AN

Here's the next chapter. This one's a bit longer. Let me know what you think at the end! Xx

Jake's POV

My conversation with Leah went better than expected!

I still wasn't leaving anytime soon, but this morning had given me a lot to think about. I watched Leah head upstairs and heard her bedroom door close. It was habit to flick the TV on. I enjoyed the background noise, even if I wasn't really paying it any attention.

Edward sounded concerned when I mentioned the murdered woman and the wolf. He couldn't make anything of it, but agreed things normally happened for a reason around here. He said they would try and get more details about the woman's body and would let me know. He had never met a scentless vampire, but would also discuss this with the family. After that, we quickly discussed the week and how the new packs were melding.

We very briefly touched on Nessie, and I heard Bella in the background saying I should visit. I dearly wanted to, and her permission made it all the more painful.

Edward could read me without hearing my thoughts. He asked if I wanted to join them officially. I was surprised, but according to him things weren't going as planned; Nessie was too much of a wreck to settle down anywhere and start school. Their plans had been postponed, and they had actually been in Denali for the last month. The door was open to me again. My heart was torn; I immediately said I wanted to be there, but that I couldn't walk away from La Push right now.

My potential father-in-law understood, but despite this I kept coming back to Leah saying I should leave. There was a physical and mental pull towards Nessie, and Leah's backing made me feel like it might be an option. I hoped she'd lead the meeting tonight and then I could get a real idea of how it would work.

I must have nodded off at some point because I jumped when the front door slammed. It was Seth; he looked knackered and waved at me vaguely while heading straight to his room. I looked at Leah's money on the table; I'd tell him later. I picked up the phone and called round to arrange the meeting. We decided to meet back at the Cullen's house, it had the largest space.

The sound of Leah's feet descending the stairs caught my ears. I could always tell the difference between her and Seth's footfalls; she was definitely lighter.

Coming into the lounge, she fell down on the sofa next to me and sat staring at the TV. She must have just woken up; she was still in her usual nightwear. I couldn't help but admire her profile in the little black boy-shorts and vest set. Today's top had the slogan 'Do I look like a morning person?' written across the chest. Sarcastic even when she slept, that was our Leah.

I was used to waiting her out, so it didn't surprise me that we sat in silence for half an hour. When she did finally speak, she kept her eyes pinned on the screen. "If. Only if I do this, how's it going to work?"

"What do you want to know?" This was good, she was considering. I still felt guilty for abandoning her, but it wouldn't be for some time yet.

Leah sighed, sadness clear in her expression, while she still looked forward. "I thought about things on holiday a lot."

She turned to face me. "I don't want to keep wasting my life Jake. If I can do something that has meaning, maybe I'll have something to hold on to. Maybe I won't look back in years, regretting everything. My life might even count for something. I'll try, but you know what I'm like, right? It won't take long for me to piss everyone off and the Grim Reaper's like my shadow. I'm quite likely to get everyone killed."

I knew what she was getting at; she had to stop doing this. "You can't keep blaming yourself Leah; death doesn't surround you anymore than it does me or Seth. It's sad, but deaths an inevitable part of life."

She looked away from me; her eyes glistened in the light of the TV.

I remembered back to the night of the crash, when my heart had broken for her (as well as for Charlie and Sue, and even my own mother). Leah still didn't know what really happened that night, but it wasn't Sam or Embry that had pulled her back from the wreckage, it wasn't even Seth, it was me.

We had smelt the fire from La Push as it carried on the wind. Immediately, we cut across country. For some unknown reason I ran faster than I ever had, and reached the site within a matter of minutes. I knew as soon as I got there it was too late. I took in the scene and could only hear Leah's frantic heartbeat.

Seth arrived shortly after with both pack's in tow. He fell to the ground on his knees in shock; his face portrayed a silent scream. At that moment, I had to entrust him to Embry and Quil; I only had eyes for Leah. She was now screaming and clawing at the mangled car. Even today, I have no doubt she would have thrown herself into the fire, she was that desperate to save them. It was when I saw her body was already covered in massive burns that I dragged her back. Leah was punching and clawing at me to get loose the whole time. It literally took all of my strength to fight against her pain and hold her to me until she broke down.

