– Chapter Twenty-One –
The next few hours became a mess of sounds and colours all mixed into one. There were faded screams and distant shouts, a blur of people rushing about, and a flash of blue and red light as sirens rang through the air. The night was cold. The waiting room was colder. The situation was dream-like, with no concept of time, or feeling, or sight...it wasn't until they forced themselves into seats that reality hit them again, and their surroundings became clearer.
Aila could hardly breathe as she shuddered between Katja and Leigh. She was vaguely aware of the voices of doctors and nurses, but the words didn't sink in. She hated the waiting. This was all too familiar. This could not become habit.
"Not again," Aila mouthed, trying to speak, but unable to make sound. Her eyes watered, but she managed to hold back tears. "Not again." Were they really going to lose two of their friends in the same day?
Beside her, Katja trembled with fury and fear. She had wanted to go with Rat while doctors rushed to save her life, but Leigh had convinced her it would do no good. Every so often, the German cursed under her breath and twitched as though wanting to get up and force herself into the room where Rat lay...but Katja knew better. Her sister needed her to be strong and wait while the doctors did their job.
And Leigh sat, zombie-like, unable or unwilling to move or speak. Her eye was bruised and swollen from Helena's sharp punch, but Leigh paid no attention to the pain. She stared blankly at the wall opposite them as her anger settled in. Why hadn't she gone after Helena? She should have done...but Rat was more important...but now Helena was still out there...who would be next? How many more would suffer before the killer clone was stopped?
Janet and Spencer had wanted to come with them to the hospital, but somebody needed to keep an eye on Rat's dogs. In the back of her mind, Leigh hoped against hope Helena would not go back to the house.
Aila stared blankly down at the floor, shivering from the cooling blood on her damp shirt. This whole situation was a terrible deja'vu moment. She recalled being in the waiting room in Italy, also wearing a bloody under-shirt from her failed attempts to save Aryanna. She felt nauseous to think that the situation was repeating itself. She couldn't bear the thought that she hadn't done enough to save Rat, though in the back of her mind, she knew there was nothing more she could have done for her.
After what felt like hours, a doctor walked out and looked around. "Lake?" he asked.
Katja's head shot up so fast Aila almost thought her neck would snap. The German clone stood up to approach the doctor. Aila and Leigh glanced at each other, both sharing the fear that this would play out exactly like it had in Italy. Aila went over to stand beside Katja, knowing the German would need the most support in case of the worst happened. Leigh stood and followed the others as well, unable to decipher the look on the doctors face.
"Vell?!" Katja snapped, staring at the man with wide eyes.
"Your sister is very, very lucky," the doctor told them. All three pairs of eyes lit up hopefully at his words. "The blade missed all of her major arteries. One of the smaller arteries on the right side was damaged, though the quick actions taken to contain the injury kept her from losing too much blood."
"S-She's alive?" Katja gasped meekly, her voice so unlike her own the others barely recognised it.
"Yes," the doctor nodded. "She's alive and stable."
"Oh thank God," Aila breathed, covering her mouth as she released a shuttering breath of relief. She hugged Katja tightly, who quickly returned the gesture, looking to be on the brink of tears. Leigh joined in on the hug, far more relieved than she'd admit.
"However," the doctor spoke up again after a moment, getting their attention. "There may be some complications."
"Uh...complications?" Leigh asked warily.
The doctor nodded. "One of Annabelle's vocal cords was damaged in the attack. We won't be able to assess the full extent of the damage until she wakes up and tries to talk, though we expect a condition known as Vocal Cord Paresis, which basically means a weakness of one or both vocal cords. Common effects of the condition include hoarseness, vocal fatigue, mild to severe reduction in vocal volume, pain in the throat when speaking, shortness of breath, and aspirations that may result in coughing fits. We'll need to keep her here for observation to determine the severity of the effects, because every case is different. Additional surgeries may be required if she has trouble eating and drinking to the point of causing aspirations, or if she has severe vocal impairment."
Silence followed. Aila nodded in understanding, but Leigh and Katja stared at the doctor. Katja swallowed hard, her eyes brimming with tears. "I vant to see her," she said sternly.
The doctor held back a resigned sigh and bowed his head in agreement. He stepped back to allow Katja to enter the room, while Leigh and Aila waited outside to give her a moment and take in the doctor's words.
Katja stood in the door frame numbly as her eyes found her sister. Rat lay in the hospital bed, fast asleep. Her wound was covered by bandages, and she looked paler than usual, minus the purple bruising from Helena's punch...but then, Katja supposed, that wasn't surprising. The German willed herself to cross the room to stand at Rat's side. Even in sleep, the hacker seemed troubled...it was a vibe Katja couldn't ignore. She wished Rat could find peace, if only for a minute.
"I am here," she said gently, placing a trembling hand on her sister's head to stroke her hair.
Rat slowly opened her eyes to stare up at the ceiling. The screaming had stopped, replaced by the constant beep of a cardiac monitor and faint traffic noises. This wasn't the first time Rat awoke today, though it was the first time she could think clearly. She moved her head slightly, wincing at the sharp pain that came with the movement. Her throat felt stiff and dry, and it hurt to move.
