xxPUDDxx - literally found the tickets about 3 hours again and i have NEVER been so relieved in my entire life let me tell you! i have not stopped screaming and freaking out since! and we'll see what happens next ;)
522 Dannys POV
I scratched at my arm the second I sat down in the car, looking through the front room window into Toms house, trying to see if I could see him. I could, he was still sat on the sofa, crossed legged in those cute pyjamas covered in popcorn, NASA tshirt and Jedi dressing down. Tom looked so awkward, holding his knees, Dougie was talking to him, kneeling in front of him and trying to hold his hand. "Danny, stop it, its fine." Harry grabbed my hands, stopping me. "sorry, its just, I'm..." I didn't know how to describe it, this just gnawed on my insides, tearing my nerves apart and shovelling guilt inside me so much I felt like I was about to drown. "I know, I understand. This is a difficult thing, just, don't scratch. You and Tom have been so good for the past couple of months, don't want to ruin that now, do we?" Harry made the guilt feel even worse.
There was a bandage on my arm right now... last night, I just had a breakdown, I had so many nightmares, remembering Toms note, how he couldn't even look at me for a year, a year. That had killed me the most, not being able to look into his eyes unless we were on camera. And now he could look at me, he could hold, talk and look at me, but I was going away now to talk to someone about sending Tom away, probably breaking all trust we had between us. The guilt and the pain had gotten too much for me, I just, slipped, I couldn't help it, it just happened before I realised what I was doing. It made me so guilty, if anyone saw, they were going to go mental at me. "sorry, lets just, get this over with, before Tom realises that we're being far too long." I sighed, staring out the window silently.
The place we drove up to was huge, and old, with a gate running around the perimeter. To be honest, it scared the living daylights out of me, it was exactly how I saw mental institutions in my head. Big, old, gated, and like something you would see in a horror movie, just without the lightning in the background. "come on Dan, we getter go inside, so we're not late." Harry pulled me out the car, holding his arm around my waist gently for support. My legs were shaking so much right now, they felt like they were going to give out at any minute, I didn't want to be here, I wanted to go home, I wanted to see Tom and pretend that I hadn't even thought of this.
"hello you must be Danny, is this Tom, who we're here to talk about?" a man asked, he was wearing a grey three piece suit, a plain white shirt, and grey tie. Round glasses framed his face, his brown hair cut short. "he's not Tom, he's Danny, I'm Harry. Toms at home." Harry hugged me tight as my whole body quaked, this was real, holy cr*p, I was actually talking to someone about Tom, about sending Tom away somewhere. How was I doing this? How? I shouldn't have been here, Tom belonged at home, with me! Why was I doing this to us? I shouldn't have been doing this! "I, I can't, I'm sorry, but I can't! We're wasting your time here, we better just go." I made to start moving, but Harry grabbed me back, keeping me here. "Danny, we talked about this, we've got to. You want to see Tom happy and normal again, don't you?" Harry held me still, but in a comforting way, this is why I brought him along. To be the voice of reason while I tore myself apart with guilt, trying to make myself believe that actually, nothing was wrong and we could get back on with our lives.
"I understand your nerves, its not easy, talking to someone about this kind of thing. Toms your boyfriend, isn't he?" the man asked, I nodded a little, my insides churning, "then I am very sorry that you have to be here, but, from what I was told on the phone, we have a lot to discuss. Come inside, I'm sure you don't want everything to be said in the corridor." The English man lead us inside his office, marked with a sign saying 'Dr Antony Head'. It was pretty plain to be honest. It looked old like the rest of the place, it was filled with books too. Books upon books upon books. I couldn't help but think that 'normal Tom' would have loved to have this many books, he loved reading, almost more than anything else in the world.
