A/N: a fair warning for you dear readers, there is drama and quite a bit of heavy sadness in this chapter. please leave a review and let me know what you think.
-There Will Always Be Another Dawn-
Chapter Five: What You Love Most
Jane's cell phone went off at exactly six-thirty a.m. She jerked awake and looked around.
"You've got to be freaking… kidding me," she groaned as she grabbed the device and took the call.
"Jane? This is Frost… there has been… we have…"
"You know what? Frost, can you hear me? Yeah, listen, I'll be at the station around noon okay? I'm sure you can handle it without me. Oh and don't call if you find anything."
She threw the phone away and heard it clattering across the floor. With a grunt, Jane rolled back onto her stomach and closed her eyes. She slept rather peacefully until someone repeatedly rang her doorbell and knocked on the door about three hours later. Whoever it was refused to stop even after Jane had ignored them for more than two minutes. So she eventually got out of bed and padded through her apartment only clad in a white shirt and her sleeping shorts.
"Jane, I know you're there. Open up Jane," Maura called from the other side of the door, still knocking.
"I will use the spare key you gave me if you don't open up right this instant. You said it was for emergencies and I will consider this an emergency of you continue to ignore me."
Jane chuckled lightly and raked both hands through her hair to entangle some of the strands before stepping to the door and turning the locks. Maura immediately stopped her incessant knocking and there was a moment of silence until Jane had unlocked her front door and pulled it open. Maura barged past her into the apartment without waiting for an invitation. She huffed indignantly and turned to Jane, hands on her hips.
"What is going on?"
"You're the one threatening to open my door with the spare key," Jane said with a smile, "you tell me."
"You didn't come to work this morning. Frost said he called you and you simply hung up on him without explanation."
Maura looked Jane up and down.
"And you don't show any symptoms of sickness either, so I ask you, what is going on?"
Jane smiled and shook her head. Although Maura was obviously trying to be angry with her, there was also a hint of worry around her eyes. And the way she pressed her lips together and turned the corners of her mouth downward told Jane that she was indeed upset.
"I'm sorry Maur, but I've got this all figured out."
Jane walked toward her kitchen and Maura automatically followed her.
"Want some coffee?"
Maura shook her head, still staring expectantly at Jane who busied herself with brewing some of the brown liquid.
"Chesterfield will be in the alley around noon, I'll send a couple of officers to get the girl before that and afterward I'll take care of the killer. I've actually got a foolproof plan this time. Actually I don't understand why I would have to save that asshole too, but if that is what needs to be done so I can get out of this freaking loop, then that's what I will do."
Jane reached for one of her coffee mugs and glanced at the clock in her kitchen.
"So that would've given me at least another hour of sleep, but that's okay, I can get started sooner and I'll have it all over and done by five."
Maura was staring at Jane, not moving a single muscle, with her mouth slightly agape. Jane simply waited for her coffee to get ready and poured the steaming liquid into her mug before calmly taking a small sip.
"W-what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I know exactly what is going to happen and what I have to do to make everything right. Like I have lived through this day before."
"That's… that's impossible. Time is a part of the measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the duration of events and the intervals between them. The temporal position of events, in regard to the present, is continually changing. Future events become present, then pass further and further into the past. That process cannot be reversed, time cannot be turned back. Like I said, it's impossible."
Jane was holding her coffee mug in mid-air halfway to her mouth. She had understood the gist of what Maura had been saying and nodded slowly.
"That… really didn't help at all Maur, but still thank you for your input."
She chuckled into her cup before downing another gulp. But when Jane saw the rather frantic look in Maura's eyes she put her mug down and rounded the little kitchen isle until she stood in front of her, resting her palms on Maura's upper arms.
"Listen, I promise that I really am alright. I know this sounds crazy, I think it's crazy too, and I don't have an explanation for it either, but it will be alright."
Maura nodded slowly and covered Jane's hands with her own.
"Okay, I trust you."
"Thank you. I'm glad you're taking it much better this time."
"I know I'm not… wait, what do you mean 'this time'?"
"Hey you wouldn't know what this odd book is about that Frost and Korsak seem to be reading?"
Jane changed the subject on purpose because she wasn't in the mood to explain any of the previous days to Maura. And she had actually just remembered the book and Frost and Korsak's rather unusual behavior and was pretty curious about what was going on.
"No. No I don't."
"Alright, I'm sure I'll figure it out."
-o-o-o-
She had it all planned out. Again.
Chesterfield was secure, as was his safe-deposit box. Allison had already been picked up by a couple of officers and they were heading to a secret location while Jane was on her way to Franklin Park where everything would be going down. This time they would surprise the killer before he even had a chance to think about drawing his gun. She would lull him into a false sense of security before taking him down and bringing him behind bars, this time for real.
It was barely two o'clock when Jane sat down on a park bench and read across the headlines of today's newspaper. Had she known that something like this was going to happen, she would've tried to get some money out of playing the lottery or betting on horse races. But now all she wanted to do was end the day without a single drop of spilled blood and go on with tomorrow like any other ordinary person.
