AN: First of all, I'm so sorry for the super long hiatus. My brain has been being a bit of a jerk lately and I've been suffering from writer's block in the cruelest way for weeks, until today, when everything magically unclogged and I ended up writing five chapters in a row. The Universe is so mean sometimes.
To: Robin Scherbatsky
From: Barney Stinson
Subject: No.
I am not. Jealous. Of you.
Never.
Ever.
B
P.s. I love you too.
To: Barney Stinson
From: Robin Scherbatsky
Subject: Now, now.
Can we not continue arguing? Our emails are getting pretty pointless if you compare them with our first letters.
Seriously.
R
To: Robin Scherbatsky
From: Barney Stinson
Subject: Ok, fine.
Moving on.
I'm just going to act like a mature adult again. Oh, wait, I always was! A little too mature too soon too, if you get what I mean. Hint: Banging. Another hint: Chicks.
…Okay, okay! Stop giving me that look. You know you are doing that look. That one where it's just slightly less scary than Lily's but actually equally as intimidating.
Let's hop onto the more serious things now, should we? Great. Because I just – wait for it – for real, confirmed the flight. I mean, yeah, you already know that, but 'book' and 'confirm' are two different words with different meanings so I thought I should let you know that my flight has now been confirmed. Treat that as confirmation or something.
Anyway! Mark your calendar, young lady, because I'm arriving in two and a half weeks! Right? Now… I'd not know for sure, but I'd probably – very probably – most probably arrive at, say, early evening on the 3rd of April? If I calculated all that time difference stuff right. You know I am rubbish at Maths.
Plus I just wanted to make sure you marked your calendar, (and you really should have, by now. REALLY. Just get to it now!), because I may or may not need you to pick me up at the airport as well on that day. I know, I know, it sounds super feminine, but can't you just be cool about this kind of stuff for once in your life? You're turning into Ted! Live a little! (Sorry, Ted, about that.)
So please do that. Thanks. Really.
And I'd say, preferably NOT with your swanky little boyfriend of yours whose name I happen to have forgotten around.
To: Robin Scherbatsky
From: Barney Stinson
Subject: I accidentally hit send.
To continue off that already super long email that actually made me squirm as I looked back, here is a little bit of information you should know.
Pros of picking up Barney Stinson at the airport:
1. He's awesome. So being around him may bring out the awesome in you too. You can thank him later.
2. He's afraid of getting lost at the airport. Especially at one he's never been to. Actually, the reason why he would be lost at an airport would usually be because he hasn't been there before. So that point I was trying to make was a bit weird. Anyway, by picking him up you'll have potentially saved his life. Which is a good thing.
3. The situation gets ugly when he's afraid. No one has ever seen him piss his pants but that may happen. So do everyone a favour – especially the airport staff – because you don't want that to happen.
Cons of picking up Barney Stinson at the airport:
There are none.
So, there.
I hope I've smacked some sense into your pretty face because that was pretty much what I was aiming for.
Once again, mark your calendar! (I know I've said it before, but one more time won't go amiss.)
See you super soon, Scherbatsky!
B