Tobias comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later. Small beads of water clutch desperately to the end of his dark locks, and his pajama pants hang carelessly around his waist. His lips pull into a small grin at the sight of me, and my heart wrenches, knowing that I have to leave him. Water clouds my eyes against my will, and I quickly look away. Tobias's lips quickly turn down and he walks toward me cautiously.
"What's wrong?" He asks softly, as he sits down on the bed next to me, causing the mattress to squeak underneath his weight.
I don't want to lie to him, but I can't tell him the truth. He'd gladly die for me, and I can't let him. I just can't. I clutch my duvet cover, and grit my teeth. I'll tell him a version of the truth. I think.
"I don't feel good." I say, my voice cracking. It's true, I don't feel good. I don't feel good about our government, about Jeanine's threats to kill Tobias and my family, and about having to leave him.
"Come m'ere." He murmurs. He pulls my head against his chest, and nuzzles his face into my hair. He releases a deep sigh that sends shivers down my spine. "Let's go to sleep. It was a long day."
I nod. Tobias turns slightly, and pulls down the covers. I get underneath them and snuggle up against my pillow. My stomach turns like I might be sick, and I pull the covers up to my shoulders. Tobias unplugs the string of Christmas lights around my bed, making the room go pitch black. He snuggles underneath the covers with me, and wraps his arms around me in a protective manner.
"I love you." I say.
Even though there is no light, I know he is smiling. "I love you too."
Once Tobias's breathing has slowed, and his grip around me has loosened, I slowly untangle myself from his limbs. I try to get out from underneath the covers, without them moving too much. I am successful. Once I am out of bed, I grab the neatly folded pile of clothes I laid out for "tomorrow" and slip into them silently.
I walk to the door of my room, and look back one last time at Tobias. He lays contently, with that familiar smile playing on his lips. Suddenly, I am overwhelmed with guilt, and I can't look at him anymore. I don't want to leave him. I love him, and he is the only thing I'm living for. But Jeanine's threats to kill him, along with my family, have left me with no other option. I know I couldn't live without him, but he'll be able to live without me.
I exit the room quietly, and pull the door to my bedroom shut. Water clouds my eyes, and for once, I let myself cry. Because of you, Tobias and your family will live long lives. My conscience tells me. No citizen in Chicago will be experimented on by Jeanine. There will be no simulations. Tear after tear falls down from my eyes, and I bite my lip to keep from sobbing. The moonlight shines through the only window in the hallway, and creates enough light for me to rush down the staircase. I have to get out of here, now. Or else I won't be able to. Once I get down into the kitchen, and am about to leave, a lonely pair of kitchen scissors grab my attention. How can I look the same, when everything is different?
Without thinking, I grab the scissors, and begin to cut my hair using my chin as a guideline. Blond strands of hair fall around me in a semi circle. It will probably look pretty bad, considering I can barely see my hand in front of my face. But I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore.
I use the back of my hand to wipe away the remaining wetness from my cheeks. I slowly lower the scissors down on the counter, so they won't make noise, and leave my house for the last time, not bothering to clean up my hair; the last piece Tobias will ever have of me.
As I exit my house, I don't look back. I can't look back. A splitting pain is in my chest where my heart should be, and I feel like I am being suffocated. The cold night air stings my damp cheeks, and turns the tip of my nose rosy. Even though I have not looked in a mirror, I know I look terrible. My eyes are probably red and swollen, and my bed hair looked bad enough when it was long. I release a breath, and it is so cold I can see it in the air. I break out into a sprint, and head toward the train station that is just five minutes from here. I should be able to get to the Erudite Center of Experimental Sciences by 1:30, if I run quickly.
You have so much to live for, Tris. Tobias's voice echoes in my head. I run faster. Maybe the burning pain in my legs will take away the burning pain in my heart.
I am almost the only one at the train station, except for an unkept man who is leaning against a pole. A duffel bag rests at his feet, and a small blanket is wrapped around his shoulders.
"What are you doing out here so late, little girl?" he asks, looking me up and down hungrily.
Bile rises in my throat at the thought of waiting for another train here, with this man. I don't answer his question.
He walks toward me slowly. "Not very talkative, are we?"
I look to my left, the train tracks are empty, and no lights shine in the distance. It will be at least 15 minutes. A train is just leaving the station, but the doors are closed. And it's moving. As the train leaves, I see a ledge on the back of it. Then I get an idea.
The man inches closer to me, and reaches to grasp my arm. Before he can, I leap onto the tracks and start to chase the moving train. It clicks over the railroad, and I run faster. I actually make it to the backside of the train, grab the metal bar, and pull myself onto the small ledge. I release a breath. I just jumped onto a moving train.
I look back to the station. The man stands there, frozen, a look of awe on his face. The sight makes me want to laugh, and I would, if I were not headed for my death right now. The wind whips my hair into my face as the train soars down the track, and for what is probably the last time ever, I feel alive.
Once the train gets close to Erudite, I leap off the back end, and land abruptly onto the tracks. I have to run a few steps to keep myself from falling on my face, but overall, I am pretty successful.
The Erudite building glimmers in the distance and I begin my half a mile walk to its front doors. While I am walking, I try to think about how many people I'm helping, but my mind always goes back to Tobias, and how heartbroken he'll be. His father was abusive, and now the only person who he loves, has left him. I shake my head. He can find another girl in an instant.
"There will never be another like you." Tobias's voice rings through my mind, and I bite my lip to keep from sobbing. Pull it together. He's wrong. There will be plenty of other girls for him, prettier, nicer ones. And over time, he'll forget about me.
I reach the front doors of Erudite, faster than I wanted to, and upon taking a deep breath, enter through its automatic doors. I am greeted by a large portrait of Jeanine on the back wall, and underneath it a woman clad in blue, typing away at a computer.
"Excuse me." I say. My voice echoes throughout the room.
"Just a moment." The woman in blue says, as her fingers jam into the keyboard.
I walk up to her desk and slam my hand down on its hard surface. "No."
She stops typing immediately and looks at me. That got her attention.
"My name is Beatrice Prior." I lift my hand from the desk. "Jeanine Matthews wants to see me."
The woman pushes her spectacles farther up the small bridge of her nose. "Divergent." she says, her eyes widening in fascination as she looks at me as if I were a rare animal species.
She pushes a button on her desk. "Divergent." she says again, into a small speaker on her desk.
Two men burst out from a door, wearing black and blue. What?
They walk over to me, and grab hold of both of my arms. I thrash against them, and try to get out of their grasp. They are too strong.
"Let me go," I growl. "I will walk with you on my own. I came here, didn't I?"
Another man emerges from behind the same door, and starts to pat me down as the other two men hold me tighter.
"Like we trust you." One of them laughs.
The men escort me through the door from which they came, and take me down several long
hallways. Finally, we arrive in front of a small door. The men open the door and shove me in.
I turn around to face them, a scowl plastered on my face.
"Testing begins tomorrow." The door is slammed in my face.
The room is small, and contains nothing but a small cot and a security camera. I stare into the camera lens, and wonder who, if anyone, is watching me.
I then make my way over to the cot, and cry myself to sleep. I miss him already, and this has just begun.