Rat stared at the wall for a moment, trying to recall what had happened. She remembered taking Charles out for a walk, and the four of them fighting against Helena, but what had happened afterwards? It was all a blurry mess of yelling and sirens and pain. Rat moved her head slightly to look out the window to see what time of day it was. She noticed a figure in the chair beside the bed.
Katja was asleep with her head resting on the edge of the bed. Rat looked at her for a moment, wondering how long she'd been there for, before lightly prodding her arm. She figured Katja would want to know that she was awake.
"Vat?!" Katja startled awake with a terrible yell and knocked over the glass of water she'd left next to her chair. It smashed on the ground and soaked the floor, but neither sister paid attention to that. Rat could only watch as Katja found her bearings and sat up straight. It was strange seeing the German so on edge. It was even stranger that a single prod had pulled her so easily from her sleep.
Rat wanted to say something, but couldn't. Katja exhaled deeply and took her sister's hand. "You are avake," she managed, and Rat rolled her eyes as if to say 'obviously'. Katja smiled a bit. Rat thought she looked exhausted. "Do not try and speak," Katja told her. "Not yet...Leigh and Aila, zey vent back to zee house – to check on doggies and send Janet and Spencer avay," she explained hurriedly. "Vee used your laptop...sorry...to find a safe place for zem; zey vill be going tonight...Helena got avay..."
Rat felt mildly disturbed to see Katja rushing her words and panicking so much. It was not like her at all.
"Should I get a doctor?" Katja blurted out, suddenly standing up. "Perhaps I should – zey vill vant to know you are avake..."
Katja hurried to leave the room, almost tripping over herself as she reached the door. Rat frowned to herself, but had no choice but to wait in silence until Katja returned. She dragged a poor nurse into the room while hastily speaking in German, stuttering every few words.
Rat could only stare, now even more disturbed by her sister's erratic behavior. The logical part of her mind told her Katja was probably acting out of residual fear, but it didn't make it any easier to witness.
The nurse stepped away from Katja and approached the bed, checking over the various monitors Rat was hooked up to. Then she muttered something to Katja and walked out of the room. The German woman made as if she was going to follow her, but Rat grabbed her hand before she could. She pointed to the chair, silently instructing Katja to sit.
Katja looked between Rat and the door for a minute before sitting down at last. "That voman, she ez going to get zee doctor. He vill be here soon," she explained quickly.
Rat stared at Katja, wishing she could tell her to calm down. Instead, the hacker reached out and lightly put her hand on the side of her sister's jaw, not entirely sure how to reassure her without words, but she knew she had to do something to get Katja to relax and breathe for a minute.
Katja seemed to understand. She stopped and became completely still, finally relaxing a bit. She took Rat's hand in her own. "I am sorry," she murmured. Rat shook her head subtly to let her know it was fine. Katja bit down hard and took a deep breath. "I am tired. Helena...she scares me more zan I vant to admit..."
Rat watched her sister sadly. As hard as it was seeing Katja so distraught, Rat couldn't blame her. She was sick, getting worse and worse each day, with hardly any chance to rest with everything going on. It hit Rat just how much Katja cared about her. How scared she must have been to think Helena killed her...Katja was bound to break eventually, however composed she tried to be...
As the nurse re-entered the room with a doctor, Rat tightened her grip on Katja's hand. She wouldn't let her sister break just yet.
"Aila, get packing," Leigh snapped later that day.
The hairdresser wasn't having an easy day. First, she'd returned to the house with a shaken up Aila, who seemed exhausted and numb with all that had gone on, which left Leigh with the task of convincing her parents to leave. Janet and Spencer were stubborn, resulting in a brief argument between them and Leigh, before they finally came to an agreement and went upstairs to pack. Leigh had found a place for them on Rat's laptop somewhere in South Africa, which was DYAD-free and far enough away to stay safely hidden. Leigh also forced her parents to take some of her money to afford the cost of traveling, which they had also argued about.
Now, Aila didn't seem to want to do anything. Aryanna, Janika, and Rat kept crossing her mind.
"Look, Rat's OK," Leigh tried to assure her. "She's OK thanks to you. You saved her life. But we need to pack our stuff, and Rat's and Katja's, so when Rat comes out of hospital, we can just go. Meanwhile, if Helena comes back, I swear I'm gonna kick the shit out of her..."
"I don't know how long Rat'll be in hospital for," Aila managed as she decided to help Leigh at last. "I'm just worried about the police getting involved. She had her throat slit; the hospital are going to contact the police about it."
Leigh sighed, resisting the urge to pull at her hair. "I KNOW that...shit...OK, look, it was dark, right? Maybe we can say we didn't see the attacker's face...maybe just tell them to look for a blonde woman with a weird accent...shit, I don't even know, but we still need to prepare. We're going to have to leave for France as soon as we can."
Aila nodded quietly, finally standing to gather what few things she'd brought with her. It didn't take long since she didn't have a lot. She absently wondered if they should find a house closer to the hospital to live in. Now Helena knew they were there, it was only a matter of time before she came back to try to kill them again.