"so, what is concerning you with Toms behaviour? What is he like, and how has he changed?" the man asked, getting ready to write things down. I left the talking to Harry, not trusting myself to speak. If I opened my mouth, I was going to cry, I felt so, so guilty for this, so incredibly guilty. We shouldn't have been here, I shouldn't have been doing this! I should have told Tom where I was going, he probably wouldn't understand, but I should have told him! And what was he doing right now? Was he alright? Did he know how much time was passing? Had he got any idea how long we had been gone for? I couldn't even... this was the worst feeling in the world, I felt like tearing my own hair out and punishing myself over and over again until my arms looked worse than Toms, so he could stay at home and be safe. He wasn't safe anywhere apart from my arms, why was I letting him go away?!
"Danny, you're awfully quiet, are you okay?" Anthony asked, breaking my inner battle. "huh? Yeah, yeah. Fine." I lied, scratching my arm again. "you're worried for Toms safety and how we will treat him, aren't you?" well he hit the nail on the head right there. I nodded and squeezed Harrys hand, which had somehow worked its way into my own. "we'll take good care of your boyfriend, I promise. We'll make sure he has the best care we can give him, he wont be hurt here. We'll make sure he has as much food as he wants, all the sleep he needs, everything." Antony smiled a little, it was warm and comforting, but I couldn't, this was just too much! I couldn't let anyone take care of Tom, I knew how to look after him, no-one else did! No-one else would understand his little quirks, they wouldn't understand the way Tom said strange things, or how he liked to stand in the rain, or run around on his hands and knees after Marvin in the garden. Or how he liked to go to sleep with a hot water bottle on his back, a blanket wrapped around him and to be talked to quietly, about anything. He wouldn't get that, would he? No, of course not! He would be so scared, how could I possibly let Tom come here and leave him when I knew he wouldn't get the things he loved the most?
"you can come and visit him you know, visit him whenever you want. And you can have a conversation over the phone too if you need it. So, you can check that we are giving Tom everything he wants and needs." Antony promised with a small smile, while my insides continued to gnaw themselves apart.
523 Toms POV
I didn't want Danny to go away! I want to cuddle! I liked Danny cuddles. Where was he going? And why was there the yellow haired boy here, without the bigger one with brown hair? They were always with each other, why was only one here now? I didn't understand, I wanted to understand what was going on! "Tom, do you need anything? Or want to do something?" the yellow haired boy asked, holding my hand. I nodded, I wanted Danny! "what do you want? I'll get it for you." He could get Danny! "Danny!" I told him. "oh, I'm sorry Tom. I can't get him for you, he's busy at the moment. But, we're here. So we can do anything he does. Do you want a hug?" the boy made me nod, I wanted a hug right now. I felt like I was on my own, I didn't like it.
Warm arms came around me, and my head fell against the yellow boys, he felt warm and small. He was small like me, I liked him. "better?" he asked, I nodded again, "good. Want to do something? Or just want a cuddle?" I just wanted cuddles, I wanted to be hugged right now. So, I got hugs, for ages, I got to hug him for ages, like I wanted. But, why wasn't Danny back yet? He never was away this long, he always came back soon, why wasn't he here yet? "Danny, wheres, wheres Danny?" I needed to know, I wanted my Danny! "he's still a bit busy Tom, he'll be back soon. I'm going to put on a DVD, want to help me out?" The boys arms tightened a little, he got up and held his hand to me.
"but, but Danny!" I whined again, why couldn't I see him? I had been able to see him the other day when he went away! Why not now? "he's going to be back soon, he's gone to get some things with Harry. They'll be back soon. Now come on, come help us choose a film." Carrie smiled, pulling me to the little screen, where there were a whole load of colourful packets. The other boy chose for us, he chose Star Wars, and he took me upstairs to the big screen to put it on. He put it on and sat us down on a squishy thing, hugging me again. Carrie came in with a bowl of yellow weird looking things, she sat down, cuddling with me too. I felt a little better then, but I still wanted Danny, he made me feel all funny inside. It was a good funny, but it was still a funny feeling inside my tummy. And not like the mean grumbles that made sounds and hurt, even when I didn't want them too.
