Leah's POV

I picked up the first photo; it was an official one taken at prom.

Sam was holding on to me tightly. He looked great in black trousers and a cream shirt, with a black jacket slung over his shoulder for effect. I was wearing a matching cream mini dress and it clung to my body. It wasn't really a prom dress, but even then that wasn't my style. I wore it because Sam liked my legs and that was all that mattered. I took in how much smaller I was; I wasn't anywhere near as toned as now. In fact I looked thin and plain in comparison. Despite this, I looked alive - I was beaming in the picture - I was happy. Clearly, I had no idea of what was coming.

Cris peered over my shoulder. "Is that you and Sam?"

I nodded and just stared at the picture.

"You're a walking mystery aren't you?" His curiosity was obvious.

"Yeah it all started with Samuel Uley. Why the hell did mum think I needed to keep this shit?" I waved the photo at him angrily. It meant nothing to me, only another bad memory.

"Can I?" Cris held out his hand.

I passed him the photo and he stared at it intensively. "What happened?"

I looked at him confused. "What?"

"How did you get from there to here?"

I sighed, "It's a long story."

"Time isn't a problem." He handed the photo back to me.

If I was going to try and face up to things, now was a good as time as any. The guy with me was an outsider, he wasn't involved like everyone else and I surprisingly trusted him. I took a deep breathe and started telling him my history. Sadly, no magical weight was lifted off my shoulders as I spoke. If anything, it felt like I was just opening up old wounds, which greatly frustrated me.

"This picture is a joke. It shows nothing except the stupid girl I used to be. The girl who believed in fairytales. Nothing in that picture will set me free."

Cris looked at me kindly. "Leah, I know this myself - wolf or not, you never forget your first love, but you have to learn to let them go. You said you believed in fairytales back then? Well, life is nothing like Disney. Even the imprints have problems."

'Imprint' - that word was like a knife in my heart. I scowled covering the pain; besides, someone else confirming I had always been delusional wasn't what I needed.

"I don't know if anyone's ever told you, but scowling is not your best look." Cris's voice was impatient before it returned to it's usual gentle tone. "Look Leah, you're right; a picture isn't going to fix everything, but if you can deal with the pain and embrace it, then maybe you can find a way forward. You need to find a channel and be open to it, stop burying your demons and let it out."

I nodded my head sadly, as the usual pang in my stomach returned and picked out the next photo. Things could only get worse; it was a family barbeque:

Me and Emily were about 14. We were laughing in the photo at a face my dad was pulling. Our arms were linked and you could see the bond between us. I remembered that day clearly.

"Your life sucks doesn't it! You never said you and Emily knew each other first." Cris was at least getting the point.

"We're cousins," I added.

"And friends?" he questioned.

"We were." I looked at the photo intently.

I took it all in. Anger towards Emily was the strongest emotion. I forced myself to look past it. I had loved her like a sister, which is why it hurt so much. I pulled my eyes away from us and looked for the other important people in my life. I took in my mother and father next, feeling a wave of pain at their absence in my life. The photo was of a time when we were still a family.

Finally, I looked for my little brother. Seth was found in the background trying to climb a tree; he looked so tiny. I squinted closer and noticed something in the branches; only now, could I finally see Jake, Quil and Embry trying to help my brother from above. I never even knew they were there that day. I found myself unwillingly smiling; the idiot boys were a part of my life before I was even aware of them.

I looked at Emily again and the pain lessened as I kept coming back to Jake and Seth. "You never know what's going to happen." My finger traced over the boys. "I lost my cousin, my life went to hell, but I gained four brothers." This photo wasn't quite so bad when you saw it like that. I had to stop looking at what I had lost and focus on what I had instead.

"What do you think?" I queried, showing him the picture.

"Mmm, yummy looking hot dogs." His knee nudged my shoulder playfully.

I smiled again; my dad could always do a good barbeque.

The next item I pulled out was a drawing.

I had done the portrait intending to enter it in an art competition. I loved eyes and it was a whole page taken up by a portrait of Sam's. We had spent hours in my room, just staring at each other while I sketched them. The love looking out of them was clear to see. Deep in each of his pupils, I had drawn the faintest image of a globe.

It was my metaphor; my world was in his eyes.

I didn't need Cris to say anything. It was weird; Jake would have been telling me how sorry he was the whole time and making me feel even worse. He might have called Sam a few choice words at the same time, but it wouldn't have been productive. Cris was actually less sympathetic and it helped.