Jane sputtered when a light breeze blew some hair into her face, and after she'd lifted a hand to tuck it behind her ear, she saw something move in the corner of her eyes. Only inclining her head slightly, she looked to the side and saw the killer, all dressed in black, strolling past her down the path, hands shoved deeply into the pockets of his jacket.
He obviously had overheard the conversation Jane had set up, telling him that Allison would be in the park riding her bike.
An officer in plain clothes, dressed as a jogger, stopped at her park bench to stretch and catch his breath. Jane caught his eye and gave a barely visible nod which the officer returned. Jane then got up and folded her newspaper before dropping into a trash can next to the park bench. Every single person in her vicinity, the couple sitting together on the grass, the lady walking her dog and a guy shoving a hot dog into his mouth were police officers, and they all had seen the little exchange between Jane and the jogger, telling them that their target had arrived.
There was a certain tension in the air, and Jane hoped that the killer hadn't noticed anything yet.
They started closing in on him, seemingly moving randomly about the park until each had a good position, ready to strike.
The guy with the hot dog was closest to the killer, and with only a few steps he was right beside him. The woman with the dog simply let go of the leash and hurried over to help her colleague. She threw her entire weight against the man in dark and he stumbled right into the officer who grabbed both of his arms. But somehow he managed to break away and reach for his gun.
Jane was rapidly moving toward them, and she saw a flash of golden hair as she quickly looked around, but before she could even process what exactly was happening the killer had freed his gun from the back of his jeans and was trying to point it at the female officer.
"He has a gun," a familiar voice called and Jane shuddered involuntarily.
The man still struggling with him managed to grab the arm and wrench it away, so that his colleague was not in the line of fire. But still a shot rang out, and to Jane it sounded more deafening than ever before, even compared to when she had shot herself in the stomach.
Jane stopped dead in her tracks just as the young couple joined in on the brawl and all four of them managed to wrestle the gun out of the killer's hand before throwing him to the ground, holding him there with at least three knees on his back.
But Jane wasn't even looking at them. Her eyes were glued to something ahead on the path and it took her several seconds before she managed to command her legs to move. She felt all blood rushing from her face while her mouth went completely dry. She felt lightheaded for a moment and stumbled on her way to the crumpled figure.
Tears were gathering in her eyes, shooting forward and clouding her vision. Jane had to blink several times to be able to see again and already in the next moment she dropped to her knees on the path full of tiny sharp stones.
There was movement around her, but she didn't notice much of it. Instead she tried to still her horribly shaking hands before she placed them on the body before her. Maura was quietly gasping for air, trying to suck the vital oxygen into her lungs.
"Oh my god, oh my god," Jane breathed.
She balled her hand into a fist before she pressed it firmly against Maura's chest where blood was rapidly seeping out of the gunshot wound, staining her beautiful dress.
"J-Jane."
"I'm here Maura, I'm here, it will be alright, you hear me?"
Jane cradled Maura's upper body into her lap, her hand still futilely trying to stop the blood floss. She helplessly watched how the blood stain spread across Maura's front, the material of her dress soaking up more and more of it. It gushed between her fingers, and the tears Jane had desperately trying to hold at bay now spilled down her cheeks. She trusted that someone had called an ambulance and focused solely on Maura. Their eyes met and Jane smiled through the sobs that tore from her mouth.
"You will be okay Maur, I promise."
"Jane."
When Maura said her name again, blood spilled forth across her lips and dripped down her cheek and into her hair. Her breathing sounded harsh and she was clearly struggling to keep her eyes open.
"Jane," she tried again.
"No Maur, don't speak, try to hold on, for me, please."
Maura's eyes softened and a tiny smile curved her lips as they moved, and Jane had to lean down to actually hear what Maura was saying.
"Love you Jane."
And with that her eyes fluttered close, her breathing so flat that her chest was barely moving anymore underneath Jane's hand. Maura's head rolled to the side and came to rest against Jane's stomach.
"No, no no no. Don't do this, Maura, please, stay with me."
Jane kept pleading with an unresponsive Maura, utter helplessness at the forefront of her mind.
"Where the hell is that goddamn ambulance?" she called.
"Almost here," someone answered.
Jane closed her eyes for a moment, knowing deep within that they would be too late. She had seen death wrapping his icy fingers around people too often, to not know that this was a battle already lost. At least for this day. Jane stroked her free hand through Maura's usually rich honey colored hair that was now clustered with blood. She leaned down and pressed her lips against her friend's cold forehead.
"I will make this right Maura, I promise. I will fix this, if it is the last thing I do."
Jane stayed with Maura like that, whispering to her that she would save her tomorrow, that she would keep her alive, until the paramedics arrived. They gathered an unconscious Maura onto a stretcher and hurried her over to the ambulance. Jane cradled Maura's hand in her own all the while. There was so much movement and voices everywhere, and Jane couldn't focus on anything or anyone. Only when someone rested a hand on her shoulder and stopped her from entering the ambulance along with Maura, was she brought back to the situation at hand.
"Detective, you need to let us take care of it from here," a paramedic said.
Compassion was shining in the young man's eyes and Jane realized that tears were still making their way down her cheeks. She nodded silently and stepped back so that he could climb into the ambulance and slam the doors before driving off with blaring sirens. Jane brushed both hands across her cheeks a couple of times and took a deep breath, willing the pain in her chest to recede a point where she could still focus on what needed to be done.
