A/N - This needs to be said. Please stop telling me how I should write my story. It was funny at first, and still kind of is, but serious, it's getting annoying to read review after review of people telling me how my story should go. I know where I'm going with this story. Nothing you can do or say is going to change that.

This story isn't canon, obviously. So stop treating it like it is. If you don't like how I've portrayed Astrid, or Eret, or whatever, guess what? You don't have to fucking read it. I KNOW that cheating is rude and I'm not condoning it. This is a work of fiction - FICTION - as in 'not real' so you all seriously need to calm your shit.

But to those who've been non-annoying, thank you for your kindness, your open-mindedness, and all-around awesomeness. And thank you super awesome folks that have left me some really well rounded, reviews of constructive criticism. You are each a beautiful daisy in a field of smelly manure, bringing hope to an otherwise desolate land of decrepit bones, sewing seeds for the sake of literacy and creativity. And I love you for it. (You know, in a non-sexual way, like a bromance kind of way.)

I'm also sorry that this update is late. I tried to write yesterday and the day before that but words weren't coming out very well.

Chapter 5

The stable doors opened so quietly that neither Astrid or Eret heard the gentle wooden squeak. They were too preoccupied with rustling clothes and skin on the hay. They were tucked away in the loft with no clear view of the entrance. It was the hushed giggling that signaled the presence of others.

Astrid clenched her fists and her nails dug into Eret's shoulder. She drew her breath in and held it. Eret looked down at her, poking her in the thigh with his erection, a brow raised. He then heard the giggling and rolled his eyes with a sigh. Shrugging, he leaned down to continue their tryst.

Astrid put a hand over his mouth.

"What?" he mumbled against it.

"Shh," Astrid hissed with a finger against her lips. The giggles grew and her heart fell through her ribcage.

Eret, obviously crestfallen, rolled off of her. Astrid scooted back against the wall of the loft and pulled her legs to her chest. Eret sighed and the giggles were accompanied by low hushed words. Astrid recognized the voices at once and it seemed that Eret did as well.

The twins.

Eret lifted his head to look out over the edge and Astrid poked him hard in the shoulder.

"Say a word and I will kill you," she whispered with as much venom as she could as she drew a finger slowly across her throat. He grinned but she meant it. He if exposed them she would murder him before anyone could banished either of them.

While Eret didn't seem worried at all about the twins' proximity to them naked in the loft, Astrid was greatly bothered. She reached for her discarded clothes and quietly began to dress. Her heart was hammering and she fought against shaking hands to pulled her leggings up her legs.

"Done?" Eret asked, laying prone in the hay with his hand around his erection, smirking.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Astrid hissed. How could he find this funny? They would both be underwater if they were caught.

Eret only smiled wider and she bit back the urge to punch him. The twins knocked over what sounded like a stack of empty fish baskets. Thor's hammer, what the hell were they doing? Astrid tied her bindings a little too tight and pulled on her shirt. Whatever they were doing she was fine with it as long as it had nothing to do with the loft she and Eret were hiding in.

"What are you going to do if we're caught?" Eret whispered.

"We're not. You're going to distract them."

"Really? Why me?"

"Because I said so." Astrid wasn't negotiating. "Go. Now. Or I will castrate you."

Eret grinned and sat up. He pulled on his pants with one swift motion and situated the bulge so that it wasn't completely obvious. He stuck his feet into his boots.

"Wait, who's there?" Tuffnut said from the floor below.

Astrid gave Eret a forceful push toward the edge with her foot. He grabbed his shirt as he mounted the ladder.

"Eret?" Ruffnut chimed, a high-pitched quirk breaking her usual rasp.

"Hey," Eret said as his feet met the stable floor.

"What are you doing here?" Ruffnut and Tuffnut said together. Ruffnut's admiration and Tuffnut's disgust twisted between their similar voices.

"And without a shirt. It's weird. It's cold." Tuffnut stated flatly, not bothering to cover his dislike of Eret.

"Who care? You can not wear anything anywhere you want," Ruffnut said, her voice floating with her attempt at seduction.

Eret laughed, and Astrid hear the rustling of his fur lined shirt as she assumed he was pulling it over his head. She didn't dare look over the edge.

"Don't you Vikings enjoy a good nap in the hay every now and then?" Eret was saying.

