CHAPTER 6 – The Bathhouse
Across the village, Astrid's home was under siege. It seemed like every woman in the whole town had come to help prepare the bride! It was an absolute madhouse. The chatter was deafening, never mind the chaos. Stormfly had long since flown off to go hunting, not wanting to bear the noise. People were running all about gathering soap, towels, herbs, brushes, and hairpins. Mrs. Hofferson was ecstatic and beamed from ear to ear. She had finally completed Astrid's dress the night before, and hoped to Odin that it fit the girl. Astrid could not try it on until after the purification ceremony.
Speaking of the bride… "Where in Thor's name is my daughter?!" exclaimed Mrs. Hofferson. The women around her shrugged, and continued with their work. "Ruffnut! Go find her will yeh?" The twin nodded and abandoned her task. That task happened to be burning Astrid's clothes. Now that she was to be a wife, her maiden clothing was not fitting anymore. They had to be destroyed.
Ruffnut jogged around the outside of the house. She ran down to the docks. She checked the dragon stables. She even flew up to Gothi's on her and her brother's Zippleback. Finally, she decided to search the forest, and sure enough, there was the bride.
"Astriiiiiiiiiiid!" Ruffnut groaned, "I've been looking for you forever!" The sweaty blonde-haired beauty spun about in surprise. She had been so concentrated on her activity; she had not heard the other girl approach. Astrid was covered head to foot in dirt and leaves and stood there panting. She had clearly been throwing her axe at innocent trees for the past hour or so. "EEUURGGGGHHH, good thing you're getting a bath, because you stink!" croaked Ruffnut, pinching her nose.
Astrid rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah," she said. "Come on, we've gotta go, they need you now," said Ruffnut, walking away. "'Kay. Guess I'm coming," said Astrid quietly. She wiped her brow, and observed the dust that came off on her arm. When Astrid caught up, Ruffnut inquired, "So… what were you doing back there?"
"Practicing with my axe," Astrid replied.
"No, I know that," said Ruffnut, "I wanna know why you're so dirty."
"I rolled on the ground a few times I guess," Astrid answered.
"Yeah, but you do that all the time. And you've never been this dirty."
"What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know," said Ruffnut, wiggling her eyebrows.
Astrid sighed. "I just had to get out some…energy. I was really high-strung this morning. It's been mayhem at my house all morning, and I needed some alone time."
"Aha," murmured Ruffnut. She gave Astrid a pointed glance. "That's what I was waiting for."
Astrid smiled. "You're nuts, Ruffnut."
The girl grinned. "I know."
They reached the house. Ruffnut opened the door. "Astrid! Thank the gods, I was so worried!" shrieked Mrs. Hofferson, pushing Ruffnut out of the way, "You do realize it's your wedding day, young lady!"
"Yes, mother," Astrid mumbled.
"And you're filthy! What in Odin's name were you—argh, never mind! We have to get you down to the bathhouse! Come on, they're all waiting for you down there!" Mrs. Hofferson grabbed Astrid by the forearm and made full steam ahead down the hill.
"What do you mean, 'all of them'?" the bride exclaimed.
"As is tradition, you will be counseled by the wives of the tribe about marriage, while they perform the necessary procedure of purification and removal of symbolic maidenhood," explained her mother.
Astrid raised her eyebrows. "And what does this procedure entail?"
"Basically they're just gonna scrub you down while they bombard you with the gory details of childbirth," Ruffnut snickered. Astrid groaned. Mrs. Hofferson laughed. "And the worst part? I can't come in cause I'm not married," Ruffnut continued, pouting, "so I won't get to watch you squirm."
"Well, I suppose that's comforting," muttered Astrid, twisting her arm out of her mother's grip. "But, really, does every married woman in the village have to come and see me naked? It'll be kind of awkward." Mrs. Hofferson laughed sympathetically. "Sorry honey," she said, "Can't change tradition."
When they finally reached the bathhouse, they were confronted by a crowd of babbling women. They practically swept Astrid off her feet as they brought her into the steamy building. They did not give her a chance to blink, before they stripped her muddy clothes off and dumped her into a tub of hot (almost boiling!) water.
"Now lassie," said one older woman as she unbraided Astrid's hair, "the first thing you need to know is to do your part." "You don't want 'im thinking you'll do whatever 'e says," said another, "So do it before 'e gets the chance to ask yeh to."
The other women chimed in. "Second thing, don't try to change 'im, it'll never work."
"When you fight, listen to his side, then tell 'im your side, and see 'ow it goes."
"And if you 'ave to, agree t' disagree."
"Give 'im space. You're not the center of his life. 'E's the chief after all, and 'is duty's to the people."
"When yeh get bored, try t' rekindle the flame with a lot 'o touchin'."
"When yer with child, yeh may experience some bad moods."
"And in the bed, try t' please 'im, don't be selfish."
"Did your mother tell you—?"
"Nevermind, what's really important is your cooking. Food's all men care about—"
Astrid tried to block it all out, but failed miserably. Luckily, whenever the women washing her hair required her to duck, there was a blessed peace and quiet underneath the surface of the water. The young bride's body was being scrubbed, scoured, polished, and advised all at once. In piping hot water too! It was a little nerve-wracking.
Once she had been deemed "clean enough" for the women's taste, Astrid was assisted out of the tub. After she had been roughly toweled dry, they led her to another tub. This one was filled with cold water. The alluring smell of perfumed oils and herbs wafted from the liquid.
