Nine:

Richard Castle sat alone in his hotel suite and reread the screenplay trying to figure out how to fix it without a total re-write. Granted, as the creator of the characters, he was a little protective, but this screenplay bore little resemblance to the novel it was supposedly based upon. Rick scribbled another comment on the yellow legal pad that had far too many comments already. He took another sip from his scotch and continued with his reading.

His mind drifted off to thoughts about New York and the woman that had broken his heart. He didn't want to, but every time he thought of Nikki Heat, he would remember something about Kate that had inspired him to write that about her. He stopped his mental flogging and reminded himself that Nikki wasn't Kate. There were similarities such as intelligence and beauty, but Nikki wasn't selfish or a liar like Kate.

Sometime during his brooding session and his third glass of scotch, Rick had an epiphany. Nikki Heat was the woman that he had dreamed Kate Beckett would become. Nikki Heat was nothing more than a wish, a fantasy. She was never selfish, or capable of lying to the people that she loves, but Kate Beckett was. Rather than feeling angry with Kate for her behavior, he felt shame and embarrassment for not seeing the truth all along. It wasn't her fault. She never led him to believe that there was anything between them for four years. Kate liked having him as a partner because he helped her look good to her superiors with their improved case closure rate. He wondered how long she would have let him stay as part of the team if the closure rate wasn't the highest in the city.

It was as if a fog had cleared. Rick could now see everything for how it actually was. Kate Beckett never led him on. He just wanted to believe that there was something between them more than the job. It explained so much. She never saw him as a serious romantic interest. That explained why she dated Tom and Josh while he was right there beside her. Her revelations to him about diving in with someone were the thoughts of a girl to her friend. He was the one that had mistaken them to mean something more. The proof was evident in the fact that she went right into Josh's arms after he had saved them from the dirty bomb.

He remembered her scathing admonishment of him in her loft when she called him the funniest boy in the fifth grade and how that wasn't enough. He wasn't enough. Rick would have walked away then if it wasn't for Roy Montgomery. If he hadn't called him and pleaded with him to come and get Kate from the plane hanger where he was going to make his stand, she'd be dead along with her captain. He stood there beside her as she gave Roy's eulogy and saw the glint from the scope of a sniper's rifle. His training kicked in and he tried to jump in front of the bullet. He watched as the life left her eyes as she bled out and told her the truth, that he loved her. Rick never expected her to return the feeling. He knew that he had to tell her that before she died. Maybe it was selfish on his part, but it was the truth.

Rick flipped a few sheets back into the legal pad and in his semi-drunken haze started to scrawl out a letter to Kate apologizing for not seeing things for how they really were. He apologized for the letter that he had written last week telling her to ignore it. Suddenly feeling very tired, he stumbled to his bed and plopped down still fully clothed. Soon he was asleep.

X-X-X

Kate spent her night filled with nightmares of past events. She finally gave up trying about 5:00 am and walked to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Beckett took a quick shower and quickly dressed in one of her suits. She had a meeting this morning at 1PP to officially resign from the NYPD. The finality of it all didn't seem to register with her as she drank her coffee and checked her email. Kate is a little disappointed to see nothing from anyone that she worked with at the 12th or Lanie. They used to forward her funny items every day and she would do the same. Kate honestly thought that Lanie would have contacted her by now.

Glancing at her father's watch on her wrist she noticed that it was after seven. Kate took her coffee cup to the sink and washed it out, placing it in the rack to dry. She grabbed the trash bag full of take out containers from the can and tied it shut. Walking back to her bedroom, she opened her safe and removed her service revolver and badge for what will be the last time. Kate placed the items in her shoulder bag and started out the door while grabbing the trash bag there. She debated if she should stop for a light breakfast at one of the shops nearby or go directly to 1PP. The desire to 'get things over with' won out and she took the elevator down to the parking garage where her cruiser was.

It took nearly an hour to negotiate rush-hour traffic. She parked in the employee parking area and took one last look at her car. She went through the glovebox to check for any personal items that she may have left finding none, Kate checked the trunk. She saw the vest with 'WRITER' emblazoned across the front and had to suppress a small smile as she remembered the first time she saw Castle wearing it and his glee. She didn't know why, but Kate was sure that this was something that Castle would want to keep as a memento of his time 'playing' cop. She carefully lifted it from the trunk and noticed that it was lighter weight than hers. 'Of course he would spend the money on the best.' She thought. Kate would leave it with someone and they could return it to him.

