AN:

Sorry you guys. I meant to get this up before Christmas, but you can see how well that turned out.

Between extra shifts at work, school starting back up, and my wisdom teeth getting taken out, let's just say I'm calling in my excuses for a few weeks. Add in that my muse has fled to elsewhere, and my mind cannot focus on anything related to Glee for longer than a few minutes and we have a writer's block.

There are a few one shots about other realms that I might post because that's what's in my head right now, but no promises.

Anyway, I am not abandoning you guys; I just don't have the next part of the story yet.

Good luck to ya'll, and I will be on ff pretty regularly, reading, communicating, and trying to figure out my next step so I'll be here if you have questions.

Oh, and I'm going to go through the past chapters and probably update with small changes so if you have me on alert you might be getting a lot of backlash.

Happy Holidays.

Chapter 11:

"I've always been advanced. I was walking two months before I was supposed to and talking about five weeks ahead of schedule. Everything to do with school I've always been excellent at, drama activities came naturally, but it was never enough."

Rachel took a breath, grateful for Brittany's continued soothing up and down finger movements along her arm.

Trying to organize her thoughts on the fly Rachel continued.

"My dad pushed me to be more athletic, and my daddy pushed me to be more cultured, both pushed for me to improve intellectually. I was always striving for perfection, even once I'd figured out that perfection was unattainable, especially in the eyes of my dads. That search for perfection carried over into my everyday life, as you can tell."

Rachel gave the two girls in front of her a rueful smile.

"I've been trying to curb my 'perfection impulse' but it's been hard even after…"

The deep, heavy sigh that came from Rachel would have worried Quinn and Santana more if they had not still been focused on the cuteness that was Rachel Berry when she used air quotes.

Brittany on the other hand, took notice and one arm hugged Rachel closer to her, while continuing the movements of her fingers, knowing that it was soothing both of them.

A few moments of silence passed as Rachel steeled herself for the first big issue in her talk with the trio.

"My dads left the summer before 7th grade. They just started going off on trips, one after the other."

The singer's voice broke on her last word as tears dripped down her cheeks.

"They left a note, detailing the logistics of taking care of myself, such as money and bills. It was short, and not a word was written about where they went or why they left. They come back every once in a while to make sure everything is in order, but they don't stick around for more than a day, ever."

Rachel could see Quinn and Santana crying as quietly as they could, and everyone in a while a wetness on her head alerted the singer to the fall of Brittany's tears. It warmed her a little to know that they cared, but knowing that this was just the beginning of her story Rachel did not hold much hope that they would still be here and sympathetic when she finished.

Oh she hoped they let her finish.

"By the first day of 7th grade I'd gotten pretty good at taking care of myself, and making sure no one knew that my dads weren't around anymore."

Rachel paused for a second, knowing that the Cheerios would probably want to know why she had kept her dads leaving a secret.

"I kept my dad leaving a secret because I did not want to move, or be taken away from my home. And I did not want to be pitied by people, or be an even bigger disappointment to my dads. I figured they had left because I wasn't good enough, and this was their way of telling me to prove myself."

Sobs now wracked all three Cheerios bodies as they thought about how alone and scared twelve year old Rachel must have been, abandoned by her perfection demanding parents.

A sad smile graced Rachel's face as she cleared Brittany's face, before turning back around and doing the same for Santana and Quinn.

"Guys, we just started, if you're gonna continue crying through my entire talk, I'll need flood insurance.

Broken, but heartfelt chuckles erupted from the cheerleaders.

"We'll try not to flood your house estrella. Please continue." Santana said, rubbing her over Rachel's back for a second before sitting back in her seat and allowing the singer to snuggle closer to Brittany.

Rachel nodded.

"Ok."

After a deep breath and a quick check to make sure everyone was still there Rachel started talking again.

"I lived in this house for a year, and nobody noticed the difference. I longed for school, even with the torments that were visited upon me, because it got me out of this lonely cage."