"Ok, so this was a drawing I never submitted. Once me and Sam split up it didn't seem important." I sighed and Cris remained silent. "It's stupid how much of myself I've let fall away because of Sam. My life just stopped, but the world should never have been in his eyes; it should have been outside of them."

It was the truth and the first emotional thing I had really confronted. It was hard to realise that the last ten years had been spent looking at things the wrong way.

"It's a shame; it's a brilliant drawing. You're very talented." Sincerity rang through Cris's voice, but I couldn't bare to look at him.

As I dipped my hand into the box again, I pulled out another photo. This time it was a pack one taken at Sam and Emily's house warming party. I explained it to Cris.

It was their second home, but it was more important to them than the first; it was the place they were going to one day raise their family. Sam had worked his ass off to buy the house. They got it cheap as it needed a lot of repair work. Everyone had chipped in with the refurbishment (except me of course) and it had finally came together.

Of course, I had to attend the party on the grounds of being family. Despite this, I had managed to avoid all photos except this one. Unfortunately, when it came to the pack photo, I was told that every member of the pack, including the imprints, had to be in it; I couldn't get away.

In the photo, we were all positioned around the happy couple in front of their back porch. Once again, I looked for the people most important to me.

Jake was easily found; his height made him stand out. He was positioned at the side of the group, holding a young Nessie. He was smiling fondly at her as she touched his face, no doubt showing him something. He was completely distracted from the camera. I vaguely remembered that he was delighted that day; the leeches couldn't come on our land, but they had given him Nessie for the duration of the party.

I searched for Quil next; he was on the other side of the group looking just as devoted. Claire was sitting on his shoulders; her tiny hands were waving at the camera in glee and her long black pigtails fell down her face making her even cuter.

Finally, I found Seth and Embry. They were flanking a small puffy eyed girl; she looked pathetic. The girl was holding it together barely. Looking at myself now and seeing myself so small and weak was disgusting.

What had I become?

Cris didn't say a word; his light breathing was the only reminder he was here with me.

My eyes went back to scan the photo, but they kept coming back to me in between Seth and Embry. It was then I noticed something more; it was something I had forgotten, or perhaps never even paid attention to.

Each of them was holding one of my hands tightly.

The surprise made me look even closer. To a stranger they were smiling at the camera, but I had spent to long with them to know better. The smile didn't carry to their eyes, and I suddenly realised how I must have affected them that day.

"Even when I thought I was alone, I never have been."

I felt a tear roll down my cheek at the feelings of love I felt for my pack. To see what I was doing to them in such an obvious way was eye opening. I wouldn't be laying off them anytime soon, but I was starting to see the things I had been oblivious to.

I honestly didn't deserve them; even when I was pushing them away, the guys were always still there. I was just so self obsessed I never noticed the little things they did because I never let them do anything obvious.

I looked up to Cris and he just smiled sweetly at me. "I think you summed that one up perfectly."

I picked out the list next. It was a tradition that I used to have. Every new year I would write down all the things I wanted to achieve in my life, then the next year, I would see what I could tick off and write a new one.

The list had gotten longer each time, but it was another tradition that stopped when my world fell apart. I read through the list there were dozens of little things, including some silly fantasies, but some things in particular stood out:

I want to be a mother.

I want to be a wife.

I want to be an artist.

I felt the ache inside me growing. I had never dreamed when writing this list that none of it was possible.

"Cris, I can't learn anything from this one." I handed it to him.

"What is it? A wish list?" he asked.

I explained the tradition to him.

His face remained thoughtful. "Y'know, you could always restart it?"

I was surprised by the idea; "What's the point?"

"What was the point back then? Not all of your ambitions have to die and not all of them have to come true. I mean, have you done that one?" Cris pointed at number 30 on the list.

I chuckled. "No, not yet."

Maybe he was right though, having things to achieve and focus on could actually be constructive to me. Once again, I needed to stop looking at all the bad and pick out what was good. It was all about changing my own perception and a lot of negative habits.

Eventually, I pulled out the last item; it was Sam's old dog tags. There had been a phase in La Push where they were cool and we brought a pair of blank ones.

It was a kind of commitment to each other. I was never into the whole 'promise ring' thing. Instead, I got our names engraved on each side and we wore one each.

The day after he met Emily, I found his on the outside ledge of my bedroom window.

I clasped my hand around the broken promise and was about to crush it when Cris enclosed his huge hand around mine. I relaxed my grip and he let go and sat back while I explained what they were.

"He cared enough to give it back. You were still in his mind." Cris seemed to find the light in everything. "Leah, I may be out of line here, but I want to say something."

