Thirty-Nine:
The black suburban pulled into the driveway and then the garage of the nondescript ranch style house nestled in a quiet subdivision in Citrus Heights, just east of Sacramento. The trio stayed in the car until the garage door closed before exiting the vehicle. Robins typed in the access code on the keypad before opening the door that lead into the house. Kate followed him through the door and Hunter brought up the rear. Beckett clutched the manila envelope containing her new identity under her left arm and the coat they provided under her right. She surveyed the interior of the house as they walked into the kitchen. It was an open floor plan design with tasteful decorations and furniture. It felt like a model home as there were no personal touches and no clues as to whom lived there.
"Welcome to your new home for the next week or so." Robins remarks as he gestures about the house. Your bedroom is down the hall. It has a private bath and its own security system. The exterior has motion detectors and 360 degree closed circuit video monitoring. The refrigerator is fully stocked an so are the cupboards. If you need something, write it down on the pad over there and I'll have someone get it for you.. I know if's fairly early, but I'm sure you're exhausted. Maybe a nap would do you some good.."
Kate was drained, both physically and emotionally. She offered a tired smile and thanked him for his help as she walked down the hallway to her room. He followed her in and pointed to the keypad for the secondary alarm system. "You can program your own code into this system. Simply turn it on and it will prompt you to create your own code. Pick whatever you like, but don't tell me. I'll let you get settled in for now. There are a few articles of clothes in the closet and dresser that we purchased for you. They may not be exactly your size, but should hold you over until you can shop for yourself. Alex and I have some catching up to do so we'll leave you alone for now." He turned and walked out of the room closing the door behind him.
Kate quickly scanned the room that would serve as her new home. It was nearly as large as her Arlington apartment with a sitting area, a desk and a large bed. The décor was neutral like the rest of the house. Toeing off her shoes, she sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at the manila envelope again. Kate swung her legs up onto the bed and laid down. Closing her tired eyes for just a minute, she drifted off to sleep without knowing.
X-X-X
The ride back from the hospital to the loft was spent in silence, neither knowing what to say. He honestly didn't know how he was supposed to feel at the moment, so he seemed to cycle shock, anger and grief over and over. 'She's not really dead', his conscience reminds him, but that seems to do little to sooth him. The cab pulls up to his apartment. He pays the driver and the two ride the elevator to his loft. Mindy holds his hand as they walk together, giving it a squeeze every so often just to remind him she's here with him.
They enter the apartment and shed their coats. Rick walks to the office without a word and Mindy follows. Sitting down at his desk he looks at her and comments. "I need to call Alexis and mother."
"What are you going to tell them?"
"I honestly don't know. I really don't want either of them back in New York right now." Rick sighed as he sits down in his oversized desk chair. "Bracken knows that I was aware of the 'arrangement' that he had with Kate. I'm pretty sure that he knows that Ryan and Espo know also." There was a long pause before he continued. "It wouldn't be the first time that he tried to assassinate someone at a funeral service."
"Then say nothing now. You can ask for their forgiveness later."
Mindy was right. Telling either one would result in them coming to New York for his sake, regardless of what he would tell them. And now was not the time to tell them the truth. He wasn't sure if there ever would be.
X-X-X
The memorial service was held at the small methodist church where Kate was baptized as a child. A collage of photographs from her childhood were on one side and a large photo from her graduation from the police academy was on the other. The small church was nearly full, the majority in attendance from the NYPD. A handful of family members sat in the front row and only McCord and her supervisor from the AG's office were in attendance. The mayor and the police commissioner sat on the other side of the front row with Rick and Mindy.
Jim Beckett spoke first talking about Kate as a child. What a free spirit she was. About her rebellious phase that solicited a few laughs from those that knew her. He spoke about his wife and how proud she would have been of the woman that she became, breaking down in tears. Rick rose up from his seat and walked up to Jim and hugged the man that he had hoped would one day be his father in law. They stood there sharing each other's pain as the crowd watched silently. Castle lead the elder Beckett to his seat beside his sister and brother-in-law in the front row and returned to stand at the podium.
