hirty-Eight:
Rick put down his phone in stunned silence. Despite knowing that Kate was alive and safe, the reality that he would never see Katherine Beckett again was just as devastating. The tears he was suppressing through the call finally started to fall as Mindy watched in silence. "It's done." Was all Rick could offer up as he choked back a sob. "She's really gone."
Mindy was of two minds. She was saddened that Rick was so devastated by the realization that he would never see Beckett again. She also couldn't shake the feeling that despite his pleas for time, he would never care for her the way he did Kate. Fighting her own emotions, she rose up from her stool and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. She kissed the top of his head while assuring him that he needed time to grieve.
Castle turned on his stool and wrapped his arms around her, his face buried in her shoulder as he thanked her for being there. She looked down at him as she placed two fingers under his chin so he would look at her. "You'll get through this Rick. I'll look after you, understand?" He offered her a sad smile and nodded as he squeezed her tighter, afraid she would fade away also. "I'm not going anywhere. Trust me.."
The stood there in silence holding each other for a few minutes as Castle regained his composure. "How do I tell them Mindy? How do I tell them that the day we should be celebrating the birth of Kevin's daughter, that their partner and friend is dead? How do I do that?"
"I don't know Rick, I don't know. But you'll think of something. I know you."
"I need to talk to Jim. He knows by now.. I can't do it over the phone either."
"What about Kevin and Jenny?"
"We have to make time for them too. Maybe you could find the baby a gift while I meet with Jim. We'll go to the hospital a little late. I'm going to ask Jim to not tell any of her friends until tomorrow if possible.."
"I mean it's not like Kate is really dead.." Rick says the words, but even he doesn't believe them.
"I understand Rick, really I do. Whatever you need.."
Rick releases her from their hug as he slides off of the stool. He changes into a dark suit and is out the door in less than ten minutes. Castle hails a cab and gives the driver Jim Beckett's address. Traffic was fairly light for a Saturday morning and the cab arrived in about fifteen minutes. He pays the man and exits the cab. While riding the elevator to the floor where the elder Beckett's father resides, Rick goes over what he will say to the man.
He rings the doorbell and waits what seems like minutes, but in reality was only about thirty seconds. He hears an obviously shaken Jim Beckett call out to wait a minute. The door opens and the two men stare at each other knowing that they both shared the terrible news. "Mr Beckett, I'm so sorry."
Jim pulls the door open and calls for Rick to enter. "How did you find out?"
"Her partner called me about an hour ago."
"Would you like a cup of coffee?"
"That would be fine. Thank you." Rick replied as he looked at the man. He was broken, too much in shock for the reality to register. Rick wanted to comfort him, to tell him that his daughter wasn't dead. He wasn't sure if telling the man that he'd probably never see his daughter again was any consolation.
The elder Beckett brought out their coffees and sat the cups on the table by the sofa. He gestured for Castle to sit down and Rick did without a word. Jim took a small sip of his coffee and begins to speak. "You know, I've lived with the possibility of someone coming to my door and telling me that Katie was dead since the day she told me that she signed up for the police academy.. But then you came along and I knew that you'd die before you'd let anything happen to her. That's why I came to you when I was worried about her. I knew you'd protect her.."
"I failed her Jim. This is all my fault." Castle replies in a self deprecating tone.
"How Richard? Did you blow up that cabin she was in? Did you make her leave New York, her friends and family?" He paused as if carefully choosing his words. "No, if anybody failed her, it was me. I should have told her that moving to Washington DC was the biggest mistake she would make. But Katie is, was, so headstrong and I didn't want to have a fight, so I gave in to her. I should have told her that you asked my permission to marry her. She would probably have been mad at both of us, but at least she would have known.." He stared down at the floor, seemingly ashamed to look Rick in the eye.
"But I was the one who poked my nose in where I shouldn't by looking into your wife's murder." Castle countered, not wanting to be let off of the hook.