Rachel stated softly, looking at her and Brittany's intertwined hands, nervously playing with their fingers.

"8th grade began and I was working so hard at my drama classes and regular school work, I started to slip up. Someone found out that I did not live the perfect life I portrayed."

A pause as Rachel gathered her thoughts.

"His name was Marcus, although he insisted on being called Mark. He was in every single one of my classes, and followed me around like a lost puppy at first. Once he found out about my situation he crossed into stalker territory. He tried to get me to go out with him a couple of times, but I refused. I did not like him very much, and I did not want to date at that point in my life anyway. He refused to take no for an answer. He quickly escalated from relatively harmless gift giving, to aggressive stalking. He started rumors, and was the creator of most of my original nicknames."

Rachel took a deep breath as memories assaulted her.

"One day he just snapped. I don't know what I did, he hadn't even talked to me that day, but he was waiting when I got back from my dance lessons."

Rachel hands were now being pulled in multiple directions by the singer, with Brittany's trying to calm their flight.

"He beat me, hard enough to fracture bones and leave deep bruises. He paused for a moment as I lay, barely breathing, on the floor. I thought he was going to leave it at that. Instead he raped me. Not a word was said the entire time he was in my house. I only managed whimpers and moans of pain, while he grunted and laughed as he looked at my broken body."

Rachel's voice trembled with fear as she was transported back to that night. She shook her head to clear it and tried to disappear into Brittany as she prepared herself to continue.

"He learned from his mistakes. He never left visible marks again. It continued into the beginning of summer, and when his family moved out of state I was relieved for my small respite."

Anger and sadness continually fought for domination with Santana, Quinn, and Brittany. They could not decide if they wanted to break down into body breaking sobs, or dry their tears and provide some much needed ass kicking to people who did not know what they had lost, or who they had hurt.

But under the sea of swirling emotions was an undercurrent of horror.

How had this happened? Were they really that blind? And how had Rachel dealt with all of this shit by herself?

The Cheerios could not fathom how hard it must have been to experience and talk about these things. It was hard enough to hear about them.

Their hearts shattered on behalf of the shadow girl in front of them. And all three hoped they could help her create a new person, the person she wanted to be.

Rachel looked around, trying to gauge the three girls reactions as the pause she had unintentionally created stretched on. Seeing messes of emotions, but nothing concrete, Rachel tried to look harder, but could only feel the tiniest bit of relief that she could not identify disgust, hatred, or the other negative emotions she had imagined, that was directed at her.

"There's more?" Santana's strangled, voice conveyed her incredulous feelings perfectly.

Rachel nodded.

Quinn shook her head.

"How are you still here? How are you able to get out of bed in the morning?"

Rachel chuckled. A hallow, eerie sound.

"You can't kill someone who is already dead."

A heavy silence feel over the room as Rachel organized her thoughts, moving past Mark, and onto the next topic. The singer's eyes were focused on the fabric of the couch, her eyes tracing nonexistent patterns within the colors and shapes, refusing to look at the trio, afraid to see what they thought about her, and gathering courage to continue.

"Over the summer both the leader of my dance troupe and a barista down at the Lima Bean took an interest in me. I soaked up the attention I received in the form of extra acting practices, and fee coffee with a side of flirting. It was an astonishingly peaceful and wonderful few weeks. The barista had asked me out on a date, and I felt I was growing by leaps and bounds as an actress."

A sigh echoed from Rachel, as the singer contemplated her hands, and her brain replayed the movies of her history.

"I should have known it was too good to be true. I was stood up by my date, and he denied our prior interactions while ignoring me. It hurt, but I realized intellectually that his disinterest was inevitable. Not only were our ages and issue, but I was broken. Why would anyone want something that's broken?"

The trio flinched as Rachel referred to herself as a thing, and added another name to their list of people that needed to die.

Rachel took a breath, now rubbing circles into the palm of Brittany's hand, before moving on from her rhetorical question.

