Thank you so much for the reviews and encouragement. I had to end this chapter this way if I wanted to do anymore chapters. You'll see why when you get to the end :)
M began to shake uncontrollably as James continued to keep a tight grip on her
"M…What is it? What happened?" he asked softly as he rested his chin on the top of her head
"My husband" she finally managed to choke out
"What about him?"
James loosened his grip slightly so that he could pull back and look at her
"What about your husband?" he asked again
"He never understood…He never forgave me" she said quietly as she closed her eyes and turned her head away
"Never forgave you for what?"
After a long pause M started to speak.
"When Anton killed Maxwell…he…he didn't just kill him, he made me watch" She said with tears in her eyes. "When David came to see me at the hospital after I had been rescued, he was repulsed by what he saw. I was bandaged from head to toe and for the first few days I was unconscious, I had nightmares and I kept asking for Maxwell, and David put two and two together and got five. He assumed that I was having an affair, and when I finally was able to come home he couldn't stand to look at me. He told me that he would never trust me again and other than the occasional one off when he was drunk, he never touched me again. We stayed together for the children, but after they had left, he moved into the guest room"
James was completely stunned by what he was hearing and moved to sit beside her, pulling her to him as he continued to listen.
"I loved him, but he didn't trust me anymore and there certainly wasn't any love left. In the end we were nothing more than flat mates who happened to share two children" she said sadly as the tears streamed down her cheeks.
James loosened his grip and reached to cup her cheek, forcing her to look at him as he leaned in and gently kissed her
"He was a bloody fool" said James as he pulled back and wiped away her tears before wrapping his arms around her and holding her in a firm and protective embrace.
"I never meant to make you feel like I didn't love you or trust you" he said apologetically
"If my own husband couldn't trust me, couldn't love me, then how could I expect you to?" she said sounding almost defeated
"I trust you…That's WHY I love you" he whispered in her ear
"But you never…I know that I'm an old woman. I'm not young, beautiful or sexy, I'm old and damaged. I don't blame you for not wanting to touch me" she said quietly, avoiding his gaze
"Not wanting to touch you? I just didn't want to pressure you" replied James as he began placing delicate kisses all over her face "I told you before that I would let it be your decision as to when you were comfortable with me touching you, but to be quite honest, It's all I've been able to think about, and as far as damaged goes, you're no more damaged than I am" he said with the most sincere half smile
M reached up and pulled his head down and rested her forehead against his.
"Thank you…for saying that I mean, you didn't have to." She said quietly
James, a bit stunned by her statement released his grip slightly and stood up pulling her with him.
"What are you doing?" she asked sounding confused
"I've changed my mind" he said flatly as he reached down and swept her off her feet
"What do you mean you've changed your mind? Put me down" she demanded
"Nope. I've decided I just don't have the energy to wait for you to make a decision anymore because, we all know that if left up to you, we will still be debating this issue at Christmas time" he said as he started toward the door
"And just where are you taking me" she asked with a hint of panic in her voice
"You're bedroom, at our ages the sofa isn't the most practical location for these sorts of things" he said with a wink
"James…Please…" she pleaded as he marched up the stairs
When they arrived in her bedroom he gently put her down and took her hands in his.
"M" he began "I love you. I have told you this over and over, and after listening to what you had to say, I understand why you are having a hard time believing me" he said as he took a step closer "Give me a chance to prove to you that you are worth being trusted and above all else loved" he said as he leaned down and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply.
M was somewhat startled by his rather bold statement, but she soon found herself responding to the kiss, wrapping her arms around him and burying her head in his shoulder as his lips moved from her lips to her neck.
James had managed to shed his jacket, shirt, tie and shoes as he gently guided her toward her bed, only breaking contact with her long enough to pick her up and lay her back against the pillows before resuming his kisses.
"James…" She said breathlessly "I don't know if I…It's been a long time and I …" she started to say
"Hey…" he said as he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand "It's not a race…we can take it as slow as you want." He said reassuringly
The rest of the evening and well into the wee small hours of the morning James and M spent time getting to know each other, their likes and dislikes and in general exploring each other. James knew that M was exhausted, she had hardly slept in the last seventy two hours so he was very careful not to pressure her, letting her decided how much she could handle and M just enjoyed the physical closeness, occasionally letting out a soft moan and at James' gentle prodding allowing him to love her. To James it wasn't about the sex, he knew that sooner or later M would relax, it was about self-worth and reassurance that she was worthy of being loved, and he was going to make damn sure that she never doubted herself again.
It was nearing 6:00 am when M looked over to see James, with his arms wrapped securely around her and a smile on his face. She had a hard time not laughing as he looked like a small child on Christmas night clutching his most prized toy he had received that morning. James began to stir and opened his eyes to find M staring at him with one of her all too infrequent radiant smiles.
"Good morning" he said leaning over to kiss her forehead
"Hello" she said softly as she snuggled closer
"Sleep well?" he asked as he shifted a bit so that he could cuddle with her
"Yes…what little bit I slept" she said teasingly
"I wasn't too pushy was I?"
"No of course not. You were a perfect gentleman, Thank you for that by the way" she said
"Like I said, it's not a race."
"James" she said, suddenly sounding very serious"
"Yes"
"I know this isn't exactly the time or place for this, but we really need to talk about Jack" she said hesitantly
"What about him" replied James sounding a bit annoyed at the mention of his friend's name
"I just wanted to explain" she started to say
"No need. Jack already explained it to me, in great detail, as he had me pinned on my back on the sidewalk" replied James with a grin
"What?"
"Jack explained the whole situation to me, and I completely understand. You and Jack are a lot alike, and you share a special, professional bond that I can't begin to comprehend. The pressure of your jobs, having to keep agents like me in line, well… It's exhausting to say the least, not to mention the amount of paperwork we create and all. It's no wonder that he fell for you. You understand him, and he understands you" he said almost matter of fact" but then again, you have a way about you that makes it damn near impossible not to fall for you."
M wasn't sure whether to be flattered or angry at James' sudden cavalier attitude
"I see" she said skeptically
"Look, I get it. The first time you kissed him you were angry at me, that was my fault for acting like a spoiled brat, and the second time was more or less a thank you, or an I understand how you feel sort of thing and again I got it wrong and behaved like a child."
"So what changed your mind if I may ask?" she said curiously
"Jack. He pointed put how lucky I am to have you, and he pointed out how much you love me, and how much I love you, AND he said if I didn't at least listen to what he had to say he threatened to snap my neck and run off with "My Girl"
"Your Girl?"
"Yeah…I told him you wouldn't like being called that"
"I should say not"
"Well I have to say it is preferable to his other option" replied James with a mischievous grin
"Oh and what was that?"
"Well let's just say that it's an American term of endearment and leave it at that"
"Oh I see, and what did you decide to call me?"
"Well I had thought about my" Boss", but that sounded to business like, and then I thought about my "Lady Friend", but that just sounds like I have something to hide, and I thought about "Darling"," Hunni" or "Sweetheart", but in the end I decided that there was one that I particularly liked that is nearly perfect if you approve"
"Oh and what was that" she asked as she shifted herself up to look into his eyes
"I was thinking "Wife" has a nice ring to it" he said looking at her, trying to read her expression.
TO BE CONTINUED...