Professor Snape is sung to the tune of 'You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch'. I actually only messed with the long verses (save one or two of the shorter ones), because I had no clue what to put for the shorter ones.
"Let's see, who's next?" Professor Dumbledore said, reaching through the Sorting Hat.
"Hey! Watch that hand! Dammit, I'm being violated here! My agent never said I'd have to do stuff like this!" the Sorting Hat yelled.
"Ah here we are," Dumbledore said, pulling out a piece of paper, and ignoring the Sorting Hat. "Oh, how delightful. Professor Flitwick!"
Professor Flitwick stumbled up to the stage. He had somehow gotten drunk off the Butterbeer (or maybe it was the eggnog – he couldn't really remember correctly). Flitwick giggled before he started singing with slurred words:
"You're a mean one, Professor Snape
You really are an ass.
You're as cuddly as a manticore
You're as charming as the Squid.
Professor Snape
You're a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.
You're a monster, Professor Snape
Your heart's not even real
Your brain is full of bats
You've got creepiness in your soul.
Professor Snape
I wouldn't touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.
You're a vile one, Professor Snape.
You never ever smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a cartsick groundskeeper.
Professor Snape
Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the cartsick groundskeeper
You're a foul one, Professor Snape
You're a nasty, wasty greaseball
Your heart is full of cobwebs
Your soul is full of slime
Professor Snape
The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Evil Death Eater"
You're a rotter, Professor Snape
You're the king of Slytherins
Your heart's a rotten potion ingredient
With moldy spores growing on it
Professor Snape
Your soul is an appalling dump heap
overflowingwith the most disgraceful assortment
of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.
You nauseate me Professor Snape
With a nauseous super-naus.
You're a crooked psychotic man
And you have a crooked nose
Professor Snape
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool
sandwich
With arsenic sauce."
Flitwick giggled again, and got down from the stage. The Gryffindors were cheering while the Slytherins glared at them.
"Very nice Professor Flitwick." Dumbledore said.
FFnet screwed up the songs format. This is part of a huge update of all my stories. Please Read and Review. Smiles!
Rune