"And I remember how hurt Katie was that you did that. I knew then that you cared for her and had never met you. Without you 'sticking your nose where it didn't belong' as you put it, Katie would have never caught the man that actually committed Johanna's murder. But catching Johanna's killer wasn't enough to satisfy Katie. She had to find the man the ordered her death. John Ragland would have still came forward trying to clear his conscience before he died. The rest of the things that happened, would have happened anyway. The only difference is that she would have probably been killed at Montgomery's funeral because you wouldn't have been there to push her out of the way at the last second."
Rick listened intently to Jim speak and knew that he believed everything he said to be true. Rick had always respected Jim and had hope that one day he would be his father in law. "Thank you Jim. If there is anything that I can do for you, and I mean anything, don't hesitate to ask. You know how much I loved your daughter."
Jim could see from the devastated look on Rick's face that he really loved his daughter. "Thank you Richard. I appreciate that. Because there is no body to recover, I had planned on a memorial service at the church where Katie was baptized. I would appreciate it if you could say a few words.. I know Katie would appreciate it."
"I'd be honored to Jim." Rick paused to choose his words carefully. "I was wondering.. If you'd like to come and stay at the loft with me. Alexis transferred to Stanford and mother's up in Canada shooting a movie. I've got plenty of room.."
"Thank you Richard, but my sister and brother in law are coming down from Syracuse to stay with me."
"Have you told anyone else?"
"No, Richard. I was hoping that you could help me out with that. At least with her friends from the NYPD."
"Sure thing Jim." There was a long pause before he continued not sure how to put the words together in a way that wouldn't offend or hurt the elder Beckett. "You remember Kevin and Jenny Ryan? They became parents this morning. A little girl, Sarah Grace and..."
"You don't know how to tell them about Katie without forever tying their child's birth to this?" Beckett finished the statement for him. Castle simply nodded his head in confirmation. "If you delay telling them too long and they find out that you deliberately held back, they'll be mad at you.. Try to find a way to discretely tell them all, except for Kevin and Jenny."
"You're right Jim. Thank you. I was supposed to go see the baby this afternoon. I'm sure many of the others will be there. I'll let everyone celebrate a happy event before telling them about Kate... I, I don't know how, or when to tell Kevin."
"You'll figure it out Richard. I trust you.."
Never in Castle's forty-four years has he felt as conflicted as he did at this moment. He had the ability to provide this man some relief from the grief he was experiencing by telling him the truth, yet had to keep up the painful lie to keep Kate safe. "Anything you need Jim, and I do mean anything, don't hesitate to call."
A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Jim rose from his seat and walked to the door. He opened it to find his sister and her husband, both red-eyed from crying. Castle got up from his seat and walked towards the door as the couple walked in. The trio exchanged hugs as he offered to take their coats. Jim turned to face Rick. "Lill, Randy, I'd like you to meet -"
"Richard Castle." Lill finished before Jim could, a little embarrassed with herself. "You used to be Katie's boyfriend?"
Castle simply extended his hand to the woman. "It's nice to meet you. I wish the circumstances were different."
The petite woman pulled Rick into a hug, surprising him. "Handshakes are for strangers. I feel like I already know you."
Rick knew that 'aunt Lill' read, and believed everything that was printed on Page six. Kate had mentioned on more than one occasion that Lill had read something about him that wasn't true. She releases him from her hug and he turns to extend his hand to the brother in law. They shake and exchange nods without speaking.
Rick looks at his watch and sees that it's now after one. "I really need to get going.. Jim, anything you need.." Castle picks up his overcoat from the sofa, slips it on and is out of Jim's apartment without a word.
Castle prepares a text and sends it to Mindy as he rides the elevator down to the lobby. As they were already late, Rick asks Mindy to meet him at the hospital. She quickly acknowledges his text and asks how things went with Kate's father. He hurriedly replies as he is waving his hand trying to hail a cab at the same time.
The visitor area outside the maternity ward was packed, filled with people. Some were familiar, some not. The common denominator was their happiness with the birth of a child. Mindy was already sitting in the room talking with Lanie and laughing. Ryan, Esposito, Karpowski, and a couple of the uniformed officers from the 12th were standing together telling jokes and teasing the new father. Rick walked into the room, using all of the acting skills he had picked up from his mother and smiled as he walked to the group surrounding Kevin.
