For ForeverMBond, this is about as detailed as I get. So far out of my comfort zone it isn't funny :) and for Rebaforever15, thanks for the encouragement :)
As James made it to the top of the stairs he slowed his pace as he entered the bed room gently place M on the bed, climbing in bedside her. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down lovingly before leaning over her and gently kissing her. As he felt her respond, he began to deepen the kiss as he fumbled with the tie on her dressing gown with trembling hands. M gently reached up to cup his cheek with one hand as she pulled him closer so that he was almost covering her. She could feel him trembling and pulled back to look at him carefully.
"What's wrong?" she asked quietly while trying to conceal the concern in her voice
"Nothing" he said as he began tracing her cheekbone
"You haven't gone off the idea have you?"
"No" he said with a nervous laugh
"Then what is it? A few minutes ago you couldn't wait and now…"
"A few minutes ago you were still deciding and now that you have…I…I…It's just that I've thought about this day for a long time, and now that it's here. It's just that you're the first person that I've ever, really truly loved and even though I've done this before, and let's be honest we both know that I have, it's different with you and I…"
"James" said M quietly as she stroked his cheek "Stop talking"
James did as he was told and let M take the lead as she pulled him down to her in a deep passionate kiss. She could tell that he still was not relaxed by the way he was balancing himself on his elbow using his other arm near her shoulder for leverage. She wrapped one arm around his neck and the other around his waist, attempting to gently pull him closer, but he kept resisting her.
"James" she said breathlessly "For God's sake you won't crush me. Let go and hold me, I'll let you know it it's too much" she said sweetly
James relaxed a bit as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, placing soft kisses along her neck and collar bone, while his hands began to wonder across her body. M let out a soft moan as he began to place soft kisses across the top of each breast before continuing up the other side of her neck and jawbone before finally capturing her lips again.
M could tell when he had finally, completely relaxed by the way he expertly disrobed, first himself and then her and then settled back down to continue where he had left off. She could feel him against her leg, and moved accordingly in the hopes that it would make things easier for him. He was surprised when she arched herself up against him, letting him know in no uncertain terms what she wanted.
James was used to having sex in his business, but that's all it ever was…just part of the business. It was entirely different now. It mattered…she mattered. As he began to enter her he heard her gasp slightly
"Are you alright? Do you want me to stop?"
"If you stop it will be the last thing you do" she panted "Just give me a minute to adjust."
When he was sure she was ready, he continued until he was so close to her that if he had been any closer he would have been behind her, and then he began to move, slowly and gently. As they both began to relax James could feel her fingers digging into his shoulders while she moaned softly. James continued to kiss her, first her lips, then her neck, nipping at her collar bone while his hands explored her body.
"I love you M" he whispered in her ear as he held her close
M's breathing was becoming more erratic as she held on to James, not wanting this to end.
"I love you too James" she managed to say as she gently stroked the back of his head
James held her close until her breathing returned to something closer to normal before he started to roll off of her. M reached out and caught him, holding him in place.
"Not yet" she said softly
"But M…If I don't move, I will most certainly suffocate you or worse crush you" he replied with a smile
"Just stay where you are a little while longer. I'm not made of glass, I won't break" she said looking up into his eyes
James was more than happy to comply with her request, resting his head on her shoulder as he listened to her breath. When he was sure she had fallen asleep he moved off of her and curled up beside her, wrapping his arms securely around her.
M peacefully slept in James' arms for several hours before something jerked her awake, and she sat upright in bed with an almost horrified look on her face.
"M…What is it?" asked James, who was now completely awake
"I….I…" was all she could manage to say as she frantically looked around the room, almost as if she were trying to convince herself she was in her own bedroom
"M?" asked James again as he reached over and turned her head so that she was facing him
"It's alright…I'm alright" she finally said as the fear and panic began to disappear from her voice
James sat the rest of the way up and cradled her in his arms as she silently cried. Though he couldn't see her face, he knew she was crying by the way her body shook each time she took a breath.
"M…whatever it is, you can tell me" he said softly as he rested his head against hers
"I saw him" she said in a tone just barely audible
"You saw who?"
"I saw him, Anton…He just kept coming after me, under the table. I saw his face with that evil smirk as he grabbed my legs. I didn't mean to shoot him, I didn't want to shoot him." She said through her sobs "But he just kept coming"
"M…It's alright. He can't hurt you now. It's not your fault, you didn't have any other choice"
"He…he told me you were dead" she said quietly "He told me that the agent down was you, and I believed him"
James listened intently, careful not to interrupt because he knew that one of the most important things for a victim is to be able to verbalize what and how they feel, and if she wasn't going to let the company shrinks help her then it was up to him.
"I should have known it was a lie. I should have listened to Agents Booth and Connor and gone in the bedroom and locked the door" she said angrily
"M, if you had done that, then the gun would have been in the kitchen, and there is no telling what could have happened" replied James trying to justify her actions for her
"But Jack would have been there before he got through the door and…"
"That's not a given. You have no idea how long you laid their before Jack found you" he said tilting her chin up so he could look her in the eye "This man ruined your life. Not just your career as a field agent, but your personal life as well. You have no reason to feel guilty. If anything you should feel proud that you were able to make him pay for what he did, to you and to Maxwell"
M sat up and pulled away from James, which was a bad sign and James knew it. He had seen her do this before. When things got to personal or people got to close she would bottle up her emotions, and put on her usual, stoic business as usual face. She quietly got out of bed and headed toward the bathroom, closing the door behind her. It wasn't long before James heard the water running and he knew that as far as she was concerned, the matter was now closed.
James got out of bed and dressed and then headed down to the kitchen to finish cleaning up the breakfast dishes. As he was drying the last dish, M appeared in the doorway, dressed in her dark blue suit, white blouse and her trademark black stiletto heels.
"And just where do you think you're off to?" asked James curiously as he flung the dish towel over his shoulder and crossed the room to put his arms around her
"James…Please…You'll muss me" she said sharply
"And I'm going to continue to muss you until you tell me where you're going" he said flatly as he narrowed his eyes
"I'm going to the office for a while. There are some things I need to take care of that did not get handled while I was away" she said as she attempted to pull away
"Well if you can wait a few minutes, I will finish dressing and come with you" he said as he leaned down and kissed her
"That won't be necessary. Why don't you stay here and dream up something wonderful for dinner" she said as she gave him a squeeze and headed toward the door
Just as she was about to open the door, James reached over her head and pushed it shut causing her to turn and glare at him.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded
"You didn't kiss me goodbye" he replied as he leaned down and pulled her into a deep kiss.
He could feel her begin to respond slightly and he knew that he was starting to get to her as she relaxed and returned the kiss
"There, that's better" he said with a smile "And M"
"Yes"
"I just want you to know that whatever is going on, whatever happens, I love you, I have always loved you and I will always love you, and I will be right here waiting for you, Do you hear me?" he said slowly so she would be sure to hear every word
"I love you too James. Be back in a while" she said as she disappeared out the door
TO BE CONTINUED...