Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, its characters, or its scripts.

A/N : Finale chapter! It's about twice as long as usual! Hopefully that is considered a gift and not punishment. I found this especially funny and hopefully not because they were my own jokes, haha. But thanks for your support, both recent and through the years! Check out my 101 Ways to Kill Hollis Mann for some strange humor that I hope to continue with, or my first work She Didn't Ask Why if you dig that kind of fic. Anyway, enjoy and I'll try to drum up some more text for the aforementioned stories! :)

:::X:::

"All of you get yourselves under control!" Jenny Shepard shouted from the balcony, Ducky standing next to her. "This needs to be sorted out right now."

The director walked down the stairs with her old friend from autopsy, shaking her head. "Does anyone ever work around here anymore?" She sighed to Ducky, who shook his head and smiled. "Pick up those paper balls, DiNozzo!"

"Sorry ma'am." He bent down to collect a few.

"The things I have heard today," the confident woman began disapprovingly, "you would think I ran a high school!" She scoffed at the ridiculous of it all, descending down the endless staircase. "Gossip," she said.

Ziva and McGee shook their heads at Tony.

"Shouting in the hallways, general office misconduct, not forgetting harassment," she continued, lowering herself stair after stair.

Tony glared in return while they acted angelically.

"And stuffing people in freezers?" Tim and Ziva finally lowered their heads. "Where does it end?" Ducky nodded in agreement. "No, really, where does this end? We've been walking forever." Ducky gestured to the bottom of the steps and she thanked him, finally stepping to the floor.

She cleared her throat and straightened her chic jacket. "Who started this rumor?"

No one said a word.

She sighed. "Listen, it's past five, no cement-shoe'd petty officers have resurfaced in the Anacostia in the past twenty-four hours, and I just want to go home, have a nice glass of wine, and feed my cat. Who started the rumor?"

Ziva and McGee pointed at Tony, who looked up guiltily and tried to avoid stares from Gibbs and Abby.

She shook her head once again. "DiNozzo, do you realize how many DeviantART links have been sent to me since this morning? How many fanfiction links and 'fanvids'? Hm? And what the hell's a 'shipper'? Can anyone tell me that?" She looked around at empty faces. She sighed. "And not to mention the whole wasted man-hours and despicable office behavior thing. Anyway, it's all because of you and a rumor you spread about two of my best workers in this whole goddamn building."
"I've spoken to Dr. Mallard here after he came to me with great concern upon finding you two," she gestured to the suspects, "attempting to shove one of your fellow agents into a morgue drawer."

Abby gasped.

"From there, we conducted some more respectable interviews and were able to piece together enough of what happened to confront you three with it. What were you all thinking? One day of on-the-job listlessness and you all decide to take an office joyride using the reputations of two of your own as means of propulsion? Are you schoolchildren? Shall I pack your lunchboxes and leave little notes in them? Call on you for answers?" She looked disapprovingly at them all. "You shame me."

Tony sniffled.

She sighed again. "Do any of you have anything to say?" She looked between the three trouble-making investigators.

Tony raised his hand.

"Yes," she called on him.

"But Director," he pleaded, looking up at Abby, Gibbs, Ducky, and the rest, "I saw it."

She shook her head. "What you saw... Abby, please explain to them what you told me earlier."

The gothic woman sighed and started. "Well you see, I got a new tattoo," she said. "I wasn't in the most sober of states when I got it, and the artist really did a number on me. It got infected and I've been told to put this cream on it, but I can't exactly reach it myself... So that's where Gibbs comes in."

"But he had no shirt!" Tony contested.

"Yeah, this cream - strong stuff. Stains everything. So I told him to take it off - I bought him that shirt for his last birthday, ya know! Not cheap!" She shuffled her feet. "Anyway I was really embarrassed and didn't want anyone to know..." She glanced at a guilty Tony.

Everyone looked at Tony as Abby finished her explanation. He thought very hard. With the position they were in he never exactly saw any... 'parts'. They'd been behind the desk in a way that now made poor Tony question himself. The more Tony thought about it and the more they all glared at him, the more he considered he could have just formulated all this in his own rancid mind.

"As it turns out," Jenny said, "no one's breaking Rule Twelve with anybody."

Jimmy and Agent Lee walked by casually. "Night everybody!" He yelled as they waved.

"Goodnight!" They all said.

Jenny turned back. "You see?"

Tony looked around once again and broke down. "Aw man, I'm sorry Abby, Boss. I mean I... I don't know what I was thinking. What a horrible mess I made."

Ziva and McGee made their own apologies as well.

"I too apologize to the both of you for the unfairness you had to endure today. As for the punishments of these three, I suppose that can be dealt with Monday," the Director nodded. "After all, Mr. McFluffertons can't exactly feed himself." She gave one last reprimanding look to the culprits before leaving for the night.

The three made some more apologies before exiting to the elevator with their bags, glad at least that it was Friday and time to go home.

"I'm really sorry I dragged you guys into this," Tony said to his sighing fellow agents. "I guess I was wrong."

The doors closed.

:::X:::

Gibbs, Abby, and Ducky were the only ones left in the dimly lit bullpen.

Ducky smiled. "Well," he looked between them, almost with a hint of deviousness, "I suppose I ought to go home as well and see to mother. Night all."

"Night, Duck." He left and the elevator descended.

The remaining rumor subjects looked around the empty room.

"God, Gibbs, what a day, huh?" Abby said, stepping closer to the desks.

"Yep."

"I mean the scuttlebutt that goes through this place! This is a federal agency! Full grown men and women acting like teenagers. It's shameful really." She stood next to him and looked at the elevator doors where they'd just been, shaking her head.

"Uh-huh."

"It's like they think the rules apply to everyone but them," she said in disapproval, waving her hands in frustration. "Some people just don't know when to draw the line, no respect for a proper workplace."

"Yeah."

There was a moment of comfortable silence.

"So," she turned to face him. "Your place or mine this weekend?"

"If we go to mine we'll pass the Chinese place on the way." He shrugged.

"Good point."

They walked to the elevator together, chatting casually, as Gibbs rested his hand on the small of her back, the location of her new beautiful tattoo that said simply...

Gibbs

:::X:::