Whilewewereyetsinners, thank you.
Chapter 3
The man she had adored for some time had just proposed. She should be happy. But it was not like Margaret had imagined at all. It was more like an act of mercy. He informed her with a composed expression about the consequences of her action during the riot for them both. And he mentioned honour, society, and duty. But she didn't care about his position. She dreamed of marrying for love, but not an unrequited one. She didn't want self-sacrifice from anyone.
So she told him she didn't like him and didn't want him. She rejected the love of her life in the name of ...what? Pride? Hope for some feelings? Margaret ran upstairs to her room, where she flung herself on the bed and cried. The next morning she woke up fully clothed, lying half on the floor and half on her bed. Somehow she managed to hide her puffy eyes from her parents and kept her face calm until she found Mr. Thornton's gloves forgotten in the living room. Then she pretended to feel sick and spent the rest of the day in her bed. She realized that yesterday's conversation had destroyed every tiny possibility of good relations with Mr. Thornton. She only had hope that her words would have no influence on Mr. Thornton's relationship with her parents. And she was right – he kept doing his best or even more for the Hales.
Every time she saw him striding towards her house Margaret felt severe pain in her heart. So she tried to avoid his visits, often excusing herself under the pretext of household duties or nursing her mother. She immersed herself in a great number of activities in an attempt to keep her mind busy and to be exhausted in the evenings. But her heart still longed for him. "I love and I will love," Margaret whispered to the pair of black gloves in the shelter of her room. "Against all reasonable thought."
It was a kind of relief for Margaret when she was invited by her aunt, and forced by her mother, to go to London. There she didn't have to be so wary of seeing the main object of her thoughts. She tried to enjoy her visit and clear her mind of Mr. Thornton, and so was absolutely unprepared for the moment she met him again. At first she didn't see him, but she could hear his voice. It was pure pleasure to observe him amongst a crowd of listeners. He towered over people and was absolutely self-confident, even authoritative. People were listening to him. Margaret was listening, too. Then he noticed her and his expression visibly changed. He scolded her in front of those people, and it was too much for her. She wasn't going to let anyone humiliate her. So she turned on her heel and would have left if he hadn't stopped her. "I thought I knew you," he said, and something in his voice made her unable to look up in his eyes. Then his sister appeared with a spiteful remark, and Margaret's companions arrived just moments later. After some not very pleasant small talk she could only try to assure him about her soon (and willing) return to the north.
After their unexpected meeting during Great Exhibition in London she realized that she was constantly unhappy. The sudden presence of Mr. Thornton showed her a place where it could be different – any place at all, as long as it was with him. She felt rising excitement as her train brought her closer back to Milton.
Fate, however, couldn't be more malicious to her and Mr. Thornton. Her mother's health worsened and her brother Frederick had come in secret to Milton. After their mother died Margaret had to send her brother away as quickly as possible. And of course it had to be Mr. Thornton who saw her with Fred late in the night on the station platform. If he had thought badly of her before, what he must have been thinking of her after that meeting... When she glanced at him during the funeral of her mother she saw steel in his eyes. She felt his loathing and it wasn't something she could endure. She finally promised herself she would forget him and would try to live without craving the impossible.
Then she got another blow – for the sake of her brother's life she had to lie to a policeman. Unexpectedly, while she lived in fear for her family, she received information which gave her hope. Mr Thornton had saved her from an investigation. It was a more than generous gesture towards her, given that he knew she was at the station that night. She couldn't understand it, but she was grateful and touched by his goodness. She tried to expressed her gratitude to him when he came for his next lesson, but he immediately cut her off, saying furiously, "I did it because of your father, that's all. I hope that you know that any foolish passion on my part is entirely over." And he left her in the hall. She stood for a few minutes with his words ringing in her ears. Why had he said that? She was unaware that he had any passion for her at all…