He paused and I nodded as confirmation for him to continue.

"The Sam thing is clearly something that you carry the weight of. You do know though, that it's not a reflection on you?"

"You are kidding me? You know the purpose of imprinting right?" I snapped.

"Supposedly to continue the wolf blood line. Note the word 'supposedly'. No one knows for sure though. Just because that's the current explanation, doesn't mean it always will be. People used to think the world was flat too. You, yourself are living proof that your elders don't know everything."

"Cris, I'm a genetic freak. That proves everything!"

"No your not. You're one of a kind. That makes you special, not a freak. Maybe the packs need you, that's why you phased. Your history says there has never been this many wolves before. Well, maybe all these guys needed a woman to balance the numbers, to much testosterone flying about and all that kind of stuff. Who even knows if there are other packs and female shifters. You didn't know about us until now did you?"

"I see what you're saying. Sure it's all maybes. But I am a freak, I can't have children." I shuddered as I confessed my shame.

"Oh, I'm sorry Leah," his voice dropped away, he clearly hadn't anticipated that spanner being thrown into his theory.

"Don't worry about it. It's just another thing I've lost." I didn't mean to sound so dramatic, but I couldn't help it.

Cris's eyes still didn't show sympathy and I was relieved, he did however look compassionate as he spoke; "You still don't know anything for sure though. Leah, I promise you, you aren't a freak. Look at me - I run with an arctic hare, one wolf, two arctic foxes, a snowy owl and a polar bear. I am more than knowledgeable on the oddities of phasing. Nature always has a reason and purpose."

What could I say to his reasoning, everyone was entitled to an opinion and who was to say which theory was right or wrong. I just had to focus on myself and what I thought I knew.

"I'm still not sure on anything, but I know I don't want any of this stuff. There's nothing I want to remember. I think I've got what I needed, overall this whole thing was pointless." I moved to collect everything so I could dump them.

"Hey, you missed something?" Cris was reaching into the box and pulled out an old browned piece of paper.

I snatched it off him and unfolded it; immediately recognising the writing, I let out a sob and the tears I had held in earlier managed to escape and cascade down my face. Anything else I could have handled, but a message from my mother was what truly broke me.

Dear Leah,

Please hear me when I say that I am so proud of you and Seth. I know that you think turning into a . . . you know what, is a curse, but nothing that you are, could ever a bad thing. You are beautiful and special in whatever form you take and I love you.

There hasn't been a day gone by, whether you were three years old or twenty three, that you have failed to prove to me how strong willed (and yes, stubborn - just like your father) you are.

For this reason, I know that you will inevitably face whatever demons haunt you. Just, know that I will be with you along the way, as a silent friend or a shoulder to lean on if you ever need it. Your father will be too - you may not see it now, but just because he is gone in body, doesn't mean he is in spirit. I have no doubt that he is still watching over you . . . over all of us, and he would be so proud of who you are:

A survivor and a beautiful, resourceful woman.

You tell me often enough that Seth is the light in this family, but you fail to see that are too. You are my first born and my little girl; life without you would be so empty.

Now, here's the hard part. I love your traits, but you are so stubborn that you are blind to some things and as your mother I have done what I do best and interfered. Leah, whether you like it or not, these items are the footprints of your life. They can't be erased, just like you can't walk backwards and take a different path.

Whatever happens in your life, this pain made you who you are! It is down to only you, how you choose to move on from them.

One day when you are happy, you'll even see that without them you wouldn't have reached that place, and when you get there I want you to ask yourself again if you would truly ever erase any of them.

Even now, after losing your dad I can't ever regret anything in my life. Everything led me to him and gave me you and Seth.

Besides, if you never felt pain, how would you know what love is?

All I ask is that you trust me my beautiful girl. Trust that one day, you will be thankful for all of these things, and you might actually want to look back and smile.

Please don't be mad and hunt me down when you find this. You really are too young to understand what memories are and I didn't want you to lose them.

I love you so much, forever and always.

Mum xxx

AN

Hey my lovelies! Sorry it's been a while. I hoped you liked the chapter, and (fingers crossed) the next chapter (which is a very short one) should hopefully be up tomorrow.

Just so you know, this chapter was actually very hard to write. It took me ages to piece it together and I hope I have done it justice.

Anyway, I hope you are all ok, and enjoying the weather (if you are in the uk - and if not lets hope it's still nice). Thank you also for my reviews as always.

Oh, and good news, my writing is gradually picking up. I've had a block for a while now, but it seems to be starting to flow again and sometime in the future I might also have a new story for you!

xxx