Hi people! Thank you so much for the feedbacks. Today is the transition's last part. After that...hmm hmm you'll see. So here's a looooong chapter, we hope Esplanie and Caskett shippers will like it... ;) Enjoy! xxx
After their dinner improvised under the light of some candles in the kitchen, the people of the manor had decided to do their best to relax – or at least try. Martha Rogers had offered to organize some games next to the chimney fire. The group had played Times Up's games, except for Jenny who had preferred watching over her husband and looking at them playing.
Kevin had hardly woken up after dinner, and Lanie had changed the bandages and checked his blood pressure, before Jenny made him eat some soup Martha had prepared for him. Then he had fallen asleep again and hadn't woken up since.
When his watch turned 2 am, Javier Esposito sighed heavily. He was exhausted and it felt like time didn't fly at all.
A few hours had passed and no threat had appeared for the group. No strange visitors, no sound, no suspicious move around the garden.
It was completely quiet except for the storm and the rain that had formed puddles that were now almost overflowing in the garden and the woods.
Rick, Kate and Javier had agreed to make shifts during the night, and this time it was Rick's turn…Kate went to the bathroom to take a shower after her night's watch and Javier knew he should rest and recharge his batteries while Rick was watching over…But he just couldn't. The situation was too stressing and awkward, and he mostly feared something would happen during his sleep.
Lying on a mattress in the middle of the living room between the two couches set for the occasion, Javier couldn't find some sleep.
The living room where they were all gathered was too dark and quiet for the latino who couldn't help but listen to every sound. The chimney fire was lighting up the room a little and the candles were lighting up the kitchen where Rick Castle was sitting. He was at the table, holding his head with one hand while he was writing something on a paper with the other, focused. He was scribbling, crossing off, writing again…But Esposito didn't know what he was doing exactly.
In the living room, Jenny had fallen asleep, sitting next to Ryan, and was holding his hand in her sleep, her head on the side. On the other couch, Martha and Alexis were sleeping, hugging each other under a woolen cover. They were exhausted after their day full of emotions.
After looking at every of them a few seconds, Javier looked back at the person who was sharing his mattress on the floor, next to the couches. Lanie Parish. The young woman was lying on the side, facing him. She was sleeping, a hand next to her face that made her look like a little girl. Javier smiled. The sound of her breathing was deep and serene.
Esposito loved focusing on her breathing. It reminded him she was alive, as what he feared the most in that story was losing her. Of course he wouldn't tell her, despite their earlier conversation and the fact they were getting closer again. He remembered the way she asked him to give her a hug and smiled at the thought. He had been too shy to ask her himself, even though he had also wanted it so much after all these events. Especially when they had found Gina's body. Javier wanted to hold Lanie against him and never let her go…until that story would end. And even after, all things considered.
After the dinner in the kitchen, Lanie and he had stayed together, talking and smiling like they used to. As if they were still together. When everyone went to sleep, it sounded natural for them to lie on the mattress next to each other. Then Lanie had fallen asleep, exhausted by Ryan's operation, but mostly feeling secured he was lying next to her. She had even grabbed his hand and hadn't let it go until she had fallen asleep.
Despite the horror of the earlier events, Javier couldn't help but think that no matter what happened, Lanie and he had sort of got closer again.
He kept gazing at her for long minutes and smiled as he remembered one particular memory. A memory when, that day, they were sharing the same mattress, but under different circumstances.
(n/a: music suggestion: Habits - Maria Mena)
Flashback
"Okay, my turn now…" Lanie Parish said, staring at the ceiling as she was tracing circles on Esposito's bare chest, where her head was resting. They were in the young woman's bedroom, their bodies only covered with a white sheet. Their legs were intertwined to each other as if their bodies only made one. Javier had put his arm around Lanie's back, and the other hand was stroking her long dark hair while Lanie kept looking at the ceiling, smiling. Her head was slightly moving under the rhythm of Javier's breathing.
