Summary

Kagome's mission goes awry. Luckily, her savior comes in the form of a highly familiar perverted monk. Byakuya is not happy with this new addition to his subordinate's family...

A/N: Time for an update! I know it's been a while since I've gone into this storyline again, but I really hope you guys enjoy this little shot of fun! I have no idea where the title for this came from, but I kept it because it was amusing.

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It was supposed to have been a simple retrieval mission. That was it! Unfortunately, things were never simple when you factored a trouble magnet former priestess into the equation.

Everything was shot to hell at this point. Knowing that she going to try and go back to her Captain in complete failure, Kagome Higurashi threw herself to the side and dodged the Hollow that swung at her with it's tail. She was not going to die here in the Rukon District!

'I still have to make Captain Kuchiki give me my ribbon back!' the former priestess thought, ducking a swipe and hitting the dirt roughly. This particular Hollow had been an experiment from Squad 12 that had gotten loose. It was part of her job to bring it back as unharmed as possible. Unfortunately, the extra ability the Captain of the Research and Development squad had bestowed on the snake-like creature allowed it to swallow a zanpakutou and use it's abilities temporarily.

And, lucky her, it had swallowed hers. Gritting her teeth, Kagome flung herself onto the nearest rooftop in order to dodge the beam of light the Hollow shot from its' mouth. It was interesting to find out what her blade was capable of, but she didn't want it tested on herself, damn it!

"Stupid Squad 12 Captain!" she hissed under her breath. So now, with her zanpakutou currently out of reach, she was hard-pressed to win. Her Kido was sub-par at best, and her aim was even worse. Had she been paying better attention, she would have seen the creature's tail sneaking up behind her. Instead, it smacked her down from the roof and she hit the ground harshly with a loud "Oomph!"

"Heheheheheh! you are weak, shinigami!" the Hollow rumbled out, the rictus grin fitted onto it's mask never once faltering, "Your people were fools to send you here alone! Now, your soul will be mine!" In truth, the shinigami had begged to go into this area alone, thinking she could handle the situation if it got bad. Now, she wished she'd allowed the extra help. Diving forward, the Hollow's mouth opened wide, ready to swallow the girl whole.

Kagome squeezed her eyes shut in remorse, knowing, without a doubt, that she wouldn't be quick enough to get away from the fatal blow.

'If only I'd taken the time to learn the Flash Step! I'm sorry... Inuyasha... Captain.' The instant before the Hollow managed to pounce on her, she felt an arm wrap around her waist and jerk her into the air. Kagome's eyes popped open in surprise and she tried to get a look at her savior. All she saw was the flutter of dark colored robes.

The Hollow roared, furious at being denied its' prey. "You wish to interfere? Then I will devour your soul as well, boy?" It opened its' mouth to deliever another shriek of annoyance, but the noise was cut off abruptly when several ofuda were plastered to the snake-like creature, rendering it completely immobile. Kagome gaped in awe and turned her head. She knew of only one person that fought like that!

"I apologize, my unfortunate friend, but I prefer my soul to remain intact. I hear being devoured is quite an atrocious deal," the man spoke mockingly, winking jovially at the gobsmacked girl on her knees next to him, "Wouldn't you agree, Lady Kagome?"

"M-M-Miro... ku?"

"You seem surprised to see me, milady," the monk answered, now smiling gently at the stunned shinigami, "Is it because I snatched you away from death's door and an untimely demise?" Whatever he might have said next never came out because Kagome had leapt at her old friend like an overly excited puppy and wrapped him in a surprisingly crushing embrace.

"Don't be ridiculous, you idiot! I thought I'd never see you again after the last time I went down the well! I missed you guys," Kagome muttered, flushing in embarrassment as she pulled away. Other than being a few years older, Miroku still looked the same. He even still wore the rosary beads around his left hand. "Hey! Your curse was lifted, right?"

"Yes, however, I regained the use of the Wind Tunnel when I passed on to this world," the dark-haired monk explained, pulling the beads aside just slightly. A wind began rippling in the direction of the void so he slapped the blue beads back in place quickly. "I don't have to worry about it sucking me in, though I am still susceptible to large amounts of poison."

"F-fools! How dare... you dismiss... me!" the Hollow hissed out, its' eyes an eerie bright red in anger.

