Our Version of Events: Perrie
How could this moment get any better? The view of the Thames River on the dock was simply beautiful. Sweet music danced over our heads. And there I was, hand in hand with the love of my life. Zayn. At that moment, I could swear that it was perfect.
The sunset hit the river, casting its rays against the water. Sunsets were rare in London being that it was typically rainy and cloudy most of the time. Like little happy moments in life when you don't have a single care in the world, sunsets are precious and meant to be shared with the ones you love.
Zayn disrupted the peace. "Perrie, can I ask you something?"
I was surprised. "Yes?" We stopped on the edge of the wharf and leaned our elbows against the railing.
"What if we didn't meet on the X-Factor?" he asked.
I looked down at the rushing water beneath us. Our distorted image reflected on the waters. The future of us is just as shaky as the image. Any outside factor could have changed it. Everything still can. What would've happened if we didn't meet? I bit my lip. I hated whenever I think about 'what if'. But I already knew the answer.
"I guess I will never have met you. Sadly I think I would have gone on and had a normal life, a normal job. So typically normal, but if we didn't meet we wouldn't have to go through so many goodbyes." A miniature tear fell down my cheek and into the crystal clear waters, destroying our reflection temporarily.
Goodbyes were the worst. I remember when he officially left for the North America part of the tour. The airplane terminal was filled with so many bustling people, in a hurry to get to their flights. But it seemed like it was only us in there. Everyone else seemed to fade into the background. I refused to talk to him on the ride there. He held both of his hands in mine, his enclosing mine almost completely. Everyone else didn't care. It was like it was only me and him in the terminal.
"Perrie," he said and he lifted my chin so I could see into his face. "I'm already there, where ever you are. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." I instantly broke down into tears and buried my face into his. I couldn't deal with this anymore. But whenever we have to say goodbye I always break down in tears.
I could barely choke out a few words. "I love you, Zayn."
"I love you too." He answered back. Then he noticed the time, his flight was ready to depart.
"I got to go, love. See you in your dreams." He whispered and Sara had to hold be me back as he departed away.
I cried non-stop that night. That was only a few months ago. I tried to distract myself with caring for Hatchi and work but my thoughts always drifted to him. No matter what I did, I could feel him wherever I went…even when he was miles away.
"What if we didn't have to go through anymore goodbyes?" he asked, bringing me back to the present.
I was surprised," What do you mean?"
His eyes sparkled in the light. He turned to face me and held both of my hands in front of me. "I hate waking up every day not knowing if you're ok or not. I've heard of stories about people who kept searching all of their lives for their true love. But I guess I'm lucky 'cause I already found mine." He smiled at my confusion.
Then he knelt on the dock, his eyes never losing contact. My heart raced and I could feel my face blush. Was he really-? He reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Its diamonds shone as bright as a lighthouse on a stormy night. I covered my mouth before I could squeal in delight. I was so surprised that I nearly started to hyperventilate.
"Perrie Louise Edwards, I absolutely love you. I would do anything to protect you and I can't stand not being able to be by your side every day. I don't want to say anymore goodbyes to you. Will you marry me?"
'Will you marry me?' Four simple words, those words would change my life forever. I was caught way off guard. But I knew what my answer was, and never regretted it since.
"Yes." I exclaimed and started crying. I couldn't believe it. He wanted to show the world that we would never be unfaithful to each other. He wanted to show the paparazzi up that we weren't too young. It wasn't just a puppy love, it was ours. He wanted it all. And I wanted the same.
Through my tears, I saw that his face was flooded with relief. He carefully slipped the ring onto my finger and kissed me. I couldn't stop shaking. I still couldn't believe what was going on.
"I love you." Zayn promised. "Forever and always, I'll be with you."
Hand in hand, we started making our way back home. In the corner of my eye, I could see the elderly couple on the other side of the dock just shaking their heads. I could faintly hear their words.
"Just another young couple thinking that they could conquer the world," The wife murmured to her husband. "Remember when we were like that?"
He smiled," We still are like that…just you and me against the world." They both laughed and kissed. I smiled, hopefully we would be able to grow old together like them.
A few days later, we knew we had to tell management. I didn't want to but you have to tell your boss if you got engaged. And if your finance was idolized by millions of fan-girls everywhere, it's also essential that you tell them immediately.
The atmosphere of Modest Management's office was daunting and artificial. If you made a mistake, it would be remembered by Ms. David, our publicity manager. The employees seemed to be too timid to even do their jobs. Zayn and I were sitting on one of their waiting chairs outside her office like little children getting caught for fighting. I squirmed in my seat. I didn't want to know what would happen to us. They could make us do is postpone the engagement and make me not wear the ring in public. Or they could….I quickly shook my head. I didn't want to think of the worst.