"I'm scared," Esposito said with a smile as he felt her smiling too against her torso. They loved playing a game about asking questions about their past, to get to know each other, and keep no secrets. A "game" they created at the very first start of their relationship. Even one year later, they still loved asking questions and learning from each other.
"Mmm…the first girl you ever kissed? A French kiss, I mean of course."
Javier rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.
"Come on, not this one," he sighed before he let out a laugh.
"Why?" Lanie asked, frowning. "I told you mine."
"Yeah, the one you called Whelk-boy?"
"Absolutely."
"Poor guy", Esposito laughed.
"He deserved it. So, what about you, who was it?"
"Seriously, it's not interesti…"
"Come on, Javier, please!" Lanie interrupted him as she pinched his torso softly. Then she raised her look to his. Their faces were so close. She gazed at every inch of his skin, his freckles, wrinkles or scars, his eyes. He was far from being perfect but Lanie loved every of his physical imperfections that made him look incredibly sexy to her.
"Fine," he sighed. "Since you leave me no choice," he said, rubbing his cheeks with a hand. "I was in 7th grade…Her name was Elena," he began.
"Elena," Lanie repeated with a smile. "Was she pretty?"
"More than that. All the boys in junior were crazy in love with her, she deserved it."
"I see. You dated a stunner, then."
"Why are you talking in past tense? I am dating a stunner…" he whispered, playfully as he kissed her softly on the forehead. Lanie let him do so and smiled.
"Well done, Casanova…but let's go back to Elena. So, why didn't you want to talk about your first kiss with the most beautiful girl of junior school?"
Before he answered, he let out another heavy sigh.
"Because it was a major fail." He admitted. "We were in the middle of the playground, everybody was looking at us…and after we kissed, she burst into laughter for at least ten minutes…and I stood there like an ass, paralyzed in the middle of the crowd while she kept laughing at me.
"Oh," Lanie reacted, softened. She couldn't help but let out a laugh.
"Go ahead, laugh at me too. I was traumatized. And then, no other girls would want to kiss me after that episode", he admitted, thinking about this painful memory.
"Poor thing…" Lanie whispered to him as she rose slightly so that her face would be close to his. He turned his head towards her and saw her gazing at him with a smile.
"Forget about her, you did make some improvements," she whispered as she leaned to him before she brushed his lips with hers.
"Oh, yeah, you think so?" he whispered against her mouth.
"The judges are unanimous," she said as she opened her mouth, ready to intensify the kiss. But Javier was quicker and kissed her hungrily before she could do it first. He felt her laugh against his lips and then ended the kiss.
"See? You're laughing at me when I kiss you," he said as he gave her a skeptical look.
Lanie smiled again and rolled her eyes.
"It's only because you make me happy, silly", she admitted in a soft voice.
Javier raised an eyebrow in surprise and couldn't help but grinned.
"Is it true?" he asked.
"No it's a lie, I only said that to see that stupid smile on your face," she said ironically, her eyes brilliant.
He rolled his eyes.
"Lanie Parish, you're so merciless to me", he whispered before he kissed her again.
"You have no idea…" she added against his lips. Still kissing him, she went on top of him and replaced her legs around the latino's body. Then she placed her hands on Esposito's cheeks and took her face between her palms to kiss him more passionately. He ran his hands on her back, caressing the black fabric of her baby doll.
When they were almost breathless, Lanie broke the kiss but still held his cheeks.
"What was that for?" he said, trying to catch his breath.
"To make you forget that Elena definitely", she said. "Hope it worked?"
Javier gave her a beautiful smile and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. Her long dark hair was sticking to her skin and he replaced a lock between her ear, gazing hungrily at her.
"I forgot about her a long time ago, you know. I forgot them all…Since I'm with you", he admitted in a whisper. Lanie read the truth in his eyes. She felt chills down her spine but kept smiling and nodding. She felt so overwhelmed by his words she was blushing.
"Nice one, Romeo. Where did you steal that sentence?" she teased.