He pulled out the paper from his jacket pocket and laid it on the podium. Rick never wrote speeches. He would write an outline of the points that he'd want to make and speak from his heart. It felt more natural and less rehearsed. As Castle spoke, he wove a story that brought just as many laughs as it did tears to the crowd. A story of a woman that was willing to sacrifice everything in pursuit of justice for the victims. By the end, there wasn't a dry eye in the room as he spoke of the woman that he would always love.
Castle ended his eulogy and the minister lead the group in a prayer for Kate and her family. The service ended and Rick spoke with Jim away from the others. The two men hugged and then went their separate ways – Jim to his family and Rick to Mindy and his friends. Castle extended his hand and started to apologize to Kevin for not telling him about Kate's death, but was stopped when Ryan pulled him into a hug, saying he understood. He invited the mayor, commissioner, Lanie, Javi, and Kevin back to the Old Haunt. He didn't invite Jim for obvious reasons. Rick told the guys to invite anyone from the 12th that was there to come also.
The cab ride from the church to the bar was spent in near silence. Mindy tried to act as if everything was ok and she was caught up in the emotions of the memorial service, but Rick knew there was more. They arrived at his bar and were soon sitting in his booth along with Ryan, Esposito, and Parish. The surrounding booths were filled with other detectives and patrol officers from the 12th that knew Beckett.
In much like an Irish wake the group exchanged their favorite stories about Kate. Most of the stories were humorous. Mindy sat there feeling like a turd in a punch bowl. She smiled at the spots where it was expected, but it never reached her eyes. She listened as Ryan and Esposito exchanged stories about cases that they worked together, usually involving Castle. The two started talking about the bomb incident, how Becket and Castle were arguing over who was 'into' whom first, while standing on a bomb. They laughed and the two detectives took turns telling the tale from their perspective.
Espo's tone turns serious as he looks at Castle. "The bomb squad ordered everyone out of the building, giving up on any chance of diffusing bomb." He paused and took a drink from his beer while trying to smile. "But this guy here," He points his beer bottle towards Castle. "Wouldn't give up on Beckett. He snuck back into the building and figured out what the code was to disarm the bomb with only seconds left. That's the definition of true love."
Castle watched the expression on Mindy's face change from a smile, to horror, to anger and finally defeat as Espo told the story. She quickly schooled her expression and shared in a toast that Lanie made after telling some little story about her and the former detective. Things started to wind down as the group shared stories about Beckett with the others. Mindy listened intently as she was good at reading people and came to the conclusion that no one in the room knew the real Kate Beckett. The other thing that became increasingly apparent was that Castle was the butt of her jokes and bad behavior, despite him willingly putting his own life in jeopardy for her.
The crowd quickly dispersed as for most it was work day tomorrow. Rick and Mindy rode back to the loft in silence, both staring out their respective windows of the cab into the winter night. They entered the apartment and Mindy quickly sheds her coat, placing it in the closet. She toes off her shoes and picks them up. She turns and starts to walk to the stairs, but stops at the landing. Mindy turns to face Rick, her eyes filled with tears. "Did you ever wonder if it was you standing on the bomb, would your precious Kate have stood there beside you as the timer counted down?" She sniffed back a tear and returned to the stairs, leaving a stunned Castle standing there.
Rick walked into his office and sat there at his desk staring at the large photo of the staircase that covered his wall. He could usually lose himself staring at it and clear his mind. Castle couldn't shake the question that Mindy posed. The look of defeat in her eyes when she asked. Kate was gone and Mindy would be too as soon as this mission was complete. He could tell that she'd given-up and he couldn't blame her.
His sleep was continuously interrupted with nightmares this night. Mindy's question had planted a seed in his subconscious that germinated each time he closed his eyes. And each time the answer was the same – 'No Kate wouldn't have stayed with you by the bomb'. In fact a couple of the scenarios had Kate walking away with either Josh or Erik as he stood there waiting to die, alone. He rationalized her choice in his mind saying that solving her mother's murder was more important than even himself.
