miniature that occupied Lisa Cuddys office just as completely as it's real life counterpart would have.

The team of press-ganged doctors who had painstakingly assembled the massive battleground over the previous few hours now stood and nervously watched as a thin young man wearing Buddy Holly glasses, ill fitting jeans and an un-tucked button down shirt carefully studied their handiwork.

"Okay," Taub whispered to the others, "As soon as he leaves, we take this stuff down, right?"

The other doctors looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Look," the short plastic surgeon explained, "This guy takes a look around and calls House, lets him know everything's…in place. And then we take everything down before he and Cuddy get back."

"After we just spent the last three hours putting it up?" Thirteen hissed.

"Hear me out; when they get back, we tell House that the cleaning staff came through and took everything down…"

"And what makes you think he won't ask them about that?" Foreman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What makes you think he hasn't paid them off so they really don't clean up?" Chase put in.

"Look I'm just trying to keep Cuddy from…" Taub trailed off as the man House had sent to check their handiwork approached the group of doctors,

"And admirable effort," the man declared, his grand tones clashing with his appearance, "A bit off, but it will work for the lecture tomorrow. Besides, the children should thoroughly enjoy this."

"Lecture?"

"Children?"

The man narrowed his eyes,

"Yes…Doctor House arranged for me to give a lecture to some of the children from the pediatric word. All very thoughtful of him, of course. What with most of them being terminal cases, no one ever seems to bother with their education; a dreadful loss I say. Even the frailest benefit from education, as Dr. House said." The teacher shook his head in awe, "He must really be a compassionate man."

Taub's mouth fell open, Foreman held his head in his hands while Chase and Thirteen exchanged looks. Wilson sighed in defeat; when House set a trap, he also set an anti tampering device.

Is there ever any angle he doesn't cover? Taub wondered, as he thought of what Cuddy might do to them when she saw what they'd done to her office.

Forks, Washington

House squirmed uncomfortably in one of the high backed chairs at the Cullen's dining room table, while across from him, Renesmee glowered at him with more seriousness than any being in the body of a twelve year old girl had any business possessing.

Most of the Cullen's and Quileute Wolves stood behind her; the others blocked the doors out of the dining room. The room was quite large, with several beautiful pieces of art on the walls and soft lighting that played off gorgeously from the antique dining table and chairs. Nonetheless, to House it seemed like the dankest cell in an eighteenth century French prison with a perfect view of the Guillotine in the courtyard.

The one he had an appointment with at dawn…

It was a safe bet that the psychological domination he'd been building and holding over the array of supernatural creatures had been broken. Now he had to admit; he was scared. He'd been scared since Bella had held his hand over her heart and he realized it wasn't beating. He'd been scared when Leah had turned into a wolf right in front of his eyes, and no skeptic in the world could have explained the way that the angry little girl had invaded his mind and shown him memories that were not his own.

Yeah; he was scared. The hell with that, he was terrified.

And now after a botched escape plan had succeeded only in uniting his vampire jailors even more strongly with their shaky allies, the Quileute wolves, he was also pretty much screwed. It would be nigh impossible for him to put together another escape with the pretty boy mind reader watching him like a hawk.

Edward smiled slightly as he read Houses' thoughts. The human doctor didn't bother glaring at him.

"Doctor…" Renesmee began, breaking the thick, ominous silence that had pervaded since she had escorted him from the wreck of Alice's Porsche and back to the house after his chaotic escape attempt, "I think it's time we made things very clear. No one is going to hurt you," Leah snorted in amusement, and Renesmee amended, "Well, she might hurt you. But not fatally, I imagine."

The doctor's eyes narrowed as he tried to imagine just how Nessie was making her light, girlish voice sound so authoritative; across the table Edward and Bella were staring at their daughter in shock, while Jacob stood behind his young imprint, muscled arms crossed and a smirk on his face as if he expected nothing less from her.

"That being said, we really do need you to help us treat Alice. And we are prepared to keep you here as long as that takes. But I think that was already made clear to you."

"A prison with velvet walls?" House asked.

"That you hold the key to." Esme pointed out, "Save Alice, and you're free to go."