"Zayn and Perrie?" an intern called from down the hall. "She's ready for you now."
Zayn and I exchanged anxious looks. Whatever happened next couldn't break us apart. Nothing ever will again. Ms. David's office wasn't any more relaxed than outside. There weren't any decorations of any kind, no cheap desk toys, no posters, and no pictures of family. Everything was exactly the way she wanted it to be -perfect.
"Hello Zayn, Perrie." She said from her seat at the desk. "You can go sit there." She gestured to the two chairs arranged directly in front of her stern glare. We both moved like helpless puppets, controlled by unseen hands, to those chairs. I brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. Zayn's hands were shaking. They always did whenever he got nervous.
"So," she said," What are you to here for? Normally I don't have any problems with you two." She opened her laptop and started typing away like she had better things to do than the actual people she served.
As much as I hated how blunt Katie was, she did have a point. No one really gave us problems that management had to deal with. Well, except for the creepy Zayn girls who thought that they would have his children. We weren't as scrutinized by the paparazzi like Harry or Niall. Zayn is naturally quiet so no one seemed to notice.
"Yeah, Perrie and I had something to tell you." Zayn started," I proposed a few days ago." I smiled, as if my new ring wasn't obvious enough. I inhaled deeply, holding my breath. She abruptly stopped typing and looked over her laptop.
"What?" she asked in confusion, her eyes glowing from the LCD lights from her computer.
I took a deep breath. "Zayn proposed to me and I said yes."
She turned to us "OH. Congratulations you two. Margaret! I need another cup of coffee."
The abused intern poked her head in. "Right away, Ms. David."
Both Zayn and I exchanged weird looks. Was she really not care that we were now engaged?
"Come again?" Zayn asked.
She rolled her eyes. " What did you two expect? Me to get all pissed at you two for taking the next step? I hate that you guys think that I'm the bad guy. Would you want some champagne or some cake to celebrate?" That last bit was pure sarcasm, yet another reason why I didn't like her.
"I'm sorry," I said," So you don't really care about it?"
She smiled, which was faker than the plastic flowers outside. "You two know by now how your relationships affect your fans. I trust that you will be able to handle it. I'll have to pull a few strings with our publicity team and the tabloids to make sure the ring doesn't get spotted until the time is ripe." Margaret walked in with a steaming cup of coffee and quickly handed it to Katie. She took a sip and immediately spit it out.
"This tastes like piss. What did you put in it? Get me a new one!" She yelled.
"I'm so terribly sorry." Margaret apologized and retreated out of the office.
She glanced back at us, "Well, I don't think that you have anything else you need to tell me. Unless you also want me to plan the wedding, which will be very unlikely."
I clutched at Zayn's arm as we got up. "Thanks for everything, Katie." I said as we awkwardly backed out of the door. I was so relieved that she was alright with the engagement. Hopefully everything else would be less nerve-racking than that.
It was the early morning when I woke up. The light streamed through the blinds and decorated the room with its rays. My eyes refused to open but I managed to get up. My view blurred as I looked around. I was pinned down by Zayn's arm, nearly suffocating in the sheets.
"Zayn." I groggily mumbled under my breath. I glanced at the time, it was 9:23.
"Shit! " I exclaimed.
Sara was going to pick me up at 9:45 so the girls and I would go to V-Fest. I jumped out of bed and started dressing. I was frantically adding a bit of make-up when Zayn opened one eye.
"Perrie?" he asked. "What are you doing up?"
I closed my mascara and said," Sara's picking me up in a few minutes and I just have to be ready…"
"Oh fuck, it's V-Fest." He rubbed his eyes. "You know I'm not going 'cause well…you know. I have to do…stuff." He sleepily gurgled. Yeah, a day filled with sleeping.
I rolled my eyes. "I'll be fine. Love you." I heard a car honk as I rushed over to kiss him. "I gotta run." He shook his head and closed his eyes for another trip down dreamland.
The car honked again. My blood pounded in my chest as I started running as fast as I could. I nearly tripped over Hatchi as I ran over and out the door. In one motion, the door flew open. The crisp morning air hit me directly in the face as a waking call. I hopped into the van with Sara and Jade, Jesy and Leigh-Anne.
"Morning, sunshine!" Jade exclaimed as I entered the car.
Sara poked her head from the front. "Hello, Perrie." Then she turned to the driver. "That's all of them we're picking up." The car engine roared and we were on our way.