His subconscious then posed the question 'what would Nikki Heat do'. The answer came immediately – she would have stayed with him. It was in this moment, all alone in his bed that he had an epiphany – he was in love with Nikki Heat, not Katherine Beckett. Nikki Heat was like Katherine Beckett, but she wasn't her. Nikki was Kate without her flaws, or at least the flaws that made her capable of the things that she had done to him over the years. Rick was overwhelmed with guilt at the thought. That he tried to make Beckett into something that she couldn't, or wouldn't be. He was ashamed of himself for not being able to make the distinction between the two. It was so unfair to Kate. Her flaws were all hers. Castle saw the beautiful, driven woman and when she wouldn't provide him with a back story, he simply created one on his own.
Kate had given him mixed signals from the very beginning, first teasing him then rejecting his advances. Rick mistook her actions as some sort of foreplay. If he were to look at it objectively, Castle would have been ashamed of how foolish he looked – a best-selling writer schlepping around bringing coffee and pastries to a woman who repeatedly told him how much she way annoyed by his very presence. How he wasn't a cop.
His conscience tries to tell him that he is wrong, that Kate Beckett did care for him. That she wanted him. The cynic in him quickly dismissed this thought by telling him that she wanted Royce, Sorenson, Deming and Davidson also. He was simply chosen at a low point in her life because he was there. The proof of that was how quickly she succumbed to Erik Vaughn's advances. How he wasn't worthy of even being asked about a career change.
Castle woke after finally getting a couple of nightmare-free hours of sleep. He was tired, but yet felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. He would finish up this case and he would move on with his life. Hell, he may even write another Nikki Heat book now that he understood why. The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the room to his nose as he rose up from the bed. Rick walked into the kitchen and saw Mindy standing at the machine, her attention clearly focused on the task at hand. He leaned towards her and places a gentle kiss on her cheek. Castle could feel her body tense at the contact.
Rick quickly retreats as she turns and smiles, handing him a cup of coffee just the way he liked it. He could tell that the smile was forced, as it never made it to her eyes. They drank their coffees and made small talk ignoring the gorilla in the room. Rick finally decides to address the real issue. "I spent a lot of time last night thinking about the question that you asked.. And I didn't like the answer.. I've been a fool and all I can say is I'm sorry.."
She really looks at him and can see the sincerity of his words. Mindy reaches over and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. "That's ok Rick, I understand."
"Well that makes one of us!" Rick replies with an exasperated laugh. "I've been an idiot. I've been unfair to both you and Kate. I tried to make her into someone she wasn't and I've let an illusion keep me from seeing what's right in front of me – you. Can you forgive me? I understand if you can't and we can go our separate ways once all this is over. I'd like the chance to make it up to you.."
Mindy got up from her stool and wrapped her arms around him. "I accept your apology.. We've got a busy day ahead of us and we can talk about this tonight. Deal?"
"Deal."
They both went to their respective jobs. Rick received condolences from some of the people working in IA that knew about him and Kate. Castle tried to stay focused on the task at hand, which was to try and find which cops were involved with Simmons and Bracken. So far, he had uncovered at least two detectives that were suspect and the IA investigator that appeared to be covering for them. He gave a brief thought regarding trying to get close to 'Dragon Lady' as the wonder twins referred to her to see if he could find out what she was really doing with the evidence against detective Hansen. He shuddered at the idea of making nice with her. She was a corrupt cop of the worst kind, masquerading as the watchdog of the other cops.
He needed to turn Hansen. If Rick could prove that he has ties to either Bracken or Simmons, he could leverage him to give up his secrets. Betty Wilson had to know what Hansen and the other cops she was protecting were doing. He wrote down various scenarios on his yellow legal pad in his own unique shorthand style that only he could decipher.
Rick was in the middle of looking at another citizen complaint involving Hansen when his cell phone vibrated. Checking the caller ID he quickly answers. "Jim! It's good to hear from you. How are you doing?"
There was an extended silence before he spoke. "I'm ok Richard. I was wondering about you?"
"I'm doing ok. Is there anything that I can do for you?"
Another extended silence. "I was wondering if you could help me go through her storage locker. I need to move them before the month is over. I'd hate to think of her things being auctioned off to the highest bidder.."