Rosalie let out a hiss of anger, but Emmet set an arm around her and whispered something in her ear. She calmed down a bit and smirked at Leah, who narrowed her eyes at the byplay.

"Stop it!" Renesmee barked, pointing an accusing finger that seemed to encompass all three guilty parties, "We are not going back down that path. I think the past hour should have taught all of you where it leads." The wolf and the two vampires looked back at the young half breed in surprise. Bella and Edward looked at each other again, unsure where their daughter had acquired this take charge attitude.

Carlisle, meanwhile, wondered how wise it had been to allow a quick study like Renesmee anywhere near someone like Gregory House.

"Now," Nessie continued, "You already set up one treatment. Is it actually viable, or were you just covering up your escape plan for a few hours?" she asked House,

"It might work. The reasoning is sound," the doctor answered, relaxing a bit in his chair.

"And how likely is it to succeed?"

"I have no idea. Never tried psychic analysis and manipulation as a treatment before," House admitted, "But it was the only option I could come up with at the time."

Renesmee steepled her fingers in front of her on the table top, "Are there any more conventional treatments you can think of?"

"Not off the top of my head, frau Standartenfuher." House snapped back; he'd gotten some of the wind back in his sails.

"Doctor, I am being very polite right now, especially given your actions earlier and the danger they put most of the people I love in. Please return the courtesy."

House leaned forward in his seat. "I'm being held hostage by over-dramatic vampires, werewolves and a little girl who is suddenly showing the personality traits of Josef Stalin. If I'm not 'courteous' normally, this really doesn't seem like the time to start." House glared back at the little girl, "I'll help you save Alice dearest, but I will not whistle happily while doing it. Got it?"

Renesmee sighed; she'd found his limits as surely as he'd found hers.

"Fine." She allowed, "When can we start?"

House leaned back in his chair,

"As soon as she's ready," he said, pointing at Bella.

"What do you see?" House demanded of Bella as they stood on the front lawn of the Cullen's estate, surrounded by the rest of the vampire coven and the two wolf packs,

"I…I can't…"

House kicked at a rut of earth that had been plowed up during the battle between the wolves and the vampires and sighed in exasperation.

"It's hard to…concentrate…"

House sighed and sent an exasperated glance skyward,

"Well, I was trying to avoid this. But…Knuckles!" House barked, pointing at Emmet, "Hold Romeo down!"

Emmet looked confused, while Edwards's eyes widened in outrage as he read House's thoughts.

"Now!" the diagnostician shouted at Emmet, who still hesitated until he felt a small tug on the sleeve of his jacket; he looked down to find Renesmee standing next to him. The young half vampire shook her head. House glared at Emmet.

Emmet stayed where he was.

"I think I know what you're planning," the young half vampire noted as she stepped forward to gaze up at the human, "And I know that my mother isn't ready for it yet."

"Oh, well as long as we have an unbiased opinion." House muttered, but Nessie ignored him.

"Is there anything else we can do, in the meantime?"

House shrugged, "I have some theories, yes."

"Such as?" Carlisle asked, hoping for something that wasn't too extreme.

House limped across the yard to the side of the Cullen's mansion and drew a large red marker out of his pocket. He uncapped it and was preparing to scrawl something on the white siding when Esme let loose with a snarl and, in the blink of an eye, snatched the marker out of his and crushed it.

"Not again," She said, before storming back into the crowd.

House made a face, "Fine, we'll do this the old fashioned way," he said, before turning to face the vampires and wolves. "Immunity. Natural selection."

"What?" Sam asked, "What does that have to do with…"

House sighed and went on to explain, in very graphic terms, that when a vampire drank blood, in theory it drank not only the blood but all of the parasites, bacteria and infections that blood carries through the body of a living being. In a living organism, those would be dealt with by natural antibodies; however in a vampire's body, these natural defenses would have been killed off along with most of the other bodily functions when the change from human to vampire occurred.