"Anyway, it didn't hurt as much as being passed over for the summer theater project did. I had refused to join my troupe leader at his house for 'extra practice', knowing that it would be a bad idea, even if at the time I believed his motives to be pure."

A harsh laugh was torn from Rachel's throat.

"He cornered me after practice one day. He took what he thought was my virginity and leered down at me as he explained that I wouldn't be part of the play because I hadn't cooperated with him. I was left curled up backstage, crying and bleeding. The last half of summer was spent hiding in this house and ignoring the outside world, wishing that high school would start. I started school with the goal of making a friend. You know how last year turned out."

Here she looked at the three cheerleaders, who nodded although Rachel was not really expecting a response.

"In addition to the general knowledge you possess I will tell you about the few things that are not public knowledge. I came back here the night of the funk number flush with a feeling of belonging, to find my dads arguing in the kitchen. I thought for a moment that they had come to watch us at sectionals, but apparently Jesse had called them, and informed them that I had been in contact with my birth mother. They had come back to confront me about Shelby. I had thought that they were finally proud of me, but they were just angry because I had found the one person they'd made sure would never see me again."

The memories seemed to overwhelm Rachel for a moment, as tears fell from her eyes for the first time during their conversation.

The salty rain had been threatening since the start of their conversation, but Rachel had refused to give in, knowing that if she started crying it would be nearly impossible for her to stop.

Only a few drops fell before the diva angrily dashed them away, pausing the trio in their efforts to comfort her with her next words.

"I want to finish."

Angry but determined, Rachel's voice grew in strength as she continued.

"If I don't get this out I never will, and you deserve to know why I'm so… broken.

The last word was spit out harshly, as if the singer had choked on gravel instead of a word.

Rachel took a deep breath before continuing her story, tears now contained behind the determined glint in her eyes.

"The last time I saw my dads was in Agust, they came back for a night, and were gone the next day. I spent the summer trying to put the pieces of my life back together. Jesse and Finn had decided I wasn't worth the hassle of a relationship, my dads had managed to pen new wounds alongside the old, and Shelby had rejected me."

Quinn's guilt was written on her face, and Rachel quickly moved to comfort her.

"It's not your fault Quinn. You chose the best option for your baby that was available at the time. I certainly do not fault you for doing what you thought was best for your baby. I do fault Shelby for inserting herself into my life so forcefully, then leaving it in much the same way. I understand that a whole person is better than a broken person, but I wish the separation had been more gradual. It would have been nice to have even a small amount of interaction over the summer."

Rachel's fingers now traced the outline of Brittany's hand, as the dancer's other hand continued its soothing journey up and down Rachel's arm, having never stopped throughout the conversation. The singer refused to look up from her contemplation of Brittany's pale hand, nervous about what she would see if she did.

"That's the gist of everything. There are details and stories I'm leaving out, but now that you have the basics it'll be easier for me to talk about my past. That is if you want me to."

Silence stretched out as the four girls thought about what had been said.

Rachel trembled with nervous energy, Brittany was outwardly calm but inwardly conflicted, Quinn was biting her lip and wishing the past could be erased while wanting to show Rachel that she was loved, and Santana was seething, trembling in rage as she controlled her initial impulse to find everyone who had hurt Rachel and making their life hell, before kicking her own ass for contributing to the hell Rachel had gone through.

Quinn was the first to speak, snapping Rachel out of her mini freak out.

"You are amazing baby girl. I don't know how you survived, but I'm glad you did, and all I want to do is prove that you are wonderful and beautiful, and deserve to be loved."

Rachel choked on a sob as the singer's hold on her tears dissolved at Quinn's heartfelt words. As the trio comforted Rachel, faces marked with concern and love, Rachel finally let fo of her barriers. One thought circled around Rachel's thoughts as she cried herself past the point of exhaustion.

These three girls cared about her.

Hopefully she would be deserving of their love.

#RQSB#