Sue and Charlie were my family too, and I cried with her at the crash site until she finally blacked out. Seth in the meantime went to the hospital with the pack, and alone I carried her back to her house unconscious.

As I laid her in her bed I remembered the pain of losing my own mother, and everything Leah had already been through. I couldn't bring myself to leave her, so I didn't. Instead, I lay with her and held her close all night.

She was strong enough physically that I knew she was out cold due to shock and exhaustion. The burns on her arms were extensive, but they were better left to the open air so she could heal quicker.

Throughout the dark hours of the night I continuously stroked her hair and whispered words of comfort. It was only when Seth got back at dawn that I left. He had given me thirty seconds to get out of her bed.

I couldn't blame Seth for his reaction; he didn't know what to do. He was still a kid and all his family was either dead or passed out. It marked a change though, and the Clearwater house had never been the same since.

As an alpha and a friend it was extremely hard watching Leah and Seth struggle with their deaths. The guilt Leah carried was immense, and for a while I thought everything happy inside of Seth had died. He gradually got back to his old self though, mainly because Leah put all her energy and focus on to him. I knew it was her way of easing her guilt, she still carried it heavily though. Today's statement was proof.

I knew it didn't really matter what happened the actual night of the accident. Leah would never know; none of us wanted her to have it as a memory. I however, would always remember; as far as I am concerned, I went through that night with her, no one else did. My chest ached from just thinking about it, and I was pleased for the distraction of Leah's response.

"That's a matter of opinion. Anyway, run through what you had in mind?" Her sharp tongue was coming into play to cover her emotions; she gave me a warning look and caught my eye again.

"Look, I'll stay for a while, but I'm stepping back. The decisions will be down to you. I'll help if you need it, but not necessarily if you want it." I wanted her to get a feel for the responsibilities that came with being alpha. Giving her support, unless desperately needed, would defeat the object.

"That's fine, but I don't think it's as easy as that Jake. I'm not a direct descendant of Ephraim Black, there's no alpha power in me." She paused in hesitation before she carried on uncertainly, "What about Embry? He might be the next in line after you. Besides, I'm not strong enough. You've looked in the mirror right? You're huge!"

I wondered when we would touch on this, and was gutted that she mentioned Embry. It was an unsaid rule among the pack; no one thought about his parentage. We didn't know which one of us shared the same father with Embry, and intended to keep it that way, rather than drag up the past. He was our brother whether by blood or pack.

"Embry's not interested in leading and don't say things like that! His heritage is not up for discussion. Anyway, you have almost as much blood ties as Sam does; plus, you have something he doesn't!" This was key.

She looked perplexed. "What's that?"

"You have the true alpha promoting you. As for strength, what you lack, you make up for in speed. If you do decide it's what you want, I'll use a command and force you to start your own pack. It'll be just like Sam did in the beginning. The three of us will be linked, well, four counting Cris, and our guys will give you their loyalty." I had discussed the possibilities with the Council; there were no obvious flaws in my plan.

"You think that will work?" She looked doubtful.

"I'm confident." I smiled. I wanted to lighten the mood; "So how was Hawaii?"

A smile crept up Leah's face. "Beautiful. Thank you for setting it up Jake. Rebecca was lovely too, much nicer than Rachel."

I chuckled; "It's true. They are like yin and yang."

So much for lightening the mood, but I had to ask. "What about Sam and Emily now?"

"What about them? It sucks, but nothing's changed. I needed the break though." As always Leah was keeping things to herself.

"I'm sorry you know… it must be hard being in love with Sam and seeing him with Emily." I couldn't imagine watching Ness with someone else; it was the first time I had the courage to say this openly to Leah in years.

Leah looked mortified. "In love with Sam? My god, is that what everyone thinks?"

Great, I'd embarrassed her. "Yeah, but it's ok, no one judges you!"

"Judges me? Thinking I'm this fucked up because I'm in love with that bastard?" She was standing now; her voiced was raised and she was throwing her arms up in frustration while pacing.

"Yeah, I love Sam. I always will, but after everything he put me through I'm not 'in love' with him. I would never want him back, the damage is done!" Her pace quickened, "No wonder everyone thinks I'm a bitch, did you really not realise it wasn't about wanting Sam anymore? It's that… that life, it was mine!"