"Were you serious when you said I make you happy?" he asked, avoiding the question.
Lanie nodded and sighed.
"If I weren't serious, I wouldn't be there lying above you and kissing you to try and make you forget the worst memory of your childhood," she replied with a smile.
Javier smiled back at her.
"And do you remember what you told me the night of our first date?" he asked, stroking her hip with one hand while the other was still stroking her cheek.
Lanie seemed to think about it and let his cheeks go.
"That you were right to put your red tie?"
He chuckled.
"Right…and?"
Lanie bit her lips and shrugged.
"Fine, let me refresh your memory, doc."
"Yes please," she said.
"You told me that you came because you had nothing better to do, because your supposedly first date had canceled at last minute. And then, when I started to flirt with you…"
"You've been flirting with me for one year," Lanie corrected.
"Come on, don't play with words and let me finish…" Esposito said, amused. "When I started to flirt with you that night, you warned me. You told me not to get any false hopes, that we had nothing in common and we weren't matching astrologically speaking. You said that you and me it couldn't work because, one more thing, I wasn't your type."
When he finished his explanation, Lanie frowned and grinded her teeth.
"What, did I really say all that?" she said. Actually, she did remember everything.
"Yes you did, and I haven't forgotten a word of everything you told me one year ago, Doctor Parish."
Still sitting on top of him, Lanie sighed and grabbed Javier's hands.
"All right…So, what's your point Mister I-have-an-elephant-memory"?
He shrugged.
"I'm just happy I managed to make you change your mind about that…and that I'm your type, in the end," he teased. Lanie smiled but said nothing, feeling a little bit uncomfortable for remembering she actually told him that.
"By the way, when did you start changing your mind, about us?"
Lanie bit her lips nervously and smiled.
"To be honest…the night of our first date, when you walked me home, at my door."
He raised his eyebrows, surprised by her answer but let her finish.
"You were not insisting, you just made sure that I was safe in my apartment, and you left when I locked my door…without asking for anything else, or trying something…That's what I liked about you and made me want to see you again", she admitted in a whisper, her eyes locked to his.
He swallowed hard, touched, and then spoke again.
"Well, since we're honest with each other…I have to admit that I fought hard the urge to jump at you that night," he said, making her bursting into laughter. He shivered, hearing the sound of her particular laugh.
"Well, you should have tried."
He shook his head.
"No. First of all, you would have slapped me hard if I had tried anything…"
"Probably," Lanie said truthfully.
"And, second, I would have ruined everything," he said. "And I really wanted to make you change your mind about us."
Lanie gazed at him, softened.
"And, if we're still together, one year later, I guess I did well, right?" he asked proudly.
Lanie seemed to think about it as she stared at the ceiling.
"Mmm…"
He held her hands tighter in his to make her react.
"Hey!" he groaned, raising his eyebrows. She smiled at him and leaned over him.
"It didn't take me long to change my mind about us," she whispered before she kissed him. Javier let her hands go and took her face between his palms, while she put her hands on his bare muscular shoulders.
"Good. Because I'm completely in love with you. And I already know I won't be able to keep you off my mind, doctor," he whispered, gazing at her. He was still stroking her cheeks, Lanie's face was so close to his, their foreheads touching each other while their nose were almost brushing.
"It's a good thing since I don't want to be out of your mind, detective," she replied in a whisper before she caught his lips again. They intensified the kiss and their breath while their tongues melt with each other.
Lanie fell on the other side of the bed, pulling Javier to her. He made sure of not weighing too much on her when he lied on top of her, before he buried his head into her neck.
End of Flashback.
Two months after that, they broke up. How did they get there? Javier sighed bitterly. He had watched Lanie sleep all along, and thinking about this memory broke his heart since now, he didn't have the right to touch her. But one thing for sure, if they got out of here, he would do anything to save their relationship and go back to what they were. After all, he managed to make her change her mind at that time…He would do anything to convince her again today.
