AN

Hey all, here's the next chapter xxx

Leah's POV

I screamed out loud and threw a vase at the wall; it smashed into thousands of pieces.

As I watched, I too fell to the floor, clutching my sides and rocking back and forth as the latest pain ripped through me. I stayed like that for ages - until darkness had consumed the house - there was no point in putting a light on, my wolf eyes could see just the same, and I welcomed the shadows.

Finally, I calmed myself; I needed to make some sense out of my screwball emotions.

I said I didn't want Jake in that way, it was impossible.

Why then, did it hurt so much seeing him and Nessie like that?

I guess it was the shock; I knew it was going to happen one day - the imprint was going to push them together, but I wish I hadn't had to bear witness to it.

God damn it!

I was such an emotional freak - and a hypercritical one too!

I was completely relaxed and enjoying myself with Cris before the leeches arrived. Cris was - is so much less complicated than any of the other guys and he made me feel better about things in a way Jake never could. Even Seth's sunny outlook didn't ease my pain the way Cris's did.

So, what was my problem?

I stood up and moved to the window, looking out at the dark night. I realised I had no idea where Seth was, but the peace and quiet was welcome so I would make the most of it. I decided to light some candles and try to meditate (originally I wanted to drown my sorrows in ice cream, but we were out), but my thought process was interrupted by a knock at the door.

I had no idea who it would be - most people just walked in. Annoyed at having my bad mood interrupted, I went to tell the visitor to sod off. Much to my surprise, I found Cris and Jaden on the doorstep, each with a small bag in hand. My plan quickly went out the window.

"Hi?" I questioned, looking at their hand luggage.

"I'm sorry Leah. This is probably a really bad time, but with the Vamps back, we weren't really comfortable at house. We were going to sleep in the forest, but Seth saw us and insisted we came here. We'll sort things out tomorrow I promise." Cris looked apprehensive.

"Oh, right . . ." This wasn't what I needed right now, but thanks to my brother, what could I say? "Well, I can hardly send you away can I? Come on, one of you can have Jake's bed and there's a pull out mattress in his room as well. I guess he won't be using it anymore." I couldn't help but sound bitter.

Jaden gave me a sorrowful look, "Thanks Leah. We won't be any trouble we promise. We'll be gone tomorrow."

"Don't worry about it. Stay as long as you want, everyone else does," I said flippantly and opened the door wide to let them in.

Jaden went ahead and made himself at home. Cris hung back.

"I brought your car back as well." Cris handed me the keys.

"Oh, thanks. I totally forgot about it. How did you get the keys though? They were in my . . ." I felt my pockets, but they were empty.

Cris chuckled. "They were in the back yard. I guess they fell out when I threw you across the lawn."

"Thanks," I muttered not sharing his amusement.

I went to walk off, but his hand lightly touched my arm.

"Are you ok?" His eyes were worried; he knew me too well already.

"I don't want to talk about it yet, ok?" I was tired and defeated; all I wanted was to be alone. "Look, I'll show you around and them I'm going to head to bed if you guys can manage? I'm sure Seth will be home soon."

"Sure. Ok. Thanks again for letting us stay though Leah." Cris's eyes studied me.

"No problem. Seriously, stay as long as you want. I'm just in a bad mood." I tried to give him a look that wasn't a scowl: I wasn't so sure it worked.

I desperately wanted space, but as long as they kept out of my way they could stay. I was used to having shape shifters inconveniently lounging about the house after all. Quickly, I showed them around; the house was tiny and nothing like the Cullen's, but it was homely and at least it didn't smell disgusting. Satisfied that they could find the bathroom and the fridge, I grunted a good night and headed up to bed.

Frustratingly, it took hours for sleep to consume me; I kept replaying Jake and Nessie's kiss. It was stupid of me to think everything was going to be better and back to normal. When Jake turned up today, I finally submitted and called an unspoken truce. I thought it would be just like nothing had changed.

Who was I kidding?

Jake had royally screwed my head up, and Cris was just as bad for convincing me to let him in again. I had even turned Jake down today to spend time with Cris. I wasn't blowing him out, or at least I didn't mean too. I didn't even realise it would seem that way until now.

So what was it that hurt me tonight?

I tried to consider what hurt most about the scene.

Was it Jake and Nessie finally being together?

No, I had come to terms with that. That was why I was acting alpha.

After a long talk with Cris, I had admitted that I loved Jake, but I was confused. He was my rock before I came back, he always had been. We were so close and both going through so much emotionally, that it became easy to look to each other for something more. We couldn't fill the holes in each other's life though. Maybe we would have been able to if destiny never interfered, but it did. Case closed.

When I thought about things that way, I realised it was all to do with love. It was always my problem; I was jealous and hurting about the things I could never have. Watching everyone with their futures ahead of them and being left behind broke me.

This was the exact issue I had to work on. I wasn't truly alone, and I had a future - I was an alpha, I had a pack; that was my path now. It wasn't one I would have chosen initially, but it was a path nonetheless, which was better than standing at a crossroads.

I finally fell asleep with those thoughts in my mind. Sadly, when I awoke, I felt far from rested. I knew I had slept badly; unwelcome dreams of Jake and Nessie, Sam and Emily and even Cris had kept me tossing and turning.

I reluctantly dragged my butt out of bed, and instead of dwelling on the negatives, forced myself to remember my chosen path. Whatever I may, or may not feel, was irrelevant. I just had to pull myself together and embrace my life.

Grabbing a towel, I headed to the shower. Once done, I dried myself and dressed fairly smart in a black pencil skirt and white fitted blouse. All the time I was trying to keep the 'jug is half full' mantra running through my mind. Next, I slowly made my way downstairs, finally ready to face my brother and house guests.

