Sorry this update took a while—I've been really busy!
Prompted by Anonymous
Rated: K+
~J.H.
It's not as if Caitlin dislikes Felicity—how could anyone dislike Felicity? Caitlin loves Felicity—who wouldn't?! It's s just that she drives her nuts sometimes. It isn't anything she specifically does, either. Or, maybe it's everything she does. Showing up with Barry at S.T.A.R. labs, trying to take over Caitlin's work space, always working shoulder-to-shoulder with Barry, the gentle smiles she and Barry exchanged…it just drives Caitlin nuts.
Right now, she's pretending to do work on her computer screen, sitting across the room from Felicity and Barry, who are standing just a little too close than should have been comfortable. Behind them, the door opens and Oliver enters. He glances at the pair and scowls a bit (or maybe that's just his neutral face, Caitlin can never be sure with Oliver). He crosses the room toward her without greeting Felicity or Barry.
"You okay?" he asks quietly.
"Oh, I'm great. Why wouldn't I be?" she hadn't meat to be sarcastic but that's how it came out.
Oliver looks at her computer screen and back at her, "Because your computer is sleeping, which means you haven't been on it for five minutes."
Caitlin flushes and moves the mouse so the monitor lights up again.
Oliver sits down next to her, his eyes trained on Barry and Felicity. As they watch, Barry reaches up and brushes a lock of hair out of her face.
Next to her, Oliver makes a sound like a cat being strangled. Caitlin's stomach feels like it's being tied in knots. Barry and Felicity are now putting their heads together, and Barry puts his arm around her and gives her one of those goofy, teasing smiles. Caitlin suddenly has the urge for that smile to be directed at her.
Jealous.
The word echoes in her head, unexpectedly, and Caitlin tries desperately to squash the thought. She is not jealous. She isn't. Why would she be jealous? It wasn't as if she really liked Barry…well, not in that way. Not in the way she loved Ronnie.
Her mother always used to say when you fall in love, it feels like flying—and that's how she felt when she fell in love with Ronnie. She had felt like she was flying every time she looked at him But, since Ronnie died, she's felt nothing more than a dull, every-present ache in the pit of her stomach. And right now, that's all she felt. She didn't feel like she was flying. In fact, the dull ache—the loss of Ronnie—was magnified now more than ever.
She glances at Oliver next to her, who's staring at them with his jaw clenched, looking very much like she felt. He stands suddenly, and leaves the room without a word, slamming the door behind him. Caitlin is a little sad to see him go—at least when he was in the room she wasn't stuck with the two lovebirds…
As she glances back at them, she sees them leaning in close to each other, and she has just enough time to think oh god, no before they kiss.
They kiss.
Barry was kissing someone.
A new wave of pain hit her—different, so different from the dull ache she's felt since she lost Ronnie. This is a stinging, jabbing, throbbing, stabbing pain in her chest, hurting so bad she thinks she might faint.
She does not feel like she's flying. She feels like someone stabbed her in the chest with a rusty knife.
I need to leave she thinks, lightheaded. She stands, and crosses the room as quickly as she can, leaving, wanting—needing—to be away from them. She can't. She can't watch this. She can't.
She finds Oliver in the hallway, leaning against a wall, his head in his hands. He looks up as she walks towards him. "Are you okay?" he asks. She was about to ask the same thing—he looks like he's going to be sick.
She shakes her head no. No, she is not okay, and she doesn't know why. "Are you?" she asks. Oliver shakes his head too. Of course he's not okay. Caitlin sees the way he looks at Felicity, the glances he steals when he thinks no one will notice. She sees his fierce protection over her, and she sees his fear or rejection. "Do you love her?" she asks, searching his face for an answer.
Oliver doesn't even hesitate, "Yes." He looks her straight in the eye, too, which is actually a bit intimidating, but comforting all the same. "Yes, I love her," Caitlin notices that he's not ashamed or afraid when he says it—he's proud. Even though, right at this very moment, she's with someone else…he's still happy that he fell in love with her. "Do you love him?" Oliver asks.
Her immediate reaction is to say no; to deny the fact that she felt anything for Barry Allen, but she doesn't want to lie, not when Oliver was so honest with her. "I….don't know," she says, answering as truthfully as she can, "I…loved someone once, and this doesn't…it doesn't feel the same way."
Oliver's gaze is unwavering as he says, "What happened to him?"
Caitlin gulps, fearing the tears beginning to well up as the painful memories of that night surface. "He died," she says, her voice breaking. He died. Her Ronnie. Dead.
Oliver doesn't say he's sorry for her loss like most people would. Maybe he knows there's no comfort in those words. Instead, he holds her gaze and asks an even harder question, "Is that the reason? Is—is that why you think you're not in love with Barry?"
"I—" is that the reason? Maybe it is. Maybe she's still so, so hurt from Ronnie that she hasn't opened herself up enough. Maybe she could love Barry Allen.
Maybe she does love Barry Allen.
Thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry if I haven't gotten around to your prompt yet, but I promise I will try to answer all of them!
~J.H.