"But why would it matter?" Rosalie demanded, House glared at her for a moment before explaining that when a vampire took blood from a human, it would presumably be from a healthy, free roaming target, rather than a sick one. So it would be clean, filtered human blood in essence, free of all the nasty pathogens in animal blood. But the Cullen's, with their strict "vegetarian" diet, were going straight to the source, each one picking off a half dozen animals to equal the satisfaction they'd gain from a single human. As they worked they way through the animal kingdom, the various creatures and pathogens inhabiting the blood of their prey built up in their bodies; as time wore on, random chance dictated that organisms that were adapted to the harsh environment that was the inside of their venomous vampiric bodies build up and multiply. As decades turned to centuries, organism continued to reproduce, gathering new material every time the vampires fed.

Eventually, they could gain enough mass to inhibit the synapses; and then, the whole show would come crashing down as the vampire ceased to function.

House finished; the vampires, especially Rosalie, looked aghast.

"So how do we test this theory?" Jacob asked, breaking the silence.

"We're skipping that and moving straight to treatment." House declared, with a meaningful glance at Bella, "We'll need Keflex, Invermectin, Penicillin…pretty much any drug with a fancy name and a large price tag."

"How many doses?"

"Doses? We're way past doses. We're going by pounds and gallons now. No reason to use a scalpel when you can use a sledgehammer. And let's hope this works before we have to skip to using straight bleach and a funnel." House turned to his vampiric "team",

"Well, what are you waiting for? Get to it!"

The doctor turned and began limping back towards the house, until Leah stepped in front of him, back in her human form and the clothes she'd borrowed from Rosalie.

"We need to talk," she proclaimed. "Now."

"Now isn't a good time. I really want to take advantage of this whiny vampire free time period to take a nap. Being held hostage by mythological creatures can really take it out of you."

"You know what else can take it out of you? Trying to deal with a cantankerous old jerk that never stops complaining about everything."

"Touché, wolf woman. But you know what's really exhausting? Trying to deal with an obsessive werewolf stalker."

"Oh really? Well maybe if you'd shut up and listen instead of acting like an asshole, you'd understand what's going on so you'd stop hiding like a scared little boy."

The Cullen's, seemingly used to Houses' antics, ignored the exchange as they darted back and forth from their mansion and garage, preparing the funds and vehicles they'd need to gather the medicine necessary to implement the human doctors treatment plan.

The wolves, however, stood rooted in place by a horrid fascination.

"This guy likes to toy with death, I guess," Quil said.

"Dude, you have no freaking idea," Jacob answered, rolling his eyes.

The doctor and the she wolf continued bickering as they strode back to the Cullen's mansion, with the Quileute's looking on silently. With a final shouted insult, House slammed the door in Leah's face.

Leah growled, long and low, before turning away from the door and seeing the Quileute eyes staring back at her.

"Can I help you with something?" She demanded, as she climbed down form the porch and advanced menacingly across the yard.

"Oh fuck this…" one of the younger wolves whimpered, before phasing back into a wolf and tearing off into the woods, quickly followed by most of the others, except for Sam, the ever present Paul and Jacobs pack.

"Leah, I think we need to talk." Sam said, trying to keep his voice as toneless as possible.

"About what? Yeah, I imprinted on a complete jerk. That would be my cross to bear, huh?"

"I know it is, Leah." Jacob said moving to stand by Sam's side, "But this is different. Dr. House is about as much of an outsider as any of us could ever hope to find."

"And your little half-vampire isn't?" Leah demanded. Jacobs face froze, but he took a deep breath before speaking again;

"In a way, House is even stranger…"

"You can say that again." Emmet put in as he breezed past the assembled wolves, carrying a gym bag of cash and list of supplies from Carlisle.

"Maybe we should phase and take this someplace quieter?" Quil offered; Embry nodded in emphatically in agreement; neither were completely comfortable being around the Cullen's.

"Good idea," Seth agreed, seeing a course that would protect both his sister and his vampire friends.

Leah sent a meaningful look behind her shoulder at the Cullen's mansion.

"He'll be fine Leah." Jacob said, reading her , "We won't be gone long and most of the Cullen's are going out."

As if to under score his words, three sports cars, undamaged by House's escape attempt, sped out of the smashed doors of the garage.

"Fine." Leah agreed, "But let's keep it short."

Almost as one, the wolves phased.

The massive canines hesitated for a moment, and then dashed off into the woods.

