i just uploaded the epilogue to this into the doc manager guys :( we're near the end!
xxPUDDxx - yeah we're going to have a blast on Saturday night! xD and i'm sitting in circle T, row 6, so Tom's side, if the seating plans are correct! and hmm, we'll see if the hospital are nice in the sequel ;)
526 Dannys POV
Dougie spent most of the evening inside his own head, angsting away. I hated seeing him so upset over this, it really was for the best, but none of us wanted this to happen. I was so close to running to the phone and telling Anthony Head that we changed our minds and that Tom was staying with us. But I knew that it wouldn't be good in the long run, and Anthony would probably send people round to pick Tom up and take him away from me. At least he had agreed to letting us keep Tom until the new year, so I had a few months left with him.
We ate our dinner in relative silence, and when it was time for Harry and Dougie to go home, the look on Dougies face broke my heart. He really wanted to stay here, stay with Tom. I couldn't blame him, he had spent the day with him, actually managed to get close for the first time a year, I wouldn't have wanted to leave either. And, seeing as Tom was already asleep, maybe I could ask him a little about what had happened today. "guys, want to stay here tonight? I don't mind, and I'm sure Tom wont either." I asked, I didn't really want to be alone either, with only a sleeping boy and his sister to keep me company. "yes! Thank you!" Dougie smiled at last, jumping back onto the bed again, cuddling straight up to my sleeping boyfriend. Harry followed him with a loving smile, laughing a little, hugging his husband and holding my hand, resting it gently on Toms stomach. His tshirt had ridden up a bit, and a small pale patch of skin was on show, my hand was now resting on that, enjoying the warmth on my palm and the skin on skin contact.
Dougie fell asleep pretty quickly, he was exhausted after today, and Harry soon followed afterwards, leaving me wide awake. That sleep I had had mid afternoon had not been a good idea, I was wide awake now, which meant I had all of todays thoughts to whirl around in my head with nothing to block it out. I still felt so guilty for actually agreeing to sending Tom away, I couldn't believe I was actually going to do it, I was actually going to give my poor little guy away to other people so they could look after him. I had been told that it was for the best, so he could get better, and so I could have a break. But I didn't need a break, I was perfectly fine the way I was! I was honestly, perfectly fine! I didn't need to have a break from looking after Tom, I was his boyfriend, I was meant to look after him and protect him. Why wasn't I doing my job properly? Why was I giving up? I swore that I wasn't going to give up on Tom, ever, I swore that I was going to never let him go, why did I lie? I shouldn't have lied to him, I had promised I wouldn't lie to him, and I had broken that promise already. I should have been punished for lying and failing at being a good boyfriend, I had been trying to be a good boyfriend for a year now, I still hadn't got it right, how stupid could I be? I needed punishing, I needed to feel the bite on my arm again, to make me feel better.
Slowly, I untangled myself from Tom, getting up and unravelling the bandage I had hidden under my sleeves all day. No-one had bothered to check my own cuts after Tom came into hospital so no-one had seen what I had done to my arm. No-one had seen that that day everything went wrong, the day of the performance, I had cut Toms name into my arm like a not so attractive tattoo. No-one knew it was there, not even Tom knew it was there. He had seen my arm so many times, but he hadn't seen that, I don't think he could read it. He wouldn't see it again anyway, I wasn't going to let him see, not when there were fresh cuts, no way. I wasn't about to make things even worse and possibly trigger him into remembering that day, I may be dumb, but I wasn't that dumb.
I started to head for the bathroom, but I heard a small noise, I turned round, seeing Tom make another small sound, before he shuffled around a little on my side of the bed. It was like he realised I wasn't there and wanted me back. His face scrunched up cutely as he made another sound, which sounded a little distressed if I was honest. I went back to him straight away, pulling down my sleeve and kneeling by the bed, pushing his hair off his face. "shhh Tommy, shhh. Its okay, I'm here." I ran my thumb over his face gently, trying to reassure him that I was still there. I wondered what would happen if this happened while he was away. He would have to suffer in silence by himself, probably wake up scared and alone, with no-one to hold him and tell him it was okay, he was loved and nothing bad was going to happen to him. I was a terrible person, for actually deciding that I couldn't handle Tom anymore, so I was just going to cart him off, like a badly behaved animal. I was just, sending him away because I couldn't deal with him, to have him be given back when he was normal again, and probably hating me for deciding he needed to go.
"I love you Tommy, I swear, I really do love you. Its for the best, really, it is." I whispered, feeling tears well up in my eyes and my skin scream for punishment. But I couldn't leave right now, Tom needed me, he always needed me, and I was leaving him. I was leaving him alone for however long it took for him to get better. I was so stupid!