Kate took the elevator to the lobby and met with the receptionist there. She was pointed towards another elevator and told what floor human resources was on. After clearing security, she rode the elevator alone. Soon she was standing in front of another receptionist providing her with her name and that she was there for her exit interview. The receptionist pointed to the row of chairs against the wall and gestured for her to take a seat.

Kate leafed through one of the magazines sitting there for what seemed like an hour, but was really only a couple of minutes. A balding, overweight, man who was a good three inches shorter than her without her heels approached. He smiled and extended his hand to her as she rose from her seat. She shook his hand as they exchanged pleasantries and walked back to his office.

Gesturing for her to take a seat, he walked behind his desk to his chair. He explained how the process of ending her career with the NYPD worked. Captain Gates had given her a glowing final evaluation that would be placed in her personnel folder. Kate was pleased that her boss had supported her. The remainder of her time was spent signing papers for the disposition of her 401K and termination of life and health insurances. He went through the items on his checklist finally asking her to return the keys to her cruiser, her service revolver and her badge. As she handed these items to the HR manager, she realized the finality of what she was doing. For a nano-second she hesitated, but then feigned a smile as she surrendered these items and her life as a member of the NYPD. He rose from his seat and extended his hand to her wishing her well in her new career and thanking her for her service to the city of New York. Kate stood and shook his hand as he led her out the door.

Kate was nearly out of his office when she turned and asked if he would make sure that this bullet-proof vest was returned to its rightful owner. She told him that it was in the trunk of her cruiser and it wasn't police property. He smiled and told her to leave it with his administrative assistant and that he would make sure it was returned to its rightful owner. Kate thanked him again and walked over to the assistant's cubicle where she provided Rick's name and address.

Exiting 1PP, the conclusiveness of it all hit her. For well over a decade she had defined herself by her job. A cop. She knew that she was a good one and had the service record to prove it. Now she was a civilian, at least for a few weeks until she became a Federal Agent. Another bridge burned.

Despite the myriad of things that she had to do before her flight Saturday night, Kate decided to take a walk to clear her head. It was a little past eleven so she decided to have a late breakfast rather than a early lunch. Pulling her phone from her jacket, she started to call her father to see if he wanted to join her, but then recalled how things seemed to fall apart the night before. She noticed that there was a text message sent while she was at her exit interview. It was from Gates inviting her to a send-off that they were throwing for her on Friday at 5:00 pm. Kate smiled as she saw another text message with the location and directions. Opening the new message the smile quickly faded. Her send-off was being held at the Old Haunt..

Beckett picked at her food as she stared at her phone and sipped her coffee. Granted, the Old Haunt had become the bar of choice for the cops at the 12th thanks to its owner, but Gates had to know just how ill at ease Kate would be there. She considered turning down her offer, but decided against it. It was her last chance to say her goodbyes to the people that she had worked with for over a decade. If Castle happened to be there, so be it. She's faced down hardened criminals, he was just a writer.. She quickly typed a response to the captain accepting her offer.

Kate arrived at Dr Burke's office fifteen minutes early. She sat in his waiting area while surfing the web for information on the Quantico Virginia area restaurants and attractions on her iPhone. Beckett closed the app and shoved her phone in her jacket pocket as she heard the door to his office open. She watched as he escorted a middle aged woman out to where his receptionist was sitting. Burke saw Kate sitting there and smiled as he gestured for her to come inside. She followed him into her office and took her usual spot on the sofa across from his chair.

Taking his seat he smiled at her and spoke. "Its been a while Kate. What's happened since we last talked?"

Kate sighed and tugged at her jacket before speaking. "So much has happened. I don't know where to start."

Burke smiled and replied in his calm voice. "The beginning is usually a good place."

Kate offered a sad smile and paused for a moment as she thought of everything that happened since her last session with the doctor. "After my last session, I was assigned a case that ended up having national security implications. The Feds swooped in and took all of the evidence we had gathered. Rather than give up, I decided to pursue it anyway. We ended up solving the case in spite of the Feds. After the case was closed, the lead agent for the Attorney General's task-force approached me and asked me where I saw myself in five years. To be honest, I hadn't given it much thought. He then told me that after watching me in action, he thought that I was destined for something bigger than the NYPD. That there was an opening on the task force I should consider. Offers like this only come along once.."

Kate paused as she watched Burke scribble something on his pad. "About a week later, I received a call from a deputy director Freedman asking me if I'd like to fly down to Washington DC for an interview. I jumped at the opportunity of a lifetime. The interview went well, and to make a long story short, I was offered the job two days later. I took the job and will be leaving for Quantico to train Saturday night, so this will be my last session."