"No," Tuffnut answered in the same flatness.

"I haven't but I'd love to try," Ruffnut said.

"It's how we used to sleep back when the ship was too small. We'd pass from island to village, sleeping in stables, on hay, maybe some grass, or sand, or whatever we could find." Eret sighed. "Oh, have I told you about the trip we made to the…southern…Hoark…Islands?"

"No," Tuffnut said but his sister quickly spoke over him, "Oh, I've never heard of those, tell me all about it."

Astrid rubbed her temple and held in a groan. Was that the best story he could come up with? Idiot. He was lucky the twins weren't the smartest on Berk. Most anyone else would have called him out.

She fixed her skirt and gave herself a quick one-over before crawling to the edge of the loft. She carefully peeked over. Eret, now dressed, had one arm around each twin, leading them away from the loft, and spoke wildly of some made-up story of pirates and missing gold.

She crept toward the ladder and kept her eyes pinned on the twin's backs. Discovery was not what she wanted. Discovery by the twins wasn't the worst, however. They were dumb enough that she could lie her way out. Still, finding a shirtless Eret and flustered Astrid together in the tables would sow the seeds of rumors.

There were several ways in and out of the stables. The one closest to her was also within the twins' easy peripheral. It was too risky. The other, behind them, would be easy to sneak through undetected. Slowly, step at a time, she made her way down the ladder. She made it to the floor and kept her eyes on the twins as she backed toward the opposite door.

Come on, Eret, I'm almost out of here. Astrid held her breath as she crossed the threshold of the stables. She turned a corner and bolted straight into the daylight. She made it. The sunlight warmed her face and she intended it to leave the stables far behind. She was thinking of her house, of a warm cup of tea, but she was so lost in her ecstatic thoughts of making it out undiscovered that she didn't look to see where she was going.

She ran into something large that barely gave in to the impact. She tumbled to the ground along with a series of clanking wood and metal tools.

"Whoa there, lass. Where're you off to so early?" Gobber asked pleasantly, holding his real hand down to her. She took it and he hoisted her up effortlessly. "Or…where have you been so early?"

Shit! Shit. Shit. Astrid thought quickly, for she surely looked like a mess, "Oh…you know, just…taking a stroll through the stables. Checking on the dragons. You know…making sure everything…is working, smoothly, just like Hiccup would have done."

"Uh-huh," Gobber nodded, but his eyes were narrowing. He reached up with his real hand and plucked a strand of hay from her hair.

"Yes," Astrid nodded, swallowing, feeling her blood pumping faster with ever second. "And…I'm sure there is something else that needs to be done…elsewhere. So, I'll see you later, Gobber."

"Right," Gobber nodded and stepped out of her way.

"Sorry about the tools," Astrid said as she stepped passed him. She should have stayed and helped him pick them up. But her face was burning and her heart was threatening to thump right up her throat and out of her mouth. She left the stable behind and could feel Gobber's gaze on the back of her head.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Astrid made a quick trip through the village and scanned for immediate problems. Most of the village was just waking up and stepping outside. Several greeted her with a warm wave of their hand and Viking worthy shout. She returned their morning greetings but kept her path aimed toward the house. She made it there in what felt like too long of a trek and slammed the door behind her. She pressed her back against it and let her heart hammer back to normal.

That was too close. That was way, way, way, way too close. What the hell were the twins even doing in there? Planning something ridiculous, most likely. They had created a bad habit of hiding bags of dragon dung in inappropriate locations, like behind the statues in the Great Hall, or in the hulls of ships.

Astrid pushed away from the door and wobbly legs. She stirred the hearth that she'd began that morning when Eret had interrupted. She set on the kettle for water and while it heated she hastily dumped the in the herbs. She stirred after each addition, watching the dried herbs swirling in the darkened kettle, the strong smell of the tea filtering into the air. She inhaled it as deep as she could push the air.

She waited at the table for the tea to boil and steep. With a mug of it in her hands she stared down into it, the herbs swirling to the bottom, the smell as pungent as the flavor. She blew on it and took a sip. She gritted the taste and forced it down.

Was it worth it?