Seth was easily found; he was asleep on the sofa with the TV on standby and the remote still in his hand. Even with my dampened mood I still chuckled; he didn't often make it to bed.

"Boo!" I shouted in his face as I leant over the sofa.

He smiled with his eyes still closed, "I heard you coming. Nice try."

I laughed lightly and wandered off to the kitchen only to find Jaden sitting at the table eating cereal in his boxers; yeah, maybe a house full of men was fairly annoying. I made myself some cereal and sat down opposite him.

He started to talk between mouthfuls; "Cris has already gone . . . out for the day . . . I'm going soon . . . so we won't be . . . under your feet."

"Suit yourselves; I'm going out job hunting anyway," I replied quietly.

I hadn't found any work yet and I needed to start asking around. If I failed, very soon Seth and I would have no electric or water and have to eat raw deer in the forest. Sure, Seth didn't mind his wolf side so much, so I doubted this would be a biggie for him, however my little brother would be unbearable if he had no Tv, and I certainly couldn't live without hot showers.

After clearing my bowl of every single drop I threw it in the sink and grabbed the car keys. Jaden and Seth managed to wish me luck on my way out the door, and it was surprisingly appreciated.

I spent the day searching all of Forks and La Push for jobs. I asked in all the shops, went through all the newspapers, but there was nothing available. I was going to have to extend my radius; travelling would be a bitch though and cut into patrols. I made my way home feeling defeated and drained again; nothing was going my way. I stopped off at the grocery store and purchased some necessities. I needed ice cream and - as soon as I got home - my duvet.

Alone time was looking like a good possibility; when I pulled up at home, Seth and Jaden were heading out. I was disappointed to hear Cris was still in the house though. It looked like it would be another night where I was restricted to my room. It was my own fault though; I had said they could stay.

I entered the house begrudgingly, and Cris appeared in the hallway looking at me happily.

"What?" I snapped.

His happy face was definitely irritating; I felt like it was mocking me. I was still jobless, and it was my responsibility to keep the house running. Seth always tried, but he was useless, and yet here was Cris grinning like life was a bowl of peaches; it was the quickest way he had gotten under my skin to date.

"Well, that tells me what I needed to know." Cris was smirking now.

"What the hell are you going on about? I've had a bad day; I don't need your pathetic opinions, or fucking stupid mug in my face right now." I internally cringed at the words spilling out of my temperamental mouth, but they just came so naturally I couldn't stop them.

"Sorry, forget it. I stupidly thought you might want cheering up, or to even celebrate depending on how the job hunt went." He pulled a takeaway pizza box out from behind his back and threw it at my feet before storming past me to the front door.

"Wait . . ." I looked down at the box by my feet. "You're broke, where did you get the money?"

He turned and looked at me, clearly angry; "Yeah, well, I managed to get a bit of cash today; I did some carpentry work. Like an idiot, I thought you deserved a treat. I even thought you were getting past this temperamental stuff with me, I guess I was wrong. Sorry for intruding Leah, I'll find Jaden and then I'll get my 'fucking stupid mug' out of your way."

Guilt immediately ran through me. He had been nothing but good to me and he really was broke; I was rich in comparison. Despite this, he just spent his money on a pizza for the bitch of La Push, and I had made him feel like he had to leave and wasn't welcome.

"Cris, I . . ." I started to speak, but the apology he deserved was stuck in my throat. Like I said before, sorry was not a word that came to me naturally.

"What Leah?" he huffed impatiently, his hand moving closer to the door.

"I . . . I've had a bad day," I stuttered.

"And that's my fault is it? I was only trying to make it better," he snapped.

I had to give Cris his dues; he never had been scared of me and refused to take my shit. I could see only to clearly how destructive I was being to our friendship. I was taking things out on him that wasn't his fault; he wasn't Jake, or the cause of me having no job. Immediately, I felt guilty and wanted to make it up to him. The first step was swallowing my pride.

"Sorry." I cringed. "It's not your fault, you're right."

He eyed me sceptically; "Wow, you actually apologised."

I ignored him and nodded at the pizza; "So, err, what toppings has it got?"

Cris raised his eyebrow at me; "It's a Meat Feast of course. What do you take me for?"

"Well, I am hungry . . ." I said still trying to gain forgiveness.

"Good, then you can eat as much as you want." He opened the front door and started to move through it.

"Stay . . . I've got ice cream." My words came our quick and desperate. It was the only thing I could offer, and sharing my ice cream was a huge thing to me; Seth had been pummelled many a time for trying to sneak just one bite.

Cris paused with his back to me and after a few seconds I heard him let out a light sigh.

I carried on; "It's cookie dough flavoured . . . I don't even share with Seth. You're very privileged to even be offered."

He turned and the anger was melting into a smirk, "Privileged?"

"Yep." I smiled back, "Only Jake has ever . . ." my voice trailed off as I thought about Jake.

Cris's face immediately turned softer, not pitying, but concerned. He slowly shut the door and came back into the house.

"Come on then. Let's get you fed. We can't have the alpha female going hungry now, can we?" He nudged me in the direction of the lounge and picked up the pizza box by my feet on the way.

It wasn't my intention to guilt him into staying, but for once in my life I let it slide by and just appreciated the fact that he was.

It turned out, Cris and pizza was exactly what I needed; we ended up eating dinner on the sofa and making sarcastic comments at each other for the whole evening. We ate the ice cream straight from the tub with two spoons and somehow managed to avoid all things serious. Anytime I seemed to be getting to deep into thought Cris would pull me out of it or make me laugh.

By the time I was up for patrol, he even decided to join me. We couldn't hear each other's thoughts phased, but we still ran the trails side by side, and even though it was a night shift, the hours quickly passed in his company.