"I understand Jim. When do you want to do this?"
"Could we do it this afternoon?" There was a pleading tone to Jim's voice.
"Of course Jim. You tell me when and where, and I'll be there." The elder Beckett gave Castle the requested information and the call ends. Rick glances at his watch and knows that he only has about an hour before he will have to make the subway ride to where the lockers are located. He hastily types a text message to Mindy explaining what he is doing and that he may be a few minutes late getting home.
Rick went to Robinson's office and told him the truth about where he was going. He grabbed his coat and was out of 1PP in minutes. Castle practiced in his mind just how he would tell Jim that his daughter really wasn't dead. He wasn't sure if that will make things better or not. Rick didn't want to see Jim crawl back into a bottle as he had done when Johanna was murdered. He respected the man.
Castle got off of the subway car and walked up to the street near the storage unit. It was an old factory that had been converted to storage units. As space is at a premium in a city like New York, the cost of a rental unit was high also. Rick walked into the entrance by the manager's office and saw Jim sitting there. After exchanging greetings the two took an elevator to the floor where her unit was. Jim commented that he had a unit in this building and that they could move her belongings there. Rick simply nodded and followed the man pushing a flat bed cart. Kate storage unit was at the end of the aisle where the smallest units were.
As Jim placed the key into the lock, Castle couldn't help but feel that he was somehow invading her privacy. He smiled as he remembered just how irritated she would be with him for 'touching' things that didn't belong to him – especially anything that was hers. Jim saw the sad smile on Castle's face, but decided not to comment. He opened the door on her tiny 4X4X8 foot unit and they looked inside to find it only about three-quarters full. Jim looked inside and let out an audible sigh at just how little his daughter kept from her past.
Rick and Jim quickly emptied the unit deciding that they'd take the things down to his unit and decide what to do then. It took less than five minutes to complete the task and the two walked side by side pushing the cart back to the elevator. There was an welcome silence between the two as they rode the elevator back down to the floor where Jim's unit was. He had one of the larger 8X8X12 foot units and commented that over half of the things in there belonged to Katie anyway.
Kate's father unlocked the unit and pushed up the roll-away door to get inside, pushing enough things aside to make room for the meager quantity of things she left behind. Rick picked up the boxes from the cart and walked them inside to where Jim would find a place. The last box was smaller, but heavier than what the others seemed to be. It was marked '12th Precinct'. Castle handed Beckett the box and he turned to find a place for it, but tripped on a fishing rod that had fallen from it's spot standing against the wall. Castle tried to reach for him as both Jim and the box came crashing against the floor.
The unmistakeable sound of something breaking inside followed next. Both men looked at each other like two children who had broken a prized possession of their parents. "That didn't sound good." Jim commented as he quickly returned to his feet. "Luckily, the box and whatever was inside broke my fall."
Both men smiled at Jim's attempt to make light of the fall. "Should we see what was broken?" Rick asks.
"Why not?" Jim pulls the packing tape that seals the box. Lifting the box flaps he peers inside and comments. "Oh no. Kate will kill me when she finds out." He stops himself, realizing just what he has said and nearly bursts into tears.
Rick places a comforting hand on Jim's shoulder and replies. "It's ok Jim. Kate would understand." Castle looks into the box for the first time and sees what was broken. It was the elephant family that she so proudly kept on her desk all of the years that Rick knew her. She had told him the story of how her mother kept the sculpture on her desk in her office. To be honest, Castle was surprised that Kate didn't take it with her when she left New York. Rick gently picked up the broken sculpture, examining it to see if it could be repaired, It was a clean break and he could see it being glued together, nearly as good as new. That's when he noticed the faint traces of another repair near this spot. Lifting the larger piece of the sculpture to get a better look, he could feel something moving inside.
Rick lifted the sculpture up and tried to shake it to dislodge whatever was inside. Jim looked on wondering what Castle was trying to do until it fell out. A micro-cassette tape. Why would a tape be inside the sculpture? Who put it there.
"Jim, we really need to talk." Was all Rick could say as he placed the tape in his jacket pocket.