We watched the film together, there were some funny looking people in it. One was all hairy, and a girl had very funny hair! It was giant circles on her head! The hairy one made funny noises too, and the yellow haired boy who was cuddling me could make the same sounds! He was really funny, he made me laugh a lot! He made lots of funny noises, and could say things in funny voices, I really liked him! "are you hungry Tom?" he asked in a really high voice, making a noise like the hairy person. My tummy made a grumbling sound as I laughed, I almost fell over! he wants you to fall over. The other person was back, but I was laughing too hard to listen. "alright, come on!" he pulled me downstairs, taking me to the kitchen.
"oh you need vitamins too... swallow these and we'll make grilled cheese on toast, like I make it!" he gave me my vitamins, I took them and watched him put yellow squares on white fluffy bread, putting it in the thing Danny put bread to make it crunchy and warm. But he put it on its side, so we could see the bread and the yellow squares. "you'll like this when it goes ping." The boy smiled, making the metal bits inside the white thing go red.
The yellow stuff melted over the fluffy bread, and when it went ping, it flew out of the white thing! It flew across the long table, hitting the wall, next to plates! "ah man! It didn't go on the plates, I need better aim. Harry can get it right most times." The boy put the bread on the plates. "it went flying!" I laughed, I didn't know you could do that! "yeah it did, knew you would like that." The boy smiled, handing me a plate, taking a bite out of his bread. You don't need yours. But my tummy was grumbling! You still don't need it. "why aren't you eating yours? Oh, I forgot, let me do it." He finished his bread and fed me mine, the person who talked to me didn't say anything.
Say thank you then. "thanks." I smiled and hugged him, I didn't want him to be annoyed with me. "no worries dude, no worries...oh, whose that?" he let me go, as a song started playing. It was something about a first date. "ah Harry! Whats up dude?" he stopped smiling at much, eating his lip. "Danny?" I asked, would the person on the phone know where Danny was? No. They could know! "shh Tom a sec...ah, yeah, alright. Okay, I'll tell him...yeah, we're good over here, just been playing with the toaster and making cheese on toast the fun way." The boy smiled a little, holding my hand, "alright, yeah, thats cool. I love you too Harry, see you soon." The phone was stopped, and the boys smile dropped.
"Danny?" I didn't know what else to say, so I hugged him. "he'll be a little while longer, but, Danny told Harry to tell me to tell you that he's coming home as soon as he can. And he's expected a big hug when he does...and, he might be a little bit upset, like he was last week. But Danny wants you to ignore it, like last week. He's being a little silly again, so ignore him, alright?" the boy pushed into me, sniffing a little. I nodded and hugged him tight, wanting to make him feel better. It was raining outside, rain made me feel better, would it make him feel better too? I took him outside, standing in the rain with him. "what are we doing out here?" he asked. "rain, feel better." I answered, and he smiled again!
"ah, alright. Can I have a hug too?" he fell into my arms again, looking up at me and the sky. He went quiet again, leaning on me, making weird, not very funny sounds for a while. "I feel better now. We better get changed, we're all wet!" I was pulled back inside again, and we got changed into other clothes. My hair was wet, but it didn't matter, because my yellow haired friend was feeling better again. Though he had red eyes now, which didn't look nice. "okay?" I asked, his eyes looked like they hurt. "huh? Yeah, fine. Don't worry about me Tom. I'm fine." He smiled, pulling on the pink thing around his hair. He took me away to the big screen room again, and we watched some more Star Wars until a car noise came from outside!
"Danny!" I raced downstairs, knowing it was Danny! I missed him so much! I ran outside and into Danny, my Danny! He was here again! "Tommy! Oh god, Tommy! Come here, I missed you so much!" Danny pulled me close, pressing his lips all over my face. He pressed his face to my cheek too, he held me so tight it hurt, he was making weird sounds like my friend had! Why was everyone so sad?!