Honestly, she didn't know. Right now, sitting in the kitchen, moon tea in hand, it was much easier to say it wasn't. It was easy to say that it was a mistake and that she should stop. It was easy to sit and formulate a plan to get rid of Eret. But then in the heat of the moment she couldn't. Why couldn't she tell him no? Why not push him away? Why couldn't she just do it? She didn't love him. She knew that.

Then why was it so hard to just walk away?

She took another sip of the tea and felt the herbs trail down her throat. Her only answer was the sex. He was damn good at it. If Hiccup were that good would she have this problem? Most likely not. But she didn't want her husband gallivanting across the ocean practicing on tavern whores and seaport wenches.

Astrid let out a pitiful laugh that rattled the surface of the steaming tea. She didn't want him out there with other girls. What right did she have to think that? Here she was, jealous of girls that didn't exist, drinking moon tea to ensure that no bastard children pass through her. Pathetic. She was a horrible wife. She deserved to have Hiccup practice on those seaport women.

The tea was half drunk when a hard knock came to the door. She turned, intending to ignore it, but it opened without introduction. Eret came in and shut it behind him. His smile was board and he laughed as he sat down across from her.

"Oh, that was brilliant," Eret sighed.

Astrid shrugged. She wasn't in the mood to listen to his voice. Taking a gulp of the cooling tea, she let him talk and wave his hand about like a braggart.

"I'm glad those two can't tell which end of a dragon shits." Eret smirked, staring at the kettle. "Drinking a bit early?"

"It's never early." Astrid answered flatly.

"I suppose. I'm glad I don't have to drink it. Smells like moldy grass and rocks."

"Tastes even better," Astrid sighed. She felt like forcing some down his throat. It'd shut him up, at least.

"No thank you." Eret leaned back in his seat with a crinkle in his nose. He tapped his hand on the table. "So…when you're done do you want to pick up where we left off?"

"No," Astrid shook her head. "It was too close of a call."

Eret sighed and raised a brow, "So?"

"Eret, if we had been caught we wouldn't be having this talk right now because we'd either in in jail or dead." Astrid scolded.

"Well," Eret shrugged, "We are no longer out there. We are conveniently tucked away inside, behind closed doors, and windows."

"No, Eret." Astrid said and she refilled her mug for extra precaution.

"Oh, come on," Eret teased, "I know you want to,"

Oh, you do? Astrid blew on the steaming tea and took a sip of the too-hot tea. She ignored the burning on her tongue and forced it down her throat.

Eret scooted closer. "Hm? Still in the mood?"

"No,"

"But we didn't finish,"

"I don't care,"

"I know you want to get there."

"No."

"I'm still in the mood."

"No."

"I know you are, too, Astrid."

"No." Astrid gulped down the tea. She hated the sound of her name on his lips.

Eret was scooting his chair closer with every word as if her denials meant nothing to him. When his knees finally bumped into hers he reached forward and slid his hands up her thighs. But as his fingertips vanished underneath the hem of her skirt she stood up and with the action she pushed his hands away.

"No, Eret. I said no." Astrid chugged the rest of the hot tea and set the mug on the table with more force that she'd intended.

"Oh, come on, sweet," Eret reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Eret," Astrid pulled her arm away but he came with it. Why was he being so damn pushy? "Not right now. Not here."

"Why not?" Eret whined in a whisper. "Are you not in the mood anymore? I can fix that,"

"Eret," Astrid reached around just as his free hand slid across her torso. He pulled her toward him and she raised her hand. She slapped his cheek and stepped out of his loosened grip. "I told you not in my house."

He lifted a hand and placed it on his reddening cheek. At first he seemed dazed that she could have done such a thing but his expression changed from confusion to interest. "You hit me,"

"Because you're not listening!" Astrid shouted. Hiccup listened.

"Maybe you're not listening," Eret said. "I'm the best fuck you've ever had and I'm offering."

"What?"

"You want it, you know you do, I know you do," Eret smirked. "Come on, let's just get it done and over with, eh?"

Was he serious? Astrid stared at his smirking face a moment too long. He stood up and was on her before she could speak. They tumbled to the floor in a heap. His mouth was on her neck and his teeth bit into her pulse. His hands groped at her clothes and he pressed his groin into hers. She could feel his arousal jabbing at her, poking her incessantly, and for a short moment her chest trembled and a quiver shook in her gut.

