AN: Finally got the time to sit down and type a chapter out, thank you for the nice reviews! :)

16 January 2008

Seriously? You're always drunk. And no, you are not allowed to flirt with me. It's weird! It's like Ted saying 'I Love You' to me, and unlike him, I know you don't mean it when you flirt, but still. It's weird. I guess I'm just not used to it.

Talk about days flying by. It's the 16th. I've been away for more than a month and I haven't even noticed, not really. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

I love how you had your rant about not using emails and having to write letters, and then at the end you just completely changed your mind and felt glorious because you 'beat me at letter writing' by writing a longer message than I did. You are one oddball.

And… Okay, okay. Sticking my heart back together now. With a glue gun… Except I don't own a glue gun. I mean, Ted does, but he's all the way back there with you, so whatever. Don't look at me, I'm really just sticking my heart back together using the joyous tears I've shed upon finding out you do not have a girlfriend.

As for me – I don't have a boyfriend, and it's not like I need one anyway. I've always been independent (as you would say, or have said) and I feel like I shouldn't be having a boyfriend just yet. Even if it's just a casual fling. I generally just don't feel like I should be committed in any way because I'm still not entirely sure I am mentally stable.

And shut up!

My job is really exciting. I bet Lily wants to know more about it, right? (Ask her about it, I'm sure she'd say yes because she really does care about me entirely, unlike you.) I mean, even if she doesn't, I'm pretty sure Ted cares. He's the kind of guy who cares about everything, even boring and stupid stuff like why the grand piano is called the grand piano. Okay, don't tell him I said that, because that's mean. (But at the same time it's really true, and that's kind of sad.)

I guess I'm just really tired and sleep-deprived here because I don't really have much to say, again. It's not the jetlag thing, it's been ages and if I'm still having jet lag then I should seriously get myself checked out. So, no, it's not.

I think I just feel a little homesick.

Don't be all talk and no action, come and fetch me already, will you! Or I will have to spend all my salary on booze and hot English males, to, you know, numb my loneliness, if that's what you want.

Love and miss you quite a lot

Robin

To: Robin Scherbatsky

From: Barney Stinson

Subject: I had to.

Okay, first of all, I had to do this email thing because I absolutely had to. I can NO LONGER stand this letter arriving thing. Patience is not my thing! Besides, my hands are falling off from all that excessive writing. Typing is much better.

First off, I'm not always drunk! Where do you get your information from, lady? Because it's all wrong. I'm hardly drunk. I'm mostly just awesome, and that's not the same as drunk.

Save the time and energy on sticking your heart together because I'll be tearing it apart very soon. I mean, I think. Whatever. I don't really know what I'm saying anymore.

Anyway, I've asked both Ted and Lily, and they do not care. Not one bit. Well actually, their exact words were, 'Of course we care! We love Robin!' but I'm pretty sure they meant the opposite. Uh, come on, I know them and I know what they're thinking just by their facial expressions. So shush back there, because I think I know what I'm doing.

Oh, and Ted read that part where you talked about him being boring and stupid. I'm sorry, I tried to stop that from happening but he snatched the letter right out of my hands the second I told him you mentioned him. I totally did not read that out loud in front of him just to piss the both of you off. Anyway, he agreed with the fact that he was pretty boring, so you have nothing to worry about.

…Thank God you don't have a boyfriend. I don't think there are any hot guys over there. None of them as hot as me anyway. Hence I can conclude that none of them will do you any good because none of them will ever be good enough for you.

I was being serious, if you were wondering.

It sucks seeing you being unhappy over there, or lonely, or sleep-deprived, or whatever. It just sucks in general, seeing you being negative. Snap out of it! You're worrying me. And I told you, I would fly over given the chance, but I've been signing about two more documents each day on average so you could say things are quite busy at the moment at GNB. I really wish I could, though. Really.

But you can always fly back! You're homesick, after all, so if I fly there, it won't really help, would it? New York is your home. (Or… Canada. But Canada is lame, and I'm in New York.)

You can spend your salary on whatever you want except on hot males, because they don't even exist over there.

B

To: Barney Stinson

From: Robin Scherbatsky

Subject: RE: I had to.

Stop it! I hate you! You're using email! And I hate myself for tolerating this thing by replying you via email!

But I have to agree, it's much faster. So you get one point.

Come on, Barney. I know, my bad. So let me rephrase that: You always drink. Drunk on some occasions, but not always. But you also always just drink. A lot.

I don't know what you're trying to say with that sticking heart thing either. So let's just skip over that part… Great.

Very clever and funny with that Ted and Lily part right there, Mr. Stinson. You are totally right about your predictions. I'm sure they don't care about my job at all as well, just like you don't. What a coincidence! The world is a miraculous and peculiar place!

…Okay, get real. Back to the non-sarcastic Robin. Tell them thank you for caring about my job, and me and I hope they're doing well. Also, say hi to Marshall for me? Thanks.

You are so awful! And you're still flirting with me. You just don't stop, do you? Pass this email (thanks a lot) to Ted now and tell him to read that next paragraph.

Ted… I'm sure you're not boring. Barney's just being an ass, like he always is. Also, don't tell Barney this, but going against his will, I think I've gotten myself a boyfriend. Yeah, he's English too! Now let this be a secret between you and I. And maybe Lily and Marshall, if you like, but make sure Barney doesn't know about this.

Barney, it does suck. It does suck feeling negative and homesick and lonely. But I can't fly back either, because I'm busy with work. Real work, not sitting there behind a desk signing random documents you don't even read. Real work, like reporting the news, doing research on pandas (it's very serious stuff, pandas are declining greatly in number around the world) and doing live television. Yes, I actually do real work, because I'm not you.

Sigh.

I just really miss you and I want to see you so terribly, but this is Life, I guess. It's not supposed to be easy and you're not supposed to get what you want. So I'll just have to deal with this myself.

R

P.s. Seriously? I'm still wondering why GNB let you choose that email address. Don't you think it's a bit ridiculous? You're a grown ass man!