"Ah, yes. Milady, we will catch up later. For now, let's be rid of this troublesome fellow," Miroku announced, grinning good-naturedly and jingling his staff in anticipation. "If you'll step behind me..." His fingers wrapped around the rosary on his hand in preparation to let loose the Wind Tunnel.

"Wait, Miroku! I have to bring him in alive! He's one of Squad 12's experiments!" Kagome explained, putting a hand on his arm to stop him, "Maybe we could slap a few more sutras on him and get him over there so I can get my zanpakutou back. He did swallow it, after all." Miroku winced in sympathy and nodded.

"I think that would be an excellent idea, Lady Kagome. You need that particular part of your soul to do battle on this spiritual plane." When all of this mess was over, the priestess wanted to find out what had happened in the past.

"Thanks. And you don't have to call me Lady here. I'm not anyone important in this world and I don't really want to draw attention to my past." Miroku nodded and placed a few more sutras on the Hollow. He decided he wouldn't let her know how many people remembered all the brave things she did in her life and the past. Those that were touched by the tragedy of the Shikon no Tama would never forget its' guardian's bravery.

'I am sure that several of the Captains know who she was. If not, well, they'll find out more than soon enough.'

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"So let me get this straight. you encountered the target," Renji Abarai started, a neutral tone in his normally angry voice.

"Yes sir!"

"And you engaged said target by yourself."

"Yes sir!"

"Said target proceeded to swallow your zanpakutou and began to use its' effects against you!"

"... Yes sir." She had not enjoyed that part either. Normal arrows? No big deal. Dodging purifying arrows of doom? Hell in a handbasket.

"And now you've brought said target back, plastered in these... things, and want Captain Kurotsuchi to retrieve your zanpakutou?" Observing the thorough dressing down she was getting from her Lieutenant, Byakuya knew that several things weren't adding up. A low-level recruit shinigami like Higurashi shouldn't have been able to take care of this problem by herself. In fact, the only reason he'd sent her to that particular district on her own was because he knew the Hollow hadn't been heading in that general direction.

'And yet, here she stands, target in hand, and fidgeting as per usual,' the noble thought, placing a hand next to one of the pieces of paper littering the Hollow and watching with veiled fascination as it sparked and glowed in reaction to his prescence.

"Higurashi." Normally, he didn't interrupt Renji's rants, as he felt they just weren't important, but curiosity was building in him, "What are these papers?"

"They're sutras, sir. They subdue and contain spirit energy by drawing from the user's energy to supply them."

"In otherwords, like an outdated version of the Bakudo spells we are capable of using," Byakuya summarized, pinning the fidgety girl with a look that had her frozen. Kagome swallowed. He was going to want an explaination on how she was able to use sutras when her Bakudo was abominably weak. She couldn't even hold another new recruit.

"How the hell are you able to use those when you can't even keep up a Bakudo, Higurashi?" And because Renji had asked the question that both men were so curious about, Kagome couldn't keep up the charade any longer. Instead, she hung her head in shame and refused to meet their gazes.

"Because... I wasn't the one to use them," she admitted quietly; guiltily. Inwardly, Byauya was a little disappointed that she'd lied to them. Outwardly, though, he showed no change in his cool demeanor. Renji was a little more expressive.

"Oh? You think it's okay to lie to your superiors?"

"No! I just wanted to show you that I can be useful!" Higurashi snapped, glaring angrily up at the red-head towering over her. If the Lieutenant didn't know any better, he would think the girl was going to start crying. "I barely passed the academy requirements, and I'm still basically taking remedial lessons! I just... I wanted to do something right for once instead of screwing up! I know how to use sutras! I just don't understand why my powers are so weak when I could do so much more so much better when I was alive!"

"What do you mean 'better'?" Byakuya asked before he could stop himself. She turned to him and sighed.

"I was much stronger when I was alive. It's almost like... like there's a seal on my powers or something. I don't understand!"

"So... if you didn't do this, who did?" Renji sighed, not in the mood to try and figure out if Higurashi actually had some kind of seal on her abilities. It would explain why she could barely make a dent in her Kido and Bakudo.

"That would be me, my friends," a male voice spoke from the shadows. A jingling noise made the two males wary in anticipation. The man that was revealed, though, threw them off. He was a civilian!

"And who, exactly, are you?" Byakuya asked coldly, sharp eyes narrowing and taking in the intruder.