Javier finally stopped gazing at Lanie and looked at the hallway that leaded to the bathroom, where a soft light came from. Kate Beckett had just finished her shower and was crossing the hallway, holding a candle in her hand.
She headed to Rick Castle who was still focusing on his papers, in the kitchen.
The writer raised his look from his papers when Kate put the candle on the kitchen's table and took a seat next to him. Feeling her presence, he stopped his scribbles for a second and gazed at the muse of his books. Her hair was still wet and some locks were falling over her shoulders. She barely had makeup on and looked tired but still, she looked beautiful. For him, she always would be.
Aware he was staring at her, Kate decided to speak to break the silence, although she felt flattered.
"What are you doing?"
He blinked, taken aback and looked back at his papers.
"Oh, this…I was thinking about everything that happened to us since. I'm trying to find some leads, to figure out who can be behind all this. I think this is the only way to get out of this situation."
"You wrote a lot," detective Beckett said as she pointed at the sheet where she could read some words, crossing-outs, and some sort of a drawing on the whole page. "So, what do you think about it?"
Rick sighed heavily and ran a hand through his face, as he was frustrated and exhausted. "Nothing special, actually. The more I think about it, the more I don't get why…why he killed her."
"Gina," Kate whispered.
"Why her, why…why he did this. Why here, in these woods," he sighed, in a barely audible voice. "The car lights were still on, showing the body prominently. As if…as if he really wanted us to find the body there…like that."
He stopped, thinking about the vision of horror they had a few hours ago, again.
"It's certainly a cuckoo who did this," she said, "or a bad encounter, at the wrong moment…"
Castle shook his head. "No, I don't think so. She was…raped." He said, swallowing, as he hardly managed to tell the facts. "But considering all her wounds, the stabs, for me it was a slaughter. If you had seen…how her body was displayed, like a scenery," he added, widening his eyes, as he almost couldn't believe it himself. "It can't be a coincidence. And then, for Ryan too."
Kate puckered up her lips. She could imagine Gina's body well, as she had already faced so many victims in the past, who were killed the same way. It was always difficult when it was somebody you knew. Even Gina. She didn't know her that much, but the fact that Rick knew her personally had an effect on her. She cleared her throat, trying to find a rational explanation to all this.
"Maybe…maybe what happened to Ryan has nothing to do with Gina, maybe it's just a coincidence. I don't know, a hunter, a random shot…somebody who got lost, who got scared when he felt our presence and just shot randomly because he freaked out," she said, trying to think of the events. But she wasn't convinced herself of what she was saying.
"Nonsense. You told me yourself, it was an ambush. He shot you. And the bullet that hurt Kevin, it was a premeditated shot, not an accident."
He sighed and held his head between his hands, completely tormented.
Kate nodded as she realized he was right, and stroked gently his shoulder to comfort him. It wasn't enough though, she wanted to do so much more. She had never seen him like that, so disconcerted, vulnerable. Except for maybe…the day she got shot herself. At that moment when she fell down to the floor, in that cemetery, a bullet locked in her chest. When he had leaned over her, tears filling his eyes, without knowing what to do. He had revealed his feelings, terrified at the thought of losing her without telling her the way he felt. Like a last confession to someone who was going to die… Her heart ached as she remembered that moment and as she saw the sad look on his face right now. It was obvious that he still cared about Gina. He still got her under his skin. How could she blame him anyway? She had been his wife, she had shared his life, she had made him what he was, a successful writer.
"You still loved her," Kate whispered, thinking he wouldn't hear. But he did. Rick raised his look to hers and shook his head.
"Why are you saying this?"
Kate's eyes widened, as she regretted immediately saying this out loud. "I mean…it's normal after all, she was a part of your life and she had made you become the man you are today," she managed to say.
"No Kate, if I became a writer it's only because of my undeniable talent," he said slightly, making her rolling her eyes. Despite the circumstances, he always found a way to joke.
"Castle, it's not funny."
