Jane could see the freckles that splayed across Maura's chest. She could see each individual perfectly curled eyelash and hear Maura's staggered breathing as they stared at one another, neither daring to move. Jane could no longer wait, her body propelling her forward, all thought forgone, all logic pushed aside. Jane slammed her glass on the coffee table and pulled Maura towards her, sliding her fingers through Maura's hair as she captured her lips with a searing kiss. Her mind completely shutdown as her senses overwhelmed her. Maura's perfume this close up was an entirely different experience. Her lips seemed to glide seamlessly with Jane's, neither of them holding back as they attempted to break through the frustration and yearning.
It wasn't until Maura placed her hands along Jane's waist that Jane forcefully pulled herself out of the kiss, earning a hum of disapproval from Maura at the loss of contact. Panting heavily, Jane rested her forehead against Maura's.
"Maura, we should... this - this is a -"
Maura pulled back, her eyebrows furrowed. "Don't you dare say a mistake."
Jane stumbled over her words, as she tried to explain her hesitation, "No, it's just... we're drunk, and-"
"Are you telling me you wouldn't feel this way sober? That you haven't been feeling this way for weeks?"
Try months. God, try years!
"But when we were sober, we never acted upon it... we must have known it was a bad idea. Thought through it logically."
"Jane, you rarely rely on logic. You do what your intestines tell you to do. What does your gut say?"
"I don't know," Jane sighed and grimaced, "I do know. But what if it's a mistake? What if it ruins our friendship? I can't lose you."
Maura grasped Jane's hands. She knew she couldn't promise a happy ending, and she wouldn't try to convince her otherwise.
"Jane, I can't say for certain what will happen, but after this week..." Maura paused, trying to sum up her thoughts with care, "Life's too short. And had something happened and I never got to experience this with you, I would regret it. I - I can't go any longer not knowing!"
"When did you know?"
"That I felt this way?"
Jane nodded. She was now sitting up, cross-legged on the couch facing Maura. Her breathing had finally calmed down, but her heart continued to race upon hearing Maura's confession.
Maura took a moment to think back. She may have come to terms with the impending need after this week's event's, but she had realized her feelings for Jane long ago.
"It must have been the night Hoyt trapped us in the hospital. I don't know that I've ever been so frightened. I was watching him lay over you with that teaser, and I just felt as if my heart was breaking. And it wasn't until I was waiting for you to show up at your birthday party that I started thinking about how Hoyt had used me to torture of you. He only goes after couples. How he planned to make you watch..."
Maura shuddered at the thought.
"And then you showed up, with that band-aid across your forehead and you shirt unbuttoned... and that shocked look upon your face." Maura smiled fondly at the memory, "It made me start to think Hoyt had picked up something both you and I had failed to realize."
Jane gave a small smile as Maura continued, "And then I started to notice all of these small things. The way you hold open the door for me; you put up with my constant facts. You always do whatever possible to protect me. The way you run your hands through your hair whenever you're annoyed or nervous. All of it. All of you."
Maura looked down and chewed her lip. When she finally looked up, she whispered, "To me, this wouldn't be a mistake."
Jane cupped Maura's face and brought her forehead to rest upon Maura's again, breathing in deeply.
"I hadn't realized," Jane whispered back, "I didn't know you'd felt this way for so long."
Jane moved in to kiss her, but Maura pulled back.
"I need to know. What about you? It sounds like this is new to you. Like this could be a mistake; like you might change your mind."
Jane turned to take a sip of her drink, as she brought a hand to rake through her hair. Halfway through she stopped and laughed at her obvious tell.
"I think I've only just now realized what all of these feelings meant. I had been avoiding them for a while. For a long time actually."
"How long?"
"Must have been, God, it must have been the time Hoyt brainwashed that girl. I'm sensing a seriously depressing theme here," Jane said with a laugh. "Should have thanked Hoyt right before I killed him."
Maura laughed and then swatted Jane's knee. "Go on. What about that experience made you start to view me differently. I don't recall looking particularly dazzling that week."
Jane laughed and gave Maura a push.
"You always look amazing! You know that."
"No I'm serious! I think I even had to wear the same thing two days in a row!"
"You did. Because you came over and stayed up all night watching over me." Jane smiled and took another sip. "And there was that moment when it was just the two of us. We had just finished watching that video of you and Hoyt, and you were so shaken up. I hated seeing you that way, but it was the first moment that I had ever really seen you vulnerable. You were Queen of the Dead before that. It made me realize how little I knew about you. How much more I wanted to know about you."
Jane continued, "You were so worried you were just like him. That you were some kind of monster. And it was when I took your hands in mine that I realized how perfect you were. How the two of us together... just made sense. I always figured I was too messed up for anyone to handle, but being with you made me realize how well we balance each other out. How I could be there for you and you could turn around and do the same for me."
Jane grabbed Maura's hands, just as she had that night. "When I felt your hands in mine... I really never wanted to let go. I've been trying to grab a hold of them ever since."
At those words, Maura leaned in and kissed Jane softly. This kiss felt different from the first. Not quite as hungry, but still passionate, as if tentatively prying to understand the other more. Maura found that Jane did not resist, but instead lifted her hand to run her fingers through Maura's hair. Maura felt as if all of her senses were on fire. The gentle pressure as Jane rested more of her weight on Maura caused goose bumps to appear on Maura's skin. Within moments Maura was lying with her back to the couch, Jane hovering over here.
Maura let out a gasp as Jane pulled back, Jane's teeth dragging along Maura's bottom lip. Jane smiled upon seeing Maura's flushed face, her chest rising and falling with every breath. Jane ran her fingers along her jaw, as Maura began to talk.
"I'm sorry Jane, I just couldn't wait any longer. Knowing the way you felt about me after all this time. We've been so foolish." Maura continued as Jane peppered her jaw line with kisses, "Once I knew how I felt, I tried to hide it. But it seemed like the harder I tried the more I fell for you. And watching you pine over Casey... it was terrible," Jane shifted and moved up to nibble on Maura's ear, "I thought maybe if I held out long enough, you'd realize how perfect we were for one another. I was afraid if I broached the subject, I'd end up pushing you away. I should have -"
"Shh," Jane said, placing a finger over Maura's lips.
Maura gasped. "Did you just shush me?"
"Maybe," she responded back, with a smirk. "This is better," Jane said, propping herself up on her elbows. "Knowing how you feel. How you felt. And now I'm glad that we stopped ourselves earlier. The whole thing would have been over before I had a chance..."
"A chance to do what?"
"To know you. To know what it's like to kiss the hollow spot along your clavicle. To bury my nose in your dimple. To play connect the dots with the freckles on your chest."
Maura let out a hum of approval and closed her eyes as Jane fingers begin to trace patterns across her décolletage and shoulders.
Jane pushed Maura's hair back and kissed her on the temple and eventually on the dimple she had stared at for so long. She left kisses along whatever part of her body she could reach. Eventually, as they both neared the precipice of sleep, Jane grabbed Maura's hand and brought Maura's fingers up to her lips. Maura peeked her eyes open and as she felt Jane kiss each fingertip. She felt Jane wedge herself between Maura and the couch, her warmth and weight pressed against Maura's left side.
Maura smiled as she felt herself being lulled into sleep, her fingertips still tingling.
A/N: Ack this is it. I hope it was okay! Thank you all so much for taking this journey with me. If it wasn't totally obvious, this was my first fanfic writing experience. It was both terrifying and exhilarating.
Thank you so much for your support! I have "first meet" Rizzles story in mind, so hopefully I'll get around to posting that soon. Thanks!