The doctor heard Leigh's parents packing, but paid them no mind and went upstairs to where Rat and Katja slept. She looked around and gathered up what bits of clothing and items she identified as theirs.
Aila stuffed some of the items into Katja's bag before kneeling down to unzip Rat's suitcase. She went to close it again after placing clothes inside...but then Aila noticed something orange shoved in the corner of the case, partially stuffed underneath a shirt. She recognised it as a prescription bottle, and recalled Leigh saying she saw Rat taking some kind of medication before.
The doctor frowned. She knew she should respect the other clone's privacy...but Aila recalled being at Rat's library, when she suspected the hacker of purposely avoiding the topic of the diagnosed condition Leekie accused her of having.
Aila shook her head and quickly closed the case, momentarily ashamed at herself for being tempted to look. Whatever was or wasn't going on really wasn't her business.
The rest of the day was stressful for everyone. In between visiting Rat at the hospital and preparing to leave for France, Leigh, Aila and Katja were faced with the task of speaking to the police about what had happened. The three of them panicked when it came to getting their story straight and insisted on giving fake names. Aila in particular could not risk telling the police who she was. She was still wanted for murder, whether she was in Scotland or not.
"Maybe vee should just tell zee police all vee know about Helena," Katja groaned angrily in the waiting room at the hospital. "Zey can lock her up until she rots...and zee nutters making her do all of zis also."
Leigh wanted to tell her off for suggesting such a thing, but she held her tongue. Katja had a point. Why did they keep refusing to tell authorities about Helena?
"She's a clone," Aila spoke quietly. She glanced around to make sure nobody was listening in. "If we tell the police everything, DYAD will find out somehow. DYAD will come for Helena."
There was a pause.
"Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing," Leigh whispered.
Aila stared at her in disbelief. "So you want to team up with DYAD now? After everything?"
"I never said that," Leigh said with a shrug. "Well...I don't know..."
"I'm still wanted for murder, in case you forgot," Aila reminded her. "Meeting Leekie in person convinced me I can't trust DYAD. If they manage to get me off the murder charge, they'll still make my life hell somehow; I know it. Same goes for you and Katja. Rat would never agree to this anyway..."
"I know, I know," Leigh told her desperately. "I'm just saying...DYAD's got power. Real power, probably more so than the police. If anyone can control Helena, it's them. I don't think they even know about Helena! Lucas said she was kidnapped by the Proletheans, right? So what if we...hand Helena over to DYAD; make them aware of this un-monitored clone and come to some kind of...of compromise-"
"Are you for real?" Katja asked, sounding disbelieving now. "DYAD are double-crossers. I cannot believe after all you have started, you are even suggesting zis."
Leigh had never seen Katja so angry. It was unnerving.
"I agree," Aila added. "I thought Beth was going to stop Helena, anyway. She's the one we need to trust in all this. Which reminds me, we need to get in touch with her and tell her about Janika. Damn, I don't know if anyone even found Janika yet..."
Leigh opened her mouth to say something, but paused when the three of them were approached by two men in police uniforms who proceeded to ask them questions. They hadn't had the time to agree on a story, and so they tried to stay consistent with each other as they took turns talking.
They said their sister had gone outside to walk the dog when she was attacked by a blonde woman with a heavy Russian or Ukrainian accent. They explained they hadn't seen her face very well because of the dark, and by the time help arrived, the woman had run off. It was obvious Katja was still extremely unhappy with not telling the whole truth about Helena, but it was a start. A blonde Ukrainian woman would be obvious enough to the police.
After the police left, the three clones made their way up to Rat's room. The hacker was staring out the window absently, looking completely bored. She flinched when she turned her head to look at them, but gave a short wave in greeting.
"Hey..." Aila said with a somewhat forced smile.
Rat picked up on the tension between the three and raised an eyebrow, staring at them expectantly. She wondered what could have possibly happened in the two hours they'd left her alone.
"It ez nozing," Katja tried to assure her sister.
Aila, however, sighed, unable to ignore Leigh refusing to look at any of them. The doctor fidgeted for a while, earning more disapproving looks from Rat. After a while, Aila sighed again, looked up, and told Rat what the three had discussed in the waiting room, much to the disapproval of Leigh and Katja.
"We need to be honest with each other!" she told them defensively. "If we don't come to some sort of agreement now, things will fall apart. I'm against turning Helena into DYAD, and so is Katja. We're pretty sure you are too." She looked at Rat, expecting to see anger on her features at the very mention of DYAD.
To Aila's surprise, Rat looked strangely calm. She bit her lip, itching to say something. Then she began looking around for something. It didn't take Katja long to realise what she wanted.
"Here," she said. She took out her phone and handed it to Rat so the hacker could type what she wanted to say.
"I know it's not the best option there is," Leigh spoke in a controlled voice while Rat typed. "I don't trust Leekie, Aila. Not one bit. I just want to stop Helena."
"But at what cost?" Aila asked.
