Different Feelings
Margaret had fallen in love. It was unexpected and sudden, like a revelation. She had all the symptoms that Edith had told her of: excitement, longing, dreams, interest in every tiny thing about him. She did not realize it when she met him the first or even the second time. But suddenly she was sure. He was so different from every young man she had known in London or Helston. Even in his appearance – he was very tall, with broad shoulders and strong hands. Handsome, clever, vigorous, self-confident...
She was not used to feeling uncertain in a man's presence. It made her nervous, and even impulsive, like never before. This must have been the reason he did not like her. She felt his dislike in his every gesture and in every sentence he he said to her. He was very proud of his way of life and of his place on earth. And she did not belong and fit in that world. Apparently he found it impossible that she ever would.
She had tried to debate with him in the beginning of their acquaintance, but she had given up quickly. She stopped taking part in his conversations with her father. Still, she searched for his presence, and silently accompanied him and her father during their academic discussions. She kept her eye on his every move and gesture. Her ears caught his every word. She looked for any occasion to get at least a fleeting glance from him. She had touched him only once – their fingers had met accidentally when she had served him a cup of tea. When he was not present, every word involving Marlborough Mills or its owner caught her attention and made her listen carefully. Even when the comments were from Higgins and always of low opinion. She had even changed the path of her usual walk on Tuesdays when she found out about the masters' meetings in the club every week. It allowed her to see him more frequently, even if only from a distance. It gave her short moments of joy, and strength to wait for their next meeting.
After some time, she started to loathe herself for such an addiction. Her good feelings depended on his presence in her life. It would have been viewed as something humiliating in her eyes not so long ago. But she could not change it. She hated herself for the weakness of her own character. She felt like a slave. Her constant urge to see him, to hear his voice or at least have news about him... She wondered how could it be the same sort of feeling which had made Edith so happy.
But then everything had changed.
There were not many occasions in Milton to attend official gatherings. Not that Margaret had been missing them. Just that it could be a good occasion to meet Mr. Thornton in different circumstances. So when official invitations for Thornton's annual dinner had arrived, Margaret felt both excitement and hope. Excitement for the opportunity to see him once more. Hope that he could see her not merely as the daughter of his tutor and someone who served the tea, but as a real and grown woman at last. She spent a lot of time choosing her gown and hairstyle for the occasion. When she went down to join her father and Mr Bell before the grand evening she was quite satisfied with her appearance. She could see an expression of real admiration in the eyes of the two men. And when Mr. Thornton looked back and saw her in his dining room, she knew he had noticed her at last.
I want to thank to whilewewereyetsinners for every word of this story.