From the windows in Edward and Bella's room in the mansion, House watched the wolves head out in silence before letting out a heavy sigh and leaning his head on the window pane.

"Something wrong, Doctor?" Bella asked from behind him; House turned to find her standing in the doorway.

"No. Don't you have some decision to be feeling insecure about?" House asked, his baleful blue eyes locking with Bella's yellow-gold irises.

"Is it possible for you to do anything but scorn everyone around you?" Edward asked, coming to his wife's side, "It gets old."

"Well, when someone around me is worth something other than scorn, I'll act accordingly."

Ignoring the byplay, Bella continued, "I know what it's like for someone you don't want to be in love with you."

House swiveled his gaze, moving with glacial slowness, back to Bella.

"What?"

"Jacob. And me. Edward…left me. For a long time. And when he did, I clung to Jacob, and Jacob…he fell in love with me. I didn't mean for or want him to, but he did. And I had to deal with that."

"You know you can feel free to not tell me everything, actually."

Ignoring the now routine negativity, Bella continued, "House, I think I know where the problem is here…"

"So there's just one now?"

"…you're in love with someone else. And you don't know if they return the feeling. I…"

House slammed his fist into the wall and whirled quickly, so fast he almost tripped over his own cane,

"Stop it. Now." He said his voice so cold it seemed to chill the air, "I don't need your help."

Bella froze, shocked at House's sudden response; his callous manner and acerbic wit she was used to. The white-hot anger he was now radiating was new and unexpected, a sudden snap she hadn't thought the human capable of.

"I have been awake…" House took a deep breath and checked his watch, "For a very long time. It's almost midnight, and I want to go to bed." House stumped off upstairs.

Distantly, Bella heard him slam the door to a bedroom upstairs.

And then she heard him drag something heavy in front of the door.

"He seems even less pleasant than normal." Edward observed, as he glided to Bella's side. Bella quickly wrapped her arms around him, hugging him fiercely, much to Edwards surprise; his mate had not been as close to him as she normally was since she'd had a one on one with House not long before that had shaken her deeply.

It seemed the human doctor had done it again.

"Bella, what's going on?"

"Nothing…nothing at all."

After one last look upstairs, Bella turned her full attention to Edward,

"So what do they need us to do?" She asked,

"The others have the supplies covered. Carlisle is going to the hospital to gather what he can from the stores there and Esme, Emmet and Rosalie are heading to Tacoma to get what they can off the black market."

"And we're staying here to watch the human?"

"Along with Jasper and Renesmee, yes."

Bella looked outside; the wolves were gone, having decided that House was either under no threat or that if he was, the world would be well rid if her family was forced to change him. She turned her gaze to the open doors of the garage;

"I think I should go to Seattle," she suddenly declared, much to Edwards surprise.

Before her husband could protest, she continued, "The doctors going to need some clothes maybe some things from his room. It might help him relax. You saw how scared he was…"

"And you could use the distance for awhile?"

"Yes."

Edward nodded and hugged his wife. "I wasn't going to try and stop you."

With a grateful smile, Bella darted to the end table, grabbed at set of car keys and ran out the door.

Edward watched her leave and then turned to his daughter.

He had heard Renesmee thoughts as the young vampire came into the room, and now he heard her unspoken question as well.

"It'll be okay. She's just shaken by something, I'm not sure what."

The little girl shrugged her shoulder in all too adult way, "Yes, probably by something the human did. I don't like him very much either, but Alice thinks he's the only one who can help."

Edward considered that for a moment; so far the human had done very little beyond berate and admonish. His scheme to use Bella's power as a way to sift through Alice's life force…(or undead force…he gave up on that train of thought), seemed far fetched, and the equally strange plan of gathering enough antibiotics to literally flood her system with them smacked of desperation rather than medical science.

He knew that the human had just encountered the supernatural for the first time, and he was deeply afraid. But even the depths of terror should not have thrown the world's best diagnostic doctor so far off his game.

Edward froze for a moment, and then tried to relax, conscious of his daughter's stare, which remained fixed upon him. But he couldn't quite hide his fear, even for her. A question had just occurred to him; what if House had no idea what he was doing at all? What if this was all for nothing?