"Congratulations Kevin! You must be thrilled." Castle smiled as he shook the man's hand.
Ryan was beaming. "Thanks Castle. Glad you could make it."
Rick joined in the conversation with the cops as he looked at ways of breaking the horrific news to them all. His smile falters as he thinks of ways to convey the message doing minimal damage. After all, he was a writer, he was good with words? Lanie watched the exchange of glances between Rick and Mindy. While the M E wasn't a cop, she could read people as good as any detective. Something was troubling the couple and she needed to find out what it was.
A group of four people walked into the waiting area. It was obvious from the way they interacted with Kevin that they were from Jenny's family. Kevin's primary function was traffic cop right now. He kept the number of visitors at a time that were allowed in her room to the maximum of four that the hospital allowed. Kev called out to see who wanted to be part of the next group. Nearly everyone raised their hands like kids being picked for a school activity. Ryan selected from the raised hands and told them to keep their visit short as there was a room full of people waiting to see Jenny and baby Sarah.
Karpowski and the uniformed officers were part of the group that was allowed to visit Jenny and the baby. Ryan and Espo were in the middle of a heated debate about a recent case as Rick slipped away walking to where Mindy and Lanie were still talking. "Writer-boy! Glad you could make it." Lanie sassily greets Castle.
"Dr Parish, so good to see you too."
Lanie's eyebrows arched up with suspicion. Castle never missed an opportunity to exchange playful barbs with her. Her first thought was that the two of them had been fighting as they both looked like they were holding something back. "Castle, what's going on?"
"Not here Lanie, not now." Castle quickly answers, a little harsher than he intended.
Lanie raises her hands in mock surrender. "Ok, Castle. I give up." She glances between the couple, now firmly convinced that there was trouble between the two. The three made small talk for a while until Kevin selected to be part of the next group to visit Jenny. Espo joined them to be the fourth as they entered the semi-private room Jenny shared with another new mother. Castle couldn't contain his smile as he enters the room and sees a beaming Jenny Ryan cradling the small bundle in her arms. She looked exhausted, yet there was a glow to her. Rick was brought back to memories of Meredith sitting like this cradling Alexis in her arms. It was one of those moments of perfection that stayed with you forever.
The group approaches her bed, forming a semi-circle around it so they could see the small bundle in her arms. "Oh Jenny! What did Kevin do to you?" Castle joked earning a wary look from the exhausted woman. They others all laughed at his attempt to lighten the mood.
"Oh Rick, has it been that long for you that you forgot where babies came from?" Jenny snarks back at him earning an equal laugh from the others. "Would you like to hold her?"
Rick was touched that she offered her child to him first and bent down to pick up the bundle. Gently, he takes the child into his arms and stares in awe. Mindy moves from her spot to stand closer to Rick as he coos and makes small talk with the child. For a moment, the terrible news that he has to relay is forgotten in the perfection that was little Sarah Grace. Jenny watched and smiled at the way Castle looked at the child with such adoration. Rick's large fingers gently traced over the tiny fingers of the newborn. "She's so beautiful." Rick comments reverently.
"Thank you Rick. Now don't hog her all to yourself. Let everyone have a chance."
"Yeah writer-boy, Auntie Lanie wants to hold her."
Castle give Mindy a look and she smiles as she takes the bundle from his arms. Rick leans in close to her as she coos and makes little sounds while gazing at the baby. Jenny sees the two together with her daughter and can't help but comment that they make a beautiful couple. Caught up in the moment, Mindy looks up at Rick and places a soft kiss on his cheek secretly wishing that she was holding their child. "She's so beautiful." Mindy whispers as Rick wraps his arm around her waist.
Lanie watched the interaction between the two, unable to keep from grinning. "Hand the baby over now Castle. I want my turn." Mindy gives Lanie an apologetic look as Rick releases his hold on her and she carries the baby to where Lanie stood. Parish scoops the bundle from Mindy's arm and immediately starts with her own version of baby talk. Mindy realizes that she had forgotten the gift bag that she had carried into the room with her and hands it to Jenny as Lanie doted over the baby and Espo looked on in what could only be described as fear.