"No it's not, I know. I loved Gina, Kate. I really loved her and I thought at that time that our marriage could work. We didn't agree on everything, but she had a fiery temperament, and she was caring. So, of course I'd lie to you if I said I don't care about her death. Because I do. I still had affection for her…but I try to hide it. For Alexis, for my mother…I don't want to fail in front of them. And I want to get them out of this."
Kate smiled.
"I understand. And I know she meant a lot to you, I know how hard it must have been. I think she cared a lot about you too…I could tell by the way she looked at you, yesterday. Or when you two went to the Hamptons two years ago…I still can remember the smile you had when you looked at her…" Kate whispered, remembering that day at the precinct when she had seen them go together, holding each other's arm.
Rick frowned, surprised by her words. Kate stopped talking, hardly believing she had said that. What an idiot. How could she allow herself telling him all this, judging, and acting like a jealous woman in such situation?
"I'm sorry…I'm way out of line," she apologized as she replaced a lock of hair behind her ear to regain composure.
"It's okay," Rick said, looking down at his paper.
"No it's not, you just lost someone close, in the most atrocious kind of way and I'm there, telling you things that…that are none of my business instead of being here for you and giving you my support."
"But you are here, Kate. And thank God you are."
He had said that in a soft tone. Kate raised her eyes to his and they shared a look in silence. Then Rick broke the moment and grinned.
"What's so funny?" Kate asked.
"You seem to be jealous."
Kate startled as she heard him and felt her temperature rising. "Not at all."
"Yes you are," Castle nodded as he looked at her right in the eye. "I think it's…cute. But after all these years I spent by your side, you should know by now that Gina and I, it's history."
She replied nothing, feeling uncomfortable for letting her feelings being so clear.
"That's not the point," she tried to change the subject. "I mean, this is not the place and the time to talk about this…"
"You brought the subject, I had to follow you on this one," he corrected, slightly leaning his head on the side.
"Well, this conversation should stop now," Kate replied, shaking her head.
"We're stuck in that house for a long time, without electricity nor way to escape. Don't you think it's the good time to talk?" Castle said, raising an eyebrow.
"We better think again of a way to catch the guy who did this," she said, tapping nervously on Castle's paper, trying to make him focus on it again. That's when she felt Rick grabbing her hand.
"Kate."
The feeling of his warm fingers against hers gave her goose bumps.
"Castle…"
She wanted to turn her head away, but he was holding her hand strongly. She had no way to escape. Why would she anyway? Where? The living room? That would be ridiculous. And a part of her didn't want to go either.
"Kate, after all these years, following you at the precinct, being there for you, you still don't get it?" Rick whispered, searching for her look.
She bit her lips in a way Rick found absolutely sexy and shook her head.
"I got it, Castle. Perfectly. And I think you know it too. The problem is…the walls I've built around me are still there, sort of…"
"What should I do to make them tumble down?"
Kate gazed at him, taken aback by his question. She opened her mouth but the words wouldn't come out. Finally, she shook her head.
"No, we can't talk about this now…"
"You'd rather die, burying your secret with you?" he said softly. Kate frowned. Of course not, but…
"If something ever happened to you…I need to know why, why after all this time, I can be nothing but a friend to you."
His words, his voice, his look…Kate swallowed hard and dropped her eyes again. He was still holding her hand in his.
"I don't know…if you're ready to hear what I have to say. It's extremely difficult for me…" she admitted. Rick shrugged and held her hand tighter.
"Just try. And whatever it is…for your information, after everything that happened lately, I don't think I could blame you."
Kate smiled softly hearing those words and softened by his tired look. She only wanted one thing, to hug him tight. But she wouldn't be able do it, unless she told him her secret. One of the reasons why her walls wouldn't fall definitely. Because she was too afraid of his reaction.
Feeling her heart sink at the thought he could blame her, Kate took a deep breath and looked at her hand he was still holding in his, to regain courage and finally speak.
"All right. Since you want to talk about it…I owe you the truth first…" she said hesitantly. "Rick, I haven't been completely honest with you."