Fear?

Fear? How dare Eret cause such a reaction. Who did he think he was? Who the hell did he think he was? No one, no one, made Astrid Hofferson feel fear. She was fearless. Fearless. Damn Eret if he thought that he could push her into a corner and expect her to shiver like a child. Hell no. She wasn't a child. She was a wild dragon that would rip out his throat.

Astrid pushed him off and onto his back. It collided with the wooden floor with a thud. He had such a look of entertainment as he used his new leverage to slide his hands underneath her skirt and loosen it from her waist. He leaned up to yank it down her legs. It unbalanced her and she fell backward. He used the advantage and pulled her leggings after it.

Anger surged through her limbs and lit her blood on fire. Did he honestly think he could just take it? He didn't have a chance in hell. He pushed his hands under her shirt and began to push it over her shoulders. He wrenched it over her head and she shoved him back to the floor. She stood over him and fisted her hand in his fur shirt and pulled it roughly over his head. He reached up for the fabric at her hips but she smacked his hand away. He'd given up the right to touch her.

She undressed herself and yanked the buckle of his pants, happy at the sound of ripping threads, and at the slight pain on his face when she forcefully pulled out his erection. She didn't care if it'd hurt him. She hoped it had. He tried to sit up but she pushed him back to the floor with her foot.

"Stay down," Astrid seethed. She crashed onto him and gasped as she sank down.

She held him down and dug her nails into his chest hard enough to leave bloody trails behind. Eret was smirking up at her and she pressed her nails to leave ugly bruises behind. It would only be a short distance to his neck. She could squeeze that smirk right off his face. She was losing her breath while he was laying there, smugly, as if this had been what he'd wanted. Damn him!

She was getting closer and he tried to take over. He adjusted his legs and lifted his shoulders as if to flip her onto her back. She balled a fist and sent it hard into his jaw.

"Stay down," she hissed.

"Yes, Ma'am," Eret raised a hand to his jaw.

She finished, and Eret did shortly after, and she removed herself from him before his seed could get anywhere near her. She went back to the kettle and refilled her mug. Holding her nose, she downed the cooled tea in three gulps.

"Gods," Eret gasped as he stood up. "I think I like it better when you're rough. I bet Hiccup looks like a scratching post."

"Shut up!" Astrid threw the mug at him. In her rage she missed and the mug shattered against the wall.

"Oh, sweets, come on now," Eret said with open arms. He leaned in to kiss her but she ducked out of the way.

She drove a fury fueled right hook straight into his cheekbone. "Get out."

"What is with you and the violence today?" Eret said, almost a laugh, but not quite.

"Leave, Eret." Astrid balled her fists.

"Okay, okay," Eret backed up, hands in the air, "Fine, I'll give you some time. What are you doing tomorrow? Say around lunch?"

"Get the fuck out!"

Eret backed up to the door and opened it without breaking eye contact with her. Once it was opened, he was gone.

"Damn it!" Astrid gripped fists in her hair. She paced, quickly picking up her clothes for the second time that morning, and shouted as she punched a support beam. It didn't budge but left a stinging in her knuckles.

X

There was something about a bright and early morning on Berk that made him feel more awake than anything. Gobber made sure his external instruments were firmly attached and limped outside to greet the clear sky. Grump snoozed and snored as he walked passed.

"Ah, lazy beast," Gobber mumbled as he left the sleeping dragon lie.

The air was clear and the sky was nearly completely void of clouds. Too bad Hiccup wasn't home. He would have been up at dawn on days like this.

Gobber made his way to the blacksmith stalls. There were no immediate saddles to finish or dragons waiting on dentistry. There were swords to sharpen, as always, thought not as many as in the past, and the lack of work made Gobber feel a bit worried. He'd never not had anything to do before. There was always something that needed fixing. Of course, most of the island was still sleeping. Including dragons.

Dragons. He could go to the stables early while the dragons were lazing and their riders were still sleeping. It was practically prime tooth time. Why didn't he think of it sooner? An at-stable tooth doctor! It was genius. He gathered his equipment and made for the stables.

Tools in hand, he mentally went over dragons and their teeth. Different species required different tactics. He briefly glimpsed yellow hair but the image didn't register before something ran into him, gasped on impact, and fell to the ground along with most of his tools. He looked down in confusion to see Astrid sitting up.