"Hey guys." I yawned, instantly covering my mouth with my hand. Jade's mouth dropped in surprise. Her eyes bulged out like they were so surprised they just wanted to leap out of their sockets. I looked down at the glimmering diamonds on my left hand. Oh good Lord.
"Is that…" Jesy started.
I smiled," It's going to take a while to explain."
She clapped her hands in excitement. "Oh my goodness is that really?"
Leigh-Anne removed her earbuds," What's all this commotion-"She stopped when she saw my ring. "Oh my God, is that what I think it is?"
"It's my engagement ring."
She let out an over-excited squeal and wrapped her arms around me. I couldn't breathe until she let me go. "I can't believe it! I mean, I'm so happy for you two! Oh my goodness gracious when did he propose?"
"He asked last weekend during a walk that we took. It was just…amazing." I couldn't stop smiling as I told them.
"Hey, what's this fuss all about?" Sara asked from her seat in the front.
Jade explained," Perrie just told us that she and Zayn are getting married!"
"Well, not immediately. There's no rush…" I interjected. I didn't even think of the wedding yet.
"Oh yeah, Ms. David told me about it yesterday." She said monotonously.
Jesy gasped. "Why didn't you tell us in the car?"
"Well I thought that it would be more appropriate for Perrie to say it herself. And I didn't want to spoil the surprise." She defended herself.
Jade playfully stuck out her tongue at her. Leigh-Anne rolled her eyes and tuned us out again with her music while the rest of us talked about what V-Fest would be like.
They say that when animals are faced with a predator that they could both run and wait for it to be over, or to stand up and fight. As bright flashes of light surrounded me, I knew that I couldn't hide any longer. It was hard enough trying to stay out of the tabloids cameras, but to conceal my ring at the premiere would be impossible.
The publicity team worked with Zayn and me about when we should reveal that we were engaged. And with the premiere coming up, they thought it would be a good idea to do so. Zayn agreed immediately, he didn't want to put it off any longer. But I was nervous to see so many fans be disappointed that Zayn was no longer available. They did so much for them and I didn't want to see their faces crushed that their dream of having Zayn's children would cease to exist.
Last night, I couldn't sleep at all. I couldn't. I was too anxious happen and kept pacing the room like a trapped lion. "Perrie." Zayn called from the bed.
I sighed. "I know I shouldn't be worrying about this. I mean, I can only imagine what you might be going through. I just can't." I plopped down on the bed, my face landing in the pillows.
"Perrie, it's alright darlin'." He whispered. "Everything will be fine. The publicity team will take care of the tabloids and all we have to do is be there and enjoy it."
A small tear managed to escape my right eye. He embraced me and I slowly started crying. "I'm so sorry, Zayn." I murmured into his pajamas. "I just can't deal with all the stress at the moment."
He gently brushed a lock of hair away from my eyes. "You can't deal with all of it yourself. Just lay your problems on me. I'm right here for you."
Now I wanted him more than ever. I had to arrive with Jade and Leigh-Anne in our own little car. Everything had to go as management said it would or our 'announcement' would be compromised.
As we stepped out onto the red carpet I shook my head. I couldn't believe it. Screams of fans seemed to surround us while flashes from cameras appeared to pop out of nowhere. Teams of news reporters attached to celebrities, bombarding them with annoying questions about the boys and how they thought the movie would go. It was utter chaos. Obviously management had it 'all under control'. I shook my head and smiled to myself. Katie probably was on her last nerve trying to orchestrate the whole event to her will, only to have it be controlled by the press.
I looked to the other girls. Everyone but Jesy came along with me because she had a family emergency. Usually she was the rock that we could all depend on and without her here, I felt a bit lost. "It'll be alright, Perrie." Leigh-Anne assured me as we saw our first reporter coming to us.
Jade smiled. "Yeah, we got your back."
I nervously shook my head and anxiously twisted my ring. Where was Zay5 n? His car was supposed to be only a few minutes after ours.
"Hi girls," a peppy interviewer said, startling me.
We all smiled, or at least I looked like I was happy to see her. "Hi."
"If you don't mind I have a few questions to ask." She started and then threw questions at us like there was no tomorrow. Flashes were everywhere and the crowd seemed to close in as she rambled on. I could only do my best to answer them. But in my head could only think of him.
"So Perrie, how are you and Zayn going? And are you excited about the premiere?" she asked.
"We're pretty good and very happy." I answered politely. "And personally, I only seen bits of it so I can't wait till we watch it."
"Now, do you get any special privileges being Zayn's girlfriend?" I tried to hide my disgust. Why can't the reporters ask about something not about Zayn?