If Burke was surprised, he didn't let it show. He looked at her and replied. "Well, I guess congratulations are in order. How did Mr Castle react to the news? You'd mentioned at your last session that things were a little 'off' between the two of you."

Beckett sighed and raked her fingers through her hair. "We decided to end things. Rick understood that there was no way a long distance relationship would work with us.." Kate started to stare out the window rather than look at the doctor.

Burke knew that Kate wasn't telling him the whole story. After two years of listening to her discuss her 'partner', the doctor knew that something bad must have happened for him to give up. Deciding to come back to this topic later he continues. "How do you feel about that decision?"

"It was the right thing to do." She replies without hesitation. "I couldn't ask him to just up and move away from New York for me. Besides, I'll be traveling all over the country and have little time for any social life. At least until I establish myself.."

"You didn't want him to go with you? Why?" Burke inquires.

"Eight years ago I was in a relationship with a FBI agent. Things were progressing well and I thought that we had a future together. Will was offered a promotion but it required relocation to Boston. He asked me to give up my career to come with him as if my life was less important than his.."

"Would you have been more upset if he would have left without asking you?" Burke asks.

Kate sat there for a minute or so as she pondered his question. If she were honest with herself, as hurt as she felt by being asked to give up her career, if Will would have left without the offer she would have felt even worse. At least the decision was hers to make. She never gave Rick the opportunity. What did that say about her? "I don't know" was her feeble response.

"I assume that you've told your father and your friends about the new job. How did they react?"

Kate feigned a laugh at the question and rocked in her seat. "Let's just say that I didn't get the type of reaction I expected. They all seem to think that I'm making a huge mistake. That I've betrayed them."

Burke was actually surprised by her response. "Why would you say that Kate?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe it's the fact that my best friend yelled at me, my two partners refuse to speak to me, my father wants to perform an intervention, and Rick walked away." Kate replied sarcastically. "Screw them all. I'll show them." She muttered to herself.

"Kate, I want you to think about this before you answer. Why would the people that know you the best all seem to think that you're making a mistake?" Burke asked in his calming baritone voice.

She sat there and thought about his question. She could think of reasons why Lanie, Espo, Ryan and Castle would be upset – envy, jealousy,and abandonment quickly came to mind. She couldn't explain why her father was against her decision. "I don't know." She replied.

Burke couldn't hide his frown hearing her response. "Maybe you don't know these people as well as you thought you did if you don't know why they would react this way." He waited to see what type of reaction she had to his comment. Seeing none, he decides to change the subject. "So tell me about this new job. You must really be excited."

"It's the opportunity of a lifetime. A chance to serve on a larger stage. To do more. To make a real difference."

Burke noted the way her response sounded rehearsed, as if she was trying to convince herself. "So this is something that you have aspired to for a while?"

"Not really. To be honest, I always resented the way the Feds came in and took over a case we were working on leaving us to do all of the legwork while they took the credit."

"What changed your mind? Surely you've been approached about a job before with your service record."

Kate considered Burke's question. What had changed? Why would this job offer come at this time? It all seemed to happen so quickly. "It just seemed like the right thing to do and no, I've never had a serious offer made before to me."

Burke glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that he had just a few minutes left. He needed to get her attention somehow so he went for brutal honesty. "What I have heard so far is this new job is worth losing your friends, family and the man that you told me you loved. From what you've said, you have to start at the bottom again and invest years to get to the same level you are today. I'm sorry Kate but it looks like you are running away from something rather than running to something."

Beckett sat there stunned that the one person that she thought wouldn't judge her was telling her that she was making a mistake. "I thought that you were here to help me?" Kate snarled at him in defiance.

"I am Kate. Normally I'd let you have the time to talk yourself through these things, but we don't have the time and I can't stand to see you revert back to the person you were before you began therapy. Think about it Kate, the first time I saw you, you had just broken up with your boyfriend, quit all communication with friends and family and moved away from the city. What are you doing now?"

"Maybe that's the way that I'm meant to be.."

"You don't really believe that do you? The Kate Beckett that I saw here three months ago was a strong, confident woman with a good job, friends that would do anything for her and a man that loved her completely. Were things really that bad?"

"You don't understand. This isn't just for me, it's for them. I'm sorry you feel that way." Kate replied as she rose up from her seat to leave.

"How I feel doesn't matter. It's how you feel. If you can honestly tell me that this is what you really want, then I'll support your decision." Burke implores as she walks to the door.

Beckett shakes her head as she walks out of the doctor's office. "Goodbye Dr Burke."