"Whoa there, lass. Where're you off to so early?" Gobber asked, reaching down toward her with his good hand. She was a mess. Her clothes were disheveled and her face was in a panic. Her hand was clammy as she took his. "Or…where have you been so early?"

Astrid blinked at him, "Oh…you know, just…taking a stroll through the stables. Checking on the dragons. You know…making sure everything…is working, smoothly, just like Hiccup would have done."

"Uh-huh," Gobber eyed her messy hair. There was hay sticking out. He pulled it from her hair and saw the panic with which Astrid looked at it.

"Yes," Astrid nodded. She was breathing quick and couldn't stand still. "And…I'm sure there is something else that needs to be done…elsewhere. So, I'll see you, Gobber."

"Right," Gobber nodded and stepped to the side.

"Sorry about the tools," Astrid said as she stepped over them.

Gobber watched her walk back into the village. What was that? He'd never seen Astrid look so entirely flustered. Something strange was going on. Astrid was a hard one to sneak up on and she was rarely surprised. It was more than suspicious. And she was a terrible liar on the spot.

Curious, he left his pile of tools in their haphazard location. He walked into the doorway that Astrid had fled from just in time to see Eret and the twins exit the other. Eret had an arm around each one, as if escorting them, looking between them as he spoke. Gobber squinted but it was too far away to tell for sure, but he thought he saw bits of gold sticking out from Eret's clothes and hair.

Hmm.

Gobber went back outside and gathered his tools. He brought them inside and set them down, preparing to check teeth of the stirring dragons on the first tier, but he couldn't stop thinking about Astrid's behavior. Had something happened? Was she alright? What did Eret have to do with it? Was he bothering her?

As the Chief's advisor and counselor it was his obligation to make sure his family was doing alright in his absence. He would have done it for Stoick. He would do it for Hiccup. He left his tools where they were. He'd come back and work on teeth after he dealt with the problem at hand. It could be nothing, but just in case it was something, he began his trek to the Chief's house.

The village was stirring as he arrived at the door but as he raised his fist to knock he was frozen by the sounds. There was a heavy thud accompanied by a human groan, the swish of wool, a feminine yelp, a softer thud, swishing, and a smack. He could heard the verbal exclamations of two people, one he recognized as Astrid, the other, however, didn't draw a familiar face.

"Stay down," Astrid's voice was low.

Gobber felt his stomach drop to his feet. No, he had to be wrong. He shook his head as he gently pushed against the front door. He was prepared to see a fight's aftermath, not…that. Astrid, naked, was seated on Eret's exposed groin, and with her repetitive motions there were few things that she could be doing. Eret's bare chest was streaked with thin red lines. Eret tried to get up but Astrid hit him.

"Stay down,"

"Yes, Ma'am,"

Oh, Gods. Gobber withdrew his eyes and gently brought the door back into its frame. Stunned, he shook his head to recompose himself. He took one step away from the house and then another. In his daze he returned to the stables where the dragons were beginning to wake up. He sat beside the tools, laid out exactly as they'd been, and let it sink in.

Surely there is another, more plausible, more honorable, less damning explanation. Maybe it had all been a dream, yes, he was still lying bed and this entire morning had been spun in his sleep. He should have known the day too good to be real. He reached over with his good hand and pinched, the pain was instant. Oh, gods…

But he still couldn't believe it. Astrid wasn't the type. Eret, however, had always been the type. He'd heard him brag about wooing girls in seaports and towns. Still, he didn't think it possible for Astrid to be the type to be wooed by a womanizer like Eret. Gobber had seen Astrid and Hiccup, they were in love, anyone within an island's view of them could see that. Maybe all of Eret's bragging of his sexual conquests had an air of truth. He'd have to be damn good to persuade Astrid.

Gobber sighed. What should he do? Tell Hiccup when he comes home? Ruin a marriage? Make it worse? No, he shouldn't interfere. This mess was Astrid's to string about. Truthfully, Hiccup should know. But, as his experience would argue, if a woman sees another man besides her husband for a prolonged period of time, her husband already knows.

Gobber stood up and reached for the first tool. Of course, he could understand Astrid's temptation. If he had been her, he would have fallen for it as well.

X