"I know," Leigh insisted. She let out a short sigh and pulled her own hair. "I don't want to put you guys in danger. I'm just...throwing ideas out there. I don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't do anything if you didn't agree with it. I hope you know that."
"Vee do," Katja assured her. Aila nodded too, calming down a bit.
Finally, Rat passed her phone to Katja, who read the message off the screen. "Turning Helena into DYAD isn't actually a bad idea, but if vee are to do it, it needs to be done properly. Zat means NO deals, NO compromise...it needs serious zinking and planning, and before zat, vee need to CATCH Helena in zee first place. Contact Beth. She vill help."
Both Leigh and Aila were stunned at Rat considering the option, but they didn't dare argue. If anyone was smart enough to make sure this was done properly, it was Rat.
Katja frowned. "But Ratty...ez it not you who said DYAD vould just experiment on zose who mess zings up for zem? Vhy not just bring Helena to regular police and let her rot in jail?"
Rat motioned for the phone again and typed out another response, before passing it back to Katja. The German woman read the message out loud. "Zat ez true, zough at zis point, do you zink I care? Let zem do vat zey vant vith her. She deserves it."
The room lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.
"We should speak to Beth," Aila agreed quietly after a moment. "You're right. Nothing's going to happen either way until we actually catch Helena. I'll call Beth later on tonight."
Rat nodded. She leaned back, apparently tired and in pain. She was thankful the others agreed to let this drop for now. She wasn't sure she had the energy for it.
"We'll let you rest, Rat," Leigh said gently. "Just...shit..." Leigh found herself hurrying over to Rat and carefully pulling her into a one-armed hug, worried about hurting her. Leigh let go quickly and glared at the hacker. "Doesn't mean I like you or anything," she insisted, backing away. "But you get better soon, or else."
Rat watched in stunned confusion as Leigh left the room. Aila said her goodbyes too, wished Rat well, and followed Leigh.
"I am staying," Katja told Rat. "Zey can handle Beth."
Rat motioned for Katja's phone again, typing quickly as Katja made herself comfortable in the chair. She handed the phone to her sister when she was finished.
'You can definitely tell Leigh got hit in the head.'
It was the first time Katja laughed all day.
"Why are you lot still pissing about in Austria? You have Janika's samples, so get a move on with Danielle!"
"Hello to you too Beth," Aila said dryly, not surprised the detective was already having a go at them. She looked thin and worn out, with dark eyes. She looked nothing like the bright and friendly woman they'd first met.
"Look, we didn't call you to get yelled at, so shut up and listen," Leigh snapped irritably. "Janika's dead and Rat's in the hospital with a slit throat, so we're not gonna be able to get to France for another few weeks."
Beth stared at them, shocked. "Janika's dead?! And one of yours was attacked? Did you guys actually face off with the killer then?"
"Yeah, we did," Leigh muttered. "And she got away."
"Shit..." Beth breathed. The irritable look on her face faded away, replaced with complete worry. "And Rat...will she-"
"She should be fine," Leigh sighed. "Dunno how long she'll be in hospital for though."
"And Janika? What happened?"
Aila and Leigh nervously glanced at each other before launching into an explanation of what they witnessed, including the fact Helena was actually another clone. The detective listened carefully, though the news seemed to disturb her a lot.
"You guys still need to get out of there," she said right away, shaking her head. "What's the plan?"
"Well we were hoping you could help," Aila began reluctantly. "You're a cop – you could do something about Helena-"
"What, from Canada?" Beth interrupted. "Unless we lure this bitch over here to come after me, there's not a lot I can do. Not without getting the rest of the force involved, and honestly, I don't know how well that'd go down. DYAD would be all over it for a start!"
"True..." Aila agreed.
"I'm not sure I want to give Alison another reason to freak out, anyway," Beth muttered, averting her gaze now.
"You haven't told her any of this?" Leigh asked.
"I'm not about to tell her the killer's another clone, no," Beth told her sharply. "I'm trying to keep Alison in the dark as much as possible. I'm convincing her to keep calm, or she's gonna lose it. And say we do manage to get Helena and her lot over here? What if it goes wrong? What if they find Alison?"
"We're all in danger wherever Helena decides to go, Beth!" Leigh argued. "And if we don't do something now, she's gonna finish us lot off over here, and then she'll come for you lot over there anyway! Why are you so concerned for Alison in all of this?"
"I just am, OK?" Beth snapped defensively. "You don't know what she's like! You don't know what this is doing to her!"
Leigh just stared. It was rather...haunting to see someone like Beth becoming so desperate and irrational. She glanced at Aila again, who shook her head sadly, hoping Beth wouldn't notice. Leigh wondered if Aila was thinking the same as her. It seemed out of all the clones, Alison included, Beth was the one struggling the most.
"Would you be able to catch Helena if we tricked her into going over there, or not?" Leigh asked calmly.
Beth took a deep, steadying, breath. "Yes, if I have enough time to form a proper plan. Let's not rush into anything, OK? Get Rat out of hospital, get out of Austria, and find a new place to stay in France. We'll talk about catching Helena when you're settled again."
