A/N: A few things: 1) I was gonna update earlier but I started watching Ice Hockey World Championship (Finland vs. Norway, we won 5 - 0, go Finland), 2) there won't be another update for a while because I have 6 tests coming up and I'm spending my days crying over my text books, and 3) reminder that I love everyone reviewing/favoriting/following, and if you have any ideas or requests for this fic i'm always open for suggestions! Alright, hope you enjoy this chapter :)

TW FOR THIS CHAPTER: self-harm

-.::.-

The scissors dropped to the bathroom floor with a cling as Nico sank down the wall next to them, curling his shaking hands around his sides. He'd been doing so good. He'd been clean for so long, and then there'd been one nightmare and a kiss and now he was a wreck again. His eyes focused on the small droplets of blood that the scissors left to the floor. It wasn't a new sight, but it had been such a long time since he'd last felt the need to get away for a moment he'd forgotten how ugly it looked. How bad it made him feel. The feeling that Nico relished was when the blade cut through his skin, when the pain drove his thoughts away and he could get lost in nothing. The addicting feeling of numbness, the familiar sting afterward. That was what brought him back, what made the cold steel against his arms seem like a good thing.

But then the pain replaced the numbness, and the thoughts came back, and Nico realized how he could never really escape. And then he was left with bloody hands and a constant reminder of how stupid he was.

He looked down at his shaky hands, moving them to his lap. He'd ripped his stitches. Again. And this time Hazel wasn't there to sew him back together and clean his wounds up. Fucking hell. He'd have to throw the sweater away, too. The stances were too big now to ever be washed out. That was a shame; he'd really liked that sweater. All because of his dumb fucking mind and dumb fucking feelings.

The nightmare was nothing new. He'd had them ever since Bianca had died, and he'd gotten as used to them as he could. They made him wake up, but they didn't make him want to cut his veins open. Which was how he'd felt after he'd woken up, alone, with the feeling of Leo's lips still on his head. How could Nico have been so stupid? His rule, his number one rule when getting a new roommate was don't fucking get a crush on them. It saved time, it saved unnecessary heartbreaks, it saved him the trouble of having to leave because nobody wanted to sleep in the same room with him after they found out. Well, not really. Percy had been civil about it. But then he'd left too, to move in with Annabeth, and honestly Nico had been fine with it. Or at least it had taken him much less time to get over it than he'd expected.

But now Nico was caught up with a problem again. A problem named Leo Valdez. Nico wasn't even sure what he was feeling. Leo made him laugh, made him smile, made him genuinely happy for the first time in who knows how long. He was the opposite of Nico – positive, nice, friendly, enthusiastic. He was everything Nico usually hated in a person, not to mention in a roommate.

And he probably wouldn't like Leo as much if it weren't for that first day when they'd met, when Nico had recognized himself by looking at Leo. Which just made him even more intrigued; what was Leo really like? Was he, like Nico, hiding everything deep inside under the mask? Did his heart also do an extra flip when he locked eyes with Nico? Was he trying, without success, to get up from the dark pit he'd fallen in, too?

Nico looked at his hands again, watching the drops turn to small lines running across his wrists, crossing each other before separating again and falling to the floor. If he wanted to know anything about Leo, he'd have to talk to him. He'd have to figure things out, and he wasn't quite sure he wanted to. Because he wasn't ready for the rejection if Leo had no idea what he was talking about. He wasn't ready to move out, and he definitely wasn't ready to forget the feeling of Leo's lips against his skin. It wasn't like ripping a plaster off – it was like slowly peeling your skin away. No, he'd wait it out. He'd see what happened, and then if it got too bad, he'd leave.

His mind set, Nico slowly pushed himself up from the floor and took his sweater off. A few more red drops fell off as he stuffed the thing to his bag, pulling his long sleeved shirt out after. There was really nothing he could do about the wounds now, except maybe wash them. So he exited the stall and splashed some water first on his face and then his hands. The water turned pink before washing away to the sink. Nico pulled the shirt on, collected the scissors and stuffed them to his bag too.

This was usually the point where he wondered if the few seconds of bliss were worth all this effort.

(They were.)

Leaving the bathroom, Nico walked down the hallway to their room that he'd bolted out of as soon as possible after waking up. The numbers 214 were glaring at him when he turned the handle, slipping inside and dropping his bag on the spot next to his bed. He didn't notice Leo before the other boy spoke from Nico's behind.

"Hey, Nico?"

Nico turned around, coming face to face with Leo. He tried not to notice how close they were standing. "Yeah?"

"Just, uh... Could we talk? I mean... I need to talk to you," Leo stuttered and Nico felt his body freeze. He can't know. There is no way he knows. He sat down, trying to act normal. It was like his brain had decided to efficiently shut down completely, and forming a sentence became the hardest thing he could imagine. "Um. Sure, we can talk. What do you, uh, have in mind?"

Leo bit his lower lip, and fucking hell wasn't that just adorable? Nico mentally slapped himself. Do not go there now.

"Just, you know. I feel like we need to clear the air, before things get... weird, or whatever."

Nico's heart was on a roller coaster, speeding up so fast he was sure it was gonna burst. He blinked rapidly. How do normal people act? "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Just..." Leo sighed, sitting down as well. "Piper said that communication is important but I'm so bad at this it's incredible. Right, um... Honesty hour, alright? So, firstly, I like you Nico. Like, a lot. And you're probably one of my best friends, even though we've known each other for, like, three months. And if we're gonna have a deep conversation about stuff, I should probably start with the fact that I killed my mom."

-.::.-