She slumped back down on the sofa and shifted her position so that she faced me. All eye contact was gone again and her voice was now a whisper; "Emily is living the life I wished I could have. I thought one day I would get married; I hoped to Sam. One day, I would have a family; it's something I dreamed of as a little girl." She lightly touched her tummy as she spoke. "Instead, I am what I am and he is a permanent reminder of what I've missed out on. Sam is everything I wanted, and everything I can't have. I'm even glad in some way that he's happy, even though it's not my doing; I love him enough that I want that. I just hate being stuck here and watching."

Leah didn't often share her feelings, and she had so many levels and emotions, it was like an ever changing puzzle. I felt even closer to her at moments like this. I remained silent, acknowledging the butterflies in my gut as I realised how well she must regard me to speak openly like this.

She took a deep breath. "Jake, how would you feel watching two of the people you once loved most, being happy together, living your dream? It hurts, and I was never able to rid my mind of Sam's thoughts the whole time I was in his pack. I had been completely forgotten Jake! That was the better part; Sam then moved to despising me. I was the permanent black cloud over his life. I had lived a lie and reality was brutal."

What could I say?

I was conflicted. Part of me wanted to kill Sam when she spoke like this, the other part wanted to comfort her.

"Don't pull that face; it's all good Jake. I just think, being guys, you don't always get it. What else is a woman for than to be a mother? I can't even fill the gap with a career or anything; I'm just frozen. Who would ever want me…?" Her voice dropped away.

How could this woman think no one would ever want her? I saw the conviction in her words, and if possible, my heart broke again. Without thinking, I shifted myself closer and turned her face so she was looking at me. "Leah, the kid thing doesn't mean you aren't a woman. You're beautiful."

I tried not to break eye contact, but she turned her head away and I saw tears forming.

"Lee, look at me." I held her chin again and forced her gaze back to me. Her eyes were devastating.

I couldn't let her think like this; I needed her to know what I said was true. Nessie's face flickered through my thoughts. I loved her completely, but right now it was just me and Leah in this room and she was hurting. I guilty pushed Ness to the back of my mind and suddenly realised I needed this too. I couldn't walk away from Leah without ever knowing.

I moved my face closer, tentatively testing her reaction. Leah froze and her eyes widened slightly in response. Bringing the hand that was holding her chin around, I slowly cupped her face and traced her fiery skin with my thumb.

What was left of her hair fell against my fingers; it was so soft, and I could hear her heartbeat gaining speed. Slowly and ever so lightly, I touched my lips to hers; there was no response, so I applied more pressure.

I had wanted to do this for years, and right now she was all I could think of.

We stayed like this for countless seconds; neither of us moved, but our lips remained joined. I could both hear and feel our breathing increase. Leah's sweet smell only heightened my senses and her eyes were now closed. Her long heavy breaths were too much for me to bear. I pressed even harder; this time her lips moved with mine and she kissed me back. The kiss was strong and swift, just like her, but full of passion.

A sudden ache came over me and frustrated by the distance between us, I pushed her backwards until she lay back on the sofa. My hulk of a body leaned over her small frame and my other arm wrapped around her waist, holding her to me. Her mouth finally gave way and our tongues met as I tasted her for the first time.

It was more perfect than I could imagine; the feeling of…

Holy shit! My groin was on fire; I couldn't move. Leah had just kneed me and was already on the other side of the room.

"What the fuck Jake?" she spat, "What the hell were you thinking, you're fucking imprinted!"

"Leah…" I croaked holding myself; I was damn sure only she could cause me this much physical pain.

"Go to hell!" she shouted.

I somehow managed to pull myself up and get in front of the stairs before she could make her exit. What had I just done? Nessie flooded my mind, but I couldn't just let Leah leave like this.

"I'm sorry; it was a mistake…" As I spoke, her expression was a mix of hurt and fury. I realised how bad that had sounded. "No! I didn't mean it like that, not in that way! Leah, I couldn't help but kiss you."

She moved to go around me, but I countered her.

A voice came from behind me. "Get out of her way Jake!"

I turned to see Seth behind me. His happy face was nowhere to be seen and he was trembling all over. I didn't have time to react as his fist came towards me at lightning speed.