The call ended suddenly, leaving Leigh and Aila feeling extremely tense.
The rest of the evening passed by in a tense silence. Nobody slept, too afraid of Helena showing up for round two. Leigh had again taken up the habit of keeping her pan nearby through the night, and when morning finally came, it was time for Janet and Spencer to leave for their new home in South Africa.
"When it's safe, I'll come and find you," Leigh promised as she hugged them both. Even though she knew this was for the best, it was still hard on everybody to split up again.
Aila left them alone for a moment to say their goodbyes, though she was surprised when Janet called her back over and hugged her as well.
"You're a very good friend to Ashleigh, and we thank you for that," Janet said.
"Try and make sure she doesn't smack too many people with that pan," Spencer added, trying to keep the mood light.
Leigh groaned slightly and shook her head, but Aila couldn't help laughing. "No promises there, I'm afraid. You know what she's like with that," she said teasingly, earning another playful shove from Leigh.
"That we do," Janet said with a small smile. "You girls stay safe. We'll be waiting for you all to come back from this mess in one piece."
With that, Janet and Spencer left with their bags, and the house suddenly felt strangely empty and silent. Aila glanced over at Leigh and lightly put her arm around her. "You'll see them again," she said.
Leigh sighed softly. "I hope so...but we can't think about that now. Let's see about finding somewhere closer to the hospital to settle down in, and prepare for France."
Aila smiled and nodded. "Yep, and you know what would be a good thing to start with?"
Leigh raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"A nice fresh cup of tea," Aila told her, making her way towards the kitchen.
Leigh gave a subtle smile. "That'd be an excellent start."
Rat made steady progress. The weeks passed, and she regained some of her strength and the ability to talk. She struggled occasionally, and it was clear she would never quite be the same again, but it was a massive relief to everyone to know she was on the mend.
The most noticeable change was Rat's voice. It now seemed to be higher pitched than that of a typical clone. It was an odd change, especially when the doctors had been expecting her voice to be lower, if anything. The hacker was determined to leave hospital sooner rather than later, despite being advised against it for the time being.
"She ez nervous of Helena," Katja told the others quietly. "I do not blame her for vanting to get out of Austria."
The clones had found a small apartment to stay in close to the hospital. Since they were only intending to stay there until Rat left hospital, they didn't want to spend too much money on a bigger place, so they made do for the time being.
Katja spent most of her time at Rat's side, while Aila and Leigh concentrated on other issues. Always on high alert, Leigh found herself gravitating towards the windows of their apartment and staring down over the town for hours on end, much to Aila's disapproval.
Aila, on the other hand, became obsessive with reading news reports and waiting for updates from Beth. "They found Janika," she told a distracted Leigh one morning while looking on Katja's laptop. It was enough to gain Leigh's full attention. She whipped around and abandoned the window to listen to Aila. "Selena sent an email to Katja...look...DYAD know...they're covering it up; making sure it's not mentioned in the papers or anything...just like they did with Aryanna..."
"Of course," Leigh said bitterly.
"Janika's laptop is missing," Aila continued as she read off the screen.
Leigh stared. "Somebody took it?"
"I'm guessing DYAD," Aila mumbled, shrugging. "I suppose they'd want to know what Janika was doing on there before she was killed. They might want to see who she's been in contact with."
"So we'll have to be careful," Leigh muttered.
"And also, apparently there was one cop in particular who showed up after the fact who was asking questions about...me?" Aila asked, raising an eyebrow. "Selena's warning us all to be careful. She thinks the cop was another DYAD agent who was undercover, though apparently this person was specifically trying to get information about me after asking questions about Janika."
"That's...weird," Leigh muttered, feeling rather uneasy about this mysterious cop. "Soon as Rat's out of the hospital, we need to leg it to France as fast as we can if DYAD are really right on our arses."
The two of them were ready to discuss these latest revelations with Katja, but the German woman was extremely distracted the next time they saw her. Rat was due to leave hospital the next day, and Katja had returned to take a fresh set of clothes in for her. She shuffled over to Aila later on, looking concerned and confused. She appeared to be holding something tightly in her hand.
"Aila, I vant your opinion on somezing," she said bluntly.
Aila waited for her to explain, while Leigh half-listened as she gazed out of the window again.
Katja looked down at the large, orange plastic bottle in her hand. "Vat exactly ez Clozaril? I found zis in Ratty's bag along vith her Diazepam. Zat one I know ez for her anxiety, but zis I have never heard of."
Aila's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Clozaril? Are you sure?" she asked, taking the bottle to have a look for herself. 'Clozaril' was clearly printed on the label.
"Ja, vat ez it?" Katja asked, slightly unnerved by the look on Aila's face.
Aila stared at the bottle for a moment longer, before shaking her head slightly in disbelief. "Clozaril...or rather, Clozapine, is...well...a highly effective anti-psychotic used to treat schizophrenia, psychosis, and bipolar disorder. Also lowers the risk of suicidal behaviour in patients who have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder," she explained, reciting the words as if she were reading them from a textbook. "A regular patient of mine back home was on the stuff because he had schizoaffective disorder."