"What were you doing here?" Jane whispered.
Her eyes fell on a little white flyer right where Maura had been shot down. She walked over to it and picked it up, leaving red fingerprints all over the paper. It was a brochure from a small pet shop nearby, listing the several different kind of tortoises it had. A bitter smile graced Jane's lips and she crumpled the paper into a ball before throwing it into a trashcan she passed. She looked around one last time and then followed a larger path back to the parking space near the entrance of the park where she'd left her car. No one attempted to stop her and she walked briskly across the parking lot without drawing any attention until she saw him leaning against a police car. An officer was checking the killer for additional weapons while his hands were tightly cuffed behind his back. A wave of anger raced through her veins so forcefully that she felt almost light-headed. The small scars on her hands started to pulse, something she had never before felt. With a few quick strides she had walked up to the man, coming to stand directly in front of him. He simply stared back at her, showing no remorse, no emotion.
"Detective?" the officer asked.
He had stepped aside when she'd approached and now fidgeted nervously. Jane didn't even as much as look at him, instead she grabbed the front of the murderer's jacket with both hands, still stained with blood. She pulled him forward until their noses were almost touching.
"You will regret this. For the rest of your days."
Her voice was perfectly void of any feelings, just a cold promise that she would make the rest of his life living hell. With satisfaction she watched fear flicker through his eyes for a moment.
"Detective?"
Jane clenched her teeth and shoved the killer back against the car. He wasn't worth it. She had to save her energy for the coming day. She turned on her heels and finally got into her car, gripping the steering wheel tightly for a few seconds before starting the engine and driving off.
-o-o-o-
Although she was loathe to go through the same mess again, she drove to the hospital. She owed Maura that much.
This time however she stepped calmly out of the elevator and waited for the nurse to tell her where Maura was. But before Jane even had the chance to make her way toward the waiting area, a doctor walked toward her. She knew him, he'd been involved in one of her cases once, and Jane had basically saved him from being thrown into jail despite being innocent.
"Detective Rizzoli. I am sorry, but there was nothing we could've done. Her arteries…"
Jane held up a hand to interrupt his explanations.
"She didn't make it?"
"No, I am sorry, but she didn't make it."
Jane nodded, taking a deep breath and trying to suppress a sob. She had to keep it together. There was no reason to fall apart just yet. She needed that second chance now more than ever, and all she could to stay sane for the moment was hope that it would be granted to her. She had to believe that the next day would be just the same as her last days had been. A repetition of the others, where death had no hold on people.
"Should we call someone?" the doctor asked.
"Her… her mother…I think."
Jane took a piece of paper and a pen from the nurse's desk and scribbled down a number before shoving it into the hands of the young woman who gazed at her sympathetically.
"What about you?"
"I'm fine. I'm good," Jane answered and waved her hand dismissively.
She had to get out of the hospital, away from people. Without saying another word she walked back to the elevator. She didn't even stop when the doctor called after her. There was nothing he could've done or said to help her anyway. So why waste anymore time with this day when all she wanted was tomorrow.
Korsak was waiting in front of her house when she pulled into the parking lot. Jane mumbled under her breath at the way he was looking at her when she approached. She didn't want to talk, and more than that she didn't want any pity.
"Jane, we just heard…"
She was trying to shoulder her way past him, but he grabbed her arm and spun her back around.
"Jane, please, you need to talk about this. You can't keep it all inside, it will eat you up. I know what I'm talking about, if you bottle this up, it will come at you tenfold afterward. I know Maura was your friend…"
Korsak fell silent when he saw the look on Jane's face. Something about his last sentence sounded completely off to Jane, and she sucked in a breath when it hit her.
"Maura, she is more than just a friend…she is so much more."
"I know, Jane, I know. We tend to realize things when…"
"No. No, don't say it. Don't you dare say it," Jane hissed.
She shoved Korsak away and stormed past him to the front door of her building. Her hands were shaking as she tried to fit the key into the lock.
"Jane."
She growled quietly when the key finally slid home and turned.
"Jane."
She pushed the door open so forcefully that it slammed against the wall. A quiet groan escaped from her lips when she dashed toward the stairs and up to her apartment. It took her twice as long to open the door to her condo but she eventually managed to stumble inside and slam it shut before the steps coming down the hall reached her. Everything was sort of fuzzy and Jane could barely see past the tears in her eyes. She dropped everything to the floor, including her jacket and gun. She lost her slacks and shoes somewhere along the way and dropped into bed only in her underwear.
There were knocks on her door, and her phone, also discarded somewhere on the living room floor, was ringing, but she ignored it all. Instead she buried her face in her pillow.
"It was so obvious, wasn't it Maur? Was it really necessary that I had to lose you for me to see what is right in front of me? A damn fine detective I am."
Jane's emotions were all over the place. She had no idea what exactly she was feeling, but it was somewhere between devastation about losing the person she cared most about and determination that she would save her the next day.
She sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening that she would tell Maura how she felt, tell her everything, if she was only given the chance.