"Get in, dearie," said a middle-aged woman with dark hair.
Astrid heaved herself into the tub. She plunged into the brain-numbing, bone-rattling, frigid waters. Paralyzed, she allowed the women to massage her scalp with a sweet-scented concoction. "You alright, sweetheart?" asked a familiar voice. "M-m-mum!" Astrid stammered, her teeth chattering. "Don't worry; you won't have to stay in this one long. In fact, I think you're done right about now!" Two beefy female Vikings hoisted her out of the tub. She was immediately surrounded by ladies with soft, warm towels. Shivering, Astrid accepted them gratefully. "Is it over yet?" she asked her mother, who stood by with a bowl of lotion. "Almost," she replied.
The young bride was then led to another part of the bathhouse, where the women removed her towels, and set to work softening her body. Astrid did not even get the chance to be embarrassed. They sat her down on a wooden, towel-covered bench, and began rubbing her all over with a thick lotion. They worked it into every pore; until she was so smooth, she glistened. Two other womenfolk took rough stones to her feet and ground off the calluses. Another female towel-dried her hair and brushed it. Her mother cleaned and trimmed Astrid's nails, and plucked her eyebrows. After poking and prodding the poor bride for over thirty minutes, the women were finally satisfied.
"She's finished!" declared her mother joyfully.
"She's beautiful," whispered a woman from amongst the crowd. It was Valka.
Astrid stood and allowed herself to be covered with a bathrobe. They led her to yet another room in the bathhouse. Someone brought out her wedding dress. "Whoa," said Astrid, "I've never seen anything so fine, never mind worn it!" She began to feel a bit giddy, as she admired the dress. "Mom, how did you do it?" the bride exclaimed, grinning from ear, stroking the fabric. "I had a little help," Mrs. Hofferson replied, smiling. "It's incredible," Astrid breathed. "Try it on!" her mother responded.
The elegant gown was fashioned from rare, silvery, white silk. Its sleeves were long and flowing, and hung delicately off the shoulder, exposing the collarbone. A pale blue sash was draped low around the waist. The bodice and corset area was magnificently embroidered with gold thread. The skirt trailed all the way to the floor, completely covering the bride's bare feet.
"How do you feel?" her mother asked. Astrid turned around. Someone had brought out a large mirror. She gazed at herself in awe. She bit her lip, and tucked her loose hair behind her ears. She blinked her large blue eyes. She was glowing. "I…" she began. "I feel like a bride." The women around exploded with shouts of joy and some general hooting and hollering. Astrid grinned, and laughed, happy tears threatening to spill from her eyeballs.
Meanwhile…
Back in the "Tub Room", Hiccup, Toothless, and his comrades had arrived. The married men, at least, let the chief undress himself and remove his prosthetic leg. However, from there on, his control of the situation vanished. He was picked up and plopped in the hot water, where Gobber grabbed a bar of soap and set to work on the boy's neck and shoulders. Spitelout took his head, and the other men took the leftover limbs. As he was being pulled every which way, Hiccup underwent the same treatment as Astrid. The men badgered him with advice and disgusting tips, all the while scrubbing him raw. Finally, when that was over, he was dumped unceremoniously into the cold-water tub. After letting him soak in there a few minutes, he was removed, and handed a towel and his prosthetic leg. Toothless provided his head to lean on, as Hiccup strapped the metal contraption back onto his shin.
Gobber directed him to the "Lotion Room", and everyone left. "Well that was quick," Hiccup remarked aloud. With only Toothless for company, he combed his hair, and applied a little lotion to his elbows, knees, and face. Then he put on his ceremonial groom outfit, which had been left neatly folded on the wooden bench. With nothing to do, he walked back to his house, and gathered the ring and sword from his room.
Toothless watched him. He nudged Hiccup urgently. "What is it, bud?" Hiccup asked, patting the Nightfury's scaly snout. Toothless used his head to push the boy to the window. Valka was approaching, having just left the bathhouse. In a moment, the front door banged open, and she called up the stairs, "Hiccup! It's time!" The groom jumped.
"Do you hear that buddy? It's time! I-I-I can't believe it's time," Hiccup stammered, "it's finally now! O-Oh Thor! I'm marrying Astrid! Odin!" He let out a very unmanly giggle. Toothless snorted, shaking his head. Hiccup laughed outright, and affectionately cuffed him on the head. "Alright bud, let's go," he said, grinning madly.
Meanwhile…
Astrid had butterflies. Very, very serious butterflies. "Mom, I'm shaking," she moaned, readjusting her skirt for the eighth time. "Honey, you'll be fine," Mrs. Hofferson replied, chuckling. She place her hands gently on the bride's shoulders. She kissed her cheek sweetly. The mother gazed at her daughter for moment. Then she started. "Oh! Wait! One more thing, I almost forgot!" Mrs. Hofferson bustled out of the room, which had long since been emptied of village wives. She returned carrying a small chest. She opened it with anticipation. "Ah," she sighed, smiling, "here it is." She lifted a lovely tiara out of the chest. It was made of gold, delicately woven to look like a crown of flowers.
"My mother gave it to me for my wedding," she said, placing the crown on Astrid's golden locks and pinning it securely, "and now I give it to you for yours. When you have a daughter, it will be hers." Deeply grateful and humbled, Astrid smiled. She hugged her mother tightly. "Thank you," she whispered into the older woman's ear. "Alright," said Mrs. Hofferson, "Let's go; we have a wedding to get to!"