"No, not at all." I started to say but her attention diverted into apparently something more interesting than us. Screams around us got louder as a gray van arrived at the foot of the red carpet. I couldn't hold back my smile. They were here. In the midst of the crowd and the chaos, I could see a familiar figure emerge from a black sedan. Zayn.
I immediately rushed to go see him but Leigh-Anne held me back. "You know he has a bunch of interviews right now. You're going to wait."
"But I want to see him!" I protested and tried to weasel out of her grip.
"Perrie." Jade warned. "You've seen each other this morning already."
"Fine." I gave in and made a face to both of them. Jade just shook her head. Soon another reporter replaced the last one who ditched us. Mostly Jade and Leigh-Anne talked so I wouldn't have to. Normally, I'm the one who's keeping the interview going but not today. I kept looking over my shoulder, searching in the crowd for Zayn.
It was thirty minutes of posing and random questions till Zayn finally reached me.
He whispered in my ear," Are you ready? It's show time."Our hands found each other and fit perfectly.
"How are you holding up?" I asked.
"Hmm…let's see. Thousands of screaming, crying girls are here. Pesky reporters are badgering us from all sides and I'm incredibly nervous about the movie. I'm perfectly fine." Zayn sarcastically remarked.
I kissed him on the cheek. "It'll be fine. They'll love it."
"But will they love this?" he asked gesturing down to my ring on my left hand. My face dropped a bit.
"I don't know. But either way we're in this together."
"Thanks for that Perrie. Now let's go see the others." He said and went to go greet his bandmates.
They seemed to be a bit unfazed by the crowd and disorder. Then again they had to face it more than I had to. Harry's eyes had bags under them and he seemed more tired than usual. That poor lad, he was often labeled the 'womanizer' of the group and faced so much shade thrown at him.
Liam had a perfect mask on and was hand in hand with his new girlfriend, Sophia. I didn't know her well enough but I hoped that she would be good to him. I couldn't bear to see him heartbroken again. They both greeted me politely.
Louis and Niall on the other hand seemed to be absolutely happy about the turnout. "Hello Perrie." Louis greeted me and we gave each other kisses on each other's cheeks. "Did I ever mention that I helped pick that ring out with Zayn?"
I gasped in mock surprise. "Really! I thought it was himself…" I answered jokingly.
"Then you my darling must not know your fiancé as well as you thought you did." Louis cheekily retorted. We both knew that Zayn, even though had a perfect sense in fashion, had no eye for jewelry.
Soon a signal sounded and we all started walking into the theatre for the premiere. Management had arranged for a special balcony seat for all of their family and friends. I was happy that I could sit and watch the movie with Zayn's family. The lights dimmed as everyone got to their seats. Many cameras were filming the stage. An announcer came out of the curtains.
"Welcome to the premiere tonight," He declared from the stage. "And without further ado, here come the boys from…One Direction!" The crowd seemed to roar in excitement as they went upstage. I couldn't help but feel so proud of them and how far they gotten. A little bubble of excitement burst inside of me.
"Hello everybody." Harry said through his microphone. "This is a little something we've been working on for the past year. And if you haven't heard by now, This is Us." He pointed to the screen which started playing the opening previews. The crowd started cheering once again.
Zayn soon joined us on the balcony. "The crowd was amazing." He said as the first scenes played on.
"Shh!" I whispered," You're going to ruin the movie."
He shook his head. "I'm in the movie, silly."
I laughed and snuggled close to him. Soon I found myself laughing and crying with the crowd, like I was with the boys on the tour. It was like I was with Zayn when he was gone. I loved every bit of it.
But soon Zayn whispered in my ear," Hey we got to go if we want to get to the after-party before the crowd." The movie seemed close to ending. The traffic from the theatre would be terrible. I nodded and quickly said goodbye to his family.
Once outside, the reporters seemed to attack us with their questions. Camera flashes lit up the sky like artificial stars. We tried to ignore them and plow directly through the crowd. I felt a little claustrophobic as everyone started pushing closer despite the barriers.
"Perrie! Zayn! Can you look here?" a reporter shouted. We both ignored him and kept striding towards our car.
"Zayn! I love you so much." An anonymous fan-girl yelled from the crowd.
"Oh my gosh!" someone from the crowd yelled. "Is that an engagement ring?" Within a few seconds, camera lights shot at us like we were mere prey for the vultures. I felt like I was suffocating and almost started sweating despite the cool London evening.
But when I looked at Zayn, I could see that he was no more in frustration than I was. We were both faced with the paparazzi and will have to for years to come. But they would never know what was happening between me and him. They will never understand our relationship and why we stuck together through thick and thin. No one ever will.