AN:
Sorry about the long wait.
I haven't had much time to write and my internet connection has been in and out when I've actually had one. I am also now back at school and working part time, so I'm doing the best I can.
I have no idea when I'll be able to update, so this is under construction indefinitely.
Chapter 13:
With sectionals behind them everyone was in high spirits.
Emboldened by their victory the Glee Club made sure to let Rachel know that they only need her to fulfill the warm body requirement.
At first it did not bother Rachel. She was floating on air, ecstatic that Santana, Quinn, and Brittany had gotten their chance to shine.
But as weeks passed and she was ignored week after week by everyone, including Mr. Shuestuer, Rachel sank slowly back in on herself.
Things got worse when Finn, Mercedes, and Kurt realized the Mr. Shuester would not do anything when they taunted Rachel.
Santana, Quinn, and Brittany tried to enforce a "be nice to Rachel" policy in Glee, but with Mr. Shuestuer covertly approving of the taunting it did no good, the antagonists just tried to do it when the cheerleaders were not there.
The rest of the school was mostly leaving Rachel alone due to the Cheerios, but her own team was making her life hell.
#RQSB#
The trio was at their wits end, and run ragged.
Between keeping the idiots in line and trying to convince Rachel that she was amazingly talented they barely had time for normal stuff like homework. And while they noticed the continual backslide into depression that was happening, nothing they did seemed to help.
Before Christmas break an idea was planted in Rachel's head.
Just a tiny idea that should have been expelled before it even appeared in her head.
Instead it took root and grew with every insult and taunt thrown her way.
No one cared.
No one needed her.
The world would be better off if she wasn't there.
It would be so easy.
And then the three amazing girls that now lived with her could get on with their lives and she would never have to be a disappointment ever again.
The Friday that Christmas break started was the breaking point for Rachel.
The jocks had been extra cruel and the referendum against tormenting Rachel had been forgotten in the giddiness felt by the entire student body, knowing that for the next two weeks they were free.
All throughout the day Rachel's school supplies had been stolen and vandalized, while taunts had been hurled as they popped into the minds of her tormentors. She had also been bumped and tripped in between every class, and had never been more thankful for her contingency plans, as she had been slushied twice throughout the day and if she hadn't had her slushy kit with her, she would have spent the entire day sticky and wet.
After school, Rachel's horrible day came to a head, as she made her way towards the choir room.
Six jocks, lead by Amismo, cornered her in the hallway. A slushy shower, several taunts, and a push that sent her crashing to the floor, the contents of her backpack now everywhere, left Rachel stunned and hurting on a fundamental level. Tears were barely held behind shuttered brown eyes.
It was Amismo's last taunt, delivered as he glared down at her before walking off, that broke Rachel in a way nothing else had.
"Worthless freak. Everyone would be better off if you were dead." He spat, leading the popularity hungry pack of ballers.
Tears dripped down Rachel's cheeks, unnoticed as she slowly got to her knees, and finally to her feet.
Soaked and shaking Rachel slowly made her way directly to her car, not bothering to pick up her fallen possessions, or stop at her locker for the gym clothes that were at least dry.
Walking straight out of William McKinley High School Rachel got in her car and drove home in a trance. That last taunt ringing in her ears, and overtaking her brain as the barest hints of an idea took root in her brain.
Maybe the world would be better off without her.
#RQSB#
Rachel walked through the house she had lived in for as long as she could remember.
Wandering through the downstairs, Rachel gently picked up pictures, and ran her palm over heavier objects. Memories assaulted her at every turn, most making her think that what she was doing was the right thing, with only a few bringing even the hint of a smile to her face.
She moved from the living room to the kitchen, before heading upstairs, good memories starting to outnumber the bad, with most of the good ones featuring Quinn, Brittany, and Santana. Reaching her bedroom, the last of Rachel's doubts disappeared. She knew the world, especially the girls that could never be hers, would be better off without her.
Her dads would never have to be disappointed in her again. The three cheerleaders she loved could move on with their happy lives. Life would go on, and she doubted many would even notice her absence.
Rachel's mind returned to the problem of how exactly she was going to commit…kill herself.
Even her mind treated suicide as a bad word.
But the show would go on, and Rachel knew, that this needed to be done. The world might not need her, but it did need the people she was holding back.
#RQSB#
Rachel lovingly ran her fingers over the bright metal blade that she'd bought that morning.
The first few days of Christmas break had been fun filled decoration extravaganzas and shopping sprees.
Rachel had never felt so happy.
And yet… the idea that the world was better off without her seemed better and better every time she had a spare moment to contemplate it.
So when the trio left to do some cheerleading event and shop for their last remaining presents Rachel fell into a depressive state. Her mind came to the conclusion that her angels would be better off without her around, and this time she found the emotion to go through with it.
Rachel lay in the bathtub, a large knife resting against her jean clad thigh.
Brittany, Santana, and Quinn were supposed to be gone for at least another hour or so, more than enough time to complete her task.
She just hoped her girls would understand that this was for the best.
Brittany skipped into the house on silent feet as Quinn and Santana followed laden with bags. The blonde dancer wanted to surprise Rachel with their early return and maybe snuggle on the couch while watching Beauty and the Beast.
However as soon as Brittany crossed the threshold she felt the wrongness that had permeated the house. She quickly made her way through the downstairs, and not finding Ray she ran up the stairs, jumping over every other step in her rush to find the missing girl.
Quinn and Santana entered the house with their hands full of bags, laughing at the bouncy blonde that had gone in search of Rachel. They dropped their bags in the entry way, the wrongness that Brittany had felt stopping them in their tracks, and Brittany's hurried steps spurred them into action as they followed the usually peaceful dancer upstairs.
They found Brittany sagged against the doorframe of the bathroom and when they looked inside the bathroom Quinn fell to the floor as Santana gripped the doorframe hard enough to leave imprints in the wood and make her hands turn white with the pressure she was exerting. But she managed to stay upright.
Rachel was in the bath tub with knife resting on her leg, eyes staring into the abyss, and not aware of what was going on around her.
Blood already flowed freely from cuts that walked themselves up her bare arm, the last one right before the juncture between her arm and neck.
Rachel looked dead at first, before Santana noticed the up and down movement of her chest, indicating she was still breathing.
Santana knelt by the edge of the bath tub, and rested her hand on Rachel's where it loosely held the knife.
"Estrella look at me please." Santana pleaded, trying, and failing to speak above a hoarse whisper.
Rachel's eyes were filled with tears and the emotions held behind the wall of tears could only be described as stormy.
"I just wanted to make life better San, I couldn't stand the pain anymore, I wanted to set you guys free."
Rachel sounded like a lost little child, and all Santana wanted to do was wrap Rachel in a hug, and never let her go.
And that's what she did, not caring that the sheathed knife was caught between them, or that the blondes behind her were still boneless, watching the two brunettes with tear tracks staining their faces. All Santana cares about is that her Estrella is clinging to her with all the strength in her body.
Santana leans down and whispers in Rachel's ear as she pulls her closer and tightens the hug.
"I love you Rachel. You're safe now. I've got you. We'll work through this, I promise."
##RQSB##