Katja stared at Aila in disbelief while Leigh tore her gaze from the window. The hairdresser hurried over, frowning, to look at the bottle.
"She did dodge the issue when we tried to question her, didn't she?" Aila whispered as she recalled what happened after Leekie showed up.
"But it's Rat's business, right?" Leigh asked. The tone of her voice suggested this discovery shocked her, though. "If she's on medication, she's clearly controlling it...she's not violent like Leekie said..."
"Vhy vould she keep zis from me zough?" Katja questioned. She glared at the bottle as though she blamed it for everything. Aila worried the German might throw it out of sheer frustration.
"But it means Leekie was telling the truth and Rat lied to us," Aila said with a shrug.
"No, Rat ez not a liar," Katja insisted, her fist trembling now. "Leekie, he must be twisting zings..."
"Maybe you should talk to Rat," Leigh insisted. "We won't get the full picture unless we convince her to spit it out."
The others reluctantly agreed, deciding to wait until Rat came home the following evening to ask her about it. While everyone, especially Katja, wanted to know more about the discovery, they all knew it wouldn't be right or fair to question her at the hospital, especially if they ended up making a scene.
The following day, Katja left to pick up Rat by herself. Aila kept busy looking over news articles on the computer while Leigh again stood by the window, holding her pan. Aila didn't think it was particularly healthy that the English clone kept the pan around at all times, but she really couldn't blame her given everything that had happened. She hoped Leigh would be able to relax a bit when they finally left Austria.
"Oh...Leigh, come look at this," Aila said, reading something.
Leigh walked over and sat beside the Scottish clone, taking a look at the laptop. Aila had discovered news of a ballroom party being held in Paris on August 31st.
"That's next Friday, and according to this, Danielle is going to be there. Maybe we can somehow use this to our advantage and meet her?" Aila suggested.
"Could do, but we'd have to be careful. We couldn't really just go there and find her. Other people would recognise us and think we're her," Leigh said, tilting her head.
"Yeah, we'll need to plan it out somehow," Aila agreed.
Leigh grinned suddenly. "Though...it would be fun to do us all up in make-up and dresses," she said.
Aila laughed. "You want to play dress up with us? You're such a girl," she teased. "God, I haven't worn a dress in years..."
"What, since that incident with the tequila and the pole?" Leigh asked innocently, earning a loud bark of laughter and a hard shove from Aila.
"That only happened once, gimme a break!" the doctor giggled, blushing. "I can't believe you even remember that. I only ever mentioned it that one time a few months back!"
Leigh grinned widely, unable to contain her laughter at the playful banter. It felt like it'd been far too long since she was able to have a real laugh with Aila. The doctor seemed to be of the same mindset as she continued to giggle, before relaxing back on the sofa with a content sigh.
"Why're you so surprised at me being a girl girl, anyway?" Leigh asked her, still laughing a bit. "It's what I went to college for. I'm a professional, you know!"
"A professional girl?" Aila teased, raising her eyebrow.
Leigh pulled a face and pulled the laptop towards her. "A professional hair stylist, make-up artist-"
"I know, I was pulling your leg," Aila giggled.
"I used to be beautiful," Leigh joked, pretending to sound hurt and tragic. "Before all this started, I always wore make-up. Rachel was right about one thing; I have let myself go." Leigh stared at her own reflection on the laptop screen, taking note of the dark circles around her eyes and lack of make-up. She ran a hand through her hair. "God, my roots need doing..."
"I thought you hated your haircut?" Aila asked.
Leigh grinned. "Yeah well, Rachel said she disapproves of it, so it grew on me. I think I'm gonna keep it."
Aila laughed. "Maybe we should go to this party...thing," she said thoughtfully. "Don't you think we deserve some kind of break?"
Leigh sat down next to Aila, typing away on the laptop. "It would be nice...just as long as we don't forget what we're there for and we're damn careful. Would we even be allowed in?"
"No idea. Can you imagine Rat in a dress?" Aila giggled, and Leigh laughed out loud.
"Can you imagine Rat dancing?" she added.
"Oh God," Aila managed between laughs. "Now there's a funny thought."
Suddenly, music started playing from the laptop. Aila stared, and Leigh grinned sheepishly. She had pulled up Youtube, and 'Just Dance' by Lady Gaga greeted their ears.
"What the hell?" Aila asked, still laughing.
"I loved this song when it first came out!" Leigh explained. "It always makes me wanna dance."
Leigh began singing along with the words and dancing in her seat, while Aila watched in disbelief. It as extremely unusual seeing the hairdresser so laid back. Even Charles and Bianca looked up and came trotting over, wagging their tails curiously.
Aila laughed at how confused the dogs looked, and then stood up dance with Leigh. She wasn't very good at it, but she was having too much fun to really care. It was nice to be able to have fun even in the midst of such a dark situation.
Neither clone noticed the door to the apartment opening and two figures walking in. Rat and Katja could only stare as Aila and Leigh danced together, both seemingly unaware of the world around them.
