Chapter 8: Harsh Realities

AN1: So here it is. A little earlier than promised because I felt bad. I know a lot of you were wishing the last chapter was longer, I was too. To tell you the truth though, that wasn't the shortest chapter! :P But honestly though, it was short because I wanted to give you something to quench your thirst. This chapter was much longer (the longest so far) so it was going to take a while to write. Hope you guys enjoy this one! Don't forget to R&R!

-GNS-

Okay, so storming out without another word after my latest display probably wasn't the best idea I've ever had. All that random wandering around town, however, did prove useful when I found my way to the town's library.

I scaled the three concrete steps to the door, before swinging it open and making my way inside. The library was pretty small, with a single desk for a check out area in the front, followed by scattered tables and comfortable chairs. Farther back were the rows and rows of books, coupled with a line of privacy cubicles. The stairs where off to the side, and the sign was labeled 'Teen and Youth'.

I slinked through the shelves with ease, quickly making my way to the back. I don't really think an angel did this, so I was going to start with my first assumption. Trailing my fingers along the spines of the books I started reading off each of their titles mentally. When they brushed over one entitled A Brief Summary of the Gods, I stopped and pulled it out of its place. It was a thick book, holding many pages in its worn binding, and exactly what I needed.

I brought it over to one of the cubicles in the corner. Looking up over the top of it I found that the library itself was mostly empty. The lady manning the checkout counter was chatting easily with someone, and a few people were scattered around reading lazily. I sunk back down into my chair and flipped open the book I had chosen. I grabbed a pencil out of the small tin can at the desk, plus a slip of notepaper, before settling in.

For the next couple of hours I scanned my eyes across every page, searching diligently for an answer to why I was here. Well, not here like where I was sitting here, more like why I was in this time, but that technically could be considered- okay you know what never mind.

Around two hours in I saw something that caught my eye. The Greek goddess Hebe. She was the daughter of Zeus and Hera. It was said she was believed to give eternal youth. One myth says she gave Lolaus his youth back so that he could defeat Eurystheus. But get this, she was also worshipped as the goddess of forgiveness. If she was the one doing all of this, then the source was probably in 2012 instead of back here in 1993.

Of course, I know why she would do this. Let me tell it to you this way, dumb and drunk I beg for forgiveness, and ask why things couldn't have been the way it was when we were kids. A goddess grants that very desire, just a little more literal than I had hoped. But if she was the one up to this, than why did we just switch places instead of, you know, me just getting a lot younger? What does she get out of all of this? And an even better question, how do I explain that this is her doing to Dad and Dean without giving away who I am? I have to find out an answer for at least the latter, and fast, because closing time is quickly approaching. I tuck the book back in its rightful place, silently assuring myself I'll come back for it again when I need it again, besides, I had jotted down some quick notes of my own.

When I exit out into the open air it occurs to me that night has already fallen, and that it was much later than I had first thought.

"Shit," I huff, hitching my jacket up a little higher on my shoulders, before picking up my pace. That's when I realize I don't even remember where the room is. I have the general idea, but I hadn't been paying attention to where I was walking and now I lacked all sense of direction.

An additional hour of unfamiliar street names and awkward glances later I finally made my way back to the motel. My fingers and toes were numb from the cold, fall breeze, and I was pretty sure my nose was pink. I rapped on the door three times before stepping back.

It swung open almost immediately.

My father's worried face greeted me, "Where in hell were you?" He snarled, voice low, but I was surprised to hear the slight relief in his tone.

"I got lost," I replied timidly. I kept my eyes down and ducked my head slightly, "sorry."

"Its fine just don't do that again." John sighed, moving so that I could get by, "Get on in here now."

I slipped past him and into the warmth.

Dean was asleep underneath the covers of the second bed. I glanced at the clock. It was only nine so I shot a confused look back at my father.

"He was exhausted after you left," Dad explained, his eyes were soft, "Passed out a couple hours later, after I had finally convinced him not to try to wait up for you." He shook his head a little before meeting my eyes. "That was some stunt you pulled today."

"I know, I got carried away. D- my brother tells me that I need to just forget about half of my problems and leave the other half bottled up but then that results in outbursts like you recently witnessed, and, well I'm sorry, I guess." My voice trailed off into nothing.

"No, don't apologize, it needed to be said." John states. The military man in him clearly evident when he says, "The boy needs to learn sooner or later that life ain't all it's cracked up to be. If he doesn't then he'll just be damned disappointed when he gets there."

I give him a small nod. Suddenly I feel the wave of guilt that I had been waiting for since it had happened, hit me hard. I had just stripped away my brother's innocence. It wasn't dad, it wasn't a bad hunt, no, it was me. The revelation sits heavily in the pit of my stomach.

"Why didn't you tell him when you had the chance?" Dad asks. "He'd be a lot more understanding and a lot less worried out of his mind." The words pull me out of my train of thought and my head snaps toward him.

I tilt my head in question. "Tell him what when I had the chance?"

"Don't play a fool with me, boy." John laughed, honest to god guffaw, head falling back and everything.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I insist, and really, I didn't. I have no clue.

"Boy, I knew who you were practically the minute I first laid my eyes on you." He explains, his smile creeping into his words, "then Dean comes running in, talking about missing brothers and all that, just solidified it really."

I'm starting to catch on to what he's implying but I can't believe a word of it, not until he says it, not yet. So I stay silent and let him continue.

"I almost told him then and there, 'what are you talking about, your brother ain't missing'." The pause for a breath feels to me as if it were a lifetime. "Cause no matter how much you think you've changed in the twenty something years it's been, well," He looks at me, really looks at me, all fatherly like. I can't remember another time in my life he's looked at me quite like it, except maybe Cold Oak, when he was trying to say a million words with a single glance.

"Sam, I'd recognize my own son anywhere. The second you looked up at me with your puppy dog eyes and God damned tragic look on your face I thought, 'that's my baby boy right there', and I never doubted it for a second. Question is, why have you been trying to hide it so hard?"

-GNS-

AN2: YAY! So that is officially TEN THOUSAND WORDS! YAY! This is the LONGEST story I have EVER written and it's not even DONE YET! Thank you so much for all of your support, I really love hearing from you! Once again a special thanks to all of you who commented on the last chapter including: Sari Dark, catlover2976, and BonanzaRocks. I love hearing from you guys, and again, thanks so much.