Jenny thanks Rick and Mindy as she checks inside the large bag. Inside were a couple of what felt like cashmere receiving blankets and a small stuffed frog. Jenny smiled and thanked the couple for the gifts as she watched Esposito politely refuse to take the baby from Lanie's arms citing his lack of knowledge in handling infants. Everybody laughs at the look of panic on the macho detective's face.
Rick glances at his watch and comments. "I'm so happy for you Jenny, but I promised Kevin that I'd limit our time in here to fifteen minutes as there's still a room full of people waiting to see you." Rick leaned in and placed a small kiss on her cheek. "Congratulations Jenny. She's beautiful."
Jenny mouthed 'thank you' to Rick as the others offered her similar messages and Lanie handed Sarah Grace back to her mother. The four quietly left the room and walked back to the waiting area. The closer they got to the waiting room the more dread Castle felt at what he had to do next. He pulled Lanie and Espo aside and asked if they could come down to the cafeteria with him. They both nodded in agreement as he walked over to shake Kevin's hand before leaving.
As the four rode the elevator down to the floor where the cafeteria was, Espo could see Castle's whole body seem to deflate as if under a heavy load. He bit his lip, knowing that whatever Rick was about to tell them wouldn't be good. Mindy found a small table in the far corner and Rick asked what they would like to drink. Everyone agreed on water except Castle and he brought back the drinks and sat down.
"Ok Castle, what's with all of this cloak and dagger stuff?" Espo asks more than a little disturbed.
Rick swallows audibly and nervously begins. "I got a call from special agent McCord who works in the AG's office.. There was an incident outside of Carson City, Nevada this morning... Kate was killed in an explosion.." Rick stopped talking as he choked back a sob. He didn't have to fake the pain he felt at the moment.
Lanie's mouth opened in a silent scream of shock while Espo sat there in stunned silence. Javi's expression turns angry and looks at Rick. "Is this some type of sick joke Castle?" Lanie reaches across the table and takes Espo's hand in hers trying to calm him.
Rick gives him an equally angry glare, shocked that Espo could think that he would be capable of such a cruel joke, especially today. "Are they sure Rick?" Lanie asks while fighting back tears.
"I just came from Jim Beckett's apartment. They told him about the same time I got my call."
"Oh my god Castle! How is he?" Lanie inquires.
"He's numb right now. I don't think that the reality of it all has set in yet. Luckily, his sister and brother in law is staying with him. I promised that I'd tell you guys.."
"Did they tell you how she died?" Espo asks regaining some composure.
"An explosion of some sort.. Jim told me that there was a fire and that there was no body left to recover."
Lanie gasped at the thought that she would never see her best friend again and wondered why there would be nothing left to recover. She knew that something special must have been involved, but kept silent. "Who else knows about this?"
"You two are the first. I don't have the heart to tell Kevin today. This should be a happy day.."
"Don't worry bro, I'll do it. She was our partner, our sister." Espo replies in a calmer tone, fighting back the urge to cry. Rick can only mouth a sincere thank you to the man for willingly taking on such a difficult task. "Is there going to be any type of funeral or memorial service?"
"Jim is working on a memorial service. As soon as I hear anything, I'll let you know. I'm sure that the story has probably already made it to the news by now, but I'm pretty sure that they haven't released her name yet.."
X-X-X
The media may not know the identity of the agent killed in the explosion, but someone in the AG's office had already relayed the information to a certain senator in Washington. Bracken couldn't believe his good fortune – almost. The lack of a body did make him a little suspicious, but he had been assured that there were enough eyewitnesses to the event to assuage any doubts he may have. He quickly typed a text message to his contact that everything was on schedule and put his burner phone away in his desk.
He will have keep a close eye on Mr Castle now, regardless of who he is protected by. Castle knows about his arrangement with Beckett. He may be the one that was keeping the evidence against him safe for her. Gates will make sure that her two detective partners stay in line and away from anything involving him.
For now, all he can do is enjoy his victory.