"As if you weren't acting strange enough...now these two are drunk and all..." Rat muttered, her voice strained and quiet.
The dogs glanced over and ran up to their owner, overjoyed to see her again. Rat smiled and petted them both lightly. The hacker's throat was still bandaged up, but it wasn't nearly as painful anymore. Katja said nothing and raised an eyebrow, waiting for one of the two oblivious women to take notice of them. She was tired and unimpressed.
Aila was the first to take notice, suddenly pausing her movements to look at the other clones with wide eyes. Unfortunately, Leigh wasn't aware of the sudden stop and ended up tripping over Aila's foot. They collapsed to the floor with a loud crash.
"Fuck's sake..." Leigh groaned.
"Are youever not on the beer?" Rat asked in a low voice.
Leigh responded with another groan as she and Aila helped each other stand up. They grinned at the sight of Rat, both relieved to see her. "Don't have to be drinking to be having fun," Aila said defensively. She reached for the laptop to silence the music. "Welcome back, Rat."
"Yeah, it's good to see you out of that place," Leigh told her, approaching the hacker cautiously. "How're you doing?"
"Better than I have been," Rat managed. She eyed Leigh nervously, a concerned expression on her face at the fact Leigh was still grinning. "God, you're not gonna hug me again, are you?"
Leigh held back a laugh and held her hands up to signal Rat was safe. "We're just glad you're out of there," she insisted.
"We have a few things to fill you in on," Aila spoke now. "But come sit down first."
"About you two losing the plot while I've been away?" Rat managed. She crossed the room to sit on the sofa. "Yeah...just when I thought you couldn't get any weirder..." She managed a small smile, causing the others to laugh.
"About Beth and Danielle, actually," Leigh teased, still grinning.
Katja, however, seemed strangely serious, and Aila remembered why when the German cast her an irritated glance. Rat didn't seem to notice Katja's bad mood growing worse by the second. She was too busy fussing Charles and Bianca, clearly very happy to see them.
"Give her time," Aila said quietly to Katja after pulling her aside. "She only just got back."
Katja grumbled something to herself and hastily ripped off her coat. She tossed it onto the nearest armchair and paced restlessly, while Leigh and Aila watched. "I am going for a bath. You two can explain zings," Katja muttered before vanishing from the room.
Leigh's expression switched from amusement to confusion when she noticed Katja's mood. Why was Katja so angry about this? Even if Rat did have schizophrenia like Leekie said, she was still the same person they'd always known.
When Katja was out of earshot, Rat looked between the other two clones with a more serious expression. "OK, what's up with her?" she asked them flatly. "She barely talked or even looked at me the entire way back here."
Aila and Leigh glanced at each other uncertainly. Should they bring it up now? Or wait until Katja was back so they could all discuss it together?
Rat's eyes darted between the two, easily seeing they did in fact know what was up. She couldn't help but narrow her eyes slightly in annoyance. "TALK, dancing weirdoes. What's going on here?" she snapped at them, though her voice faltered when she raised it.
Aila sighed, rubbing the back of her head. "OK, yes, something is going on, but wait until Katja gets back from her bath, please? We'll discuss it as a group. We really do have things to talk about before that though...about Beth and Janika..."
Aila told Rat about their latest Skype call with Beth, and how they were considering attempting to trick Helena into going to Canada. Then she talked about Janika, her laptop, and the possibility of DYAD taking it.
Rat raised her eyebrows. "Then it's a good thing we only ever discussed important issues via video call," she responded. "It's not like there's any chat history for them to read...nothing of importance, anyway...but yes, I agree we're going to have to be very careful...have you decided on a property in France yet?"
"No," Leigh told her. "Though we were considering our options for meeting Danielle. There's this...party thing taking place," she said, looking at Aila as she spoke. "In Paris. Danielle is meant to be there."
She and Aila explained all they had talked about before Rat and Katja arrived. Rat wore a strangely blank expression, as though thinking carefully about their next steps. Leigh and Aila were eager to hear her thoughts, but they didn't rush her.
It wasn't long before Katja emerged again. Her hair was damp, and she was wearing clean clothes. She coughed once or twice and flopped onto the sofa, hugging Charles close to her as she avoided looking at anyone else. Rat gazed steadily at her sister. She seemed to forget about Danielle. Katja distracted her completely.
"Out with it," Rat demanded sternly.
"Out vith vat?" Katja muttered, using Charles as a living pillow. He didn't seem to mind at all, laying his head on his paws as he cuddled up to the German clone.
"Never you mind 'out with what'," Rat said evenly. "Out with whatever's gotten you in a bad mood. It's not like you...and it's weird to see you like this. You don't usually keep things bottled up either, so talk to me," she said with a more gentle tone, almost forgetting for a moment that Aila and Leigh were there.
Aila and Leigh looked between the two uneasily, but decided to remain silent for now and instead sat down in chairs beside one another.
Katja raised her head slightly and glanced over, her expression hard to read. She locked eyes with Rat for several moments, before turning her gaze away again. "And I suppose you alvays share everyzing vith me too, ja?" she muttered, the bitterness in her voice clear.