He frowned, curious. Kate's face was so tensed he dreaded what she was about to reveal.
"The thing is I'm scared to ruin everything, if I tell you the truth."
"Just try," Rick said.
"I remember," she blurted finally in a whisper.
She couldn't look at him as she already regretted what she had just said. She wasn't even sure he had heard her, as she had spoken so fast. The silence remained and she couldn't raise her head up, dreading the writer's reaction.
"You remember…" Castle repeated, to be sure he understood what she was talking about.
"The gunfire at the cemetery," she admitted in a barely audible voice. "Everything…I, I lied, I'm sorry."
He didn't reply and kept staring at her. She couldn't move or say anything more. He was still holding her hand in his though, but she thought he was going to let it go brutally and glare at her with hatred, tell her she was nothing but a manipulator, that she played with his feelings all along, that she shouldn't be able to look at herself in the mirror. He would be mad at her and she would deserve it. She knew it, and she would accept it. Her whole life was just a lie.
"You have every reason to hate me, Rick. The truth is…my life is a mess. My mother died, Captain Montgomery died…and then I got shot and I almost died myself. I remember you, leaning on me, telling me you loved me like a reason for me to hold on to life, although I was feeling I was dying."
She was speaking so fast, feeling tears in her eyes as she couldn't control it.
"And then I woke up in that hospital. Alive. And since that day, the fear was there. A knot in my guts, that's still here." She said, putting her fist under her chest. "So when you came to me that day…I was completely lost. I just couldn't…I lied, thinking it would be easier for everyone, especially for me. But I realize how wrong it was."
She finally stopped talking, trying to study his reaction. Castle remained silent, as if he needed time to understand what she had just told him.
"Rick?" she said hesitantly.
He seemed lost in tracks. After a moment of silence, he finally sighed.
"I guess…I guess I knew it, in some way. I had doubts," he admitted too as he stared at her right in the eye. She couldn't tell whether he was angry or just disappointed. Her own eyes were full of tears, as she was so ashamed of herself.
"I feel like a crap…I'm so sorry if only you knew. But the more time passed and the more I was telling myself I wouldn't be able to lie to you any longer. But somewhat, I couldn't tell you. I…I just couldn't…" she said, dropping her eyes in shame. But then she felt Castle's fingers touching her chin and lifting it up to make her look at him. He stroked her cheek gently to wipe a tear that had just fallen.
"The most important now is that you're honest now," he said as he played with Kate's hand he was still holding. He intertwined his fingers to hers.
"You don't hate me?" she asked shyly, as she couldn't believe he was taking the news so differently from what she had imagined.
He sighed and replied nothing, dropping his eyes and finally releasing her hand. Kate closed her eyes and felt her heart sink. She had ruined everything.
"Rick, I…"
Then she felt Rick's hands gently but firmly touch her face. Surprised, she opened her eyes to see the writer's lips brushing hers before he kissed her passionately. He had already kissed her before but this time, it was different. She opened her mouth, letting the writer's tongue enter and melt with hers. An electrifying contact that made her feel butterflies in her stomach. She put her hands in his hair, pulling him even closer to her. When Rick stepped back to end the kiss and take his breath, their foreheads were still against each other as their eyes were shut.
"What do you think?" he whispered, his palms still holding detective Beckett's cheeks.
He opened his eyes and met her brilliant look. She nodded and smiled at him. He smiled back at her and then she took the initiative to kiss him again, and again, and again. She had waited for that moment for too long. She brushed his lips, teasing him, and kissed him again. It wasn't the right place or the right time but nothing could stop them. Not even detective Esposito who had secretly captured this moment of intimacy from the living room, a smile on his lips.
Kate's body was feverish; she could have let herself go in his arms, right now in this kitchen.
Suddenly a deafening sound broke the silence that had remained in the manor until now. Hearing that, Rick and Kate finally stepped back from each other, still feeling dizzy.
.
to be continued...