527 Toms POV
Why was I here? What happened? Why was I in a cage? I looked around the room, it was grey and boring. But Danny and his friends were here! They were on the other side of the room! They could help me! "Danny! Danny! Help!" I called, reaching out to him. But he just looked at me. "Danny! Please let me out!" I shouted, why was he just standing there?! Why wasn't he helping me?! "aw does little Tommy want to get out?" the other brown haired man laughed, what was funny? "yes! Please!" I nodded, I really wanted to get out of here! It was so small, I wanted to be with Danny!
"well we have the keys, we could let you out, but you're all the way over there. Thats far too far to walk." The yellow haired boy held up the keys, like the one around my neck. "please help me, please! I don't like it in here!" I really didn't like it in here, and I just wanted a cuddle, that was all. "alright then, if it will stop you whining." Danny rolled his eyes, coming over to me. "yay! Thank you! I love y-" I tried to get up to hug him as the door came open, but something pulled on my neck and Danny shot back a long way, so he was out of my reach. "no! Please! Let me go! Danny!" I cried out, scrambling wildly to get to Danny. He was just, standing there now. He wasn't looking at me, just looking at the sky or something now.
"Danny! Let me go!" I shouted, trying to get his attention before the collar around my neck choked me. There was a collar choking me, chained to a tree, keeping me from going anywhere. Why wasn't I being let go yet? "Danny please! Look at me! Help me!" I screamed, desperate to be free, desperate to be in his arms. I felt like a caged animal, chained up and ignored, like I wasn't there. "Danny!" I screamed again, crying hysterically. Finally he turned round, looking at me, but somehow through me. "pathetic, just pathetic." Danny laughed, walking off, leaving me to cry and scream more, all on my own, no-one coming anywhere near me.
I woke up and water ran down my face, making it all wet. My body hurt and I couldn't breathe, I didn't like this! I didn't want to be in a cage, or have a thing around my neck to stop me breathing and going places! "hey, hey shh Tommy, whats up? Did you have a bad dream again?" Danny asked, hugging me close. I nodded, crying into him, I didn't like bad dreams! "aw baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have stayed with you, I just had something to do then, I'm sorry." Danny made a weird move as he squeezed me tighter.
But he didn't let me go, he hugged me as tight as he could, he didn't let me go even when he made those funny moves and made weird noises. "shhh, its over Tommy, its over. I'm here now. Don't worry about it." Danny pressed his face to mine, his face was wet too. Did he have bad dreams too? He has bad dreams over you. I hugged him back, bad dreams weren't nice, they were scary!
"there we go, shhh. Better now Tommy?" I nodded a little, "good, come on, its breakfast and vitamin time. And if we're lucky, we might catch some cartoons." Danny pulled me downstairs, he looked sad, very sad. Its your fault. Danny couldn't be sad! He needed to be happy, he was Danny, he needed to be happy. "you're sad, smile!" I smiled for him, he needed to smile. "huh? Oh, I'm not sad Tommy. Don't worry about me." Danny gave me my vitamins, I put them down and hugged him. He was sad.
"you are sad! Smile!" I tried smiling again for him, pressing my face to his to make him feel better. When he pressed his face to mine, I felt better, would it work this way too? "alright, I'm smiling Tommy, I'm smiling." Danny smiled and hugged me, his arm was wet. "you're arms wet." I told him, looking for a towel. "sh*t! Tommy, go to the front room and tell Harry and Dougie to put on some cartoons. I'll be back in a minute." Danny ran off, why was he running away? Because of you. But, I only told him his arm was wet! I followed him but Carrie stopped me. "Tom, do as Danny said and go and sit with Harry and Dougie, he'll be down in a minute." Carrie pushed me to the room with the small screen in it. My yellowed haired friend and his friend were in here, was this Harry and Dougie?
"guys, could you put on some cartoons for Tom?" Carrie asked, making me sit next to them on the squishy thing. "way ahead of you. Relax Tom, come and have a cuddle." My friend hugged me, making me sit there. But I wanted to see Danny now, he was sad, and he ran off! Running off was bad, why did he run off? I wanted to follow him, and make him happy again, why couldn't I go? Just run up there if you care so much, go on, run up there. But what about my new friend? He'll still be here later on stupid. Oh, okay, maybe I could run up there. Do it. I listened to the person for once, running upstairs to Danny, he always did it for me, he needed to be hugged better.
I ran into our bedroom and found he wasn't there. But I could hear him crying! I followed the sound and found him in the bathroom, and he was covered in red! His clothes were red and his arm was red, the floor was red. There was a shiny thing in his hand with red on it too! Its blood. It was what? Dannys bleeding, he's cut himself, because of YOU.