"Huh?" Rat asked, entirely lost now. "Right...I've obviously done something to upset you, so just spit it out," she sighed. She had no energy for guessing games tonight.
Katja stood and vanished from the room for a few moments, and Aila guessed she'd gone to get the bottle of Clozaril. She was proven right when Katja returned and silently handed the bottle to Rat, who looked more than a little alarmed. Katja returned to her former position on the sofa to hug Charles again.
Rat sighed quietly and set the bottle aside, her hand shaking slightly. "I can explain..." she mumbled softly, looking down at the floor.
Leigh spoke up then. "Look, we're not gonna judge or anything, but the last time we asked you about this...well, it kind of seems like Leekie was telling the truth and you were lying...we just want to understand why."
"I didn't lie...technically..." Rat muttered, not looking at anyone. "I just...didn't want to tell the truth. And Leekie twists things to no end anyways. But fine...the blunt and honest answer is yes; five years ago, I was clinically diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia."
Rat hated talking about this, but she was smart enough to realise if she wanted any chance of keeping the trust of the other three clones, she had to explain fully and honestly this time.
"Vhy did you keep zis from me?" Katja asked. She no longer sounded angry; just hurt. "Do you still not trust me enough to know zat I vill stay vith you zrough anyzing?"
Rat shook her head, staring at her sister desperately. "It's not like that...look, when we first met, I didn't trust, and I didn't want to tell you anything about me...especially this, but now...I don't know...it just never seemed like the right time to bring it up...though realistically I know I kept making excuses to not to bring it up, because I was afraid of losing you somehow...I do trust you, Katja, more than anyone. I hope you know that.
"Though," the hacker continued, addressing everyone now, "personally, I don't believe that diagnosis was correct anyways. After it happened, I did a lot of reading about the condition, and a lot...of things...don't add up..." she said, though her voice was growing weaker by the second from speaking so much already.
"Maybe you should rest and talk about this more later," Aila suggested, worried about Rat hurting herself by pushing her voice too hard. The Swiss clone shook her head stubbornly. Even though it was very obviously straining on her healing throat, the hacker was determined to finish her explanation.
She was forced to pause for several minutes though, to allow her vocal cords to rest before continuing. She spoke in short bursts with frequent pauses in between. "The two main symptoms of schizophrenia...are hallucinations...and delusions...but I'm fairly certain...that I've never been delusional...I stand by...what I said before...it's not paranoia...when people really are out to get you.
"After moving...into my library...I did start to...hallucinate for a time...but...I think the hallucinations...were caused by something else...dunno what really, but...even when it was happening...I knew what I was seeing...couldn't possibly be real...in genuine cases of the disorder...the patient can't tell the difference between...between what's real...and what's not...also...schizophrenia is...a genetic disorder...if I really had it...other clones would too...and no other clone...has ever had that...put in their files...as far as I can tell...that's another reason why...I think something else was going on...though the anti-psychotics...made the hallucinations go away...so that's why I keep with them...I didn't tell any of you lot...when you asked before...because...well..." she trailed off for a moment, seeming to be struggling on the words, though not because of the pain in her throat. "Because I...was scared...I was scared...that you guys...would think I was crazy...or unreliable...when I'm not..." she managed to say before her voice cut out completely. Rat panted lightly from the effort it had taken to say so much at once.
Then, she sighed hugged her knees close to her chest, and refused to look at anyone. It was hard enough admitting she'd ever been diagnosed with such a severe disorder, whether it was true or not, though she found it equally hard to admit that she did care what the other clones thought of her.
Katja stared for a while. She stared with a blank expression, much more like her own than the distressed and irritable one the others had seen on her face the last few weeks...but it was disturbing. She looked almost defeated.
"I am tired," she said in a hushed voice after a while. "I must take nap."
Stunned, Aila, Rat and Leigh watched as Katja threw herself off the sofa and left for the bedroom. Aila darted after her quickly, refusing to believe the German could be so cold, even if she wasn't in the best state of mind lately. Rat and Leigh strained their ears as they tried to listen for snippets of conversation between Katja and Aila, but to no avail. Rat looked distraught.
Leigh shifted nervously, feeling tense. "She'll come around," she told Rat quietly. "I...we're really worried about her. It's just her illness talking, I'm sure of it...and the stress of all this..."
Rat said nothing and still didn't look at Leigh.
Leigh frowned a bit and swallowed hard. "For what it's worth," she continued anxiously. "I believe you. I know out of the three of us my word means the least, but..." Leigh trailed off. Rat looked up at her now, slightly surprised.
Without another word, Leigh rushed from the room to help Aila talk sense into Katja. Rat numbly stood and made her way to the door of the apartment complex, needing some air and space, her eyes stinging with tears as she left.
This type of reaction was exactly what she was afraid of, and why she didn't want to talk about her possible disorder at all. Making her way up to the roof of the building, the hacker found a sheltered spot to sit down. She allowed herself to break down and cry in the solitude of the cold moonlight.