"I am but a humble monk, gentlemen, and an old friend of Kagome's," Miroku stated, holding up a hand in peace as he sidled up next to Kagome, "We go way back, actually. My name is Miroku."

"But-! You're just a civilian!" Renji sputtered, staring down the other man in shock. Miroku nodded and wrapped an arm around the priestess's shoulder amiably. Kagome jumped, making her two leaders tense suddenly.

"That's right! I'm just a civlian, but I do know a thing or two about spirit extermination. These sutras will hold for quite some time, so, no need to worry." That being said, the monk gazed down at Kagome in a solemn way. "Don't worry, my dear. We'll figure out why your powers are acting out so strangely."

"R-right. Thanks," Kagome muttered, avoiding the three mens' gazes. For a moment, she thought she was going to lose it. She'd been noticing that her abilities weren't working nearly as well as they used to, and that worried her a lot. Being the former guardian of the Shikon no Tama, she should have been able to do all the things a shinigami was capable of easily, plus more! Instead, she was struggling to not fall behind and be sent back to the academy in shame.

"Higurashi," Renji started gruffly, making her glance up at him. He was eyeing Miroku in a way that screamed he didn't trust the monk as far as he could throw him.

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"... Has this man... been bothering you?" Kagome tilted her head to the side innocently.

"Eh?"

"Wha-!" Miroku sputtered suddenly, removing his arm from around the priestess.

"Has he been bothering you?" Renji restated, his hand automatically straying to the hilt of his sword. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Byakuya making the same movement.

"I-I don't underst-!"

"What, exactly, are you insinuating, sir?" Miroku cried dramatically.

"Answer yes or no, Higurashi," the Captain finally spoke up, "Has he been harrassing you?" If so... well, this 'monk' would meet a very unpleasant end. No one harrassed his subordinates other than himself!

"Harrassing?" Kagome asked, thinking for a moment before hesitantly meeting Byakuya's cool grey eyes, "Like... regular harrassment or sexual?"

The noble actually twitched murderously. Renji, however, was much more willing to be vocal.

"YOU GUTLESS PIG!" the Lieutenant roared, ripping his zanpakutou from its' sheath and swinging at a gaping Miroku. The monk yelped and jumped back, blocking the strike with his shakujo out of pure reflex.

"Lieutenant!" the former priestess gasped, moving to stop the fight. A firm hand on her arm halted her progress and she followed the arm up to her unknowingly furious leader. "Captain?"

"Leave Renji to this, Higurashi. We need to go to Squad 12's grounds to get Captain Kurotsuchi to extract your zanpakutou from this Hollow." With that being said, the head of the Kuchiki family began to lead the shinigami away from the brawl.

"Wait! Captain! I need to-!" Twisting around, Kagome addressed an occupied Renji. "Lieutenant! Miroku may be the biggest pervert I've ever known, but he's still my friend! So please don't kill him?" The red-head stopped, staring at the younger fighter in confusion. That pleading look on her face was hard to resist. In fact, he wasn't gonna be able to resist it.

"... Fine. But that doesn't mean I can't beat him within an inch of his life." Turning back, he slashed out at the monk again. Miroku nimbly dodged and sent Kagome a surprisingly cold glare.

"I save you and this is the thanks I get, Kagome?" The priestess shrugged nonchalantly and allowed Captain Kuchiki to steer her away.

"Think of it this way, Miroku. This is kind of payback for all those times you got away with groping me." Byakuya almost twitched again, but he restrained the urge. It took even more restraint on his part to keep from unleashing his Shikai on the flabbergasted male.

'Let him even try to come near Rukia!' the leader of Squad 6 thought visciously, already imagining the bloody mess with relish.

"Come along, Higurashi."

"Yes, Captain!"

"Wait! Ka-Kagome!"

"Get back here, swine! Roar, Zabimaru!"

All in all, her superiors' first impression of her old friend was not very flattering.

'Oh well, maybe next time!' Kagome thought, grinning sharply at the screams that echoed in the background, 'If Sango couldn't teach him, maybe this will.'

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A/N: Ahahahahaa! Not the way I wanted it to turn out, but I got my favorite part for Renji in there. I could imagine him yelling that out. Anyways, you guys know what to do! Review, of course!

Until next time then!